Private The Ghost of Lifeday's Past

[Jax Thio]

Location: Solleu River, Naboo
Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Prosthetic Arm, Jax's Third Lightsaber, Marriage Ring to Jairdain
Tag: Caltin Vanagor

Jax Thio stood near the edge of the river.

He felt the cool breeze bristle against his dark skin the gentle rhythm of the water flowing downstream put him in a sense of ease. The night was always a great place where Jax can clear his mind and focus. Yet there was still doubt that lingered inside of Jax eating away at his fractured heart. Jair was still out there holding her own against Carnifex and all the Jedi Master could do was to stand near the river and contemplate what he was going to do. "Frack," Jax kicked a pebble that was in front of him. It went flying for a few moments before plopping in the middle of the water.

"Jair......" Jax muttered. "I don't know what to do. I don't know where you are or if our son is safe. It's just that..... every time I face my father I always lose. I lost my connection to the Force, your daughter was nearly killed when I faced him again and now...... Carnifex took you."

He fell on his knee staring down at the river, he could see his worried expression on the reflection. "I feel lost......" Jax said tears stinging from his eyes. "Damn it Jair your children hate me for failing to protect you. I don't even know if the High Republic will even assist me. I'm alone......"

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

FAMILY DRAMA
HE’S ON NABOO
I’M ON WHEREVER

The funny thing about the Force is, it has a sense of humor, and a sense of timing. No sooner did Jax admit to “feeling lost” than he would feel a shift. Nothing grand, nothing magnificent, just “there”, and “different”. When he would turn around, Jax would feel it, he would know that someone was there with him. Someone that would not be expected, maybe not even known anymore to many, but to him. A relative. No, not Carnifex. Not even his daughter Jayna.

Vanagor. (Not Connel, either.)

There he was, Caltin Vanagor, or at least his ghost, One with the Force. Happier, less scarring, less weariness, he was there.

Why’re you looking at me like that? What am I? A ghost? Almost immediately, his trademark “grumpus” morphed into a hearty belly laugh, the big ghost even slapped his knee, or at least looked like he did. Making a quip that called to the very first time the two had met. Oh man… oooh that was funny… I have been waiting years to say that.

What hits about this, is that if it were not for that “shimmer” or the tiny “echo” in his voice. Would he be gone?

Then he looked around momentarily, and seemed almost surprised to see where they were. He was not Connel, he did not have discomfort being on Naboo(if you know, you know), but Jax did not seem to be the type, and frankly when you are one with the Force you are really “everywhere” and “nowhere” at the same time. Now get up and tell me why you think I had to be here.

Hands on his hips, back came the “Caltin” that the galaxy once knew. Your kids don’t hate you. He let the words hang for a moment. They’re scared. There’s a difference. You used to know that.

Yeah, I know, you are worried for Jairdain, she may not be the fighter you or I are, but she’s a lot more capable than either of us. Don’t forget, I’ve known her longer than you have.

Then he waited for Jax to stand before asking him the real question. What makes you so certain that you’re alone? He was going somewhere with this, and if Jax was aware enough, he would know where, or more appropriately, who.

TAGS • Jax Thio
[Text in Brackets is spoken on Comm-link] ~Like this is through the Force~​

 

[Jax Thio]

Location: Solleu River, Naboo
Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Prosthetic Arm, Jax's Third Lightsaber, Marriage Ring to Jairdain
Tag: Caltin Vanagor


Jax sensed something in the Force. It wasn't a tremor, his body didn't grow weak, it was something comforting, familiar. It felt as if Jax was in the presence of an old friend...... no an old family member. "Gramps?" Jax slowly craned his head the first thing he saw was Caltin's barrel sized chest. Caltin was always tall, towering over Jax but he was a giant compared to him.

"I see that death gave you a sense of humor," the Jedi master raked his eyes which were brimming with tears. A mix of despair for his wife and happiness that Caltin was one with the Force. The scars were gone and he looked to be at peace after years of enduring constant war.

"So Dreidi Xeraic doesn't hate me?" Jax gave a small chuckle at Caltin's statement. "You saw her threatening to kill me. She thinks that I was nothing more than a blight on Jair and her family." He looked down on the ground. "She's probably right."

He looked up at Caltin nodding at what he said to Jair. " Jairdain Ismet-Thio is the strongest person I know." Jax said. "And she never wielded her Lightsaber."

Caltin cut straight to the point, Jax wasn't alone. The Jedi Master didn't know how to feel about it. The odds he was facing were insurmountable. "I'm not alone," Jax said. "But I feel that I'm alone there's a difference. The High Republic and the Jedi have a lot on their plate. I don't think they'll waste resources on me. Especially since I never ingratiated with them."

Being a Maverick had its downsides. By being a rebel, Jax had a hard time gathering people to his side. It hurt him when he was with the Alliance especially when Carnifex was trying to control him. Fearful that the Jedi who most did not know Jax would be distrustful of him, he self-exiled and he grew more isolated as a result.

"I still have my connection with Jair," Jax said. "And I have you Gramps. But to take on Carnifex again..... there's something I'm missing. I don't know what."

Jax gave a deep sigh. "I don't know why you came," he said. "My mind is muddled with so much right now."

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

FAMILY DRAMA
HE’S ON NABOO
I’M ON WHEREVER

One of the biggest assets you gain as a Jedi Master is wisdom. Not to say you should be some long-beard old man smoking a pipe and talking about “back in my day” but that is really what it is. Your best physical days may be behind you in some respects, but that knowledge, that memory is an asset to pass on to the next generation.

… unfortunately Jax is not at that point yet.

The old Caltin would have gone on about him “whining” and crooning for attention, to be led by the hand and bailed out. Now? No. This was different.

I see what you’re saying about Dreidi… man, not putting myself in her position… Some guy is marrying my mom… replacing my dad… and getting her captured by the “big bad”. Facetious eloquence, that was Caltin, in life and in death. Shaking his head and looking up at the stars with what would have been a sigh. Did I ever tell you about my parents?

Caltin did not really wait for an answer. He went on to tell about how he was taken to the Jedi Order as a youngling, as was the procedure then. Caltin went on about how he had the chance few younglings ever do, the chance to spend a day with his parents, owners of a huge shipping/mercantile company based out of Naboo. Caltin told him how they were arrested by Coruscant Guard, on charges of treason, sedition, and several others. They were cuffed in front of him, almost violently.

I wanted to take my little training saber and kill every one of those Guard members. My dad saw it, begged them to let him talk to me for a moment and gave me the words I learned to live by. “Always do the right thing”.

He went on to tell Jax how he had heard that his parents were indeed innocent of the charges, because they were trumped up by some ambitious junior Senator out of Naboo. They ended up dying on Belsavis, or said to be. He met the actual captain of the Guard years later who had done some of his own research and found that they were indeed still alive, but slaves to a crimelord on of all places Tatooine.

They tried to stop me… only he did. He told how he ran roughshod over the coordinates, he would have scared the Dark Lord of the Sith himself that day with his actions. He found his mother and father alive, but in some kind of technologically vegetative state(think Borg, in a sense). If the receiver implanted in the base of their skull was removed, they would regain full consciousness, but at the cost of their life.

I had that Hutt in a vice in one hand and released my dad in another, he looked at me. Smiled, hugged me, told me how proud he was, and asked if I was keeping my promise… I let the Hutt go at that point. I was ashamed. He said that “doing the right thing” isn’t every second of every day. It’s when you have a chance to do something that another “deserves” and don’t.

Hands on his hips, a little more somber in his tone, he eyed Jax who was just a fidgety mess. My point is, she’s mad at you, and she has a right to be. He let the words hang for a moment. She’s thinking about her mother right now, not you. Did you expect her to want to take you to go get a caf or something? Then he scrunched his nose as if wanting something. … hmmm I could use a caf right now…

Back to the business at hand. Stop acting like a youngling who got caught with his hand in Master Yoda’s cookie jar. You’re better than this.A LOT better, but your biggest issue… is there is too much “me” in you and for that… I am truly sorry.

Again, the “old” Caltin would have been harsh, and maybe he wanted to right now, but it would not help things. I always had trouble letting people get close because of things like this possibly happening. Doesn’t stop them from happening, you’re just the same, so is Connel, so is Michael. Jairdain can’t hold it forever, but she is going to need Jax Thio. The Jax who is not afraid to put his life on the line to stand for another. The Jax who was not to protect the entire Jedi Order because of something his “father” might potentially do. Not whoever is standing in front of me. You’re not alone he let the words hang for a moment. You’ve never been alone… but just like a Vanagor… you’re too stubborn to look around and see it.

You might get punched in the nose, you might get chewed out, but you have help…

The Force shifted. Not outward… inward.

And then—Connel.

Starting with this Rancor… Another moment went by and then, As for “missing something”, Yeah. You are.

He flourished his eyes around the area. It’s not the Force. Letting a pause out a moment. It’s conviction.

TAGS • Jax Thio
[Text in Brackets is spoken on Comm-link] ~Like this is through the Force~​

 

[Jax Thio]

Location: Solleu River, Naboo
Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Prosthetic Arm, Jax's Third Lightsaber, Marriage Ring to Jairdain
Tag: Caltin Vanagor

Jax remained silent listening to Caltin speak. He wasn't his usual blunt self but sounded soft spoken and even gave some perspective regarding Dreidi's situation. He nodded slowly understanding why Dreidi reacted the way she did. Of course, she wasn't going to take it well for her heavily pregnant mother. Jax and Dreidi shared a complicated relationship, Jair had disappeared from her life ever since Yuroic died. She comes back with Jax as her new lover. Dreidi never took it well even when Jax tried to connect with her. The truth of the matter was that Jax was afraid of rocking the boat, ashamed over thought that he was not better than Yuroic and felt unworthy to be with Jair due to that.

"I understand," Jax said. "I was so dead set on trying to correct a problem that I never considered Dreidi's feelings. She was angry at me for using the Dark Side, afraid for her mother. I was just wrapped up on myself that I didn't empathize with her situation."

He closed his eyes. "I always thought that being a Jedi." Jax began. "Meant that you had to put yourself over others. But I never thought that it would hurt the people I love. Jair warned me about this...... I didn't understand what she meant until now."

Jax continued to listen a solemn expression was etched on his face when Caltin mentioned that there was too much of himself and not apologizing to Dreidi. "Conviction....." Jax said. "What does that mean? That I lack aggression? Decisiveness?"

For a moment, Jax was less of a Master and more of a Padawan and that was a real humbling experience for him.

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

FAMILY DRAMA
HE’S ON NABOO
I’M ON WHEREVER

Okay, he was in a spiral, but at least that look on his face was able to pull him out of it before the crash. This is good. Of course, he had to ask about “conviction”. Caltin instinctively wanted to ask who his Master was, but that would not help the situation.

Right now you are asking yourself the wrong questions: “What if I fail?”
“What if no one helps?” “What if I’m not enough?” That’s survival thinking. He let those words hang for a moment, not to insult the man but to show their weight. The conviction you are lacking right now is: “She’s out there.”
“She needs me.” “So I move.” it’s “I don’t know how this ends… but I know what I’m going to do anyway…and if the galaxy has a problem with that, it knows where to find me.”

Stepping back, in a manner that Jax would recognize, there was a new look in his eyes. One of better understanding, the kind of someone who has moved on from all of this would have. Sure, this was Caltin, the same Jedi who would be grabbing his lightsaber and saying “let’s go”, but he also is one who cannot do that anymore and knows his role has changed.

In our case, conviction isn’t about being sure, it’s about no longer debating what will happen to you, but deciding on what will happen because of you. That’s the part of you you keep burying under doubt. A slight sigh, not out of exasperation, but thought collection.

I get it, this is daunting. This whole thing could break you, it could break anyone, including me… you have the luxury of thinking about that right now. Jair doesn’t. If he could touch Jax right now, his hand would be on his shoulder, right now, it just looks like it does.

You’re not missing anything. He let another momentary pause pass. You’re just not using what you already have. That wasn’t an ego booster, Caltin never gave those. However if Jax was a “Vanagor” he would have the will to do this on his own, regardless of the personal circumstances, he just needed to understand that. Ask for all the help you can get, I would, but if you have to? Well… let them see just who you REALLY are.

Then he smirked Before you ask. If you think I wasn’t afraid? He let out a faint scoff. Every time it mattered. Then that eyebrow he was known for. I just stopped letting it have a vote.

TAGS • Jax Thio
[Text in Brackets is spoken on Comm-link] ~Like this is through the Force~​

 

[Jax Thio]

Location: Solleu River, Naboo
Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Prosthetic Arm, Jax's Third Lightsaber, Marriage Ring to Jairdain
Tag: Caltin Vanagor


"Yeah....." Jax gave a deep sigh. "Jair and I are..... connected. I can sense her. The visions I've been getting about her are faint and vague, but she is alive doing her best to fight off Carnifex."

Jair was always strong. Always willing to stand up for what was right. Though she and Jax did not always see eye to eye on how to approach conflict, Jax knew that Jair will always fight on the side of light. "She's doing what she can to stop Carnifex from taking our son away."

The Jedi Master looked up. "And I can't just stand around moping." He said. "I need to take action. You're right Caltin, fear is natural, but I can't let it take over me."

The odds were against Jax once again, but he needed to make amends with Dreidi. He needed to go to the Jedi Council and ask or assistance. As much of an unknown Jax is, he knew that there were some Jedi Knight willing to help. Especially when it came to Carnifex. "I just don't know the path ahead." Jax said. "It's just filled with so much uncertainty."

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

FAMILY DRAMA
HE’S ON NABOO
I’M ON WHEREVER

Jax always needed it laid out. Clean. Direct. No room to hide in the margins. This was a blessing for Caltin that he was able to see a lot more than he let on. Of course doing so would destroy the Maverick, maybe not in the way someone witnessing this conversation would think, but it would take away his choices.

Now is not the time to simply say “Get it together”... that would solve nothing.

If you are so fixated on “uncertainty” then flip it. Use it to your advantage. You know why? When nothing is for sure, then everything is possible. He let those words hang for a moment. Make things right with Dreidi by bringing her mother home. Anything else… is just words.

A faint smirk tugged at his expression.

And trust me… now is not the time to try your luck explaining yourself.

He stifled a laugh, then waved his hand as if to legitimately apologize. It was a pretty tasteless joke.

In all seriousness. You have the power, you have the ability, Caltin was trying to tap the man’s chest, but his ethereal form was only phasing through Thio’s body. What you’re missing… is the will to keep moving when it hurts.

You feel her, right? Then stop treating that like something to worry about… and start treating it like proof. Jax was still making this about him, and not about those who need him, it’s okay, and understandable, now it was just a matter of getting around that. He took a step closer. She’s alive. She’s fighting. Give her a reason to keep winning.

THEN you go to the Council. A small shake of his head. But not like this. He put his hands back on his hips. If you walk in there uncertain… they won’t see a Jedi. They’ll see a risk.

A shrug emphasized his point. Caltin did not like saying that, he was not trying to insult anyone but after his time spent both in and out of Council rooms, he understood the dynamic. This isn’t about how you feel.
A pause.

It’s about what happens if you don’t act.

Then he smirked A small smirk returned. If you’re looking to beg someone right now… go find Connel. A smirk turned into a wry smile.He’s a lot less patient than I am.

Another attempt at humor that Connel might punch him.

Getting serious as he looked off in the distance. You don’t need another answer. Then back at Jax. You need to move.

TAGS • Jax Thio
[Text in Brackets is spoken on Comm-link] ~Like this is through the Force~​

 

[Jax Thio]

Location: Solleu River, Naboo
Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Prosthetic Arm, Jax's Third Lightsaber, Marriage Ring to Jairdain
Tag: Caltin Vanagor

Need to move...... Jax lingered on those words. They reminded him of what Master Oda said to Jax when he first trained under him. "The Force never stops moving It's like water, it always flows. There will be currents or roadblocks but the Force will keep moving. It always finds a way."

"I need to act," Jax repeated Caltin's words. "Jair needs me and I can't stand here making this about myself."

Jax stood a little straighter. He was always a man who focused on the here and now. He always lectured to his Padawans and his family to trust in the Living Force. That's what needed to do now. "I need to go back to basics," Jax said. "And rely on instinct."

He smiled. "Thanks, Caltin," Jax said. "I need to be true to myself. No more hesitation."