The Resu (The First Submission)

[Fatty]

Greetings Chaos!

I'm reaching out to you all because I have been thinking over the past couple of hours of bringing back a character of mine, that belongs to a very particular race that is very close to my heart.

That is, the Resu.

They have gone through significant development over the last two years, but I'm not entirely sure if their submission is even really readable. After all, this was produced by a fourteen/fifteen version of me, and then update approximately a year ago to accommodate new events to the species.

The species was probably pretty confusing to begin with, but has most likely progressed to a point where it comes REALLY CONFUSING.

If would like people to read through it, and brutally critique it. Especially on the organization of information, and particular areas where a lack of sufficient clarity is present, as well as any place that can be simplified or ejected entirely from the submission. I want to clean this up, and dress it up pretty.

Then I'll update it again


(P.S. The title is actually a lie, the Resu are the second submission by 17 minutes, where the first submission was their homeworld, The Realm of Resu.)

 

[Liliane]

Too OP. Please deny it, somebody.

jk.

I think they're an awesome species, but I've never read their submission. I'll do that later and provide some feedback.

 

[Fatty]

Anybody want to reflect on my work here?

 

[Fatty]

I would like some feedback on this please and thank you.

Where can I trim some length?

 

[Fabula Caromed]

First you describe the cultural strengths and weaknesses in a bullet point list, then you describe them again in a long, seven-paragraph section immediately thereafter. I'm not sure if this is entirely necessary.

If you want to trim down the area that the submission takes up but keep the material, you could always make use of spoilers. I use them pretty frequently on character profiles to make the whole thing more compact and readable.

 

[Fatty]

[member="Fabula Caromed"] Yes the bullet points are a bit in excess aren't they? Though I hadn't realized I re-addressed them in the following section. Thank you for pointing that out. Whenever it is that I modify them this month, I'll make sure to take note of these, and act accordingly to your suggestion