First Reply Tattered in Ash

[NPC Treasury]

It was difficult to try to get away from Caedyn Arenais ' little get together at his new estate. There were so many people that she hadn't seen in years and others that she had never seen before. It made her proud that he was doing so well and gave her hope that when she was no longer among the living, he'd still be fine and wouldn't fall in the same trap of despair as she had. Veiere's death and the breaking of their Force Bond was the icing on the cake. It made her self isolation all the more whole. Now she felt empty both inside and out, a mere shell of her former self that even tea couldn't fix. No longer was she a beacon of hope and freedom, nor a leader among the people. She was more or less just a ghost of the past.

Hearing that the old Arenais Estate was more or less destroyed, Kay couldn't help but feel the need to see it for herself and so that was exactly what she was doing. It wasn't going to be pretty, as the last time that she had seen it, the Estate was beautiful. Veiere had built it for the two of them; an escape from their public life and where they raised their two children. And now, according to Caedyn, nothing was salvageable.

That's how she felt about herself. Yet if there was some small part of it still standing, then maybe there was a little hope for her too.

Kay walked barefoot in the forest of the Eldritch mountain that both Eststes were built on. Commenor was once home and she knew it so well. She tried to do right by it but failed. At least without her shoes she could try to get a feel for the planet again. Darlyn Excron ran the planet now, and for a moment she had wanted to check up on him, but what advice could she give? She was in no place for that given how her leadership came to an abrupt end. Commenor had fallen and it was all her fault.

Approaching the Estate, Kay was taken aback at it's ruin. Veiere had told her what had happened there. He had barely escaped Koda Fett and the Estate reflected that well enough. There had been a fire, but not all of the once proud Estate had crumbled. Some of it still remained. She approached it almost cautiously, listening to the birds, the wind, even the creaks and groans of the house itself. If anyone had tried to take residence in it, it was probably only wildlife. Being Force sensitive, she could have reached out to get a proper sense of things, but she didn't trust in the Force anymore. Her father Tobias Larr was right about it all along.

Quietly she stepped inside, being careful of where she placed her feet. Dirt and debris littered the floor. There were shoe prints as well, but she figured those to belong to her son as opposed to anyone else.

At least there was no one after her this time around. So far.

 

[Shoden Moz]

Shoden's footsteps on the familiar forest floor were soft, slow. The one handed young Lady of Nordel, properly elected since returning to democracy, found herself traveling more and more to this beaten path. Time and again, when she thought of her lot in life, still a child in so many ways yet with such responsibility and dealing with not only her own problems but that of her Father's, she made her retreat here, to the Eldritch mountain, walking ground she knew both herself and her father had tread. Today in particular, she held thoughts of the man who had taken her in as his own, and what had become of him. She knew well enough what was going on, and more so that she could do nothing for him, to which the only response she felt fitting was to retreat to the trees and mountains, and hope that something could arise.

Today, she felt compelled to walk towards her Aunt and Uncle's former estate, not really knowing where else to go. Around her well dressed form was a rather plain cloak, with the hood up and shadowing her face in the unlikely event anyone spotted her. Though certainly a one handed girl would be fairly remarkable all the same, it was the best she could do to keep private her identity, as she let her thoughts overtake her path.

Oh her Uncle Veiere, she missed him so greatly. She had no clue if her father was aware of his death, given his current situation, but dared not to ask lest he be consumed by that as well.. and her Aunt NPC Treasury too. As far as she or her father Darlyn knew, the woman was just as long gone, alongside so many others that the older of the two cared for. Perhaps that was why she was coming here, a desperate clinging to the past. Her Father had always meant to come back here with her, one day. Perhaps there was something to be found here, a trinket or something small she could give to him, and get him back.

The fact that Caedyn Arenais was having his own estate welcoming party normally would've been picked up on her radar, but the invitation had arrived after she had left to find some peace alone. As such, she was unaware she had even the option of attending, otherwise she likely would have to see her cousin again. As it was, she did not want to tell him of his Uncle's decline in mental state, something she knew she could never hide from him long enough to party.

Eventually, she came to the estate, and followed her way there. She felt a surge of, well, too many emotions to sift through them quite honestly. This may not have been her home, but she knew what it had meant to people she cared for, which made its state bad enough to witness. Coincidentally, she failed to notice anyone on her approach, being too focused on her 'mission' at hand, and made her way into the broken ruin of a home. Being that she wore shoes, she felt and heard both the soft sound of her steps as they became louder, and the slight strain on the burnt floors.

She took a slow breath, and nodded to herself. Alright, she could do this, she just, she just needed to find something Dad would find meaningful.

 

[NPC Treasury]

It was the wooden creaking that caught her attention first. Kay paused in her footsteps and quietly listened. More of them came, from another partition of the tattered remains of a once beautiful estate.

Most people in her position would try to sneak a peek at the intruder. But not Kay. And certainly not today. She could just throw caution to the wind now. "Who's there?"

Another pause as Kay listened for a moment or two, more than likely waiting to hear for the sounds of blasters or sabers being drawn. After deciding that she didn't hear any, Kay moved in the direction of the sounds.

And there she was. Shoden Moz or who possibly looked like her was nearby. Just how many red headed young ladies missing a hand were there on Commenor? Odds are there was just the one. Yet Kay's mind had played tricks on her before. "Shoden?...What...are you doing here? Her face revealed nothing but disbelief at the unexpected appearance.

 

[Shoden Moz]

Shoden almost jumped at hearing a sudden voice, and her hand quickly dropped to her side... before remembering she didn't bring the blaster her dad gave her. She, in her sudden panic at not being alone, at first didn't recognize the voice, as she looked for something to defend herself with if the person was dangerous. When she heard steps approaching though, she realized she didn't have much in the way of options, or time. She lifted up her arms to defend herself, as the strange person she wasn't aware of began to enter her field of view.

Then, they lowered as NPC Treasury addressed her by name. Shoden made sure her hood wasn't up anymore, letting Kay get a second, much clearer look at her. "A-Auntie Kay?" To say Shoden was shocked was, well, an understatement. She stood still for a few moments, her eyes trying to take in who she was looking at and process it, but the fact that Kay was both alive, and here, nearly put her mind out of commission entirely. It felt like an eternity before she found the fortitude to act again.

When she found that ability, she felt her legs running towards Kay, arms outstretched in a child like need to hold onto Kay tight. There was a stinging at her eyes, and by her best guess she could only assume she was crying as she made her best effort to envelop Kay in a hug. "I... I... I didn't th-think I w-would ever see you ag.. again..." The choked words came out like a flood, both too fast for her to fix the stuttering and stalled by building sobs. In that moment Shoden couldn't help but feel even smaller than she was, and closer to the young girl Kay had helped Darlyn adopt years ago.

 

[NPC Treasury]

It was her. Even denying herself access to the Force Kay could feel that the Shoden Moz that was in the Estate with her now wasn't an hallucination at all.

The hug confirmed it all the more.

Kay nearly fell over as Shoden came for her, wrapping her arms around the young lady while resting her cheek against the top of her head. She held her tightly as if doing so would help to decrease the sobbing from Shoden and stop her from tearing up herself. "I'm here now....I didn't think that I'd see you again either. Or many others for that matter." She also didn't think that she'd set foot on Commenor again, but here she was. And it was all Caedyn Arenais ' fault of course. Surely Veiere would be proud, if he could see her.

 

[Shoden Moz]

"I-I thought.. I thought you were gone a-and.. oh Dad does... doesn't know a-a-and.." The fact that Shoden got anything out was hard to believe, considering that her sobs were only increasing in volume and intensity, her body quivering in NPC Treasury 's arms. Her whole body shook violently with each passing moment, and she could barely stand on her two legs, relying almost entirely on Kay to hold her upright with the way she was. Shoden opened her mouth to speak again, but found she couldn't choke out any words, instead just sobbing louder.

It felt like an eternity before she calmed down enough to steady her breathing, her cheek pressed firmly against Kay's chest. Slow, shaking breaths racked her body, and her voice was a little raspy from crying so harshly before.

"I.. I just wanted... to see you again. I never got to be a good niece."

And with Veiere gone, she thought she never could be.

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay just held Shoden Moz as the young lady cried. Her own eyes were shut closed as she held her up on her feat. There was no place to sit down just yet, no place to cradle her but in her arms. "No, your Dad doesn't know that I'm here yet. Most don't...Most people shouldn't know. There are some that....aren't very happy with me." The last thing that Kay needed right now was to be arrested again.

Once Shoden calmed down a bit, Kay found herself stroking the girl's hair. "You have been a good niece. What do you think that you needed to do in order to express that?" What kinds of things did Shoden have planned when she was younger? Right now Kay could hardly guess at it.

 

[Shoden Moz]

"Something.. anything. I should've.. I should've called or, or visited more or.." She shivered and tightened her grip a bit on her aunt, not wanting to let NPC Treasury go as though she felt if she loosened even a bit she would fade away. Her feet scratched away at the ground slowly, finding themselves growing steady as she clung for dear life, until eventually Kay was less holding her up and more just, holding her. "I just didn't show how much I really loved you. I thought, that... that you and the other family members thought I forgot about you, or didn't care. And when finally things were calm enough for me to do.. anything.. I couldn't."

She tried to draw a slow, deep breath, and looked up at Kay as she leaned into her. "I'm so sorry I never spent enough time with you, or Uncle, or my cousins. I'm so so... so sorry."

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay continued to hold Shoden Moz while she poured her heart out. There were times that she felt the same way, that people didn't care. Much of this she would've told Veiere if she got the chance. If only she could change the past....

"It's okay. I don't blame you for the way life has turned out. It's not your fault in the slightest. I'm the grown up, I'm supposed to be the better person." She sighed for a brief moment, letting a bit of silence hang in the air. "But I'm not. I've lost everything because of my actions or inactions. Everyone is scattered and it'll probably always be so."

Kay broke the hug and lifted up Shoden's chin. "So we have to make the best of these moments that we do have together, right?"

 

[Shoden Moz]

Shoden couldn't find the words to respond, instead simply nodding along to what her Auntie NPC Treasury was saying. So many thoughts and feelings were rushing through her mind in that instance, that really if she tried to speak she'd just start sobbing again. The best course of action, for now, was to just let things sit, even if that let Kay shift the blame to herself for now.

She kept clinging to Kay, until she broke it, and lifted Shoden's chin to look up at her. "Y... Yeah that would be good." She sniffled a bit, and finally took a step back from Kay, giving her space to wipe the tearstains off of herself a bit if she wished. After a few moments, the memory of why she came here flooded back, and she suddenly jumped a bit in surprise when it came to mind. "O-Oh right I came here for a reason. Y-You don't suppose anything of yours or... uhm... Uncle's is left do you? Dad isn't.. Dad isn't okay and I was hoping something to remind him of you two would make him, more okay?"

She was explaining this poorly.

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay could tell that Shoden Moz was still upset. It was as though the girl felt some of what she felt. But there was no Force Bond between them, so it had to be nothing more than just a mutual bout of grief.

There was no need to wipe any tears off of her as Shoden stepped back. Kay didn't have to worry about her appearance like she used to. She wasn't in the public eye anymore. She was a has-been; a lost cause with no power or even a means of transportation. She had gone through this before when she was forced out of the Galactic Senate because it was discovered that she was Force Sensative and was put under arrest for a short time. Kay had found herself living in a cave then, in one of the abandoned mines in the Twin Canyons. She lived there for weeks with her astromech companion until some of her friends showed up and gave her a new purpose.

Kay was beyond that now though.

The sudden realization by Shoden caused Kay to raise her brows. She glanced around the tattered remains of the hallway for a moment, trying to see if there was anything small enough that could be easy enough for Shoden to carry, and still be regarded as to some kind of memorabilia. "Umm...I'm not sure. How about a tea cup? There might be one in the kitchen that isn't broken...." She gestured for Shoden to follow her before asking; "Why isn't your Dad okay? What happened?"

 

[Shoden Moz]

Shoden sniffled a bit, but nodded at the idea NPC Treasury gave of a teacup, or something. She folded her arms across her chest, holding onto herself as she followed in behind her Auntie, looking around as calmly as she could for any sort of memorabilia. When Kay asked what was wrong with her dad, though, she paused for a second in place, only following again after she began to speak. "Dad.. doesn't talk anymore. He just stays in his room or office, only doing what he needs to for his position before going back to his room. I only even know that because Grandma tells me how he is now."

She sighed a bit and doubled her pace a second, catching up to Kay and reaching out to hold onto her arm gently. Assuming, of course, Kay let her. "He was on Concord Dawn when the Sith invaded. Something happened there and, well I just know he doesn't talk or check in anymore. He used to make sure I was okay and enjoying life in Nordel you know? But those calls stopped after the Sith invasion. Whatever happened is really bad too, because since Grandma picked up the job of calling me I heard Dad wasn't even taking care of himself, apparently."

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay didn't stop Shoden Moz from taking hold of her arm. She liked the touch. Most people, even once close friends, avoided her completely. So her contact and touch by anyone was rare. And just that small amount was what it took to remind her in that moment that she wasn't a living ghost.

She won't find peace like her son tells her that Veiere had. Death would only bring her oblivion. And then she'd truly be forgotten.

"I know what it's like to just want solitude. I'm going through that myself. I carry a lot of guilt with me. I've made bad decisions that have cost millions of lives. Yet the tortures and the beatings that I've gone through just don't seem like punishment enough."

Kay didn't like the look of the kitchen. Parts of it was burned and there was debris everywhere. Most of the cupboards either had their doors torn off completely or they were hanging on one hinge. This was going to be a huge mess to clean up. "Maybe I should see him..."

 

[Shoden Moz]

"The fact you don't think it's enough means you've already had more than what you deserved, Auntie." Shoden leaned into NPC Treasury as she spoke. She was fully convinced in her words, not able to see Kay as this monster she seemed to think of herself as. To her she couldn't be anything but Auntie Kay, who gave her tea and let her run around the palace causing mischief. Kay did bad things, but she'd already paid her dues, to the girl. Time after time.

The place was just horrible as they looked around, it really broke her heart. She kicked away a small piece of burnt wood and sighed, nuzzling her cheek into Kay's arm. "He, might like that. Running Commenor as a whole can't be easy for Dad, it's a very big job. It might be nice to get a visit from his sister." She half tried to guide Kay to the cupboards, hoping something somewhere was left.

"Just... please don't tell him about Veiere. I, I don't know if he can handle it right now and I've done my best to keep him from finding out until he's... until I know it will be fine...."

 

[NPC Treasury]

"If I had more than I deserved, don't you think that I'd feel better or have some kind of peace? Yet I don't." And that was the truth of it. Yet part of that could be from losing her Force Bond with Veiere. It was like part of her was torn out of her when he died, leaving her feeling empty inside.

Kay walked towards the cupboards with Shoden Moz 's help. As she opened the one that contained her tea cups, it saddened her to see so many that were broken. Some were favourites of hers. The Monarch tea set that she once owned was very special as it had the ability to let her know if there was any Force use happening in the room that it was in. However that set was in her office in the Palace which was destroyed during the Sith conquering Commenor. So that too was probably broken. Heck it seemed like the only thing in her life that belonged to her that wasn't destroyed or lost were her children. Everything else was gone.

"I'll try not to tell him. Yet he'll know that I'm notdoing well. He'll be able to see it...."

 

[Shoden Moz]

"Dad's suffered more than enough, but he'd never see it that way. If Dad can suffer like he is, so much more than he deserves for anything he's done, then you can too." Shoden's ideals were simple, and she refused to bend even slightly. She was being as earnest as possible with NPC Treasury , short of Darlyn's brand of bluntness.

Everything was simply broken and shattered in the cupboards, at least the ones she searched. Shoden couldn't help but feel similar, though her body was fine her life felt like it was in shambles. Her family was scattered and broken into pieces, cousins... aunts... her dad, everything just felt like someone had scattered them to the winds. A photograph of a family torn and turned to an impossible jigsaw puzzle. If she hadn't cried so hard seeing Kay, she would've done so now, as it was tears returned to her eyes regardless. None of them deserved this.

"He'll feel it too. I don't have the Force and I can almost feel how you aren't doing well. He'll be able to feel it clear as day... so don't lie to him. Just, don't let him know that one thing, not yet. Anything else just, if Dad breaks right now I can't.. I can't fix him. I can't fix any of this." Leaning against a scorched counter, barely able to support itself, she stared down at her hand dejectedly. She'd escaped so much of what tore this family apart, the death and painful parts, and lacked any power to fix it herself. How... utterly unfair.

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay carried a lot of guilt with her, not to mention survivour's guilt. It burdened her and each moment of suffering was, in her mind, well deserved. Millions of lives had been lost because of her actions or inactions. And she could never change that. Instead she had to pay for it.

"I was never a good liar, Shoden, which was unheard of for politicians." At least in her day it was. Who can say how things are now? Kay was so far out of the loop with everything in the Galaxy that she couldn't name anyone or any government that might still be going to this day. All that she could do was think of the past. That was the only time in which she had any relevance.

She saw Shoden Moz crying once again and it broke her heart. Kay stepped to her and wrapped her arms around her again. "Some things just can't be fixed....But we can try. We'll both try together." There weren't any unbroken cups that she could see. "Maybe just seeing me will be a start."

 

[Shoden Moz]

Shoden didn't speak for a bit, instead just letting NPC Treasury hold her. She wasn't sobbing anymore, lacking the energy for it. She couldn't muster the energy to do more than let tears fall and lean into her aunt or the counter, whichever happened to feel more supportive at the time. She closed her eyes and stood silently, still crying as she let every thing out. There was nothing left to hide really, and she could feel time passing as she stood there. It felt darker, deeper into the night, when she finally opened her eyes, and her throat felt drier than Tatooine.

"Why did I get spared so much, only to watch others get hurt instead." It took her time to get a deep breath, which even then was shaking and ragged, and she coughed it out several times before she managed to breathe in and out normally again. "I can.. I can get you a meeting with dad scheduled. Set it up and, and get you there without having to walk past all sorts of people staring and.." another breath, and she spoke a little more calmly. "Maybe you can get something on the way, I don't know."

 

[NPC Treasury]

Kay held onto Shoden Moz for as long as was needed, resting her cheek on top of the girl's head. Her eyes remained closed, keeping herself in the moment and not wanting to dwell on the past right now. She needed to be there for her neice. After failing Yasha, failing her husband and failing Commenor, she didn't want to fail Shoden too.

"I don't know why you've been spared, anymore than I know why I have been. This is the second time that I've been a widow. I can't do it again. I won't allow myself to be given that chance." Survivour's guilt was a powerful thing; and Kay had it in spades. She wasn't going to allow herself to fall for anyone ever again. It was just too costly.

She stepped back a little as Shoden started coughing a bunch. "Let's go get some fresh air, that'll help us. And a drink.Shall I brew you some tea?" Kay gently held her arm to lead her out of the crumbling remains of her old estate. "And yes, we'll pick up something along the way. Where does your dad work these days? Which building?" Was it the Senate Hall, Palace or somewhere else entirely? Kay had no idea of how things worked these days.

 

[Shoden Moz]

"Your tea? I'd never turn that down." Shoden coughed a bit more after NPC Treasury 's suggestion, having been rather lucky to not breathe in too much ash and dust up until now. The first few coughs were a result of her emotions, not the air, but being made aware of the lack of good fresh air only made the problems worsen. She clung gently to Kay's arm as she lead her out, not responding at first until she could manage to catch her breath. There was no point to it after all, if she would be unable to speak.

"He lives and works in the Palace still. Said the President had worked there before you were Queen and 'I refuse to let such comfy décor go to waste'. That said He doesn't go further than the office anymore unless someone pressures him, mostly Grandma. She's kinda scary when she wants Dad to do something." Not that she spent much time visiting, of course. She was still the one in charge of Nordel on the planet, which meant a lot of time doing her own job.

((OOC note: Will switch over to Darlyn Excron when he becomes the main actor.))