Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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The Sophia Diaries

"Captain Walsh.. Captain Walsh?"

An older woman tapped her foot patiently as she awaited the answer from Sophia whom had seemingly drifted off as she had been speaking. This was not uncommon of her patients especially the military ones. They seemed to have the most difficult of times opening up and expressing their feelings. Sophia seemed to be taking all that happened quite bad as normally by now, the fifth session, one would open up.

"Sophia?"

Blinking Sophia turned her head from the window back to Doctor Kilborn. She had been half listening to the question as she washed the rain run down the sides of the window pane. The only reason Sophia was here was because it was a requirement that she at the very least come. It didn't mean that she actually had to speak. "I'm sorry, what was the question?' Sophia grinned trying to look innocent from any wrong doing.

Shaking her head the doctor got up out of her chair and went over to her desk. "I have something for you that I think will help." Opening up the bottom drawer Dr. Kilborn pulled out a datapad before closing the drawer and rejoining Sophia. Smiling she handed the datapad to Sophia. "I want you to write your feelings down in this like a diary. Don't worry nobody will read it and it's yours to keep. I think you it will help since you won't talk about them."

Nodding Sophia thanked the woman and left. She didn't plan on using the gift but it was better she not get into that right now and just keep it. The last thing she wished to do was write about what happened to her. Sophia just wished to forget about it. All she wanted was everything to go back to the way it was. She had been happy and she had it all but now it was all gone. Her ship had been taken from her because she was "unstable" and her love was gone without a trace.

Tucking the gift under her arm she left the office and headed back to her apartment. There was nowhere else to go and she didn't feel much like joining in on festivities that were going on today. Sophia wanted to just lay down, she had a headache. Every time she went back there was just a reminder of how everything had changed and made her feel like a victim. She didn't want to be a victim anymore, she was better than that. It seemed though she wasn't.

The worst honestly was the weekly group therapy when she was made to attend. She would sit in a group with other trauma victims and listen to their stories. She didn't want to keep rehashing the same thing over and over again. She didn't get how that would help anybody get over it and move forward. She didn't want to be like this one guy ten years later talking about his encounter with the Sith.

Once she arrived home Sophia set it amongst her things without a second thought.
 
It was months later that Sophia opened that datapad up. It was only based on the fact that the woman couldn't sleep. The faces haunted her every being and she didn't feel safe anymore. The worst part was that she was all alone in the apartment. The people she cared for, loved were gone. It was far too late to do anything about it. She had put them through enough pain and torture. Her father was even now unable to retire due to what she did and she knew her parents had been planning to go away together guilt hung over her head which was why she didn't go home.

Shuffling over to the kitchen she began brewing a pot of caf for herself as she could already see that this was becoming another sleepless night. The thought of a glass of wine was there however no..she wasn't going to start that.

Once the caf was done she poured herself a cup before shuffling over to the couch and making herself comfortable. It couldn't hurt to write things down. The woman had tried everything else which didn't seem to work that well so why not this.

Taking a sip of her caf she glanced down to the blank screen wondering how to even begin.

Dear Diary,

Where do I even start? Life is a mess. My life, everything was perfect until I decided to do a solo mission. I was warned not to do it alone but I didn't listen and now I am paying the price. My career has gone down the tubes, my family is in debt and I lost the man I love. I don't know what to do now..


She paused her typing to take another sip of her caf as she wiped the tears from her eyes. This was ridiculous but oddly enough it felt nice to write things down.

I can't sleep at night,I see their faces everywhere I go. I don't know how to move forward but I want to. I want to get better and be better. I need help but I don't know who to turn to. Staying here though isn't helping. It's safe though..
 

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