So Devoid of Color

[Ara Zambrano]

Location: Bridge of the Crimson Sparrow, Furious-class Crystal Corvette

Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he's so devoid of color
He don't know what it means
And he's blue


Everything hurt but not in the way she’d expected. Eyes that were already sensitive to the subtle changes in light and shadows around them blinked rapidly against the flashes of neon and LED from the control panel. Occasionally, when her eyelids closed and darkness enveloped her vision, a handprint dominated, seared into her mind by memory and emotion. A low growl and slammed fist on the console caused the trooper standing guard by the door to shift slightly, the sound of armor scrapping the only clue she’d startled the man behind the white duraplast.

Despite everything, one side of her mouth quirked into a smug grin at the thought, her balled fist opening and shifting across the lights and buttons quickly, keying in a familiar code, even if the Knight had failed to use it in quite a while. While the screen flickered and attempted the long range communication, she sat back, borrowed helmet sitting off to the side, cloak settled comfortably around her shoulders, the weight of the fabric the only thing that kept her anchored to the ground.

The budding ache within surged with the moment of passivity, nerves burning from the lack of warmth of the Force, once so integral to the woman, now stripped from her being forcefully by a member of the Galactic Alliance during their mission to retrieve valuable data from the FIV Kingsfisher. At least that was her hope, that the information gathered had been worth the personal sacrifice.

Fingers played across the leather of the belt hitched across her hips, pausing as they danced lightly over the clip that normally held the hilt of her beloved Ba’Vanim, now bereft of it’s cool metal and obsidian. Anger burst over her, the feeling a shock of cold water with its lack of power. For almost a year, she’d trained in, fought with, and embraced the power of the Force surrounding the universe, now suddenly gone from her grasp, the hollow ache it left behind driving the Knight to tears. Her anger and fear had driven her further than she ever imagined, each emotion bolstering and fortifying her own reservoir of darkness, now empty.

Was this how her mother had felt on those nights where the drugs had run out and food was scarce? The gnawing ache in your gut that cries out to be filled but never can? The muscles cramping from lack of nutrients they have come to rely on despite the havoc they reek on one’s body. Arms wrapped around her lower torso, a few deep breaths keeping her from lashing out at anything and everything, the tell-tale beeps of a connection finishing shaking her out of her reverie.

Green eyes rimmed in sulfur and amber raised to the small screen, as she reached out to her former Master.

”Master….”

A paused, the knot in her throat keeping her from continuing even as much as the thought that the title was no longer appropriate, did.

”…Talon. I…need to speak with you.” Her eyes shifted to the side, disgust, embarrassment, and fury shining within them. ”If you….can we….” For someone so used to using words and wit to get what she needed, now her hands grasped at empty straws, looking for a way to ask for his assistance when all she wanted to do was run. That was not an option, abandoning the only family she’d known was not in the cards, not now while they were at war and so many wounded.

Reports had listed high casualties for the Order, Talon among them. Her name had been kept off of the data reports, mostly due to her insistence and the physical well-being of the knight. Clearing her throat and pushing back the anger, she straightened and turned back to the screen.

”It is a conversation better left to be had in person. If you feel well enough, may we meet? I…am in need of your guidance.”

A moment of silence before adding, "I hope you are well. The reports did not sound favorable."

She ducked her head once and waited for his response.

[member="Kriel Firin"]

Spoiler

I'm still on a semi-LOA but this begged to be written ^_^

 

[Kriel Firin]

Death was the easiest option. It always was. Living required sacrifice and hard work. And sleep? Well that would have been the easiest choice of all. A dreamless sleep that would have lasted an eternity.

Except that was not Talon Ren’s way. It was never Talon Ren’s way — even before he was Talon Ren.

Perhaps his pride was the real injury he’d sustained. In his mind he was the best bladesman the Knights of Ren had to offer. He’d dedicated a decade plus to the art. And he’d been bested in a matter of seconds.

So, since the battle, he’d licked his wounds and dwelled on the situation. His injuries were a legitimate reason to be in isolation but he’d milked the situation. And who knew how long he’d remain in this mental state?

But an urgent communication was put in front of him and despite an initial reluctance to consider it, once he realised who it was from he quickly woke from his unsocial stupor. There was something about a Master-Disciple relationship that endured beyond the initial training.

His response was short and to the point. Where and when? And as soon as he sent it, he dressed in his armour, mask and robes for the first time since the battle. There was comfort in the pain and he realised how foolish he had been. And he knew he had to re-double his efforts with a saber to be the duellist he’d previously believed he’d been.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Relief rushed through Ara when she received the return communication. Short and to the point, it answered few questions, but meant that her former master was healthy enough to agree to meet with her. That would have to satisfy her curiosity for now.

Simple coordinates and a time later in the day were sent back, directing Talon to a military garrison in Avalonia that the Knight had used for training in the past, somewhere quiet and easy to access for the two Ren. She supposed the Bastion could have served for meeting as easily, but she hardly felt like returning to a place seeped in darkness, tempting, taunting, and utterly beyond her reach.

A low growl preceded the end of the communication, fingers shutting the connection down quickly and accessing the cruiser’s comm system.

”Captain Risht, prepare for departure immediately. Avalonia Spaceport.”

The voice echoed through the bridge and into the depths of the ship, booted feet pounding across the metal flooring as all crew aboard prepared for a quick departure. Unaltered as it was, her voice sounded almost foreign, just this side of shaky and unauthoritative for her well-being. Without the vocalizer in her now destroyed mask, it sounded too young, too scared, to command squadrons of Stormtroopers or even the Disciples of Ren that peppered their order. As if they’d listen to a Knight without access to the power that separated them from the common soldiers of the First Order.

Shifting from her spot at the navigator’s chair as the hiss of glass doors sliding open announced the arrival of their pilot, his eyes studiously avoiding her fiery gaze as he shot a salute in her direction and settled into the pilot’s position. Nodding once, she brushed past him, cloak snapping behind her. Nothing of her inner turmoil would show on her face, years of practice and subterfuge proving valuable in masking the girl’s unstable state from her subordinates.

Without another word, she disappeared into the depths of the ship, searching for anything to occupy her mind during the short flight to the Capital, thoughts swirling and twisting within her mind.

---

Location: Military Garrison, unused Officer's Office

The garrison was quiet on this level, the room familiar. This time she was alone, no new disciple to introduce to her Master, no light-hearted flirting. Just the girl, her cloak, a missing saber, and enough anxiety and anger to cause hardened soldiers to shy away as she’d made her way to the assigned meeting room.

Pacing while she waited, the seared in image sat at the edge of her vision, a vicious reminder of her new weakness.

[member="Kriel Firin"]

 

[Kriel Firin]

Avalonia.

He traveled in some style to the rendezvous. Gone were the days he piloted a small corvette. Now he was aboard a ship that carried its own fighter squadrons and he was now afforded the time and space to meditate and ensure his body was as fit as it could be before he arrived to meet his former Disciple. Like him, she would soon be a Master. He knew it and wondered if she knew it.

He wondered if this was the reason she wished to meet. But he was not one to speculate needlessly. He would find out the true reason soon enough.

So he remained in the medical facilities of the Destroyer as it headed to the planet, allowing the medical droids to work their own particular brand of magic on his recent wound and his burns too.

And soon enough they were there. He departed the ship alone, heading into the garrison and to the room they’d been allocated. And as he approached the room he sensed her presence and something new. The confidence he associated with Ara was missing and instead he sensed only anxiety.

His steps echoed along the corridor and only paused when he reached the door and entered.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

The door opening startled her, the Knight spinning around to face the entrance, fabric shifting and settling behind her. The automatic movement to reach for her saber had her grasping at only air, heart pounding as a moment of panic took over as fingers failed to find the cool metal.

The familiar robes and mask of her former Master dominated the entryway, her panic subsiding incrementally as she straightened and bowed at the waist slightly out of respect and difference.

”Mas-…Talon.”

Her normally silky voice was robbed of confidence, wavering with insecurity and anger instead. The knight should have felt his presence long before he stepped into the room, recognized the familiar aura and been prepared for his arrival. Instead, the scrape of metal her only warning, her mind as blind to the nuances of his presence as she’d been her first day in the Bastion.

Straightening, she turned away from his gaze quickly, fighting the urge to pace again, the knot restricting her throat tightening and robbing her of words.

”Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice.”

Another duck of the head in appreciation accompanied the words as habit took over, another pause stopping her from continuing. She should inquire about his own injuries sustained on Skor or even just tell him why she’d asked him here. But how to even begin?

[member="Kriel Firin"]

 

[Kriel Firin]

He paused in the doorway. Her unease was disconcerting and he sensed his presence here was not necessarily linked to his rank or Order but rather it was about who he was. Who they were.

So he remained stationary whilst she spoke, looking to glean some clue as to why he was here. But none was forthcoming and so he decided to step forward, closing the door behind him.

And then he decided to speak, hoping to put Ara at ease. “It does not matter how much time elapses, our bond will endure. So do not look to hide anything from me, share whatever is on your mind and we can move forward. Together.”

And then he fell quiet once more, allowing Ara the space to speak at her own pace.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Turning away from his words, she cast a glance towards the window on the far side of the room, knowing her eyes would show the emotion his words dragged to the surface. Hope, relief, respect, appreciation, trepidation, and doubt mixed together and crashed over her. She had never had luck with that word, together. It only brought heartache, disappointment, and bitterness in her experience.

The Ren depending on working together as unit, a whole, but for the most part, they were autonomous, working towards whatever Sieger Ren asked of them in whatever way they saw fit. The knight had fought alongside her brothers and sisters, defended them, supported them, and sacrificed for them. Could she trust that they would do the same for her? That was the risk she was taking every time she stepped foot on the battle field or accepted an assignment for the good of the Order, trust that they would have her back as she had theirs.

But he was not just a Master of Ren. He was her former Master, the one who’d shaped her, molded her, taught her. Her skills with a saber and the Force came from his teachings; her personal saber, the one who’s absence she felt as keenly as the lack of Force connection, an artifact forged in the heat of Mustafar with his guidance. She trusted him with her past, the truth of her person, and now, she had to trust him with her weakness.

Besides, if she had not thought that he could help, she would not have reacted out to him in the first place.

A deep breath steeled her core and straightened her spin, the knight still staring out the window, despite knowing she would never see his emotion from behind the helmet he wore.

”I can no longer connect with the Force.”

Speaking the words out loud felt like a punch to the gut, nerves and fear clenched in a fist around her throat, tears threatening to gather in her eyes. Biting down on her lower lip, pushing the weaker emotions back, she let the anger and determination take control, feeling her eyes grow cold as she continued, the handprint floating in her vision, washing the rest of the fear away.

[member="Kriel Firin"]

 

[Kriel Firin]

He could tell something was wrong without any probing. And he was not about to do that — not yet at least. There was a respect in Talon’s mind in the sanctity of a Master-Disciple relationship, and he was not about to break it. He could push and press and cajole, but ultimately it was a two-way relationship and right now, Ara was in control of the conversation and he would follow her lead.

Yet, despite expecting something significant to be shared, he was not prepared for Ara’s next words. His mind was reeling with options and possibilities but he was self-aware enough to understand that to bombard her with questions would be to fill her mind with worries and concerns and that was the worst course of action.

So he allowed the silence to hang for a few moments before he asked what he considered to be the most important question.

“Did someone do this to you, or did it just happen?”

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

The silence that hung between them set her nerves on fire in anticipation. Turning to face Talon Ren, she wished he had removed his helmet, as she’d convinced him to do once, when the oppressive heat from Mustafar became too much. Vaguely she wondered if that would make a difference, if the Master of Ren would allow any emotion to show as it appeared. Or if he, like her, had learned to hide all signs of the thoughts behind the mask. For now, she started at the impersonal, cold metal, waiting for his judgment to be passed down.

And yet, no judgement came. A simple, yet important question voiced with the emotionless drone of a vocalizer.

”Someone.”

The second portion of his question distracted her for a moment, the possibility that one could lose their connection with the Force without provocation cause for even greater alarm. Pushing the panic and surge of thoughts back, she focused on the task at hand, giving her former mentor as much information as she could so that he might best advise her.

”I was tasked with assisting in the recovery of, or should that fail, scuttling, of the FIV Kingsfisher. It was left for discovery by the Alliance forces on the Salvage Platform far above Skor II, myself and a small team sent to retrieve the information it contained within. There were….complications.”

Said without emotion, strictly focused on the facts of their mission, her mouth quirked up into a smile as she remembered the glitter bomb that erupted shortly before they boarded the abandoned vessel. The knight refused to think about the nature of their boarding, those few moments suspended in space an experience best left in the dredges of her memory. Skipping forward in the timeline of her recollections, she continued, a bit of anger and uncertainty leaking into her voice as turned and began to pace.

”There was, of course, opposition to our mission. The High Marshall and myself taking point so that one of our team, a pilot, might safely make his way into the depths of the command center. I was-“

Pausing for a moment as she struggled to find the rights words, desperate to describe the scene that in her mind was more chaotic than anything else.

”My opponent used a power I have never experienced before, a stream of light that obstructed my ability to access the Force. Although, at first, it was only temporary.”

Her mind flashed back to the duel they, [member="Bryce Bantam"] and she, had waged on the ceiling of the bridge of the FIV Kingfisher, fingers clenching into a fist as she relived the moment he repulsed her saber blade with his hands, burning flesh and light mixing until she’d fallen.

Words never came and so she let the silence hang between them, wondering how he would take the loss of the blade he’d helped her forge. Its absence weighed almost as much on her mind as her lost power did.

[member="Kriel Firin"]

 

[Kriel Firin]

Talon Ren listened. And he listened intently. At no point did he indicate he had an opinion or thought, rather he allowed the silence between sentences to build and made no attempt to fill it. It was important that Ara said everything she wanted and needed to say before he ventured any of his own words.

Finally she was finished and he allowed the silence to hang — almost deafening in its complete absence of noise. And the first sounds that broke the vacuum were the metallic noises the clips of his helmet made as he removed the headpiece.

Why did he remove it? It was hard to fathom — not that he was thinking about it. It was instinctive, natural. It simply felt the right thing to do. He needed to see into her eyes with his own and wants her to see as well as hear the honesty in his words.

“If there was a single answer, one and only one solution, I’d share it here and now.”

He held her gaze. “I can and always will be honest with you. So do not hear my words as a resignation of failure. All I am saying now is that I do not know precisely what happened or what ability was used. But that does not mean all is lost — any more than I’m saying the solution is going to be easy. The truth, as I believe it, is somewhere between the two. It invariably is.”

“So tell me, what do you know of Force Light?”

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Those few moments of silence weighed heavily between them, the quiet broken only by metallic clicks that preceded the Master of Ren removing his helmet. Surprise flashed across her face for an instant before it disappeared, the knight pivoting to meet his gaze. Emerald eyes glanced over the familiar planes of his face, covered in burns that looked decidedly better than they had during the return trip back from Mustafar the last and only time she’d seen him without the mask. Surprised at the slight flood of relief that came with the cursory glance, she met his brown eyes, a grim smile settling in.

Wincing as he mentioned the lack of a singular answer, her instinct to duck away from his gaze only stopped by the respect she held for him. She would not run or hide from his words, no matter how difficult they might be to hear. No, the knight would face the reality of her situation, just as he was being open and honest with her.

Ducking her head once in acknowledgment as he continued. Wishing she could give more details, her fingers clenched closed and opened again, the visible sign of her anxiety at his words even as her feet longed to pace, to work off the adrenaline and nerves flooding her system.

At the word lost, Ara turned away and broke from his piercing gaze, praying he wouldn’t see the pain and fear welling to the surface. Like a punch to the gut, his words settled in her mind even as he continued, meant to inspire realism as well as encouragement. Her life had never been easy. It had never been pretty or comfortable and now was no different.

The well of self-pity loomed, drawing her in and threatening to swallow her up in her own thoughts until his question broke through, his words a confirmation of her own suspicions.

”It was my first thought as well.”

Her experience with Force Light was little, here say from another who had been plagued by it, although he had called it…what was the term the ex-Jedi had used?

”Connor mentioned being affected by something similar, although, he called it a Wall of light.”

Turning back towards Talon, eyes shining with a myriad of emotions the name dredged up in her mind, expression thoughtful as she struggled to remember what he’d told her of his own experience. That first meeting rushed to the forefront of her mind, the two having spent time at a small café, talking, while she assessed the man and his honesty.

”He claimed it severed the connection Dark Side users held with the Force.”

Shrugging once to indicate the end of her knowledge as well as her skepticism regarding its origin. The ex-Jedi had slowly been regaining his powers when last the pair spoke, a laborious task enduring over months of retraining with both the Ren and a Sith Lord ally of his alike. Was that her future? Months of retraining, searching for even a small semblance of the power she’d grown accustomed to?

[member="Kriel Firin"]