The Times and Trials of Sean Ailin

[Tanith Alde]

As they approached, the Jedi took note. One in particular stood forward. "Knight Bethany." Her gaze turned to him. "Private Sean Ailin." He blushed at the use of his House name. "We expected you yesterday. Was there a problem?"

Bethany turned to look at him. It took a moment before he realized that she expected him to explain the situation. "W-we, uh, we found the remains of the Fifth Regiment. They... had been destroyed, I'm afraid. S-slaughtered to a m-man, as far as I could tell." He paused. The Jedi's expression didn't make him want to continue at all. "We were also attacked b-by the imperials."

"I see," the black-haired Jedi said evenly. "Knight Bethany, do you have anything to add?"

 

[Tanith Alde]

Bethany thrust out her hand. Sean couldn't see what was in it, but gauging by the way the other snarled, he wasn't sure he wanted to. "It is as I expected. We've already had confirmation elsewhere." The Jedi paused. "As you can see, the Third Regiment has already been called away to another location. Shall we transport you?"

Bethany shook her head. That seemed to surprise the dark-haired one. "I see. Interesting. Might I suggest that you camp here for the evening? If the two of you have been under fire, then you may wish time to rest and recouperate in peace."

Bethany nodded, and Sean made a hurried salute. He was more than willing to defer to their judgement.

The chatter of the Jedi, even if most of it was meditation, was somewhat of a comfort to Sean. It was something to focus on, to think about. A welcome distraction from his own mind.

 

[Tanith Alde]

Not so much when the dark haired one approached him. He stopped his work on the blater rifle to make another salute. "I realized that introductions had not been made. I am Jedi Knight Intias. May I sit?"

"Um..." Sean looked around. She shouldn't have to ask. It was well within her right to do whatever. "Okay? Is there s-something that you need?"

She eyed him evenly as she sat. "Perhaps. You seem nervous, Sean. Is there something the matter?"

"No. N-no, nothing at all. No. I... I just... I'm not..." He felt himself blushing. "I'm not good. With people, I mean. I mean, I don't... I... should probably just shut up now." He felt like burying himself in his hands. Or under a large rock.

Intias didn't seem amused, at least. He wasn't sure if this was good or bad. "I see. Interesting." Bad. This was bad. "The battle that occurred here. I'm told that you were part of it."

"Yes, I was. I... I'm a M-Medic. In the field. I... I participated, yes."

"I'm told that you fought, too."

 

[Tanith Alde]

He hoped she wasn't putting him on trial. "I d-did. There were times where shooting back was more important than treating w-wounds. You c-can't keep S-Soldiers on their f-feet if your position is... overrun."

Her eyes narrowed. "Do you know why we took you with us?"

He glanced around, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. Even more eerie by the fact that they were sitting outside. "...Because I was wounded?" His voice was high pitched. He felt like he was a teenager again.

"Hardly." She leaned forward, her stare boring into him. "You fought bravely. You fought, and treated your fellow soldiers, despite multiple wounds. Many Jedi noted the speed and skill you displayed. But you've not a single medal to your name. Only your private stripes. Tell me, why is this?"

Sean shrugged, honestly confused.

 

[Tanith Alde]

"To be truthful, either your skill is exemplary, and thus worthy of notice, or your comrades were not showing proper conduct. We wanted to know which was which."

He paused, taking in a breath. Things were starting to make sense. "Y-you suspect me of cowardice on the battlefield?"

One of Intias' eyebrows raised. "That is one possibility, yes. Does this make you nervous?"

"No." His shoulders slumped. "No, it makes me... kind of guilty." His eyes found a spot on the ground that was apparently very interesting, even though he wasn't actually seeing it. "I.. You're w-wasting t-time on me."

"Are you saying you are innocent?"

 

[Tanith Alde]

He drew a breath. Why did part of him feel like crying? "No. I... I g-get afraid on the battlefield a lot. S-sometimes, I feel the urge to run away. So I charge. When I can. When I can't, there's a-always shooting."

He didn't dare look at Intias. Even now, fear was crippling him. "An interesting response. A confession to cowardice, yet an attempt to overcome it. I believe I understand why Knights Amalia and Bethany chose the route that they did." He looked up at her. "To judge one man is a simple affair. To judge an entire regiment, however, can be time consuming. Especially if they resist judgement."

She stood sharply. "I suggest that you be truthful in all matters, Private Sean Ailin. Be truthful, and guard yourself. If you are innocent, there is no guarantee that the corruption of the dark side may not work its way into your soul."

As she took her leave, Sean realized that he would get no sleep tonight.

 

[Tanith Alde]

They left the next morning . Sean committed as much as he could to memory. Bethany could tell that something was wrong. Maybe it was his yawning, or the fact that he couldn't bring himself to keep his head up, constantly looking at the ground in front of him as they walked. Her curious, concerned looks earned a half-hearted smile in return before putting his head down and continuing on.

 

[Tanith Alde]

Lunch, needless to say, was a miserable affair. Before, he'd watched in marvel as she turn rations into something that was not only hot but also fairly tasty. Instead, he just thought. Even after she gave him his tin dish, he spent more time thinking than pretending to eat. At least, until she knelt in front of him, her hand on his shoulder, her ice blue eyes looking at him worriedly.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, taking a bite to prove it. She didn't move. The only thing that changed was her expression. She wasn't buying it at all. With a sigh, he had to give in.

" Intias t-told me," he muttered, doing anything he could from looking at Bethany. "She... told me why you're escorting me. B-because either I'm a traitor or..." Klightus sucked in a deep breath. "Or my regiment is. And I... I've never been anything but loyal, Bethany. I've never turned m-my back on the Republic, not for one moment. I can't. But..."

 

[Tanith Alde]

He looked up at her, his throat feeling tight. "You have to believe. When you s-see everything that you've helped do, you have t-to believe in your orders. That what the c-commander tell you t-to do are the right thing. That they're d-doing the right thing, whats necessary. When you s-see a child who's been... You have to b-believe that they're right. That they do the Republic's w-work unquestioningly. If you don't..."

He closed his eyes. "I've seen what happens if you don't. I won't be like that, a t-t-traior. So you p-put your head down and you t-trust in them. And if they're t-traitors..." He clenched his eyes shut, focusing on what he needed to say, words that seemed to be caught in the back of his throat.

"I hope it's me," he blurted out finally. Now the words "I h-hope that I'm the traitor, the failiure! I hope that they're all good and honest, and that I'm j-just... I'm going to die, and I'm f-fine with that. I'm going to go to the hell. But... I've just been trying to keep all of them alive this entire time, and if they... aren't... If they're no better than the cowards, traitors in disguise, then I've... Then I've been..."

 

[Tanith Alde]

Jedi armor was not designed to give anybody but the wearer any form of physical comfort. Some might argue that it was designed for the opposite. But Sean felt no pain as Bethany hugged him. The armor was somehow warm to the touch, comforting. For once her silence was welcome.

And, in time, he returned the embrace.

But the only good things that could last forever were the Force and the Republic. Eventually released each other. Sean wiped at his face before looking up to her. Bethany had a serene expression. Kandra had been right, it seemed.

"I'm fine," he forced out. A cough, and more firmly, "I'm better. Honestly. You... still have your judgement to make, and I have to live by it. I... For what it's worth, Bethany, thank you. I... This has been... We should finish our meal. We're behind schedule, yes?"

 

[Tanith Alde]

He gave her the best smile he could. Hers was small, but encouraging. As he ate, however, he couldn't help but still feel the memory of her hand stroking his hair.

Superstition is a powerful thing. Sean firmly believed in the idea that if something happened a few times in a row, there was a good chance of it happening again. As the sun began to fall, a sense of dread came over him. Since he'd left the Jedi camp with Bethany, nothing good had ever happened at dusk.

He was disappointed this night however.

 

[Tanith Alde]

A gentle hand on his shoulder drew him awake . Bethany was back in her armor, though he hated the sight of her in it. With the hole from the last battle, he could see the bandages, and that... He didn't like that. Her robes were better. More graceful, too. She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, tilting her head.

"Are you o-okay to w-walk?" She nodded. "C-can you, uh, get transport back to the Jedi once we get there." There was a momentary pause before she nodded again.

That settled it, then. "I guess we're w-walking, then. It hopefully w-won't take more than a day." It might have just been an optimistic opinion, but it also might have been the pessimism talking.

She had "volunteered" to make lunch for them. At least, when he pulled out the rations, she grabbed his hand and got out her own. He... wasn't going to argue. Besides, she was better not only at cooking but at making a fire, too. He suspected that just came with being a Jedi, though.

 

[Tanith Alde]

While stretching, he saw a color that didn't quite belong this time of year. Winter was coming, but he could spy yellow flowers. He glanced back to her, then to the flowers as an idea began to form in his head. "Um, I'm going to... the bushes. Okay?" Bethany rolled her eyes and waved him off. Good, that would give him time.

His plan, however, didn't turn out to be so well thought out as he'd of liked. Apparently, he had absolutely no skill. First, they wouldn't weave. "By the Force." Then, once he got them to start weaving, where he started would become unwoven. Then, as if to mock him, the stems began to break. "Oh, come on now!"

Motion caught him. Bethany was leaning against a tree, an amused expression on her face. She was still clutching her side, but at least he didn't see any blood. He took a breath before shaking his head. "I was t-trying to make this..." He made circular motions with his hands, fighting to try and find the right word. "It was on s-some of the murals at home, this-this thing of flowers that you wear on your head. Well, girls do. Or so I g-got from the mural. And I saw these and thought that maybe I'd... I d-don't know, maybe make one? For you? To put in your hair? ...Does that make sense to you?"

 

[Tanith Alde]

Her shoulders were shaking. She was smiling. That was good enough for him. He grabbed the largest flower and pushed himself to his feet. He felt like... he felt like he should just run away, like the weight of the entire planet was on him. But still, he held the flower out to her tentatively, trying not to look too stupid. When she took it, he let out a deep breath, closing his eyes. Which left him completely defenceless for what happened next.

The feeling of her lips on his made him jerk, but her hand was already on the back of his neck, holding his head in place. His entire body stiffened, every muscle suddenly going taunt until it felt like his calves were going to have cramps. But he did relax, his hands moving to gently frame her face.

After what seemed to be such a blissful eternity that didn't last for nearly long enough, she broke the kiss, moving just inches away. Sean's heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest and she... was blushing. She honestly looked bashful over what she had just done. As he fought for something, anything to say, there was a sound behind them.

 

[Tanith Alde]

His hand went to his rifle, and hers to her saber. But instead of finding somebody trying to kill them, instead they found the pot boiling over. "Lunch," he said with a nervous laugh. Bethany, at least, smiled and threw her arm around his shoulders. In return, he wrapped his around her waist and helped her back to the fire.

Sean heard the camp long before they saw it. There was no way that such a large number of soldiers could keep themselves quiet for long. But this was it. He kept his pace even, going through the marching drills in his head. Focus on anything other than having to say goodbye. One foot in front of the other, slow enough that Bethany could keep up. He had to present himself to the commander.

One foot in front of the other. Happiness was earned. One foot in front of the other. Happiness was spent in moments that one could reflect upon later. One foot in front of the other. Happiness was gained through devotion and sacrifice. And he had earned it well. And, in his opinion, he'd spent it well. The Force had seen his devotion and had aptly rewarded him. But, as with all things, it had to come to an end.

 

[Tanith Alde]

What a sight the two of them must have been. Her, wounded and limping along. Him, covered in blood, singed, his blaster rifle slung and a scatter blaster in his hand. Soldiers stared, but he didn't mind. Let them. Let them stare, make jokes. They didn't know. For once in his life, he didn't care what a damn one of them thought.

"Sean," the Commander growled. "You were due to return to the regiment a week ago. They said that you had set off."

"Yes, s-s-sir," Sean replied, forming a salute "They w-w-were unable t-t-to p-provide-"

"What kept you?" the Commander asked, looking at Bethany.

"S-sir!" Sean swallowed. His entire body was shaking. "We found the remains of the F-F-Fifth Regiment, sir, where w-we were attacked by the insurrectionists. It c-complicated my injuries, requiring time to rest."

 

[Tanith Alde]

"You seem to be getting along just fine," Commander Daniel responded evenly.

"Yes, s-sir." Sean saluted again again. "The stitches have h-h-held now." His throat felt like it was full of razor blades. "We then m-made our way back to where the Third w-was camped at. W-we were informed that y-you had moved to this location. A-after, we were attacked by cultists. Knight B-B-Bethany was injured in the f-fray, requiring we r-r-rest further. It h-has only been within the l-l-last day that we were a-able to finish the j-journey."

"Do you have anything to add, Jedi Knight Bethany?" The Commander sounded rather cross.

Out of the corner of her eye, he watched as she gestured to the hole in her armor, touched the bandages underneath, then smiled at Sean with a nod.

"I see."

 

[Tanith Alde]

"Private Sean, " Commander Dariel cut in with a bark. "Where did you get that scatter blaster ?"

"F-found it, s-sir. W-with the Fifth." He paused to take in a dry breath, staring the Commmander directly in the eyes. "It's empty, s-s-sir. I... I used all of it on a-a-a single t-t-trooper "

The Commander and his lieutenant shared a glance. The Lieutenant nodded. Commander Dariel's hand moved to his side. Sean squared his shoulders back, bringing himself up to his full height, and closed his eyes.

"Can't you do anything right?"

His brother's words stung his ears.

"You spoiled noble brats are all the same! Trying to get something for nothing. You can send a message to your family when you've earned it, but I don't see that happening."

The Commander never liked him, simply out of birth.

"You are nothing but a disgrace to this House! When are you going to contribute something to it?"

His mother's love...

"Looks like you got the good caf. Hope you don't mind if I have some, do you? Heh. Of course you don't."

Why would the other men respect him?

"One more time, Sean. One more time, and I'm not paying the ransom. You aren't worth it!"

How his father's words cut deep...

"Do us a favor and have the decency to do something right for once in your life and die quietly."

Yes. Finally. He would do what his family had always wanted. They wouldn't have to worry about him being a burden any more. For days he'd been worried about this plan, but now... Now he found it strangely liberating. He was free. He was happy, happier than he'd been in his entire life. He'd done his duty, but he could understand why none would see it. None except Bethany, and who would she tell? Who could she tell? No, a Soldier doesn't seek out glory. He seeks only his duty, right?

He couldn't complain. In a short week, he'd found love, peace, and a place in the universe. The Force had seen his work and rewarded him. And now, by the simple guilt of telling the truth, he would be sent to to it's final embrace at peace and happy, completing his duty to his family. Who could ask for anything more?

Sean opened his eyes to look down the barrel of the gun and found himself smiling.