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The Only Memories in the Dark

Silfe Sosuri

Character
Character
...flicker... Confusion. Dim light. The stench… oh god, the stench. Cringing. Folding into herself, she closes her eyes against it all for a long time. She had known from the moment she saw his eyes, how much trouble she was in. Trembling fingers reach out, yearning for touch. Numbness throughout her body but not to her finger tips. Touching something not quite cool… A wall? Finally, courage gathered, she opened her dark eyes. What she saw through the transparisteel elicited a primal scream of fear and revulsion. ...flicker...

...flicker... Pain, dull at first but gathering in both sharpness and intensity as the fog lifts a little. Drug addled haze does nothing to clarify her situation. Sitting up for once… Odd sensation. She felt like she had been laying forever. Her eyes are open… Realization hits and panic sets in. WHY CAN’T I SEE?! There is no voice left to scream. It is long gone. ...flicker...

...flicker... His eyes. ...flicker...

...flicker... Pain. A memory of it for hours, days... Months? ...flicker...

...flicker... Panic. I CAN’T SEE! ...flicker...

...flicker... Pain. A shredding of the before. A separation of person and soul. ...flicker...

...flicker... His eyes. Terror as he laughs. ...flicker...

...flicker... Whispering in the distance like a dream. Time is nothing here, only the flickers of person in the sea of pain and nothing. She can see now, but the seeing is nothing… has been nothing and will continue to be nothing. The whispers, they are disembodied.
“Calm… Why is she calm? Shock?”
“No. She would have been in shock long before now. Your daughter is surprisingly resilient. It has been a joy…”

A demand. “Has it worked?”
A pause… “We shall see.” ...flicker...


...flicker... There is a person there, standing flesh and bone, but is she really a person if she has no soul? A question Silfe ponders vaguely as she stands beside her father who dotes on his devoted and loving daughter as they greet a new business partner. This is one of many. The fear is gone. Everything is gone. Her smile is automatic and looks genuine but the person she is isn’t who she is, is it? Are they both her and not her? Does she really remember the other person or is it a figment? The existential question floats in her brain ether, neither in the forefront nor the back of her mind. Perhaps one day it will niggle its way further into her conscious mind. For now, its a question, like so many, floating and useless. ...flicker...

...flicker... A smile, a warm hand, a heartbeat. Could this be happiness or just a facsimile but it seems real? She didn’t know anymore. Her before self is lost, maybe gone. Did she miss it? Did it matter? ...flicker...

...flicker... White shining in the sun coming through the high windows and a proud father. Why is he so happy? She wasn’t really here but she was. More confusion. He pats her arm reassuringly and escorts her through the doors to a gathered crowd. It means nothing to her but it means something to him. Then again, everything meant nothing to her. ...flicker...

...flicker... Darkness in bed. Laying in cool sheets. Is that a face and a smile or is she imagining? She didn’t want to be here but her body remains laying and she feels nothing once more. ...flicker...

...flicker... Her father smiles at her and kisses her brow. She frowns and he notices but she doesn’t. Her frown somehow angers him. She can’t hear his words, but she sees his anger. Something unfamiliar fills her deep inside. She should know it, but she doesn't. The her that is now just doesn't not understand. It bubbles up. Confusion. Familiar eyes, dark and sinister fill her vision and all goes dark. ...flicker...

...flicker... Another time. Another place. Her father is angry again. He yells until he is red in the face. The eyes are not around. The unfamiliar fills her again. She physically steps back, enraging him further. A blow. Stars in her vision, pain, and a CLICK. The unfamiliar becomes familiar. It is deep and visceral fear, a feeling she had known for so long with her father. She stumbles both physically and mentally. Another hand is there, cool this time against the warmth of her skin before the darkness envelops her again. ...flicker...

...flicker... The sun is setting and in this moment in time, Silfe is back to herself. It isn’t complete. She is not whole, but in this moment, the before becomes the now. There were no eyes to witness. No one to fight her. No one to take her from herself. How long would she be herself? Silfe did not know and could not guess, but she began to plan and prepare. Brad! ...flicker...

...flicker... Looking up at the ceiling in the dark. Another precious moment but she can already feel it slipping from her like a shadow in the sunset. More residual pain from her father’s beatings. Every blow mended her mind little by little. Instead of tiny deaths, they were tiny births; drops of ink in water soon to mix and become something else. So completely opposite of what it should do, but it allowed her to think, to plan and to cry for the first time in years. Lady Kay… I am so sorry. ...flicker...

...flicker... It’s been longer in the now. She awoke to herself standing and waiting for her father to land from a trip he just made to a manufacturing plant. There was something inside her that told her she was able to be herself for a while. Seizing a hold of this with all her life, she placidly and lovingly greeted her father and when dismissed, left him hopefully for the final time.

It took so much willpower not to rush as she picked up her bag from her room, finished her plans, and took one of her ships. Her father would be decompressing and likely not come out of his room for several days. His routine would be her saving grace. She just had to hold onto herself for a while longer. Coordinates were set and then the familiar tracks of stars through hyperspace made her finally breathe.

This time, it took several days before she could feel it edging up to her. This time, the darkness was not fought. ...flicker...




Silfe woke from sleep as an alarm went off. She was in Commenori space. She frowned and checked the chronometer and her flight path. Sighing in relief, she realized that the other had not interfered in her plan and she had gone through 10 different systems over several weeks before finally coming home… her real home. She requested permission to land at the nearest port to the Council Chamber and turned on the holo vid news.

It was strange to see that life had moved on while she had been gone. [member="Lady Kay"] was giving a ball. Seemed like only yesterday that Silfe and [member="Bradshaw Ku"] had gone on their first date to a ball. She smiled as she saw Brad’s face on the screen. It had been a shock to find that more than a few years had passed since she had gone missing during one of her diplomatic missions as Minister of Foreign Affairs. No doubt she had long been replaced. Silfe didn’t know what to do about that yet. Her only plan had been escape. Now… that was nearly done. Where would she go from here? The dark haired woman sighed softly not knowing and not even hazarding to guess. She would play it by ear.
 
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