T h e D e s e r t R o s e
Location: The Jedi Temple
Tags: Jax Thio
The room was silent and dark, the only sound emanating from within it would be the soft hum from central air system, giving a white noise within the background. Lying in bed, Anneliese's form lay sprawled out within the sheets, a small whimper escaping her parted lips, her dreams had dark for some time - disturbed, and a weight lie upon her very soul. Her body jerked, sweat beading across her forehead.
The sounds of screams of the many people falling in battle heard, and the smell of sabers burning flesh overwhelmed her senses, years of “no” and constant severed connections -- ever since Tython, ever since Jax had left, life had not been the same - curve ball, after curve ball Anneliese endured, struggling to keep her head above the raging sea. Jolting upwards, a silent scream trying to escape from her mouth, Anneliese sat upwards in bed breathing rather roughly as she began to cry silently, soft sobs heard as her hands came to her chest, the young woman rolling over into a curled up fetal position as she hugged herself. What no one saw, what no one took the time to notice or care to ask — was the wound that festered and left a hollow hole in her heart. Where joy had once been, bitterness had taken root and grown. Where hope once lay, despair pressed down and stole her breath. Today would be especially hard, today she was reuniting with her former Master, today she was getting to see Jax, she wasn’t totally sure she wanted to, but the Masters of the Order had given explicit instruction for her to attend… there was no getting out of it.
Willing herself, forcing herself — Anne managed to summon the strength necessary to get off the bed and to push past the shame, anger, and sadness that already threatened to overwhelm her and shut her down. Moving over to the sonic-showers Anneliese began her usual morning routine. It didn’t matter today what she did, her mind wouldn’t, no, couldn’t focus… all she thought about was what would Jax say to her, what would the Masters have told him about her, let alone what would they talk about since his disappearance… but the question that loomed the most in her mind was — did he even ask about her? The last time they had spoken, it wasn’t what she called good, and regret had been a constant companion of hers because of that, because that was the last time she saw him.
Walking out of her room, Anneliese quietly made her way down the halls and out to the gardens. Walking towards the middle, and out onto a round rock with sand surrounding her, she sat, crossing her legs and awaited. Her hands fidgeted nervously together as her light jade eyes scanned the gardens. “ Breathe Anne, he’s not your Master anymore, you’re not the same helpless Padawan. He left you, not the other way around. Anger should be the leading emotion, not balling like a baby…” Tears brimmed in her eyes, stinging like a thousand angry ants. Anneliese had been powerless to all — had she pushed him away? Did he give up on her? Was it her fault? Guilt often meant you did wrong as a person, this was not her companion but rather shame, she was a bad Padawan, this had been the voice that spoke to her, and more often than not, she believed it. Bowing her head slightly a small sniffle escaped from her as her lips quivered… she just wanted today to be over, she just wanted to crawl back into bed and simply disappear.
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