The Next Step (Marcello Matteo)

[Carlo Dellen]

Carlo sat in the younglings training room. He was certainly the oldest there at fourteen years of age. No other masters had worked out, and he had been sent back time and again. He hoped this one would stick. He was told that some knights might come looking for some Padawans today, he didn't remember the names. He heard one youngling mention the name @mention Marcello Matteo. Carlo wasn't sure if he'd heard of him, but than again, he never kept up with a lot of what was going on with the Jedi.

 

[Carlo Dellen]

[member="Marcello Matteo"]

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello actually hadn't been of a mind to take another apprentice. He personally felt that a Master could really only give one student at a time the type of...attention they mostly deserved and needed. However, [member="Ryan Korr"] was well on his way to being ready for the Trials even though he'd been instructing the young man for a brief period of time. Marcello supposed that it helped greatly that he had found Ryan mostly already trained and much more mentally aware of life than so many Padawans amongst the Jedi Order.

Officially, Initiates competed in the Jedi Apprentice Tournament to gain the attention of a Jedi Knight or Master to take them on as an apprentice. Those failing to acquire a master were, eventually, reassigned to the Jedi Service Corps. However, the Order hardly worked as it once did in the past. This was both a positive and a negative reality. With the recent attacks by the Sith, the number of active, healthy Jedi to take on apprentices had dwindled. So...Marcello was doing his part to keep the training of younger Jedi from stagnating.

Entering the room where a number of master-less Initiates had been directed to wait, the large Jedi Master's glacier-blue gaze quickly surveyed the room in the, apparently compromised, facility on Ossus. Marcello had yet to even return to the heart of the Republic to investigate the status of the Jedi Order...nor had he reached out to anyone. It wasn't because he was avoiding anyone...he was merely doing what was necessary, what he was meant to do. Personal pleasures...though the desire for such tugged at his personality with immense strength...would have to wait. "Initiates, who among you is [member="Carlo Dellen"]?"

Dressed in a simple long-sleeved black shirt and khaki pants, Marcello looked much more like a rogue spacer than a Jedi Master. Were it not for the lightsaber dangling from his waist or his efforts in recent endeavors, no doubt he'd be a complete enigma. Perhaps he still was. Just the way Marcello liked it. The limelight suited him ill.

 

[Carlo Dellen]

"That's me sir." Carlo said as he stepped forward, pulling up the sleeves of his white uniform that was just a tad to big. He looked about at the other initiates before putting his arms behind them. He didn't think he'd get picked again. But third times the charm. He looked over the casually dressed jedi. If Carlo hadn't seen the lightsaber and been told he was a master, he wouldn't have stepped out of line, he may have even called the man out as a fake. The man had called him out immediately, it appeared he had chosen Carlo before he came.

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello's glacier-blue eyes surveyed [member="Carlo Dellen"] for several long, silent moments. Eventually he nodded his head succinctly. "Come, Padawan," as official an elevation from Initiate as was in existence given the current state of the Order. Marcello guided his new Padawan through the corridors of the Ossus Temple until they were standing just inside of the exit.

"You have ten minutes." The Jedi Master did not say what the boy had ten minutes to do, but he hoped the young man was perceptive enough to figure it out. Turning, Marcello proceeded outside and towards the idling shuttle. They'd be leaving Ossus in precisely ten minutes. Or at least...Marcello would.

 

[Carlo Dellen]

Carlo quickly ran to where he kept his things, packing only the needed essentials, and quickly ran back to the ship, with a backpack on. He made it just in the nick of time and got onto the ship.
"Made it." He said, then set his things down and caught his breath.

[member="Marcello Matteo"]

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello grasped a handhold above his head as he watched [member="Carlo Dellen"] rush onto the shuttle. Glacier-blue eyes studied the boy in silence for several minutes, his gaze completely impassive. As the assault shuttle's repulsorlift engines roared to life, forcing the vessel into the air, Marcello tightened his grip on the strap over his head ever so slightly. The tightening of the Jedi Master's grip was not in response to the vessel lifting off, but in anticipation of what followed.

Once the sublight drive was activated at full power, the nimble shuttle rocketed off as its horizontal velocity increased exponentially. Still watching the Padawan casually, Marcello eventually spoke over the high-pitched whine of the engines. "Why? Why did you make this committment, to the Jedi, the Order? Do you even know what it means to be a Jedi?" The Jedi Master's tone may have been accusatory, but it held purpose.

 

[Carlo Dellen]

Carlo sat there for a moment, thinking.
"I'm not sure. I think that being a Jedi means to uphold truth and justice in the galaxy, and to protect those who can't protect themselves... I think, in the end I joined because I wanted a family. When the Jedi found me on Mandalore, I was living only with my abusive father, and two brothers who hated me. And when the Jedi came, it was a chance to have a place I would always belong." Carlo knew that it wasn't the most noble reason to join, but it was enough for him.

[member="Marcello Matteo"]

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello's eyes never left Carlo's face as he offered his response. When the boy has finished, the Jedi Master gave no direct reply. In fact, he acted almost as if the Padawan's words had passed through the air with no recognition or understanding.

Turning his head, Marcello reached for a headset connected to the interior communication system on the assault shuttle. "Captain. Let's seal her up. My personal vessel was transferred without incident I presume?"

There was a brief pause before Marcello nodded his head. "Understood, thank your Captain. Get on the horn with the Admiral. Let him know we'll be ready to depart on mission once we clear the medical facility." Removing the headset, Marcello placed back on the cradle as the assault shuttle was sealed for orbital flight.

Taking a seat, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
----

It wasn't until the shuttle had returned to the cruiser it was assigned to that Marcello acknowledged [member="Carlo Dellen"]'s presence once more. As they disembarked from the shuttle, the Jedi Master motioned for his Padawan to follow. Crossing the expansive hangar deck, Marcello finally responded to the boy's comments from roughly an hour earlier. "That's what it says in all the books and holovids, yes. But...do you really know what it means to do those things? The depth of commitment and, very often, sacrifice that is required?"

 

[Carlo Dellen]

Carlo shook his head.
"Can you really know those things without experiencing them first hand, master?" He asked. "I mean, you can read books, and hear all the stories, but that doesn't mean you know it." Carlo said.
"It's like using a sword. I can know about what a sword is used for, but without experience, I can't know what it's like to handle one, and to slip up."

 

[Marcello Matteo]

((OOC: Sorry bro - if you don't tag me it'll take me a while to notice you posted.))

Glancing back at his newest apprentice as they exited the hangar through a set of large cargo doors and emerged into a wide corridor, Marcello nodded his head. "Good. Hold on to that level of perception throughout your life as a Jedi. Also, you are correct. It is impossible to know without real experience, time. In fact, even with time the truth of the matter often remains illusive."

As he fell silent, Marcello stopped and motioned for [member="Carlo Dellen"] to enter a large conference room. Once they were both inside, Marcello depressed a small button on the wall to close the door. The room itself was sparsely decorated containing only a large, black table and several leather chairs. Taking a seat at the end of the table, the Jedi Master settled himself as he motioned for Carlo to do the same. "Tell me more about your family...your father, brother. Describe what it was like growing up with them. How did they make you feel?"

 

[Carlo Dellen]

(So very sorry for the absence, I had film camp, then camping with my family, and I still have another camping trip next week, so my posting won't be as often this month.)
"They hated me. Most of them. My mother and sister liked me, but my mom died when I was four. My father and two brothers used me to train. My father never wanted me, he wanted mother to abort me, but she didn't. So he and my brothers were terrible to me. I hated them. Part of me still does, but I have it under control for the most part." He said.
"So, you're an ace, right?" He asked [member="Marcello Matteo"], hoping to change the subject.

 

[Marcello Matteo]

"I am many things," came the Jedi Master's swift, dispassionate reply. [member="Carlo Dellen"] had not answered Marcello's question to his satisfaction. However, the boy's inclination to change the subject suggested that the emotions he developed during his childhood still affected him. Lingering emotions were fine...if they were controlled. The line between light and dark was so thin it practically did not exist. The secret was in not allowing temptation for the greater power of darker arts to...entice one into becoming an unnecessarily destructive, dangerous force.

"Your reply is inadequate. I understand this may be...uncomfortable, but I assure you that you will endure far greater pain and discomfort whilst you remain in my charge. Now then... Give me details, how did it feel when your father and brothers ostracized you? What did the revelation of your father wanting you and only you aborted do to you mentally? Matter of fact...are you even his child?" The large Jedi Master lofted a curious brow. "You have the look of a bastard about you."

 

[Carlo Dellen]

Carlo breathed in and out, then began.
"They made me feel unwanted, like an outcast. I started to resent my brothers, wishing I had a father who loved me, and was proud of me. By the time I found out my father wanted to abort me, he'd already been so abusive that it made little difference. I just learned to bury my emotions, because no one cared. And as much as it pains me to think so, I am my father's son. If I wasn't, there's no way I would have been allowed to live, my mother might have died earlier. He was very picky about those things." Carlo took in a breath after telling [member="Marcello Matteo"] these things. He hoped that was all about his past he needed to tell.

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello arched a curious eyebrow. What [member="Carlo Dellen"] did not realize was that, even if this particular conversation ended, the larger inquisition into his background would not end until it no longer bothered him. When it was no longer an uncomfortable topic, then it would cease to be a vulnerability, a potential weakness. Emotions were fine...as long as they remained controlled. Otherwise...they were inevitably a liability. Funny thing...it took greater control to be a Jedi than a Sith. The light side, standing for what was right...that was hard. Doing as you pleased when you pleased was easy. Perhaps that was why it took in so many. The ease of the dark side appealed to their weakness in spirit.

"Your father's son? So you are abusive and unfeeling? I bet your father beat your mother just as much, if not more, than he beat you just for bringing you into this world. Did you ever witness this? Is that what you are destined to become?"

Everyone had a breaking point. Marcello always found it.

 

[Carlo Dellen]

(Sorry it took me so long, went on vacation, than came back and my internet was busted.)

"I'm not like my father, mostly. I have his anger, that's all. I never saw him beat my mother, at least I don't remember seeing it. And if I knew that was what I'd become I'd end my life here and now. But I hope and pray that isn't the case, and will do everything I can to make sure I don't become that." He replied. He lay his head back on his seat, hoping the conversation was over.

[member="Marcello Matteo"]

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello arched a curious brow as [member="Carlo Dellen"] offered his retort. While the Jedi Master was moderately curious at the boy's rather uncanny ability to display no emotion, he wasn't sure it was actually a good thing. "I would say having your father's anger pretty much...makes you just like him. It's that anger that prompted your father to do the things he did, made him the way he was."

Keeping his gaze focused in the boy, Marcello continued to twist the knife. "Which means you are destined to repeat everything. If...you do not learn control. This would be essential, by the way, even if you were studying to become a Sith. Although...they exercise their control differently. Do you still get angry when thinking of your past? I ask because you seem to be rather emotionally numb, discussing atrocities rather dispassionately."

 

[Carlo Dellen]

"Emotions aren't my strong suit. After all that, you learn to hide what your feeling. Not give any sign." He said.
"Its something I haven't let go of." He had never imagined his training like this. He had thought it would be more missions and action. He guessed he was wrong.
[member="Marcello Matteo"]

 

[Marcello Matteo]

Marcello nodded his head succintly but without approval. "And that..." The Jedi Master emphasized his point by pointing a menacing finger at [member="Carlo Dellen"]. "...will be the reality that leads to your failure. This is no mere job you have accepted, Padawan. This lifestyle, this committment comes with many costs. You will be challenged in many ways, but your greatest challenge will be reconciling your emotions with regard to your ability to perform the many duties that will be asked of."

Lowering his hand, Marcello exhaled softly. "It's not the directives or opinions of myself or the Council you need be concerned with. It is the innocent lives you will fail, destroy through your own inequities."

Coming to his feet, Marcello began making his way towards the room's exit. Prior to crossing the threshold, Marcello paused and added a brief comment. "You need not let go of your emotions, merely accept them. They can be a part of you, but you must not let them define you. Meditate on this. We will speak again in a few hours."

With that, Marcello was gone from the room.