Alexandra Feanor
The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
Alderaan, 0405 1206 GST
The sound of a waterfall and a ring of stones, the smell of the forest air flowing about the area, and a woman sitting alone and calm...
Alexandra breathed in and looked up to the stars, she had been here for a week now, thinking and meditating, facing the demons of her past and fates of her future. She breathed let out the breath and let her vision blur and fade as she sat there with her head turned to the sky, she needed to clear her mind of these nightmares, she needed to face them and she had to remove them forever more. All her training had been battle, all her experience in defeat, she needed this triumph.
Her vision went black and everything was gone as she fell into the self induced trace, her breathing nearly stopped and heart-rate as slow and constant as a dripping faucet. She needed to keep it this way no matter what visited her, she needed to keep her focus and prepare herself to be calm in the face of any danger, any ruin that should greet her.
Her vision returned to her standing in a ruin, no to her in her home. The only one she had ever known and would ever know, and in her hands was her lightsaber, her master's lightsaber, the one she had taken from his dying hands upon his wish. Its familiar hum on her hands, its silver light in her eyes, and its sister blade at her hip, it felt right and natural to have the blade. Only that was not the only light that shone, before her stood the man that had destroyed this home and her life, the Sith that had intruded, that had destroyed everything that she had known at that moment. Emotions flowed into her in that moment, no fear though, she did not fear this man. No she only hated him, hated what he had done and hated the threat he had posed, rage filled her and came easy, the want to kill him came upon her and she charged forward.
Her arms brought the blade down in a wild, primal strike that held no grace. Her eyes remained focused in a glare that behind her silver eyes held nothing but pure hatred. The air around her turned ready and unsteady, filled by her own emotions that only grew in her focused trance. He blocked it though effortlessly, his hands raising the blade and pushing her back before following up with his own strike that knocked her blade out of her hand and she watched it fall to the ground and lay there before his foot rested on it and pressed down, the saber breaking apart like glass.
Her heart in that moment felt like it had been impaled by a fire iron, her hands shakily grabbing at her second saber and pulling it from her belt. The blade erupted and it wasn't the right color, it was brown, the color corrupted by the doubt in her heart and held a black glow. She was scared and back pedaled as he spun the blade slowly, letting the hum of his blade grow louder, letting it fill the cavernous room and dwarf her own blade's sound. Even in her hands the familiar feeling of the metal on her skin vanished and it felt as if the blade wasn't even there.
His crimson blade came across and connected with her blade, the entire blade and handle shattering in her hands as she stumbled back, her eyes filled of fear and her breathing fast. She closed her eyes as a familiar feeling closed around her throat, the pain in her heart only having grown harsher as the sound of its beating filled the room and her ears.And then silence, followed by his voice as she hung there by her neck, held up by the force and slowly failing as he walked forward with a familiar object in his hands and his words destroying her in a moment. "You failed." When her eyes lowered to look at him, it wasn't his face but that of her masters and in that moment she dropped and it was black again.
Had she died while she was in the trace, no she was alive and after a moment she gasped for air from where she sat on the stones by the waterfall, she had failed the first time, she failed every time no matter how many times she tried. She laid back and looked up at the sky from where she sat, the night of Alderaan having arrived.
Alderaan 0405 2358 GST
Her hands closed on the cool surface of her blades, one in each hand as she moved in slow calculated and flowing arcs. Her feet slid over the soft earth by the river bed and her arms fluid like the water that rushed over the bed beside her. It was calming and she went through the motions as she worked on her bladework, shifting and striking at the air as she feinted and dodge invisible strikes from a space-less enemy. It had been four hours since her last attempt at meditation, four hours since she had felt the cold pain in her heart at the possibly, at the viability of failure.
She had failed, in her studies with her master that she never finished, in her protection of her home and defending her master's legacy, in her time with the sith and now she is failing at trying to overcome the limitations those failures have set. She closed her eyes and sighed, letting her arms drop to her sides and her blades vanish as the power was cut. What was she missing, what was it that gave strength and courage to those she had fought, power to those that have beaten her. She tried calm, she tried hate, but all she could muster was her fear and doubt, every time no matter what she tried her fear always got the better of her.
If only her fear could be used as a weapon if only he fear could become her power, she wished for her fear to be her strength but the mere thought of such is a contradiction in itself in which fear is only weakness, it is only a wall to betterment.
But that wall was impossible to break, she had no master, and her experiences only strengthened that wall not weakened it. Why can't she beat it, break it, or even just get around it. Why was this all so hard for her when others could do it without a second thought. Her anger began to bubble up now as she started pacing and punched her hand into a nearby tree, her strike empowered by her hate and the force, causing the area around where she hit to crater into the tree. But also to sound as the crunch of bone sounded, her hand broken and her legs falling out from under her while she collapsed to her knees, spirit broken as she remained there crying not from the pain in her hand which she now held in her unbroken one, but from the pain of being spineless and weak.
Alderaan 0407 0821
She breathed in as she removed the bandages that were wrapped around her hand, the bacta treatments had healed the bones and some of the nerves, but her hand was still in constant pain and she couldn't close it right. It was like a thousand icy needles piercing her hand as she sat with her legs crossed beneath her, her skin was still bruised and her hand lay out in front of her.
Her uninjured hand retrieved a new set of wraps that she slowly brought over and around her hand, the wraps first applied gingerly before she bit down and pulled tight, the pain running up her arm and causing a silent scream to erupt from her mouth. Squeezing her eyes shut she continued and tied the wraps around her hand, her breathing heavy as she stood uneasily before opening the door to the prefab hut she had brought with her to the site.
The sun beat down on the area as it warmed the wind that slowed through the trees, her feet bringing her over the ground to the waterfall that she had been visiting continuously, a twenty minute walk she used to center herself for another try at overcoming the wall that stopped her from achieving a higher reach of the power in the force.She would need to beat her fear and doubt, her weaknesses that stopped her from achieving that of which would destroy her... that of which is destroying her.
She found the fall and walked into the water, oh to the flat stone ringed by stones all pointing towards it, it was in no means a natural find but it was obvious that someone before her had used this very site as their own and now she used it. It was solitude and peace that this site offered, calmness and serenity, everything a jedi wanted and needed, but it also held a bit of chaos and unpredictability that a Sith loves. This was the perfect place for her, she was neither of the two and as such lay in the grey area between them, it was an area that many tread but all in a different way.
After she reached the stone she lowered herself, sitting with her legs crossed under her and her eyes closed. She repeated the process she always did, staring up at the sky as she breathed slowly and let her vision blur, her mind open and thoughts free as she sat there. Her vision began to blacken and for a few moments she waited, wondering which vision would come to her now, which vision that would show itself to her as the smell of smoke and battle came to her. In Front of her stood Zaiden, behind her the Tyrin who was Emperor at the time, her first battle, it was Bastion.
His blade shown in the smoke and the man stood alone in front of her, she had counted this battle as a victory, but in truth it had been a defeat like all the others. She had not beaten the man, the self entitled god and now she faced him once more only this time in her mind. Such an enemy was the first of his breed, he was the first master she had fought and she hadn't been swiped aside like a pest, it was invigorating to be here again and her hands found their way to her side, pulling off the sabers from her belt and igniting the blades so that they shone in front of her. Their hum made her smile as she waited for him to come and strike at her, or for her to strike first.
She had not survived alone though, but she was stronger now, she would last this time without the help of others or the ethereal slaves of the Emperor. Her hands closed tight on the blades as she dashed forward and struck at the man, her blades passing through and him turning into pure shadows that reassembled behind her, only to strike forward and send her off her feet to the ground twenty feet forward. Her arms brought her off the ground as she turned and charged, sending a wave of force energy in front of her to ram into him before attempting to plunge both blades into him. They sunk in but he didn't move, he only stood there and grabbed her arms before pulling the sabers out and holding her arms there, after a moment though her left hand hurt and she looked at it.
There instead of her hand holding her saber was a bandaged and wrapped hand and her eyes looked at her right hand which had dropped the saber and hung uselessly, turned brown as mud. He let go of her right arm which hung from her shoulder and closed his hand around her left, grinning before suddenly pressing down on it in a single instant, her screams reverberating through the vision only followed by a piercing hot feeling in the pit of her stomach as she looked down at the crimson red blade that gave of a black glow, piercing right through her. Behind her Tyrin Ardik spoke in a flat emotionless voice as he held the saber that impaled her. "You failed." With that he pulled out the saber and kicked out Alexandra's legs before backing off with Zaidan, only for Balaya Zambrano to appear with her own saber lit and raised, "Die Mutt." With that the blade came down, touching her neck as searing pain flowed through her body before her vision faded and she came back to the world screaming in pain that still reverberated through her body and nerves even if such pain was not real.
Alderaan 0407 1934
She woke once more from the vision screaming as she sat there hunched over and staring at the water, her shoulders slumped and right hand clenched while her left hung from its arm in the water beside the stone she sat upon. The cool liquid lacing between her fingers before she started sobbing, she couldn't take it anymore and all she wanted was to get stronger, but all she could do was fail and that wall seemed impossible to break. Maybe if she had stayed with the sith she would be stronger, maybe if she had not defected, maybe if she had even joined the Jedi she would have been able to become stronger. But alone it seemed impossible.
With a sigh she reached up and let her hair down from the pony tail she had it in and let it fall on her shoulders while she sat there, her eyes stared at her reflection in the water and all she saw was a weak girl that could only cry and feel pity for herself. Three times now she had tried to overcome her limits, over fifty times this last two weeks, why couldn't she do it. Why couldn't she become strong like all those before her and like all those Jedi that defeated the Sith, like all those Sith that made the galaxy kneel before them. She wanted just to succeed once and overcome her limits, to let her attain a greater ability with the force.
Straightening up she closed her eyes and focused on the black of the back of her eyelids, she would not give up yet so that those who had ever defeated her would stop her from improving and becoming stronger. She would become stronger than them and prove she isn't some weakling. As she began the self induced trance she found herself standing in front of Kaine Zambrano as Tyrin Ardik was overthrown by Shorn. She remembered this moment fondly and touched her blade before pulling it from her side and focusing on him, blade in one hand and gauntlet in another.
She charged forward and watched him raise the gauntlet, dark side energy coursing through it before firing, but she would not give up this time, she would not be beaten as she brought down her two blades in front of her and watched as the blast collided with her blades and stopped, she would not bow to her fear anymore, not in the face of this man. With that she pushed forward and broke apart the blast before charging once more and bring both blades down in a primal overhead strike be blocked and pushed off from. His hand raised and sent a blast of lightning out at her, coursing through her body as it connected and paralyzed her, her blades turning brown again.
Fear gripped her, it strangled her, and then she found something with that fear, desperation and true courage. It showed in the fact that she would not lose to this man again, never again in her dreams or in her life, he would never be there. Her hands dropped her mind reached out to a nearby stone, focusing all her energy behind the child sized stone before sending it at his side and knocking him sideways off his feet. She breathed for a few more moments and called her sabers to her hands and charged forward, swinging her blades in fluid jabs and slashes, faster than physically possible in the real world but her blades were no longer brown but a pure silver, the color her blades were suppose to be and Kaine's blade black.
She stepped forward and brought all her weight and power and every bit of fear and doubt forward into her blades, black brown and silver mixing and cycling as the blades hit Kaine's. His blade, pitch black now shattered and her blades bit into him, his form changing into Balaya's, Tyrin's, Nicholas Dragonsflame, the Sith from her home, and her Master, the faces of those who were most prominent in her life up to this point. Until nothing. But such nothingness did not last and in front of her stood the one that had agreed to stab her with his saber, all she saw was his smile before he broke into dust and she came back to this world, her fear subdued for those moments when desperation and hope were needed to overcome it.
The sound of a waterfall and a ring of stones, the smell of the forest air flowing about the area, and a woman sitting alone and calm...
Alexandra breathed in and looked up to the stars, she had been here for a week now, thinking and meditating, facing the demons of her past and fates of her future. She breathed let out the breath and let her vision blur and fade as she sat there with her head turned to the sky, she needed to clear her mind of these nightmares, she needed to face them and she had to remove them forever more. All her training had been battle, all her experience in defeat, she needed this triumph.
Her vision went black and everything was gone as she fell into the self induced trace, her breathing nearly stopped and heart-rate as slow and constant as a dripping faucet. She needed to keep it this way no matter what visited her, she needed to keep her focus and prepare herself to be calm in the face of any danger, any ruin that should greet her.
Her vision returned to her standing in a ruin, no to her in her home. The only one she had ever known and would ever know, and in her hands was her lightsaber, her master's lightsaber, the one she had taken from his dying hands upon his wish. Its familiar hum on her hands, its silver light in her eyes, and its sister blade at her hip, it felt right and natural to have the blade. Only that was not the only light that shone, before her stood the man that had destroyed this home and her life, the Sith that had intruded, that had destroyed everything that she had known at that moment. Emotions flowed into her in that moment, no fear though, she did not fear this man. No she only hated him, hated what he had done and hated the threat he had posed, rage filled her and came easy, the want to kill him came upon her and she charged forward.
Her arms brought the blade down in a wild, primal strike that held no grace. Her eyes remained focused in a glare that behind her silver eyes held nothing but pure hatred. The air around her turned ready and unsteady, filled by her own emotions that only grew in her focused trance. He blocked it though effortlessly, his hands raising the blade and pushing her back before following up with his own strike that knocked her blade out of her hand and she watched it fall to the ground and lay there before his foot rested on it and pressed down, the saber breaking apart like glass.
Her heart in that moment felt like it had been impaled by a fire iron, her hands shakily grabbing at her second saber and pulling it from her belt. The blade erupted and it wasn't the right color, it was brown, the color corrupted by the doubt in her heart and held a black glow. She was scared and back pedaled as he spun the blade slowly, letting the hum of his blade grow louder, letting it fill the cavernous room and dwarf her own blade's sound. Even in her hands the familiar feeling of the metal on her skin vanished and it felt as if the blade wasn't even there.
His crimson blade came across and connected with her blade, the entire blade and handle shattering in her hands as she stumbled back, her eyes filled of fear and her breathing fast. She closed her eyes as a familiar feeling closed around her throat, the pain in her heart only having grown harsher as the sound of its beating filled the room and her ears.And then silence, followed by his voice as she hung there by her neck, held up by the force and slowly failing as he walked forward with a familiar object in his hands and his words destroying her in a moment. "You failed." When her eyes lowered to look at him, it wasn't his face but that of her masters and in that moment she dropped and it was black again.
Had she died while she was in the trace, no she was alive and after a moment she gasped for air from where she sat on the stones by the waterfall, she had failed the first time, she failed every time no matter how many times she tried. She laid back and looked up at the sky from where she sat, the night of Alderaan having arrived.
Alderaan 0405 2358 GST
Her hands closed on the cool surface of her blades, one in each hand as she moved in slow calculated and flowing arcs. Her feet slid over the soft earth by the river bed and her arms fluid like the water that rushed over the bed beside her. It was calming and she went through the motions as she worked on her bladework, shifting and striking at the air as she feinted and dodge invisible strikes from a space-less enemy. It had been four hours since her last attempt at meditation, four hours since she had felt the cold pain in her heart at the possibly, at the viability of failure.
She had failed, in her studies with her master that she never finished, in her protection of her home and defending her master's legacy, in her time with the sith and now she is failing at trying to overcome the limitations those failures have set. She closed her eyes and sighed, letting her arms drop to her sides and her blades vanish as the power was cut. What was she missing, what was it that gave strength and courage to those she had fought, power to those that have beaten her. She tried calm, she tried hate, but all she could muster was her fear and doubt, every time no matter what she tried her fear always got the better of her.
If only her fear could be used as a weapon if only he fear could become her power, she wished for her fear to be her strength but the mere thought of such is a contradiction in itself in which fear is only weakness, it is only a wall to betterment.
But that wall was impossible to break, she had no master, and her experiences only strengthened that wall not weakened it. Why can't she beat it, break it, or even just get around it. Why was this all so hard for her when others could do it without a second thought. Her anger began to bubble up now as she started pacing and punched her hand into a nearby tree, her strike empowered by her hate and the force, causing the area around where she hit to crater into the tree. But also to sound as the crunch of bone sounded, her hand broken and her legs falling out from under her while she collapsed to her knees, spirit broken as she remained there crying not from the pain in her hand which she now held in her unbroken one, but from the pain of being spineless and weak.
Alderaan 0407 0821
She breathed in as she removed the bandages that were wrapped around her hand, the bacta treatments had healed the bones and some of the nerves, but her hand was still in constant pain and she couldn't close it right. It was like a thousand icy needles piercing her hand as she sat with her legs crossed beneath her, her skin was still bruised and her hand lay out in front of her.
Her uninjured hand retrieved a new set of wraps that she slowly brought over and around her hand, the wraps first applied gingerly before she bit down and pulled tight, the pain running up her arm and causing a silent scream to erupt from her mouth. Squeezing her eyes shut she continued and tied the wraps around her hand, her breathing heavy as she stood uneasily before opening the door to the prefab hut she had brought with her to the site.
The sun beat down on the area as it warmed the wind that slowed through the trees, her feet bringing her over the ground to the waterfall that she had been visiting continuously, a twenty minute walk she used to center herself for another try at overcoming the wall that stopped her from achieving a higher reach of the power in the force.She would need to beat her fear and doubt, her weaknesses that stopped her from achieving that of which would destroy her... that of which is destroying her.
She found the fall and walked into the water, oh to the flat stone ringed by stones all pointing towards it, it was in no means a natural find but it was obvious that someone before her had used this very site as their own and now she used it. It was solitude and peace that this site offered, calmness and serenity, everything a jedi wanted and needed, but it also held a bit of chaos and unpredictability that a Sith loves. This was the perfect place for her, she was neither of the two and as such lay in the grey area between them, it was an area that many tread but all in a different way.
After she reached the stone she lowered herself, sitting with her legs crossed under her and her eyes closed. She repeated the process she always did, staring up at the sky as she breathed slowly and let her vision blur, her mind open and thoughts free as she sat there. Her vision began to blacken and for a few moments she waited, wondering which vision would come to her now, which vision that would show itself to her as the smell of smoke and battle came to her. In Front of her stood Zaiden, behind her the Tyrin who was Emperor at the time, her first battle, it was Bastion.
His blade shown in the smoke and the man stood alone in front of her, she had counted this battle as a victory, but in truth it had been a defeat like all the others. She had not beaten the man, the self entitled god and now she faced him once more only this time in her mind. Such an enemy was the first of his breed, he was the first master she had fought and she hadn't been swiped aside like a pest, it was invigorating to be here again and her hands found their way to her side, pulling off the sabers from her belt and igniting the blades so that they shone in front of her. Their hum made her smile as she waited for him to come and strike at her, or for her to strike first.
She had not survived alone though, but she was stronger now, she would last this time without the help of others or the ethereal slaves of the Emperor. Her hands closed tight on the blades as she dashed forward and struck at the man, her blades passing through and him turning into pure shadows that reassembled behind her, only to strike forward and send her off her feet to the ground twenty feet forward. Her arms brought her off the ground as she turned and charged, sending a wave of force energy in front of her to ram into him before attempting to plunge both blades into him. They sunk in but he didn't move, he only stood there and grabbed her arms before pulling the sabers out and holding her arms there, after a moment though her left hand hurt and she looked at it.
There instead of her hand holding her saber was a bandaged and wrapped hand and her eyes looked at her right hand which had dropped the saber and hung uselessly, turned brown as mud. He let go of her right arm which hung from her shoulder and closed his hand around her left, grinning before suddenly pressing down on it in a single instant, her screams reverberating through the vision only followed by a piercing hot feeling in the pit of her stomach as she looked down at the crimson red blade that gave of a black glow, piercing right through her. Behind her Tyrin Ardik spoke in a flat emotionless voice as he held the saber that impaled her. "You failed." With that he pulled out the saber and kicked out Alexandra's legs before backing off with Zaidan, only for Balaya Zambrano to appear with her own saber lit and raised, "Die Mutt." With that the blade came down, touching her neck as searing pain flowed through her body before her vision faded and she came back to the world screaming in pain that still reverberated through her body and nerves even if such pain was not real.
Alderaan 0407 1934
She woke once more from the vision screaming as she sat there hunched over and staring at the water, her shoulders slumped and right hand clenched while her left hung from its arm in the water beside the stone she sat upon. The cool liquid lacing between her fingers before she started sobbing, she couldn't take it anymore and all she wanted was to get stronger, but all she could do was fail and that wall seemed impossible to break. Maybe if she had stayed with the sith she would be stronger, maybe if she had not defected, maybe if she had even joined the Jedi she would have been able to become stronger. But alone it seemed impossible.
With a sigh she reached up and let her hair down from the pony tail she had it in and let it fall on her shoulders while she sat there, her eyes stared at her reflection in the water and all she saw was a weak girl that could only cry and feel pity for herself. Three times now she had tried to overcome her limits, over fifty times this last two weeks, why couldn't she do it. Why couldn't she become strong like all those before her and like all those Jedi that defeated the Sith, like all those Sith that made the galaxy kneel before them. She wanted just to succeed once and overcome her limits, to let her attain a greater ability with the force.
Straightening up she closed her eyes and focused on the black of the back of her eyelids, she would not give up yet so that those who had ever defeated her would stop her from improving and becoming stronger. She would become stronger than them and prove she isn't some weakling. As she began the self induced trance she found herself standing in front of Kaine Zambrano as Tyrin Ardik was overthrown by Shorn. She remembered this moment fondly and touched her blade before pulling it from her side and focusing on him, blade in one hand and gauntlet in another.
She charged forward and watched him raise the gauntlet, dark side energy coursing through it before firing, but she would not give up this time, she would not be beaten as she brought down her two blades in front of her and watched as the blast collided with her blades and stopped, she would not bow to her fear anymore, not in the face of this man. With that she pushed forward and broke apart the blast before charging once more and bring both blades down in a primal overhead strike be blocked and pushed off from. His hand raised and sent a blast of lightning out at her, coursing through her body as it connected and paralyzed her, her blades turning brown again.
Fear gripped her, it strangled her, and then she found something with that fear, desperation and true courage. It showed in the fact that she would not lose to this man again, never again in her dreams or in her life, he would never be there. Her hands dropped her mind reached out to a nearby stone, focusing all her energy behind the child sized stone before sending it at his side and knocking him sideways off his feet. She breathed for a few more moments and called her sabers to her hands and charged forward, swinging her blades in fluid jabs and slashes, faster than physically possible in the real world but her blades were no longer brown but a pure silver, the color her blades were suppose to be and Kaine's blade black.
She stepped forward and brought all her weight and power and every bit of fear and doubt forward into her blades, black brown and silver mixing and cycling as the blades hit Kaine's. His blade, pitch black now shattered and her blades bit into him, his form changing into Balaya's, Tyrin's, Nicholas Dragonsflame, the Sith from her home, and her Master, the faces of those who were most prominent in her life up to this point. Until nothing. But such nothingness did not last and in front of her stood the one that had agreed to stab her with his saber, all she saw was his smile before he broke into dust and she came back to this world, her fear subdued for those moments when desperation and hope were needed to overcome it.