Private The Capophony of Silence

[Ara Sheridan]

DANTOOINE | JEDI TEMPLE
TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

---

THEME​

The ship rattled and sputtered, but it kept its course as it zoomed towards the Outer Rim as quickly as its battered engines would allow. For months the fight for survival dragged on. Months of fighting, killing, running and all manner of unforgivable acts in an effort to escape the slaughter. She hadn't slept in days, too scared to close her eyes or even blink.

The collapse of the Alliance created a vacuum in the Core that had all manner of superpowers rushing and fighting to claim ownership, but one finally came out on top and brought with it a bloody wave of devastation and and pain. She was still operating in Underworld when they came, still doing her part to try and help the little guys like she had done for the better part of a decade.

They nearly got her.

First it was the bounty hunters that came after her. Then the community she was helping turned on her and finally crimson blades and kill squads tracked her down. Kayl bought her time, she lost contact with him in less than a week. From there she hid, bribed, cleaved and ran, hoping that getting off Coruscant would save her.

They tracked her down.

It didn't matter where she landed. It didn't matter where she ran to, they kept finding her and bleeding her like a pack of mongrels. Her old contacts were a lost cause. Some of them simply kept hailing, others immediately failed to make a call... but some answered. She fell for it more than once, thinking that some of the Jedi or old contacts were still out there. They nearly got her. In the end, they were all either dead, captured or turned by the enemy.

All except one.

It came to her in a brief moment of clarity. A memory of an old friend that was on the other side of the galaxy when the Alliance collapsed.

Her instincts screamed at her that it was another trap, that they found her again and this would be the last stop. But a faint glimmer sang to her through the Force. In the muddy darkness and paranoia, the faintest call through the Force told her that this was the right move.

The rickety freighter dropped out of hyperspace and entered the atmosphere, losing parts and struggling to stay together as it closed in on the temple... it managed to land unscathed, though its flying days were likely over. It wasn't hers to begin with, though the previous owner wasn't around anymore to complain. The boarding ramp pretty much fell down and the pilot disembarked.

She didn't look like herself at all. Wounds, old and new, littered her body. Some had bacta patches to cover them, the less crucial ones were simply wrapped with bloodied bandages or scraps of cloth. Her clothes were ragged and dirty, courtesy of more than one dumpster dive she had to do to survive. Her hair looked like hastily cut grass, still bearing the harsh discoloration from an attempt to dye it along with the horrid haircut. Empty eyes stared ahead, glassed over and a shaky hand gripped a blaster pistol while the other disappeared behind her back to grip at her lightsaber.

Like a feral animal, she carefully stepped out of her ship and prepared for the fight of her life.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

Jasper made it to Dantooine fast. He couldn't provide the location of Refuge on such short notice, knowing it wasn't safe to navigate. That was going to be the next best place. He hadn't heard from Ara in ages, but she sounded like she had been through hell. Not many Jedi had made it out of the Core, he had only met up with a handful from their generation that had made it. In an instant that was his priority, ensuring that she was okay. Her ship came down near the temple in a rough state, and he watched as she clambered off her vessel in a way he had never quite seen his friend before.

Afraid.

The Jedi Master would put himself in her line of sight first and approached in a way she would see, to not startle her any more. He would waste very little time giving her a hug, offering a firm pat on the back.

"Alright, take a breath," he coached in a gentle tone. "Lean on my shoulder. I'm gonna walk you inside, tell me what injuries you need patched up."

He owed her one in any case.

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Wide, green eyes darted around the hangar, scanning Jasper and the workers gathered around for anything amiss. Like a coil released, her lightsaber burst to life and the unstable blade levelled at Jasper to bathe them both in a green hue. "Get back! Karkin' get back!" She barked, her voice hoarse and cracking.

Her blaster trained on a nearby worker around her flank without taking her eyes off Jasper. Her mind spiralled around the weight of it all, she refused to believe that it was over. She scanned her surroundings and reached out through the Force for any warnings, but none were to be found. Instead, everything felt serene around her. A peace surrounded them with enough presence to make her nauseous for even standing in the midst of it all. The only strange feeling she could find was the concern Jasper and everyone else had for her, an alien feeling after everything that happened. After moments of tense deliberation, the blade extinguished and Ara practically hurled herself into his arms.

Her legs gave out and her weak body struggled to hold onto him, but she clung for dear life as tears streamed down her face. "Jas... is it over?" She croaked, stifling a sob. She still clung to her lightsaber as she let him walk her deeper into the unfamiliar temple. He asked about her injuries and Ara idly looked herself over. "I'm... I..." Her gaze shifted up to Jasper's with wordless confusion. She didn't even think of her injuries, didn't even feel how her body hurt and burned. How much she reeked in comparison to him and the clean halls around them. She held onto him with one arm and the other held her lightsaber tightly against her chest.

"I want a shower." She muttered, unable to look up. She felt shorter than usual next to him.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

"Jas... is it over?"

"Yeah... and you did everything you could," he assured. "It's time to rest for a while, okay?"

Jasper didn't pay much mind to the now extinguished lightsaber she still clutched. He instead focused on getting her back to a familiar place. The Lonestar-1 was already an old vessel when she first came to visit him sick as a padawan. Now it was worn down even more so, but still clearly cared for. The Jedi Master would guide his friend in and direct her to the bathroom when she requested a shower.

"Should still be plenty of hot water," he relayed. "I'll grab you some fresh clothes and slide them under for you. Bacta patches are in the cabinet above the sink... use them if you need to."

He wasn't sure exactly what had happened in the Core, but he knew that Prosperity was lost. Jasper couldn't be in two places at once, and he was tied up in evacuating Sacorria at the time. Everything that he seemed to learn about the event, however, made it clear that it had been a bloodbath. This was just the final piece to put all of that into perspective. Maybe they should have burned down more on Dromund Kaas...

But the past was behind them now. Regrets didn't change the present. He needed to stay in the moment.

"You... need anything else?"

 

[Ara Sheridan]

The moment she noticed the familiar freighter ahead of them, a wave of relief washed over Ara. She could finally tell herself that it was okay, that she was safe. He wouldn't have kept the aging ship if it wasn't legit. Jasper's voice and presence helped her to ease up and let her guard down. He ushered her into the refresher and gave some comforting words before she closed the door.

The spray of the water made her flinch, the stench that clung to her and her clothing filled the room with enough force to upset her stomach. She sat on the shower floor and hugged her legs to her chest, letting the warm water flow over her. In the privacy of the shower, in the secrecy of the water over her face, she could finally let her walls down. Muffled sobs and whimpers filled the room and blended into the shower, she nearly missed Jasper's question.

"Don't leave..." She whimpered. Her lightsaber rested on the toilet and Jasper's presence on the other side of the door brought comfort to her soul. She wasn't sure how long she was in there, but the water was turning cold by the time she shut the shower off. Only then did she look into the foggy mirror.

The face that stared back at her wasn't familiar.

Sunken cheeks, a frail body, ragged hair with spots of deep purple stared back at her with empty eyes. She yanked the cabinet open with a sniff and withdrew the medpack inside. A few injuries would likely need looking at, but for the most part she was okay. The scars, however, would never fade. Ara finally emerged from the refresher with fresh clothes and a huge weight off her shoulders. She could look at her old friend again with the smallest shadow of dignity.

"Thanks, Jas." She muttered, wrapping her arms around him for a hug. She wanted to say something, though she had no clue what to say. No jokes came to mind, no desire to know how he was doing. She felt like a ghost where she stood. "I need to report in." She awkwardly stated, visibly unsure of what to do after everything that happened. The Order was gone, she didn't know who was left, all she had right now was him. "The, um... the freighter... it ain't mine. I only got my guitar onboard, we can scuttle the ship. I don't know if there's a tracking beacon on it or something. I don't think so... I lost them around Alderaan, I think." She explained, scrambling to tell him whatever useful information she had.

The silence got to her. Her ears ached and a constant ringing kept harassing her in the silence. Her eyes still frantically looked around the place as she sank into a couch. She massaged her ears and covered her eyes with a shaky sigh. "Jas, I... they're all dead." She muttered as tears stained her freshly scrubbed palms.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

Jasper stayed close, like Ara had requested, but he had slipped under one of his flight suits for her to wear. When she emerged she was clean, but clearly nowhere close to at ease. The mention of Alderaan made him wince. Last he had done while there was formulate a plan of evacuation for the civilians when the Sith Covenant made a move for the planet.

"Jas, I... they're all dead."

"I... know," he responded. "You... find out fast if you're looking for ghosts. I think Amani Serys is dead. Couldn't find her..."

Jasper let out an exhale. For a moment he sounded like he was several times older than he actually was. The weight he carried with him, for a moment, seemed to catch up to his body. This feeling reminded him of how he felt leaving Panatha. So much life ripped from existance that it left a gaping wound. He never spoke about that day often, but it had left its mark on his spirit. He remembered crying a lot. Now he seldom cried. Maybe he was too tired to process everything he had experienced.

Prosperity... how had it fallen? It was about then that he remembered a meeting from long ago. One he really only knew of in passing.

"I think Thalia Senn knew..." he murmered. "Around when I left... told Zark something. She wanted to talk about Prosperity, I think. That must've been what she told them. That it was traceable..."

And they kept using it anyways. Where had that gotten them?

"Sorry I wasn't there," Jasper finally got out. "I was with what... well, what's left of my home. Sacorria. We were clear across the galaxy... took too long to get a signal. I... saw what was left."

He couldn't escape it. The curse of being unable to be everywhere at once, but still carrying the guilt of failure anyways. Jasper could not stop himself from thinking about what he could have done differently to be there. Maybe he could have fixed things...

"We should get you some food," the Master decided after a pause.

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Cradling her face in her hands, Jasper's voice brought comfort to her mind and ears with the simple matter of being there. He gave the name of another suspected victim and Ara could only shake her head. "Kark." The word was spoken simply with a fatigue one would use to comment on a burst fuel line, not the death of a friend. Too much death had followed her. She knew it would sink in later, it always did, but in the moment it was just another death.

She hated herself for even thinking like that, but she couldn't get herself to feel otherwise.

Jasper continued to share a hunch about the Prosperity. Still covering her face, Ara nodded slightly. "I felt it. Every now and again I'd feel a life getting snuffed. But... there was a moment it hit like a wave. I figured... I figured something big happened." Her voice, albeit shaky, was eerily calm in spite of the tears dripping to the floor.

He apologised. Ara lifted her head to regard her friend. "You couldn't have done much." Her words sounded harsh despite her intentions. She winced at her own voice. "They... we... nothing would've made a difference, Jas. They were... they were everywhere." Her head sunk again, the faintest shadow of humour surfacing at how enormous his jumpsuit was on her. It fit like a circus tent.

"We should get you some food,"

"I'm not hungry." She blurted out, though her stomach immediately disagreed with a fierce grumble. She was starving. Ration bars and dumpster food was her only form of constant nourishment for the last few months. The one nuna leg a family gave her tasted like a feast fit for a king that one time... and they paid for their generosity. "Jas there's... there's something else." She began, looking up at him again with a deep shame.

She struggled to formulate the words, then struggled some more to speak them aloud. "I... I called on the Dark Side." She finally admitted. Drawing the lightsaber from her belt, she studied it with both hands. "I got desperate and I embraced it... I... I can't be a Jedi anymore." Her head hung low and the weapon was tossed on the couch beside her.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

"I... I called on the Dark Side." She finally admitted. Drawing the lightsaber from her belt, she studied it with both hands. "I got desperate and I embraced it... I... I can't be a Jedi anymore."

Jasper paused before he let out an exhale.

"It... is understandable," he stated. "We aren't... meant to be exposed to that much death. Anyone would have slipped. You're just being too harsh on yourself. There were members of the council who did worse than that."

He spoke in a gentle, but firm way now. Just to try and make it clear that she had more pressing matters to worry about. The darkside was a plague, but only if you obsessed over it. There were ways to fend it off, it was only a matter of patience.

And not beating yourself up.

"Look, I don't care what you are as long as you're safe," he decided. "You're my friend first and foremost. You don't have to be like that with me, yeah? Forget the Jedi stuff for a while. You're a person too, you know."

Jasper opened up a nearby cupboard and withdrew a box, handing it to Ara.

"At least have a nutritional tablet. You're body needs energy."

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Jasper managed to do what Ara thought to be unthinkable. With a perfect mix of care and firm words, he managed to bring a smile to her weathered features. Not only that, he even managed to score a laugh. It was hollow and rough, but it was still a laugh. He handed her a box of nutritional pills and Ara took it, but she simply shook her head and handed it back to him.

For the first time in months, she didn't feel like a cornered animal. She felt like a person.

"I'd... I'd like something more proper." She admitted through a stifled laugh. A faint glimmer reached her eyes and a calloused hand stretched out for him to help her up. The flight suit hung loose and heavy over her shoulders, adding to the slow laugh that brewed to the surface. She looked back at her lightsaber on the couch, it looked as weathered as she did and it was in desperate need of a service, but it was still hers. As much as she felt ashamed to carry it, it saved her life as well as the lives of a handful of others.

Her hand raised, but she hesitated. Instead of summoning the hilt to her open palm, she leaned down to pick it up. There would be time to decide what was to happen with her. For the moment she could breathe easily and enjoy the peace.

She let Jasper lead the way toward a proper meal, practically mute for the entire time until she could sit down and gather her thoughts. She felt compelled to explain herself. She was ashamed of her actions, terrified of the type of person she had to be in order to stand beside one of her only friends. But that old stubbornness stayed her tongue, she didn't want to burden Jasper with her problems. It was evident that she wanted to say something, she watched Jasper intently as he moved.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

Jasper managed a smile when she admitted that she wanted a proper meal. That was more in character. He would lead her into the ship's small dining room and quickly whip together something simple. He put a pot of elbow pasta on the stove before he pulled out some brisket he had made the other day from the fridge, getting it in a pan and slipping it into the oven to revive it a bit. Not before adding a little extra water and honey to it to reintroduce moisture. He had been getting better at cooking over the last year or so now that he was spending more time at home. It was something he had neglected prior.

"Shouldn't be too long," he stated. "Think I've been getting better. Still not quite good with pastries though..."

He let out a bit of a heavier exhale, rubbing at his chin.

"You don't... have to worry about me being upset with you," Jasper noted, sensing the tension in the air. "I left the Core on bad terms. The Council turned their back on my student when he needed their support the most. After that experience I have no motivation to lecture people... Not that I was ever good at that."

The Master would strain the pasta as he spoke before putting it into a pot, which he then filled with an assortment of grated cheeses and a heavy whipping cream.

"You don't have to talk about it... but you can if you want to."

 

[Ara Sheridan]

She watched as Jasper prepared a quick meal for her, the sounds and smells eliciting a vocal rumble from her stomach. She scoffed at his remark with a shake of her head. "Thought you and your girl would be professionals by now." She teased. Her gaze remained forward, her mind still reeling over everything while she listened to Jasper's kind words.

Ara remained quiet for a few long moments. "There was this kid." She began with a heavy sigh. "Padawan, probably fourteen years old. Don't know how, but he ended up in the lower levels. I managed to get him to safety before a gang or hunters could get to him. We didn't exchange names, I told him if one of us got caught, we couldn't give each other away. Called him 'Squib' and I was 'Rat'." A shadow of a smile formed.

"Couldn't help others in time, but I tried to help him. We stuck together for a good couple weeks." The shadow disappeared and a sniff escaped. "I just got us a ship organized when I felt something was wrong. They found him somehow. Hurt him bad to draw in other Jedi..." Her head lowered, her lip quivered. "I've seen a lotta messed up stuff in my life. Saw even more down there... but him?" She shook her head, rubbed her hands against her sleeves as if trying to clean herself. "I snapped. It was a blur, but I killed them all and got him out... he was too hurt to keep going." Another sniff, her eyes grew foggy but she held it back.

Anger and guilt swelled in her heart. "He was suffering. Had nowhere to take him that could help. I... I had to..." She couldn't say it. "They karkin' hurt him... to draw someone in. Not me specifically, not another Jedi... they hoped that his pain in the Force would lure someone in." Her voice shivered with anger and pain. She could feel the call tugging at her, the pain in her heart darkening her presence in the Force. "I couldn't save him. I couldn't save anyone. If someone helped me, they got caught. I helped those people for years... and they turned on me because they were afraid." She looked back at Jasper, searching for some kind of answer to the brutality of it all.

"He was a kid, Jas. He wasn't a threat or some... useful asset. A karkin' kid." Tears stained her cheeks and fell to her lap.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

"I... understand," Jasper admitted. "I should've been there for Calix... Exegol was a disaster."

He could see the visage of the Thyrsian boy even now, running off with blade in hand to face the unknown without fear. Never to return. For all that effort on that day, Jasper couldn't save the one life he knew had a bright future ahead of it. That fear of losing someone so young had motivated how he had handled Braze . In retrospect, that was his greatest shortcoming. At one point in his life he had been angry at himself.

Now he looked to the future. That was the only place where change could be made real through action.

"If you didn't try, though, who else would have?" he asked. "I'd rather fail giving everything I have than not try at all. Sith want to crush you. Dominate your spirit. Twist you into something beholden to fear. Forget about what it means to be a Jedi. If standing your ground is an obligation than it's just pageantry. You gotta fight with your heart, y'know? That thing that compels you to keep going when your brain says it's over."

Jasper moved to retrieve the brisket from the oven. He scooped some of the freshly made cheesy pasta into a bowl and spread the brisket over top of it before he turned and presented it to Ara.

"You got a strong heart," the man stated, his tone carrying a gentle confidence. "What you do with it after all of this is up to you."

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara shook her head at Jasper's reassurance, she couldn't see it the same way as he did. For her, she didn't try hard enough. She should have been stronger, better, she could have done something different to actually make a difference. She gave it her all and it wasn't enough, she was only good enough to survive where others died. She felt responsible for their deaths, and guilty for surviving where better Jedi did not.

How could she explain it to Jasper? He already saw it as her having done enough, she couldn't accept it.

She felt like a Padawan again. Small, not good enough.

Food found its way into her lap. She didn't even see when Jasper handed it to her. For a brief second she thought that her appetite was gone, her body made sure she knew it was still very present. She looked to Jasper then the hearty meal, unsure of what to do. Her first proper meal in months, with no worries of looking over her shoulder while she ate. Even now that instinct still held, her arm covered the food while she spared a quick look behind her. There was nothing but durasteel and cushioning.

She was safe.

When she finally ate, she dug into it like an animal. One giant bite after the other, she practically inhaled the food and only slowed to swallow the enormous mouthfuls before more was stuffed into her mouth. What little table etiquette she would normally have was nowhere to be seen. She only slowed halfway to look back to Jasper. "Thank you." She muttered with a shadow of a smile. While she enjoyed the last of her meal, she thought over what he said. What was there to do? She was broken, at her lowest and lost.

"What do I do, Jas?" She asked him softly, slipping the last piece of brisket past her lips. She was genuine, sincerely asking for his advice.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

"What do I do, Jas?"

"You find your limitations," Jasper answered. "And when you do... you learn how to push further anyways. You can't change the past, but you can change what happens right now. If you don't want what occurred to happen again... fight like hell. Fight like there's nobody left to do it but you. The future is what you decide it to be... not what someone tells you it is."

Jasper let out an exhale, sinking down into a chair. His eyes drifted off towards a shelf in the corner, where an old denim-blue vest with a fur collar lay folded up beside several other things. A padawan braid, a model x-wing, a hand-made rebreather mask...

"Maybe I've not been a good Jedi lately," he noted in a bit of a wistful tone, "But I... think I got tired of being a good Jedi. I want to be a good person instead."

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara quietly listened to Jasper, nibbling at the last bit of food in the bowl. By the time she was done with it, the bowl was practically spotless and she was feeling much better already. She set the bowl aside and leaned back in the couch, idly staring at the wall in front of her. "All I wanted... was to be a good Jedi." She admitted softly.

"I don't care about fighting the scariest Sith or makin' the biggest waves. I just... wanted to help people." She briefly glanced at Jasper. He was right but it still didn't help the Zabrak. Eyelids hung low as comfort embraced her. A full stomach, a soft couch, Jasper's warm presence sheltering her... she was almost able to forget why she was there to begin with. But an unseen shadow in the corner of her vision brought her back. Her head snapped and her hand shifted to her blaster.

She stared at the empty doorway for a few long moments before she could sit back again. "I'm gonna need your help, Jas." She admitted. "I've been gone for so long... I've been alone. I don't know where to begin." Her empty eyes found Jasper's pale gaze. She embraced herself and huddled further into the couch. "Where do I go, what do I do? You're the only one I can count on." She looked to him with a kind of hope that he had an answer.

Jasper Kai'el

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Dantooine
Tags: Ara Sheridan

Lightsaber, Refuge, Respite, Jedi Outcasts, Grafted into Stone
​

"Where do I go, what do I do? You're the only one I can count on."

"How about you spend a while as a normal person?" he suggested. "Take a break from fighting for a while, get back on your feet. I took a lot of people from the Core out to a remote place in the Outer Rim. Clear on the other side of the galaxy from where we are right now. That's where I took my family when we lost Sacorria. Now it's maybe about the only place I feel safe bringing anyone anymore."

A softer smile came over his face now.

"You don't have to put down the sword forever," the Master noted, "But you should take a break. Just to make sure you get yourself reset and ready. Emotions left to fester often lead us to do irrational things. Even good intentions can cause problems for the folks around us. Best to take the time you need to process, yeah?"