Private Slow And Steady Wins The Race

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

"Gah!"

Gwyn ducked behind a wall as multiple stun bolts barraged the floor where she had once stood. Panting, she held her stun-ion pistol in her hand as she contemplated her next move. She was training without her armor. She had been told long ago, just starting out as a foundling, that Mandalorians were not their armor or their weapons. The person themselves needed to be threatening. Gwyn trained with her armor a lot, yes, but she also trained without. Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. She had dressed light for this, but she was still sweating. She reached down to her hip and pulled out her lightsaber. The only way to do this was to make use of the Form Five techniques she had been practicing off and on. With so many stun drones closing in...

The bright white blade activated as she jumped into the open. She made use of her Force Sense, relying on that more than her sight as she blocked multiple shots at once, firing back with the ion pistol when the opening was apparent. She continued onwards, eventually managing to take out a good portion of the drones.

The lightsaber deactivated, she put it on her hip. She jumped aside another shot, rolling and landing on her knees as she lifted her pistol and swiftly shot each and every drone - except the last one. Her knees shook and she stood to leap away from another shot she sensed was coming... only to be shot and thrown back against the wall. She moaned, still conscious but unable to move properly. She tried to move her arm, to grab the pistol she dropped, but she was unable to. The drone was closing in. She hissed, gritting her teeth. She looked at the drone and limply clenched a hand shut. The drone collapsed in on itself, falling to the ground.

Well, that was a drone she had to pay for a replacement for. But, she still won.

Panting, she stayed limp against the wall as sleep tempted her to come. But the moment the stun bolt wore off, she had more to do, no matter how much she didn't want to.

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

"Not bad!" Echoed the synthesized voice from the entrance to the training block as the Kel Dor looked over the battlefield before him. Patting down his black and brown robes, he looked more like a Jedi than a Mandalorian as he gracefully walked in and stopped by the destroyed droid. "Though, I imagine the ship's quartermaster won't be very happy." He chuckled as he looked at Gwyn. He adjusted the pistol and collapsed electrostaff on his belt as he walked over to Gwyn and held a hand out towards her.

"While I can respect light clothing for training, I doubt the particular design is a bit... appropriate... for a situation like this." He remarked with a smile in his synthesized voice as he helped her up and held a bottle of water out to her. "Would you mind a more sentient sparring partner? I haven't had much time to train with everything going on." He asked with a gentle voice as he removed the droids with a wave of his hand.

His expressionless visor studied her for a moment. "You seem troubled, Gwyn. What is wrong?" He enquired as he unclipped his electrostaff from his belt and, with a press of a button, extended the telescopic phrik pole to its full length.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn's legs wobbled as she stood to her feet, even with Jos's help. She was happy to glug the entire bottle of water. The cold water running down her esophagus her was akin to a cool wave coming over an angry fire. As she put the empty bottle on a table, she wiped her mouth, "Thanks. And I'll buy a new drone myself, I have the money."

Being a CEO and Karjr had its financial benefits.

She watched Jos enter an opening stance with his electrostaff. She blinked, knowing that she should feel honored that Jos was offering to help her train. So why did she feel as dull as before? Was she broken again? Furthermore, melee combat was not her strong suit. She had incredible aim and was a wizard with blasters. Then again, she trained to not only keep her strengths up, but to sharpen her weaknesses. When Jos asked the wobbly girl if she was alright, she scoffed in amusement.

"When have I ever not been troubled? My whole life is one big circus act."

She lifted her lightsaber hilt and entered the Djem-Sho stance. She carefully looked over Jos's weak spots, his stance, the potential weaknesses of his weaponry, his strengths... his so many strengths...

She panted, sweat dripping down her face. Jos would notice the circles under her eyes, the only form of coloring on her pale face. She took deep breaths, trying to maintain a steady breathing rhythm. She closed her eyes, took a breath, then opened her eyes. Her white lightsaber activated, in its training blade form of course.

She swept forward, lifting her saber and striking one of the two sides of his electrostaff. She then applied Form Five's technique of parrying and counterattacking. She hoped to outmaneuver the two electric ends and slip through its defenses, to land a strike on the chest. All the while, she kept awareness of her body and his, keeping her posture and watching for the second end of the staff to sneak an attack on her. She was aware of her surroundings, the table and fallen drone. She was aware and poised, but with how tired she was, it could be easy for Jos to exploit weaknesses.

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

A soft chuckle projected through the Kel Dor's mask as he activated the electronic currents at the end of his staff, naturally in a non-lethal and weak mode. The last thing he needed was to knock the girl out for the rest of the day. "I can tell. Your focus is about as scattered as one too." He teased, though his voice indicated the care he felt towards her.

Her lightsaber ignited and she pressed the attack, but Jos was quick to match her with fluent bobs and weaving around her attack, followed by elegant thrusts and strikes. The blue currents at the ends of his staff threw sparks as he impacted with her lightsaber, only to immediately parry and counter with the opposite end. Though he was still holding back for the moment, testing her capabilities.

"When last did you manage to sleep, Gwyneira?" He asked as he twirled his electrostaff and thrust towards her, letting the weapon slide through his hand as he leaned forward for a ludicrous amount of reach. "Talk to me. What is troubling you so much? The circus is usually not this distraught." He pulled back his staff and stepped back, allowing her to press the attack if she wanted. He had a feeling that a few therapeutic bashes could be coming his way.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Sleep? What was sleep? Gwyn could sleep when she was dead!

Not answering the first question, she pressed her attack with all of Form Five's offensive power. However, while Form Five was prized for counter attacks and turning enemy strength against them, Jos's elegant and parry heavy fighting style was difficult to do that with, especially when he had two ends of the staff to strike with. Gwyn's lack of strength in saber combat was obvious as she struggled even when pressing the charge. Her legs shook as the usually poised girl struggled with her form. Her swings were just a bit too sloppy, something that the usually disciplined girl knew and hated. She grunted in frustration, taking a step back while shaking.

Panting. Sweating. Observing.

She needed a break, no matter how much she hated to admit. Kranak Vizsla, who had promised to "break" Gwyn in training to better prepare her for real combat, had to drag his exhausted and weak daughter away from the training grounds. Gwyn had passed her Verd'goten since, and she had to accept his lessons in moderation. Sometimes. Once in a while.

She meant to just lean against the wall, but collapsed against it instead. Her lightsaber deactivated as she dropped it. As it rattled loudly against the metal floor, Gwyn slumped.

"I hardly ever sleep."

Well, first step was admittance. The circles under her eyes were heavy as her drooping vision looked to her new Alor.

Gwyn sighed, "A lot has been bothering me, to be honest. I'm sure you don't need to hear me cry about it though."

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

The weaker her form became, the more Jos eased up with his attacks and defence until he finally deactivated his staff and rested it on the ground. His visor followed her as she wobbled over to a wall and merely slumped down to the ground. The Kel Dor collapsed his staff and clipped it to his belt as he walked over to her, holding out his hand to summon her lightsaber.

He studied the hilt for a moment, admiring its craftsmanship as well as the purified crystal housed inside. There was a certain beauty to a crystal like that, an untouched purity in the Force. Those who wielded these kinds of crystals were legendary in their achievements and balance in the force. It reminded him of stories of a great Togruta Jedi from the Clone Wars, who went on to help topple the Galactic Empire. It was sad to see the wielder of this particular weapon being in such disarray.

"That is what I am here for, Gwyn." He spoke up as he looked away from the hilt to her. "Caring for you is my duty. Seeing you in such turmoil is heart-breaking to see. Not only for me, but for all who care about you." He sat down next to her, holding out the hilt for her to take. "You have quite the collection of those. Which one is that? Purified crystals are quite special." He asked gently as he looked around at the training room before he studied her tired features.

His hand rested on her head as he focused the Force to strengthen her body, breathe some energy and life back into her battered features. He wasn't going to be able to help if she fell asleep next to him. Though he was definitely going to send her to bed after he was done with her.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Her lightsaber? Despite her exhaustion, she beamed. The Survivor and her has a long history.

"Oof!"

The Alor placed his hand on her head, making her emit a little noise of surprise. She could feel energy rejuvenating her body. Was this the Force? Could Jos teach her this sometime? Gwyn hardly ever used the Force outside sensory skills, body augmentation, and telekinesis. It would most certainly help her to increase productivity to just Force hand wave her energy back.

Her smile melted though, as his questions invaded her. She pulled her knees against her chest and hugged herself, sighing. She closed her eyes, deciding to open up.

"When I was seventeen, I was a student in the Arkanian Academy on my dwarf planet when the Maw, majorly lead by Sith, attacked. I don't miss my world much, but that attack was terrible. Back then, I didn't even know how to hold a blaster correctly. Yet, I found myself running through a landing bay, trying to get away from a Sith Acolyte eager to kill people. I found some loose wires and subtly set up a trap. He wasn't thinking much, obviously, as he died by electrocution. And his lightsaber rolled from his own hand to my feet. Since then, the crystal and I bonded. It was in agony, begging for relief from the pain. I managed to get the crystal purified by a Jedi, but he stole the materials and I barely negotiated me keeping the crystal. I made a new lightsaber and put the crystal inside."

Gwyn closed her eyes, "If only my own pain could be syphoned so easily..."

Huddled and tight, she let Jos rest his hand on her head as she spoke, vulnerable and tired. "Eliz is back, but he still doesn't remember everything. Doesn't remember me fully, and what we shared."

"I still have nightmares about when my father captured me, I'm considering going to a soothsayer, but I..."

She shook her head and changed the topic. Her sadness grew into anger as she admitted this one, "I hate Shai for what she did. I hate that my buir has been so hurt by her, physically and mentally, and still blames himself what is her fault."

She panted, hot with emotion as tears welled up in her eyes, "I just keep training and fighting, keep doing my Karjr duties and focusing on my company. I try everything I can to keep myself from my feelings, but..."

Now, she yawned. She blinked, cheeks tinting red as she covered her mouth. "It worked in the academy, just working and outrunning how I felt. Why can't I do it here!"

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

Jos sat in silence as he listened to every word Gwyneira spoke with utmost attention, even if he wasn't directly looking at her. Once she started to speak, the flood gates opened up and all of her pain came pouring out. She eventually finished with a yawn and tears welling up in her eyes. His arm wrapped around and held her close for comfort as he pondered where to start.

How to put it in a way she would understand?

"Gwyn... if you have a rupture in a power core line, will simply sticking some sealing paste over the rupture solve the problem for good? Keep the reactor from blowing?" He asked her gently as his empty visor looked down at her. "Or would the best course of action be to take the extra time, power down and replace that part entirely? Even if it is more difficult?" He hoped that she was following. He knew she was terrible with emotions. And until she gained control over her emotions, her power in the Force and her life would suffer from it.

"I understand your pain, young Gwyn. Shai's... betrayal... struck a cord within us all. And Eliz... we all know just how much you care for him." He stood up and, with a wave of his hand, brought her to her feet as well. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder to keep her steady as he walked with her to a nearby turbolift. "Time, Gwyneira. Time is all it takes." Once in the turbolift, they zoomed through the enormous battlecruiser until they reached a massive viewport on the gunnery deck. The length of the ship stretched out before them, with all of its tremendous firepower on display.

"Eliz is... broken, for lack of better terms. His mind is not what it used to be. Even the feelings he once held for you, might not be there anymore. But... that does not mean you can't achieve it again. Support him, be with him, help him when he needs you." He looked out of the viewport for a moment. "Time, Gwyn. And patience. Those stars out there. They were little more than clouds of dust a few million years ago. Now look at them. This ship, it was merely an image on a draftboard twenty years ago. Now look at it." He looked at her again.

"Ten years ago, you were a lonely child with parents that held no love for you. Now look at you. A bright young woman, one of the smartest people in the system, if not the smartest. You are in a clan that cares deeply for you, Gwyn. You are not alone. All you have to do is ask." He looked back to the stars. "All the hate you harbour towards Shai is justified... but so is the hate she harbours towards herself. She feels the guilt of what she did... and I can promise you that the love she feels towards you, Eliz and Vulcan is nothing short of beautiful. Time, Gwyneira. She is fighting a war of her own, to repair what she broke. Not because she is running out of time... but because she wants to know she did what she could for you before your time runs out. What she did was horrid... but ignoring what she is doing now is not fair."

He turned to face her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You have fought alone for too long, Gwyneira. Starting tomorrow, I shall train you in the Force. But there is only so much I can do. What you need to do, is sit and think. Explore your emotions. Accept what happened. Grieve for what happened, and accept it. The physical wounds your father left will never heal... but the wounds in here..." He pressed a finger over her heart, another surge in the Force restoring her spent energy. "They will. Over time... and acceptance." He finally concluded, staring down at the girl.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn was lulled by the stoic yet soothing atmosphere Jos provided. She let him guide her, speak to her. The entire time, she listened.

She understood what he meant, speaking in terms of engineering and mechanics, and contrasting them to how she dealt with her emotions. It was like a malfunctioning piece of equipment too much of a hastle or expense to fully replace. Temporary fixes could be applied, and they could work, but it all would pile up into an outdated, clunky, malfunctioning model as time progressed. Was Gwyn's own heart like that malfunctioning piece? Slapping numbing techniques over the wounds would only pile up and make something worse. Looking back at how she had reacted to Shai in their reunion, it... it made unfortunate sense.

But if what she had done her whole life was not the answer, what was?

Jos offered his input on the situations with Eliz and Shai, and spoke of patience. Patience. Gwyn was very patience with rocket sciences and detective work as a Karjr. However, she had to admit, emotionally her patience was lacking. Was she hoping for the miracle cure to fix everything? No. No, it was more like she wished none of it had ever happened to begin with. And it made her blood boil, even thinking about what Shai had done, especially to Kranak. She wanted to turn violent when she thought of her treacherous face, and she would once again turn to numb herself to curb the craving.

How could patience help with this? She did not want the future, but to go back and change things to be perfect.

So when Jos told her to take some time being unproductive, just sitting around and thinking about all that had happened, she made a face. Grimacing, she was reluctant. Gwyn was so used to being busy. Since she was a child she went non-stop, seldom stopping even to take care of her needs. She never had parents to teach her to listen to her own body after all. College had only pushed her workaholicism further. She had been an artist, yes, painting and drawing what she felt, but... she had not done art in a while. Not since starting her company. Furthermore, the idea of just letting herself feel without limiters was... disturbing.

She looked away, even when Jos tapped her heart. Heal? Pfft. Healing was a myth. She had never healed, not even from her childhood wounds. Being told all that had changed did not erase the past. As much as she wanted the past erased, it remained. Tormenting her. So much doubt flickered in her eyes as she muttered.

"Healing doesn't exist. No matter how much time passes, it hurts just as much. Even that nurse droid from when I was a toddler."

She clenched her fists, anger swelling in her as she gritted her teeth, "Time doesn't heal. It only mocks, and refuses to reverse."

She closed her eyes, "And I'm... worried. What would happen if I just sat around being unproductive and listening to my heart. What would it do? I feel a hunger for just... ravaging, when I listen long enough. I'm so scared of the Dark Side taking over, I nearly fell to it before the Netherworld scared me away from it, I have to shut it off."

She hugged herself as her eyes darted to then away from Jos, "I just don't like feeling these things either."

In the madness that was the messy realm of her emotions already, she had failed to catch on to the significance that was Jos Krayt taking her on as a pupil. She was so caught up in the stormclouds, she was unable to see clearly at all.

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

Jos turned to look out of the viewport once again, listening to Gwyn's worries. Her emotions were rampant, clear for the Kel Dor to see through the Force. Normally someone would have given in long ago to these emotions, falling to the Darkness. And yet, she kept going. There was something to admire about her tenacity.

"There is an old saying, by a Sith Lord, no less. 'Apathy is death.' We are not machines, Gwyneira." He looked at her again. "Time is not ours to manipulate for our own selfish gains. To be a Mandalorian is to embrace your fate... and keep marching on. If I could, I would turn back time and prevent Shai from facing the Mongrel alone. Or I would go even further back, to stop the Mawite ship that captured the ship I was on when the clan saved me. But that is not our privilege. The Manda has its plans for us, it is in our hands to pick ourselves up and see it through." He turned towards her once again.

"This is the Way." He muttered softly.

He placed a hand on her shoulder as he led her out of the room, simply wandering the halls of the mothership. "You are afraid, Gwyn. Fear is natural. We are all people. But we must not let fear control us. We must not let our emotions cloud us, especially for people like you and me. The Manda has granted us a great gift, but it is our responsibility to use the Force as a tool to help our kin. Fear is the mind killer. When we fear to even feel, we are doomed to fail. What your father did to you was atrocious. But will you let that fear control you?" They reached the main hangar of the mothership, where Jos led her to his deactivated Basilisk.

"Look at it, Gwyn. Nothing but circuits and programming. At best, this is the same fate we will suffer if we reject that which sets us apart from it. At worst?" He looked to the Basilisk and hit a few buttons on the console next to it. Almost immediately, the beast came to life with a droning growl as its rotary cannon started to spool up, locking onto Gwyn. The metal behemoth was about to fire, risking not only her death, but the entire destruction of the ship with its particle drill.

Only, it shut off and slumped down again as the Kel Dor faced her. "You will place everyone you care about in grave danger." He muttered with a low voice.

"Fate has not been kind, Gwyneira. But holding onto your fears and past will simply hold you back. Will you let someone else suffer what you have suffered through? For fear of reliving it?" He moved once again, leading her back to the training room. "If you wish to harness this weapon..." He held out his hand and her lightsaber idly drifted into his palm. "... You must let go of what is holding you back. Find peace in your heart. Accept the hand that fate dealt for you, and promise to yourself that it will not control you. We are eternal, Gwyneira. All this pain is simply an illusion." He held the hilt out to her as he looked into her eyes.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

You are not meant to be just some broken machine.

Gwyn listened to it all, taking Jos's words in. She wished she was a machine sometimes. Devoid of feeling, devoid of imperfection. But being told she was not mechanical, and being shown through the basilisk how her apathy could be turned against her loved ones, was chilling. Being told to face her fears, being told to let go... It was all so confusing. She lifted a hand to her head as they reentered the training hall. As Jos held his lightsaber out to her, she grimaced as she struggled to focus on it, and on him.

Tears were welling up in her eyes. She did not want to do this. Any of this. She wanted to run, wanted to hide, wanted to fight. Yet, reason told her that if she did not want to hurt her loved ones, and that if she really wanted to master the Force, she had to. But come to terms with? Accept? Refuse to let control her? Even if she tried to run from them, her emotions always subconsciously and consciously controlled her. She gripped her head as tears fell. She felt too lost.

"How?"

She shook her head, looked away, avoided eye contact. Shy and frightened. Bitter and unforgiving. Intense and scattered. Cold and isolated. "I am who I am, no matter how much I wished I wasn't. How do I keep the emotions that make me from controlling me? Why has the Manda put this all on me? I can't..."

She shut her eyes. Tears slipped down her cheek as she clenched her fists, "I can't do this! Never could! Why all of this?! Why all these Manda's plans and giving me gifts only to chew and spit me out?! Why me!? What did I ever do to deserve all of this?"

She slumped, "What's so special about me to be Force Sensitive, to risk killing everyone I love as you showed me? What purpose could this all even serve?"

Her heart was pounding, but her voice was like that of a defeated dog's. Tired and wondering. "Was I born just for punishment? Why are these rules so... so...?"

Jos Krayt

 

[Jos Krayt]

Jos listened to her as she broke down in front of him, desperate for a solution to this hellish struggle of hers. The Kel Dor took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug. For a long moment he held her in an attempt to calm her soul. "The hottest forges shape the greatest iron, Gwyn'ika." He muttered as he pulled back to look at her.

"Why did Tarre Vizsla have to choose between his people on Mandalore and his duty as a Jedi? Why did Canderous Ordo get humiliated and reduced to little more than a lowly mercenary?" He asked her rhetorically as he let go of her. "Both of them went on to shape legends that still survive to this day, thousands of years later." He looked at her lightsaber in his palm for a moment, before taking her hand and closing it around the hilt.

"The Jedi code has a saying that is easy to understand, but hard to comprehend." He drew his pistol from its holster and opened the cell housing, revealing a yellow, cracked kyber crystal between his fingers. "Emotion, yet peace. Without control over our emotions, or an understanding of our power, we can never hope to protect our kin or those we care for. But if we do our best and learn?" He held out his hand and the crystal started to idly spin in the air while his electrostaff emerged from his belt. In a few seconds the weapon elegantly came apart and closed around the crystal, dropping into his outstretched hand.

With the press of the ignition, two unstable blades erupted from both ends as Jos stared at her. "Well... you have seen what Runi and I are capable of. Time and patience, Gwyneira. I shall teach you to control your emotions, and in turn harness the gift the Manda has given you. It is not a quick journey, and it will require a type of discipline you are not used to." He offered her once more, giving the weapon a twirl as he took a step back. "Do that, and you will be worthy of that crystal. We are not Jedi, but I can teach you their ways to use that weapon as it is meant to be used."

Gwyneira Vizsla