Stürmenkorps Clone Infantry

[Jack Anderson]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

Intent: To produce a cheep and disposable line infantry unit for Blackwing Logistical and Military Services to use in it's various contracts.
Image Credit: https://www.deviantart.com/nonark/art/Death-Korp-of-Krieg-guradsman-201896546
Role: Line Infantry
Links: N/A

GENERAL INFORMATION
Unit Name: Stürmenkorps Clone Infantry
Affiliation: Blackwing Logistical and Military Services
Classification: Line Infantry
Equipment:

• D-27 Armourweave Combat Coverings
• Mark 51 Blaster Rifle
• .48-caliber Enforcer pistol
• Bayonet/Combat Knife
• x2 Thermal Detonators
• OmniNode communications set (One per squad)
• Per squad - replace one Mark 51 with specialist weapon
  Z50 grenade launcher
• BT X-42 flamethrower
• Outland rifle

[*]Weapon maintenance tool kit
[*]Entrenching tool
[*]Rucksack
[*]Mess kit
[*]Canteen
[*]One week combat rations
COMBAT INFORMATION
Availability: Common
Deployment: Mass

Strengths:

• Immune to mind altering force attacks
• Brianwashed, willing to follow even the most suicidal orders or break and run when defeat is inevitable
• Well trained

Weaknesses:

• Poor quality equipment
• Genetic template is not varied, making bio attacks very easy
• Solders without the oversight of an officer are prone to making poor decisions on the battlefield, sticking to tier last command stubbornly, often leading to unnecessary deaths, for example when a withdrawal might have been a better option.

Description: Grown to maturity from an Epicanthix template with in a couple months, brainwashed while in their tanks and taught from the moment they step out of their maturation pod, flash learning is used to build an initial knowledge base and after wards training is hard, intense, and brutal. Some units train in bayonet combat, the Death Korps Clones try to kill each other during this, some units use gunfire shot over the heads of soldiers to encourage then to keep their heads down while crawling though a simulation trench, the Korps just try to kill trainees who are foolish enough to expose themselves. An injured trooper that can't find themselves back in training quickly gets shuffled into the factories, since clearly they aren't learning well enough to survive on a real battlefield and are put into a more, supportive, role suited to their skills, or rather lack of skills. Once put on the battlefield the trooper is cheaply equipped and while well trained, is weak on their own, so they are organised into squads meant to work in close cohesion with each other and the larger troop formation, in the case they can not make contact with the larger command structure they are instructed to advance and kill any enemies in front of them, only stopping if they capture a critical point, or the highest ranking amongst the group has a proper plan.

 

[Arekk]

Under review.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Arekk]

Strengths:

• Fanatically loyal

This isn't really a strength. Please swap it out for something that's actually one.

Weaknesses:

• Weak individually

Can you into detail regarding this weakness? What makes them weak individually?

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Jack Anderson]

"Fanatically loyal" has has been expanded to a proper strength "Fanatically loyal, willing to follow even the most suicidal orders or break and run when defeat is inevitable "

"Weak individually" has been modified to "When separated from their group the individual soldier does not present a significant threat"

[member="Arekk"]

 

[Arekk]

"Weak individually" has been modified to "When separated from their group the individual soldier does not present a significant threat"

I'm still not convinced on this weakness considering the loadout and training this unit has, individually a soldier can prove to be a significant threat. Try to find a perfect balance for this weakness.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Jack Anderson]

[member="Arekk"]

I changed it to

Each solider's training is based around combat, not strategy or tactics, without any sort of officer direction they follow a single directive, complete their last order, or just advance and kill as many enemies as possible.

I think that better conveys what I meant by not conveying much of a threat on their own.

 

[Arekk]

Each solider's training is based around combat, not strategy or tactics, without any sort of officer direction they follow a single directive, complete their last order, or just advance and kill as many enemies as possible.

A soldier is indeed trained in strategy and tactics besides combat so I see a really small fault with this. Just make it more clear here that without any officer to guide them they're prone to taking decisions that will put themselves at risk of dying in the battlefield since they are not as experienced as an officer.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Arekk]

Status on this submission?

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Arekk]

Archived for inactivity. Tag me or any other RPJ to bring this submission back from the archives.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Arekk]

Brought back from the archives. Also, under review.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Arekk]

I still need you to make the changes aforementioned.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Jack Anderson]

[member="Arekk"]

Tefka was faster than a thought, changes made as required

 

[Arekk]

Approved, pending secondary.

[member="Jack Anderson"]

 

[Srina Talon]

[member="Jack Anderson"] Greetings! Just a few notes...

Image Sourcing - "Wallpaper House" is not an appropriate source because anyone can upload the wallpapers and claim them. The original artist is NonArk from DeviantArt. Please use this link.

Death Korps - This infantry unit bears a striking resemblance to the Death Korps of Kreig from Warhammer 40K. Between the name and the artwork of the very same Death Korps this is a little bit of a red flag. Scanning through the submission, and the wiki-article, also continues to carry that similarity. Especially in weapons choices [bayonet/flamethrowers/etc] and in how they were trained. Not to mention their willingness to die/follow sacrificial orders. The only true difference is that they are clones and some of the additional gear.

Overall, the basic framework is fine, but it needs more fleshing out and perhaps a name change so that it does not so closely emulate the original source.

If you think it might take some time for the adjustments I can move the sub to the Pre-Codex while you make things more your own. Please tag me if you need help, have made the edits, or if you would like it moved to Pre-Codex. Thank you!

 

[Srina Talon]

[member="Jack Anderson"] Any update on this? Even if you just need assistance, please, don't hesitate to tag here.

 

[Srina Talon]

[member="Jack Anderson"] Checking in for a status update? I know the site was wonky last week so I'll leave this open another two days or so. If I don't hear anything back the thread will have to be Archived due to inactivity.

 

[Jack Anderson]

[member="Srina Talon"]
It is meant to emulate the Kreig, I'm just very creative when it comes to names, (Yeah using that one was pretty stupid in hindsight) when sort of specific changes would you like to see that would keep the general feeling but divorce them from the original?

 

[Srina Talon]

[member="Jack Anderson"]

Emulating the Kreig is fine. We all do it with things that we enjoy, mostly subconsciously, but we just need to make sure that there's enough you in this sub to call it your own. The site doesn't allow 'crossover' from other genres so taking something from Warhammer and attempting to adapt it so closely is the biggest issue.

I can't tell you exactly what to say or write, but I would suggest that you take a look at some of the following:

Name of the Unit: This is the number one change I would suggest that you start with. Take your time and rename the unit to something unique. I know it isn't the easiest thing to do, however, it's the first thing others will see.

Art: If you really enjoy the visual aesthetic you CAN still use it, so long, as the Unit Name, Equipment, and Combat Information get updated.

Equipment: Much of it is fine, but, the bayonet and flamethrower are obvious Kreig choices. You can keep to enjoying the genre with the Wookie-Linked pistols, blasters, grenades, and other miscellaneous items but perhaps try and add/swap a few pieces for the Specialist Weapons. Star Wars has a ton of awesome canon items and gizmos that might strike you as cool.

Strengths and Weaknesses: Perhaps rethink the "Fanatically Loyal" section OR try to add more differentiating options. It might be a good idea to look outside of the Kreig for this.

Description: Flesh this out a little more. There's nothing wrong with brutal training, as I'm sure it happens with more than just the Kreig, but try and add more to it in your own words. Dial back the Warhammer elements and think more along the lines of what could benefit the "Blackwing Logistical and Military Services" the most.

This is something you can most definitely take your time on. Please keep note that not everything I mentioned above needs to be 100% changed. It's just some suggestions for things to look at to make this submission more acceptable. Think of it as a guide, or a helping hand, not a hard line.

Would you like me to move the submission to the Pre-Codex while you look it over? It can stay there for at least two weeks so you won't feel rushed. Please let me know.

 

[Jack Anderson]

[member="Srina Talon"]

Archive this please, I'll be submitting something similar, but a million times more original (even though 0 times 1,000,000 is still 0) in the near future.

 

[Srina Talon]

[member="Jack Anderson"] I will archive it. Please contact [member="Irajah Ven"], [member="Jairus Starvald"], or myself if for some reason you need it pulled to Pre-Codex. Thank you for understanding!