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Spellbook allocation

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
Intent: This submission is to provide members of the Fringe with the means of training in the Magic.
Development Thread:

PRODUCTION INFORMATION
Manufacturer: Jedi/Sith Master Darrrnis Pollik
Model: Unique Spellbook
Affiliation: Fringe
Modularity: No
Production: Unique
Material: Force-imbued paper/binding

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Classification: Spellbook
Size: Two-Handed
Length: 15"x7"x4"
Weight: 3.62 Kilograms

CONTENTS:
A severely damaged autobiographical account of the life of Jedi/Sith Master Sorceror Darrrnis Pollik. The Book, despite it's help in training, after to much prolonged activity causes the user to begin to have spans of removed time. When another is asked for information on the user's own whereabouts, the peer will not remember if they saw them. Eventually it will become known Pollik is influencing actions using the body of the being, and those with memory of said actions are removed. As well, for those of the light, they will begin to feel a taint upon reading. After prolonged exposure it may become more.

Accounts:
-Starting initially with Darrrnis' earliest memories with the Jedi, along with the principles fought. From his journeys on Tython and Coruscant, to the trainings brought from his master. Originally starting with Djem So, as well as Telekinesis alongside Mind Control, Darrrnis worked hard to hone his skills and did rather well by the time of his fall to the Sith.
-During his times as a Sith, he recounts his training in Ataru and Juyo, as well as learning to dominate the power of healing with the darkside. With his Sith Master at his side, Darrrnis spent many years falling prey to the darkside. Each kill, crime or general wrongdoing was pushing him to the point of no return. But this did not bother him in the slightest, as he was happy with his new life. It was during his time as a Sith that he was Knighted and eventually Mastered.
-Directly after the aforementioned times as a Sith, Darrrnis mentioned the numerous years spent following knighthood achievement, studying the rare Magics of the Sith. These he grew to find were his true power and control lay, the dominance over weaving intricate hand patterns combined with spoken terms in the Sith language.
-After finally coming to the epiphany that it was not worth it to stay under the influence of the darkness, Darrrnis spent several years with the Fallanassi, but this portion of text is to far damaged to be thoroughly translated.
-Following his times with someone(s) neutral, Pollik realized that this was the best for him. The dark he took to serious and nearly died, the light he took gently and rarely appreciated. The middle line consisted of the best of both worlds, and as such he goes into detail on his ideals for a true empire.
-Darrrnis also recounts his time on Dathomir. From the times he fought Rancor day by day, due to a self announced exile, to the lush adventures with the beautiful women that tended to despise males. Having to earn himself beyond those ever heard of, he was eventually fully integrated into the lives of the sisters, and as such was considered a true member of their covens.
-Lastly, with the time spent among the Dathomir people, Pollik studied dubiously. Every spell he could learn in a 4 year stay was recorded for later mastery. From cloaking oneself and conjuring flames in a unique fashion, he decided this to be his special talent.
-After leaving the planet, not much is recounted, but the fact was obvious he withdrew from society to master his powers and spell.


Spells:
Interpretation
Ears of Chiroptix

Incomplete:
Concealment (Basic, teaches about a breadbox sized)
Sense of a Veshet (Only night vision)

@[member="Dranok Lussk"] and @[member="Shinjū Aÿasha"] can you two help with this instead of the Amulet? (which I can't locate a canon source for, and have decided to ignore as well following his life turning away from stealth.)
 

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
@[member="Jared Ovmar"] @[member="Sargon Vynea"] @[member="Kayla Zorg"]

You all down to help me locate it? Between 6 people I imagine we could do a rather long detailed one.
 
A P E X
Character
Having submitted a pair of holocrons myself, in addition to helping others out with submissions of a similar nature to this, I'm going to have to honestly say...this would be one-shot denied in the Factory. The grounds for this would be simply the fact that it is attempting to do too much in a single submission. To begin, you have made an artifact that, in exchange for magic training, will ultimately result in the unavoidable movement of a character from his/her faction. That's something that I, and I'm sure the members of staff, will not be comfortable with.

However, this particular trait of the spellbook is not the main issue. The key feature that would get this submission one-shot is the fact that it contains SEVERAL spells of various levels. The auction, and the approved holocron submissions in the factory, all but revealed the site policy on such items. They generally teach one or two (with two pushing it) abilities or spells, and contain a history. This one contains several.

So, all in all, it needs to be significantly toned down in order to be approved; in addition to having an decent development thread. This is just my humble opinion and I hope it helps!

@[member="Zaiden James-Greyson"].
 

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
Well, I was hoping with a very in-depth and extensive dev thread it would be accepted. And according to Wookieepedia most of them are low levels.. I made sure to not add any super powerful. But none the less, thanks and I even edited further per your advice. That's why I posted it here. So, what about now? I removed most of the incomplete as those were the strongest basically, and the one strong one I left I dulled down.

@[member="Jacques Cavill"]
 

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
@[member="Darron Wraith"] @[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

I think it was you two who approved the holocrons that gave inspiration for this. I noticed @[member="Jacques Cavill"] had a point about the holocrons only teaching a bit. So if backed by an intense dev thread can this be accepted? Technically it only has one offensive ability, but a few basics necessary to past the normal acolyte etc tests from Dathomir and Sith.
 
A P E X
Character
*made the approved Holocrons, mwahahah*

Looks significantly better, noticed the removal of the insta-"outta this Faction" part. I'd drop the Spell of Concealment and the Spell of Surge of the Briar. Aside from that, you're golden. In your thread, aim for more than the previous standard of posts, make it a good, compelling story. Remember, the staff isn't looking for posts per se, but they're looking for story above all else. Make it a good read, explain the acquisition well, and I think you'll see the approved stamp on it.

Just my opinion, XD

@[member="Zaiden James-Greyson"].
 

Darron Wraith

Honor | Duty | Courage
Writer
The holocrons I've approved have been off of canon or Masters on this board who were at the top of their faction. I know nothing of the Master you mention, and you are a Knight "finding" something that can do a ton.

If this was submitted in the factory it would get one shot denied based on those things alone. Considerable edits will need to be made.
 

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
@[member="Jacques Cavill"] - Thanks for the help.

@[member="Darron Wraith"] - With the aide of 4 knights and a Sorceror master. As well, I figured it was a factory submission thus could be custom. I also took out legitimately all the powerful spells. It teaches languages, to hear, and night vision. If I can get a genuinely good long dev thread, can this be accepted? Even though it's a custom.
 

Darron Wraith

Honor | Duty | Courage
Writer
If you have a Master in there helping too, and the dev thread is good and substantial. Yes, if those powerful spells are out. Most can have one powerful thing, after that not so much for things like this.

If it was Palpatine's holocron that was an event prize, I"m pretty sure it'd have everything sith in it. See what I'm saying?
 

Matreya

Well-Known Member
Writer
Gotcha. And as mentioned I even have a specialist of the sort I seek. Even have a good plot, with a few different players.
 

Kayla Zorg

Demolitions Expert.
Character
Don't mention you have an apprentice helping out as well... @[member="Zaiden James-Greyson"] :D

@[member="Darron Wraith"]
 
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