Private The Healing Process

[Aaran Tafo]

The frustrating thing about healing was that it took time. And the annoying thing about time was its ability to stretch on endlessly when you wanted it to come faster, only to turn around and run towards you at a breakneck pace when you wanted it to stay where it was. Healing of the body could be messed with, that was what medicine was for, to reduce the time needed.

The Spirit and Mind were a different matter. A combination of time, recuperation and the proper treatment was sorely needed. But a great deal of the recovery also came from the patient. They had to be willing to allow themselves to heal. Especially when it was a Force Sensitive, as pain and anger were more addictive than many could scarcely imagine.

Yet, according to what Amani had told him, one Thalia Senn was showing the fortitude needed to kick the habit. She had always been a passionate young woman, and Aaran had some concerns that such passion could lead her down a dark path. And much to his chagrin, he was proven right. For a time she did lose herself, did horrible things, gave into her more base instincts.

But. Here she was again, trying to do better, trying to heal. And such strength was admirable.

The actual time of meeting was a measured decision, while still technically a prisoner, Thalia was permitted to physical therapy, that included access to a Gym and exercise equipment on The Prosperity, all while under the careful observation of a Page Droid. While improvements have been shown, she wasn't given the run of the place yet.

It was near the end of her allotted time that he made his appearance. There was no hiss of the door opening, no sign of entrance. Just one moment there was nothing, the next Aaran was sitting on one of the benches on the opposite side of the room. Not saying anything, not announcing his presence until he was certain that Thalia had noticed him.

He wasn't quite sure what exactly to say. A simple apology would hardly cut it. But he needed to say something, least the knot in his stomach grow so tight he'd implode.

"I'm glad to see your recovery is going well."

It was something at least.

Thalia Senn

 

[Thalia Senn]

THE PROSPERITY
Medical Wing - Physical Rehab Center
​

She didn't know how long she'd been on the Prosperity locked up. She didn't doubt she would be here the rest of her life, a mistake that the Jedi were too vulnerable to let see the light of day. She'd heard some Jedi, the ones she considered friends somehow, say that if Auteme actually became chancellor like she was trying to do that maybe the Council could get her to offer a pardon. She didn't hold on to such hopes and she didn't want to. She'd done what she'd done. If she had to spend a lifetime repenting then it was what she would do.

She'd made the best use of her time here though. Despite not being allowed to use the Force she still did occasionally get to touch it when her collar wasn't on or in range of a Page droid. Times like when she was showering or talking with Amani Serys , though that was their secret. She was not only getting physically stronger, she cut an imposing figure now despite her height, she was also growing stronger in the Force. At least in raw power. She could feel herself in those brief moments and it exhilarated her. Only the knowledge that she'd never be able to use it dampened her mood.

With a grunt of effort she pushed and set the barbell on the rack and sat up from her bench. Her hair was drenched in sweat from the effort. It was longer now, more like it was before she'd left with the Maw all several years back. She'd even managed to put together a crude padawan braid. She sighed, patting her face with the towel waiting for her on the floor. She jumped when she heard a familiar voice and turned to look for who it could have been.

"Master Tafo!" She sat up straighter by instinct and began to stammer. "What are you doing here?"

Why is he wasting his time speaking to a failure like you?

​

 

[Aaran Tafo]

"To do what I should have done a while ago." He said, tone grave as he stood up from the bench. Making the way to cross the intervening distance. Both of them were of Pamarthen descent, both bred from farming stock, and while Thalia was reaching adulthood and growing into her full height, the older Jedi still towered over her. A stoic mountain of meat and muscle, a face so still and serene it may as well have been carved from stone.

"To give you something that you deserve." He rumbled, inhaling deeply, before exhaling slowly, as if whatever was he was going to do had been weighing deeply upon him for some time.

His waist then bent as he bowed deeply before Thalia.

"Thalia Senn, I am truly and deeply sorry."

How else was he to feel? He had left her alone, putting faith in a system to keep an eye on her instead of taking responsibility himself. Deciding that simply because he was too attached, because he had developed a fondness for his fellow Pamarthen that he should in fact avoid being her master, taking her under his wing. As such attachment would cloud his judgement and prevent him from being an effective teacher, he would lack the impartial nature needed to handle her and help her grow.

It seems he was wrong. And perhaps if he was around, if he did decide to formally mentor her, things could have ended up differently and she could have avoided so much pain.

"I've been a poor teacher, a poor guardian and a poor friend to you." He finished, before standing up fully again and taking a step back. "If you wish to not see me again, simply say the word and I shall leave you be. I simply wished to apologise and check up on you." She deserved that much and quite a bit more. He figured forgiveness right now was unlikely. While the Jedi strove to avoid anger, to feel upset about some things was to be human. No one was perfect, emotions were part of life. It was how one dealt with them. That was what mattered in the end.

So he simply stood there and waited for a response.

Thalia Senn

 

[Thalia Senn]

Aaran Tafo
THE PROSPERITY
Medical Wing - Physical Rehab Center
​

He abandoned you. Just like the rest.

Anger bubbled up from deep in her stomach, hot like the fires of Mustafar. Where did he get off?

"You don't get to apologize," hissed through clenched teeth. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the murderer." It was hard to say those words, even harder to him. He'd promised her mother and father. Promised. Now the memory of both of them, missing, her father at least without an arm and her home destroyed. All because of her. Amani tried to get her to stop blaming herself, but if she didn't then who would?

Part of her though, the part that whispered to her in the night, that told her to just lock herself in an airlock and vent, the part of her that yearned to join Darth Solipsis in the maelstrom of the Chaos, said it was his fault. Not him specifically, but all of the Masters that had failed her. And right now, that voice was winning, even if fake words came spilling out of her mouth.