Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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The Shadow World…

He stood in the door frame about to head to the cockpit. He didn't want to leave as she spoke however. His brow furrowed and he rolled his eyes at the question of if he could make risotto, "Yeah, I can do risotto. I haven't made it much, but I could scourge up a recipe and turn it into something great. Not sure if I have blossom wine to recreate your meal. I don't keep much wine, but I know I have emerald wine however."

He chucked at her comment of the fuller length skirt, "I'd need a full length gown or a shave one. I could rock strapless however. I have very beautiful and strong shoulders." That conversation went a little farther than planned. Lugus turned to leave the room only to turn back to her again when she mentioned being tired. He shook his head placing the robes down on the other cot, "I'd say that's not good. Maybe you should sit up instead."

He moved over to her helping her sit up just incase she was too tired to do so on her own. He handed her the ice-pack back to her, "Now if you want that risotto tomorrow, you have to stay wake, ok? I'll be right back. Just going to have the piloting droid get us off here and then I will be right back here to pester and keep you up, ok?"

Part of him felt stupid for not having the bird off the planet yet. All of the mental kicking himself wasn't getting the ship up off the planet any sooner. He moved to the door. Pausing for a second, looking back at her, "What's the most important thing to you and why? Speak loudly and keep talking until I get back... please?"

Was he panicked? Did he seem panicked? He kind of hoped he wasn't freaking out too much. He was a pilot not a doctor. He went to the cockpit starting up the ship lifting it off the ground himself before programing the piloting droid to take over and get them on back to Onderon. He grabbed a small flashlight from his toolkit on the way back to the cabin. He sat on the cot beside her then checked her pupils. Something he had only seen in the holomovies and personally had no idea what he was looking for. In his mind he assumed they reacted somewhat normally.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus smiled. “Emerald wine sounds lovely. But blue milk will do of course. And I fear your fashion sense is greater than mine. I mean, my sister chose the dresses. I’ve only worn them…what...two times in six years. But strapless might work. I guess.” She shrugged as she said it, clearly out of her depth.

She saluted him, “And I’ll stay awake for sure. You know, I’ve never been drunk, but I can imagine this is what it feels like. It’s almost…I mean…nope, I can’t describe it, sorry. But you’re good to go, I’ll keep awake.”

“What's the most important thing to me? That’s easy, it’s the Jedi Code.” And she truly waxed lyrical about the Code, and the pillars and the tenets. In fact, Lugus could have been gone for a day and she wouldn’t have shut up.

When he returned she’d just started to tell the one about the Code being like a set meal rather than a buffet when he shone a flashlight into her eyes.

“Ow…what did you do that for?” she asked. “You could have warned me. But seeing as you’ve done it, am I OK?”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
He put the light down and resisted the urge to answer her in the playful punk way he usually answered friends or his family by saying 'Oh hey, I'm going to shine this in your eyes," even though he already done it. He curled his lips into his mouth to suppress the smile, "Sorry... Well, your pupils didn't go two different directions when the light hit them so I guess that's a good sign. Warning you..." He brought the light back up to her eyes. "I have to admit this would be easier if I knew what I was doing."

He turned the flashlight off then tapped it in his hand like a club, "Staying wake will just have to be the plan. You have no problem talking so that's good. You seem to really enjoy being a jedi... I afraid I'm giving you the wrong impression when I speak though. I don't actually wear dresses. Thanks to my sister and holovids, I just happen to know styles and such. Now I can't say I've never worn one... Last time, I did I was still a boy in elementary school doing a play. Juliet got sick right at the end, and I got to lay down in the crypt since I was the only one who knew the part. Romeo was a Sullustan that really hated me... Neither of us were really looking forward to the scene. For the kiss, he took his hand and as hard as he could he just-" Lugus cupped his hand over his mouth with an audible pop before letting it slide off and back to his lap. "Hurt like hell but at least we didn't have to touch lips. That story would be even worse. My first kiss going to a Sullustan boy..."

He planned for that to be a fun story, but it took a slight turn on the end. The look on his face being as if he just ate something horrible.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
She blinked as he brought the light back to her eyes. Joking aside, she did feel more sensitive to the light – but that was probably nothing, right?

But he distracted her and she thought no more of it. “And I didn’t actually think you wore dresses, at least not at the end. You had me on the cusp a couple of times but in the end I was sure it was a joke. Unless this is the joke? No? Then I was right.” She seemed happy she’d figured that one out properly.

And then she laughed at his story about a first kiss. Corvus didn’t even have a childhood play to reference in this space. Other than once being kissed on the hand, she had nothing to give – and so decided not to even go there.

“No, it’s a sweet story,” she said as her laughter died down and his face looked…well not good. “And boys, girls, kissing…what’s the big deal anyway? I tell you, the worse lesson I ever have to give at the Academy is not about astrophysics or the use of the Force, it’s about attachments. Younglings have such enquiring minds and…you know…such a direct way of asking things. Stuff older people filter out. But not them, they come right out with it. Why haven’t you got a boyfriend Corvus?” She blushed slightly and a small gap in the speech seemed to stretch forever from her perspective. “Or questions like that, you know. Why hasn’t…” Now she seemed to struggle for a name, “That Master called…erm…the…Kel-Dor one! Yes, him. Master Kian. Whatever…Can I drink some water?”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
It was nice to hear her laugh. There were worse things that could be happening at the moment rather than her laughing at his expense. When she started to speak, he knew from her first sentence she didn't have much experience will love either. At least she had the Jedi excuse. If Lugus tried to pull that same excuse as a flyboy, he assumed most would think he had commitment issues and played women. He would most likely get high-fives from the guys and slapped in the face by girls. The thought of being assumed as such made him a little sick. He put a small smile on his face however smiling a little wider at the light blush that swept her face.

Water? He glanced her over real quick, "Can you drink some water?" He repeated the question as he stood up and raised his eyebrow before heading to his cooler grabbing a bottle of water for her and soda for himself. He came back to her smiling and picking up another air sickness bag before handing it to her with the drink. He opened his own drink as he sat down, "Turn you head when you take a sip. I don't want a repeat of last time." He smiled giving her a wink and taking a short pause.

"You're lucky. I wish I worked with adorable little younglings. I can handle them asking why I don't have a girlfriend. Some of the flyboys I work with are just as immature but no where near as innocent. The younglings' questions would be tame compared to some of the things they ask me. More extreme then even asking me if I've been kissed," he took a gulp of his soda not wanting to get into anything that he got asked every other week. He pointed at her, "Even been kissed? There's no shame if you haven't. Not with me at least. I almost kissed a Selkath once. It was our third date, I leaned in and she shifted left. It was like hitting a oil slick. I hit the side of her face and just slipped off face first into the door frame. Hurt my pride more than anything... I'll tell you one thing. There's a lot I can handle, but I don't much like how people patronize me saying the right girl is out there and that I just have to find her... Well let me tell you that I have found a lot of great women, and I've found a lot of women great. Love goes both ways however, and most see me and look the other way. I'm not bitter about it. That just makes the who and when that much more exciting when I finally get some love back."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus felt at ease with Lugus. He was possibly the only person she’d really chatted with recently that wasn’t a Jedi. It made a refreshing change. And he’d saved her life – which was always a positive.

Corvus sipped the water. She didn’t feel nauseous, just dehydrated. But she duly faced away from Lugus as she drank. And she gave him a small smile to show she knew he was only teasing her. But in truth, if she were sick again, better to do it into the contents of the bag.

Corvus was now calculating if the ‘ever been kissed’ could be passed off as a rhetorical question but as he gave so much of himself, she found it impossible to hold back – just to protect her dignity.

“No shame, that sounds good. And no, I’ve never been kissed. Up until I was about sixteen, the thought never occurred to me. Then some Padawans started acting all weird around me. I have to admit I was oblivious. One minute we were friends and the next they’re exploding a training room because I jilted them. I mean…” she shrugged her shoulders, “How was I supposed to know? I don’t do emotions as a rule. Why can’t a boy just ask outright? Not that I would have said yes, if I’m honest. I can’t manage being a Jedi and a person right now. One day, perhaps but not today. But at least it would have cleared the air right?”

“So I’m the last person to offer advice on relationships. I’ve never had one or had the inkling to have one. I have a best friend that I spend precious little time with and a couple of sisters that are…well, complicated – but I know I don’t do enough for them. But that’s me. That’s who I am. One day, that combination will work out right and dovetail into the right partner. Until that happens, I’m delighted to just be a Jedi.”

“Have I talked for too long?”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
Lugus looked at her a little confused his brow furrowed even, "Jedi aren't people?" He took a pause looking her over admiring her dress again for a second. Who was he looking at Corvus the Jedi or Corvus the Person? He wanted to say the person, but he still had that nagging voice in the back of his mind that thought of her as a being of immense strength and power. Far more power than he had at least.

"Which one are you- No," He shook his head as he spoke. "No. Who told you that you had to split yourself in two? One comes out for work? The other comes for anything else? Just one of you can't cover that? Why do you need both? All you need to be is just... you. One Corvus. And people and Jedi should be happy with that. All of you or none of you. Take it or leave it."

He tapped his finger tips on the side of his can. It wasn't something he did often. Only when he was nervous or got himself worked up. He didn't understand what it was like to be a Jedi and how they worked and lived. He didn't understand the need for separating oneself as such, but he had a similar experience as a child and being bullied so bad he tried to change himself. It wasn't exactly the same, but still the similarities were there.

"No one should feel the need to be two different versions of themselves," Lugus smiled raising his drink slightly. "Here's to you. All of you... Even the part that thinks you talk too much."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus looked at Lugus. “You see, everyone except me can’t understand my dilemma. Corvus the person, Corvus the sister would make one decision. Corvus the Jedi makes a different one. Not always but sometimes. Or at least would if I listened to Corvus the person. I know I’m not making a heck of a load of sense – but it makes sense to me.”

“You see, I can be a Jedi all day long. I have been one for over twenty years. But ask me to operate in a social environment and I feel lost. Maybe I’ve become institutionalised? Is that a word? Probably. Because the truth is, I’m the only one that has an issue with it. Others seem to think it’s quite OK. But it doesn’t quite click for me. Maybe it’s because I’m a natural Empath? I’ve had to shut down emotions since I could use the Force, else they overwhelm me. So operating as a person without them is…difficult to say the least.”

She took a sip of water. “Do I talk too much?”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
Lugus listened instead of interrupting her after the first sentence like he wanted to. He was rather glad he didn't. He was beginning to see her in yet another light. He wondered which one she thought she was right now. If the question was turned on him he would just repeat her name. Despite her insisting there was two he didn't see it that way. He saw or assumed at least what he thought made the dilemma real to her, "You're afraid... I think. You don't want to make a decision that would harm your sisters but you think you might eventually make a decision that will. Seperating the Jedi part of you from the person part is... how you chose to cope with it. Having the two halves will give you someone else to blame so to speak."

"That's just my guess of course," he looked down at his hands pausing then smiled back up at her. "You're doing fine speaking to me right now. Not that I'm anything special but you're showing more emotion than you think. I don't know why you think you talk to much though. You don't so you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. My aunt Bernadine talks way more than you do. She will tell you the same story six times just to ask if you've heard and then tell you a seventh. And she doesn't even have a lovely voice like yours. She sounds like a Gungan with a stick up its nose."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus chuckled. “I don’t literally see myself as two people, just figuratively. And I don’t have voices in my head or anything. I simply find being a Jedi simple and being a person that’s also a Jedi more complicated.” She laughed. “That probably doesn’t sound any more convincing does it?”

“Maybe I think too much? Anyway, tell me about life in the Republic forces. What’s it really like?”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
Lugus grinned then let it fall off his face and shrugged, "Being a pilot is nothing special. Other flyboys and flygirls might dress it up but you want real, yeah? You sit in this cockpit. Shots whizzing by you. Missiles even. It's not for the faint of heart or people who are claustrophobic... I am the most afraid in this galaxy when I'm in that moment. Luckily for the Republic, Unlucky for our enemies, that I get such a rush from flying. The adrenaline... That moment when I shoot someone down, blow up their ship and... I feel good about it in that moment. Yes!" He raised and tightened his fist. "I got 'em! One less enemy... Also one less person in the galaxy. I come home have a drink, cook myself a decent meal, and get a good night's rest just like I worked an average job."

"I can't say I've never cried myself to sleep over it. I haven't recently at least," he smiled at her not ashamed to admit that. "I tell myself it's a necessary evil. My family and friends save me from going crazy and being traumatized. They give me the reason to keep going. Something more to protect... They understand at least. Don't misunderstand, I love being a pilot. If there was anything I was meant to be in this galaxy, it would be a pilot. No doubt about that."

Lugus took a deep breath, "Back to you. I want to understand... What makes being a person and a jedi so complicated?"

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus nodded. She appreciated the sentiments. Working for the greater good – few revelled in killing and the majority, like Lugus, were simply able to switch off at night with the help of friends. He seemed to have the balance right.

“I’m like you in many ways. Most importantly, if I could be anything in the galaxy, it would be a Jedi. No questions asked. But as to your question, in truth it’s hard to answer because I don’t know what’s tough. If I did I could probably fix it.”

She shifted in her seat. “It’s only complicated for me it seems. I can be a Jedi, no problem. Maybe…I don’t know…” She shrugged as if genuinely lost for an answer. “Maybe I think about it too much.”

“Tell me about your friends…”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
His eyes widened as she commanded him about his friends. A harrowed look took his face as he glanced away and glanced back at her, "I told you about my friends a little. The flyboys who ask me the hard questions... Pass." Lugus nodded quickly and grinned. He didn't wish to get into the fact he spent most evenings by himself. His work friends mainly just his friends at work.

"You. You're doing some mind trick. I don't know if it's the jedi mind melt or just a mind trick you women have over men but quit changing the subject." He shook his finger at Corvus and grinned lightly. "Maybe you don't give it enough thought. What separates the two? What makes you a jedi and what makes you a person?"

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus smiled. She didn't have to be a Jedi to know when someone didn't want to continue a conversation down a given path.

"What makes me a Jedi? It's what I've trained to be since I was four. Every day, every waking hour, it's what I do. I'm either training, being trained, learning or on a mission. No days off...ever. What makes me a Jedi? The Code. It's a set of rules and beliefs that I follow to be a good Jedi."

"Then when I'm with my friend Kana, we chat about stuff. Most often Jedi stuff, but...you know, general stuff too. But we tend to chat when we're on Jedi business anyway. And my sister? I'm learning to be a sister to her. Even with her, we tend to talk a lot of Jedi stuff and for fun we explore Jedi ruins. But I don't really know what makes me a person. It's just who I am I guess."

"Am I making sense?"

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
No wonder... Lugus could understand now why she insists the two were separate. From what he could tell, being a Jedi is all she ever knew. It was more than just a job like he had previously thought.

"It makes sense," He reassured her. "Training and the code make you a Jedi."

He didn't laugh or smile. He instead had more of a gentle look on his face as he remained calm and understanding, "You talk a lot. You ramble. You're quirky as hell more so than myself even I think. That's just frightening." He smiled lightly and shook his head. "You're self-conscious and yet you hold yourself with such confidence that most probably only see the latter. You will actually go with my jokes and participate and laugh instead of just staring at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the galaxy. For that, I thank you. You're a rare find just for that. Also you're smart, nice, passionate, dedicated, Uh... You're a friend, a sister, a teacher. You said you taught younglings, right..? Also you got sick on me! But at least you apologized so at least you don't have a stick up your rear. You gave up your robes so that I could wear them so I guess that would go under selfless?"

Lugus paused searching for more but couldn't, "That's what makes you a person. What you've shown me at least. You're sister and friend probably see even more... Also just so you know I took a couple of Psychology courses in University. Just so you know, yes, a guy like me went to University and, no, I didn't drop out." He smiled.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus listened. She genuinely listened. What he said made perfect sense. Perhaps the distinction was only in her head? Maybe her need to close down emotions had made a bigger issue of it than it deserved? Maybe.

"You're great, do you know that? You listen to me, you helped me feel less self-conscious when I threw up on you, you're genuinely funny and I think..I think you need to be a little less self-depreciating. You're worth a lot more than you think - or at least let on. I don't know if it's a screen to protect you or a genuine belief, but you need to begin to accept you're a great person."

"And I didn't go to University and I have no degrees in any subject but I'd like to think I'm a good judge of people. And I never suspected you dropped out for a second. You don't come across as a quitter."

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
You're great, do you know that?

Lugus grinned and chuckled before looking away. Part of him might have even been slightly embarrassed by the statement but he played it off. He focused on the rest of what she had to say instead watching her and taking in every word. He placed his chin in his hand as his elbow rested on his knee. She had a pretty neat theory. He admired that she was trying to help him the same way he was trying to help her. For that a small smile remained on his face.

"Thank you... For caring. When someone I just meet tells me my character flaws, it's a little hard to stomach, but I can tell that you actually care," He sat back up smiling a little wider and giving a wink. "I don't self-depreciate by the way. I'm just humbling myself... Growing up I wasn't the fastest kid or the smartest kid, but I pretended to be. And the more I did, the more I got burnt."

He paused and gave her a quick glance over, "I've learned that there's no shame in be a total lamewad. There's no shame in letting someone else take the glory or be a badass. Mind my language... I'm just Lugus. Porkchop. Porkins. No one special. I'm just good ol' me."

"And trust me, having a piece of paper with my name on it doesn't make me any greater or smarter than you or anyone else either. I just got that so that I might finally get my dad's approval. That's all," He paused again taking a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second before looking at Corvus again. He forced the smile back on his face, "Can we go back to you laughing as I make a complete fool of myself? That's another thing that makes you a person. Your laugh... and your smile."

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
Corvus laughed again – right on cue. “We could go in circles here. And we’re possibly more alike than you know. All I ever wanted to be was a Jedi. Not a great Jedi or even a good one – just the best one I could be. I’m naturally a team player. It’s where I’m comfortable. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Point out what nobody else wants to do, and I do it. Others want to volunteer? Let them, I can sit in the background.”

“But I met a Force ghost, well I’ve met three now, but that’s not important. This one taught me stuff. Jedi Abilities actually – but she taught me a lesson more valuable than any of that. She taught me to be the candle in the dark. To step up and be counted. To assume the leadership role because it was needed. So I did…” She stared off into space. “And look where it got me.”

“You’re a candle Lugus, don’t hide your light away.”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 
"If we're anymore alike than I already know then that would be terrifying. You might actually be able to keep up with my madness," he relaxed again letting his smile become genuine. The more she spoke the more he believed her when she said they were so alike. Still she had something he could never have. A connection to the force. She was a Jedi after all.

"A ghost told you to be a candle," he sounded a bit more skeptical than he really was and brushed off the part about him being a candle and hiding his light. "You're not a candle. Candles are so small. The light flickers when the air changes. Any slight gust and out it goes plus the wax melts and when it hits the end of the wick it burns out. Candles are great don't get me wrong. I love to sniff them but you don't seem to be just a little candle."

"You're more like a lighthouse. A lighthouse is what we should all strive to be. A beacon of hope in a storm. Light to keep you from crashing into the rocks. I like lighthouses. A tall tower that stands strong even when it crash its ship and throw up on the guy that rescues it." Lugus smirked then gave her a thumbs up.

[member="Corvus Raaf"]
 
“Jedi or not, the galaxy needs people like you - not me.” It was a sincere statement. “You see, and all talk of candles and lighthouses aside, I do what I do because I have no choice. I’m a Jedi. It’s what we do. People think we’re heroic but we’re not. It’s like a job really.”

“You, on the other hand, have a choice. You could fly commercial ships or be an engineer or anything you want. In my eyes, that makes you the hero. You don’t have to risk your life every day – you make a conscious decision to do so.”

She shifted in her seat, a smile now playing on her lips. “And what do you mean, you like to sniff candles? And let’s be clear, I didn’t crash it. It crashed all by itself, I was just piloting it at the time.”

[member="Lugus Porkins"]
 

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