That's Not Corellian Ale

[Steph Zenima]

Exocron


​

Does that not just sound so demonic to you? EXOCRON, the lesser known cousin of Exothorg, daughter of the all-seeing Exogorth. Suddenly I've got this image of eldritch abominations all living in a cramped house together like it's a music video for Queen. I don't know what state of mind this is, but I like it.

Once again Stephanie Zenima, galactic blunder of wonder ended up in a cramped dark space, snoozing off the previous night's bender. I suppose the benefit of being short and malnourished is that you can fit in tight spaces. Crates and barrels, best method of space travel. I mean, I suppose you could be one of the unlucky few that would stow away on a ship that was suspected of smuggling and then searched but this was not the case.

How she slept soundly through it all was nothing short of a miracle.

It wasn't until the lid of the barrel was wrenched off that she even came to life. The light poured in. A groan.

“That's not Corellian ale,” the manager blurted out, completely perplexed.

It wasn't a dingy cantina. It was an upscale establishment, a pub with grub kind of affair. The shock of finding a woman inside his supposed barrel of ale had quickly receded and had been replaced by rage. Being caught short of the galaxy's most popular alcoholic beverage was an embarrassment to any house of drink. So as he ranted and raged, the creature in the barrel awoke.

Clambering out, the woman's sickly limbs were stiff, Zenima actually fell over upon trying to take her first steps. Not that she minded. She wasn't entirely conscious yet. Scraping herself off the floor, the woman began to root through the stockroom, tearing open other containers like a zombie who really hated inventory.

“Lady! What the kriff are you doing?!” the infuriated man screamed, marching over to apprehend the source of today's problems. Unfortunately is timing was awful. The woman had just pulled a sledgehammer out of what was supposed to be a barrel of Regellian draught. Oh dear. Not the best of days.

Hammer and woman spun around in unison. How do you like your skulls in the morning? Cracked with the brains that lay within all over the floor. Don't fret though. I feel like he deserved it. Caballa City's rudest pub owner was now deceased, murdered if you're into the technicalities. If anything I've done this planet a favour.

“Mnnnrgh.”

She wasn't really awake yet, which made the moment of cranial impact a touch more impressive. The woman shuffled off, out of the storeroom and into the public eye. Dishevelled, disgruntled and thirsting for a spot of the old ultra-violence. The pub-goers fell silent as the peculiar woman trundled through. She stopped at a table seating a couple on a date.

Brain processing. Imagine the screech of dial-up Internet.

STEPH. SMASH.

She raised her sledgehammer high into the air...

 

[Piraiba]

The light from the nearby light fixtures started to fade away from around the young woman as she raised her sledge hammer to ruin the couple's day/lives. There wasn't some malevolent power behind her that sapped the light away, but rather a large figure that simply shaded her from it.

Suddenly the sledge hammer seemed to be stuck in the air and wouldn't come down. The couple looked at Steph and past her to the figure behind with their mouths slightly agape.

If she looked up at her hammer or back at her shade, she'd find a ten foot tall Togorian standing there with one massive hand wrapped around the heft of the hammer. The feline looked down at her with narrowed eyes.

"Woman, where is Piraiba's Corellian Ale?"

The cat's voice was of a loud and deep almost demonic quality. That coupled with the woman raising such an antiquated weapon seemed to be enough to quiet half of the room as the tavern patrons quieted down and watched.

@[member="Steph Zenima"]

 

[Garza]

Standing only inches behind the ten foot tall cat was a woman who clearly was not happy with the actions of the woman with the hammer. In her hands was a similar weapon called a Beskad. it's blade looked to have been used in hundreds of battles and fights. Worn down my constant use of the sword. She stood there ready for the woman to react. That was me. Red/pink hair that reached just below my shoulder blades. My robes that I wore were customary of my God Kalee. and my Second choice of the Goddess Salee. Both of them Warriors at heart, yet also having the ability to choose when to fight and when to talk.

"I would rather not piss off the Togorian if I were you." IOn my left arm was a bracer that matched the one on the right, only that the one on the left would activate into a Echani Dueling shield when needed. being with the rather tall feline here in the bar was just for fun. We had worked very little together on Manpha where I was now Governess of, but seeing as how the large cat helped in killing the Mother Sithspawn that I had landed the final blow on, I thought I might as well return the favor sometime and take him out for a drink.

Only for it to be ruined by this crazy lady.

@[member="Piraiba"], @[member="Steph Zenima"]

 

[Steph Zenima]

Hey now, why wasn't the hammer moving? It should be crushing the bones of the innocent and the just too slow. For a moment the girl was oblivious to the giant cat behind her, about to ruin her oodles of fun, she simply stood, trying to consider the physics of it all. Although she was so dim that she couldn't even spell physics, I mean she probably thought it was a type of cheese.

She kept a grip on the hammer, instead bending backwards as if preparing for a limbo competition. Man, that was one massive kitty.

“I DINNA KEN, MIN,” was her coarse response. She spoke as if she had a dozen marbles in her mouth, garbled and uncouth with extra saliva. Wait, who else was speaking? Everybody tossing in their two-credits in this joint? Of course she couldn't see through the Togorian so his companion was currently a disembodied voice.

There was no chance that she was pulling her weapon out of his grip. She was freakishly strong, but not that freakish. However the woman kept a hold of her weapon, I don't think fists are going to be enough to pound this giant beast and his companion into the ground.

“An' fit if ah want tae piss aff the Togglewoggle?” she queried to the disembodied voice.

@[member="Zoey Marix"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Piraiba]

Piraiba was utterly confused by Steph's reactions and comments. The first thing she said was simply unfathomable. The second thing was only just a bit less so. A Togglewoggle? Was that him? The Togorian wasn't unintelligent, but this woman's mannerisms had completely thrown the cat off balance.

Then something else caught his attention. Was that brain matter? Yes, a bit of fluid and matter that had been previously in the cantina owner's skull was now leaking off of the sledge hammer's head and onto his furry hand. The feline wasn't one to be squeamish about gore, but something about that struck a nerve. As such Piraiba tossed the hammer to the side quite forcefully. Zenima likely had a tight enough grip on her hammer that she too would be flung to the side in this motion.

The cat's disgust was evident in his scrunched up face as he wiped his hand off on his pants. "Piraiba has no idea where that hammers been."

@[member="Steph Zenima"] @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Garza]

Gibberish. That is all that I heard. I only tried to make out what the woman had said when the large Feline had thrown hammer forcefully. I only could wonder why he did so when I realized that the woman had probably bashed in someones head and gore would be on it. Most warriors were not scared of blood or brains. But sometimes we had to draw the line when brains were on our hands. "Careful with the woman, Keep throwing her and we may have to clean her up as well."

@[member="Piraiba"], @[member="Steph Zenima"]

 

[Steph Zenima]

I believe I can fly.

The little woman crashed into a table, ruining yet another person's day. Although let's take a moment to forget about the patrons of this establishment, no, no, what of poor Steph Zenima who has just been assaulted by a plate of extremely hot soup. Bantha noodle if you must know, smelt pretty good, needed a dash of pepper but hey, I'm no food critic.

Probably should have let go of that hammer, no?

“H'MIN MIN!” she roared, scrambling back up to her feet. Even if you had no clue as to what she was saying you could hear that it was generally a noise of dissatisfaction with a hint of rage and a slice of lemon.

The man who had very recently lost his beloved plate of soup thought about objecting the unfolding scene but decided against it, instead he crept away. Clever lad.

If you stopped and listened very carefully you would hear a peculiar noise, like dilapidated gears grinding against each other for the first time in years. There was two of them, and one of her and even Steph Zenima could count to three. Just.

She took a few steps forward. Can't attack both at once. Eenie. Just choose one. Meenie. The girl? Minie. The big cat? Mo.

Zenima barrelled forward, sprinting straight at other woman. A sledgehammer really was a difficult beast to wield. It telegraphed itself like no other weapon. So what was today's method? The uppercut? The skull cracker? The ear ache? No no, just before nearing the woman Steph span. She span like the crack ballerina. Woman and hammer becoming one, catastrophic if collided with.

@[member="Zoey Marix"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Garza]

I watched as the woman began to get up. Only to see a man scurry away from the broken table without his soup. I watched as the woman as she got up and headed towards me. I only shook my head. Her hammer came towards me at high speeds towards my center of body mass. Using my left hand It lashed out to the hammer. And using my powers of the force. I pushed against the hammer coming at me until it slowed down to touch the palm of my hand.

Using my left hand I grabbed the woman's throat. And lifted her up. "Piss off queen." My right hand then exploded with the force as I pushed at her to send her flying. Only if all of that would have been done should she not dodge it at close quarter distances.

@[member="Steph Zenima"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Piraiba]

Piraiba watched the fight start to unfold right in front of him. Truthfully the Togorian looked pretty silly standing there while his companion and the newcomer clashed. Then he suddenly recollected something his father had told him once. There was no hell like a woman scorned. The feline lacked the life experiences to truly understand the saying, but he assumed perhaps it had to do with how he observed how fiercely women sought each other out for blood.

Then something caught the cat's attention.

"Oh hello there," added the Togorian as he turned and approached the table that Steph had been thrown into just prior. There Piraiba picked what was left of the Bantha Noodle soup plate that had been ruined. He sniffed it carefully before picking up the nearby utensil to start eating while he watched Zoey attempt to knock back the madwoman with the force.

@[member="Steph Zenima"] @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Steph Zenima]

[Sorry for the lateness, I've been a lazy bint!]

Well that was unfortunate.

Bloody force users, y'know? They just come in and spoil all the fun, and I know that murderous rampages are a touch frowned upon in normal society but who are force users to just...just..I can't justify it. Steph Zenima is a completely horrible strumpet. So being that she hadn't expected it, the hammer slowed to a complete stop with a disappointing lack of smash.

The woman looked puzzled for a second, and then in the next moment she was caught by the throat, another blink and once again Zenima knew the sensation of flight. As woman collided with wall, a few patrons gave a small round of applause, understanding that the little wretch of a human was merely trash needing to be taken out.

That probably would have hurt the feelings of your average person.

Thankfully dearest Stephanie was far too dim too qualify. I'm still not entirely sure if there's a brain in there, or if it's just porridge. I'm rooting for porridge. It's hard to tell, that skull is like beskar. So once again she got back up onto her feet, she spared a glance towards the very large cat, who was hoovering up that soup like it was nobody's business.

A rare brainwave.

“...ah wid like it...very much...if ye'd both just leave me alone, eh?”

Aw, she's using her people words.

@[member="Piraiba"], @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Garza]

After I had thrown the woman, A few people clapped about it. Looking to the bartender, his face went from almost laughing, to a dead serious stare of not wanting to end up like the blue haired woman just did. Facing my adversary as she was standing, She used what seemed to be real words as she looked over to the large feline. Who happened to be taking the last morsels of scrap from the man's soup. I shook my head as she wanted to be left alone. "Little to late for that hun. You ruined other people's day for whatever mad reason in your head."

Flipping my sword around for a few swipes, the beskad seemed to sing in the air as it cut through nothing in front of me. My left arm then lit up in a silver white color as an Echani Dueling shield activated. "Now I'm gonna ruin yours before I have to clean this mess up." My body became a blur as I launched myself at the woman bringing my beskad in for an uppercut followed by a heavy downward slash with both hands.

@[member="Steph Zenima"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Piraiba]

Piraiba looked up and back at Steph and Zoey mid bite. The feline finished the spoonful of soup and licked his lips clean as he pondered on what Steph had said. Leave her alone? Well truthfully she hadn't really been hurting him any with her insanity tantrum. In fact the only reason he approached the hammer wielding nut job at all was because she came from the back room. He had thought maybe she had some inclination as to where his overdue drink was, but it just now occurred to the Togorian that most waitresses didn't serve drinks by the way of sledge hammer.

Clearly the cat would have to look elsewhere for his ale. Honestly, Piraiba had no issues with letting Steph go her merry way. He couldn't fathom any way that fighting her would profit him any. Then again Zoey was the one buying him that Corellian Ale. Well clearly Zoey was right and Miss Zenima needed to be dealt with. Throwing the blue haired woman around was a small price to pay for a little drink and female company.

Of course his fellow Sith Knight was already launching herself against her opponent again. There really wasn't any reason to get in her way. As such the Togorian took another bite of his bit of salvaged soup as he watched.

@[member="Steph Zenima"] @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Steph Zenima]

Harsh.

But fair.

Steph decided that it was time to leave the hammer on the ground. It didn't have any business going up against a big sword, for one, you can't parry a blade with a wooden handle and she was beginning to grow fond of this current one. She was about fifteen crushed skulls away from naming it. Perhaps Trevor would be apt, if they survived.

The other woman dashed, Steph dived off to the left. I think to be cleaved in half at such an early stage would be anti-climatic. Those who learned to fight as an art-form would have finished off the dive with a nice roll, perhaps into some sexy crouch but a Steph dive is for the animals, she landed on all fours and once again scampered back onto her feet.

“If yer friend here keeps eatin' ye winnae hae tae worry aboot cleanin' up, eh?”

Hopefully Piraiba wasn't sensitive about his weight.

Any and all thought processes regarding talking her way out had vanished. It would have to be violence. Slightly one-sided violence given the Force powers, the sword and the soup cat but it was violence nonetheless and as they say, a good scrap is the best way to start your day.

So once more (this time with feeling) Zenima charged at the woman, actively leaping at her when she was close enough. Now perhaps she would get pushed away with the force again, maybe she would get impaled on a large pointy weapon, or perhaps their heads would connect. Coconuts crash. The almighty flying headbutt.

@[member="Zoey Marix"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Piraiba]

Piraiba sat the empty remains of a soup bowl back onto the table before lifting his arms to yawn. The slight changes in pressure made the leg of the table he was leaning on break. Normally you would expect someone to fall into the table. Piraiba adjusted his weight to counteract falling. In return he actually stumbled away from the failing furniture. Unfortunately that caused him to cross into Steph's path.

The sledge hammer whacked the Togorian across the head. It didn't have the desired skull crushing effect, but it did cause him to further stumble away to where he crashed into another table with a grunt.

@[member="Steph Zenima"] @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Garza]

Apparently the great hero that could distract a almost 15 foot tall Sithspawn could not keep himself upright enough to not get hit by the hammer that was aiming for me. As he stumbled out of the way, I shook my head. And now with the hammer slower than it once was, Through the power of TK I threw the hammer behind the woman, attempting to cause her to lose the hammer, should she have a weak grip on the shaft, or be thrown with it.

@[member="Piraiba"], @[member="Steph Zenima"]

 

[Steph Zenima]

You are actually both on crack.

So the comedy caper kitten was stumbling about taking bumps to the noggin and just in general making more of a mess than Steph Zenima herself. Talk about the calamity clean-up crew.

Of course, then there was Fiesty McGrumperson who had long since decided that this fight would be fought without the aid of sledgehammers. So consider it gone. Dusted. Across the room. Snatched by the cruel hand of telekinesis. I'm sure that fist fighting a sword is no big deal. It's fine.

“AW! COME OAN!”

With her frustrations noted, Steph swung for the other woman, a mad right hook, a reckless right hook, it was a fist that wasn't going to quit until it was buried bone deep into this other woman's skull.

@[member="Piraiba"], @[member="Zoey Marix"]

 

[Garza]

Alright I had not expected that. A deadly right hook that sent spittle. I groaned a little umph as the woman's punch sent my head into a spiral. I had not expected a woman so small, and petite, to deliver a punch so powerful. She hit just like her hammer did. Even with my sword, she was one that clearly had hate against me. Rubbing my jaw as I straightened myself, I smiled devilishly.

"Take your own meds!" I sent a left uppercut to her solar plexus. If hit accordingly, she would be out of breath for a good few minutes, and might have internal bleeding from other punches that I had given out the same way. Ribs broken once before on a man who thought my breasts were his toys.

@[member="Steph Zenima"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Piraiba]

The Togorian grunted as he stumbled into the next nearby table. It took him a moment to recollect himself before getting up. That moment wasn't due to a recoil from pain, or him needing to catch his breath. It simply was a moment taken as he visibly shivered as a wave of pure hatred and unadulterated rage washed over him. Is that how she thought to treat Piraiba?

@[member="Steph Zenima"] 's quality of 'smash' might not have been refined or precise, but it did have a certain flair of style to it. Piraiba of course had his own version of it. It didn't have the same appeal, but it did involve a good deal more potential squishing.

A ravenous growl erupted from his throat as he grabbed the nearest thing to him. The feline picked up the table he had fallen into and proceeded to throw it at the two quarreling women. Unfortunately for @[member="Zoey Marix"] , Piraiba's attack did have the potential for friendly fire. It was unfortunate for both Zoey and Steph that his table had been made to seat eight and had to weigh a couple hundred pounds of solid wood.

 

[Steph Zenima]

Ah! Finally! It felt absolutely brilliant to just get a great bloody fist ploughed into the cheek of this woman. The rest of her day could have gone to tatters but that hit, that single punch connecting made it all worth it. It really is the little things in life that get you through the day, y'know?

Of course, then her opponent responded in kind.

What a whopper.

All wind was knocked from both her sails and her lungs as the red-head delivered a hammer of her own. This was a familiar sensation to Steph but never one that she could get used to. Plainly put, being winded was awful. She dropped to one knee and groped at her ribs. Was she getting too old for this?

Well there's no time to really hash out the that thought, mate because there is a table coming for you.

She's not a large woman. She's five foot two on a day that she's wearing shoes, you know and well, spice addicts aren't exactly known for remembering to feed themselves. So essentially what I'm getting at. Well. The table flattened her. Straight up. Whether or not the red-head got caught up in such calamity was up in the air. It was hard to tell what was happening around you when you're getting squashed.

“.....waaaaaa......aaaaa......ckkKK!”

@[member="Zoey Marix"], @[member="Piraiba"]

 

[Garza]

I felt so good handing her that uppercut into the stomach. She started to try and breath when I turned to my right to see a large object moving towards me.

Whelp to late now. I was smacked with the table along with the other woman who yelled out. I was not leaving without a few bruises from this. I was rammed into another table's legs, knocking them out from under it, the table then crushed me with its weight. and to make it all the better. Soup had landed in my hair and dripped down into my face. a noodle hang from my head and down just in front of my left eye. looking to the large feline I just gave him a stare.

"You and your anger issues." I pushed the table off of me and stood up, but not before my back popped about fifty times, and I had to groan.

"I hope you are happy now kitty"

@[member="Steph Zenima"], @[member="Piraiba"]