Sithoria

[Mike V'Trechen]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

Intent: The planet is called Sithoria. It was once a tropical rainforest planet named Treetrunksiriusstroy. It used to be a nice, hospitable spot for many people. Mike’s parents found out about it and turned it into a lava wasteland planet. When they did, all of the locals were killed and everyone from there or on the planet got killed. There are no seasons, no changesin anything. It is all dark. There are no moons. It is basicly a hot bright planet wasteland. No one would ever bother coming there. It would be a place where only Siths could come and survive. This was where Mike was born and his parnt’s died.
​Image Credit: https://www.cgtrader.com/3d-models/space/planet/lava-planet-2
Canon: N/A
Links: This is Mike V’Trechen bio: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/141713-darth-doom-destroyer/?p=1918201. This is the Faction that the planet will be allied with: http://starwarsrp.net/forum/2607-the-jenari-empire/ .
GENERAL INFORMATION

Planet Name: Sithoria
Demonym: Sithorians (Human)
Region:

System Name: Sithoria
System Features: No moons, suns, other planets, or anything of that Solar System. The planet is the systems. A day is 42 hours with NO sun, but it rotates. There are 30 days in the year.
Major Imports: Food, ship parts, ships, and guns.
Major Exports: It sells any metals, since it is a lava planet.
Unexploited Resources: Metal and Sith Crystals.
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION

Gravity: Standard
Climate: HOT! 100 degrees F.
Primary Terrain: Lava, Mountains, and Volcanos
Atmosphere: It is a Type 4.
LOCATION INFORMATION

Capital City: The Capital is Sithopolis. It has many factories, a capitol, and houses. This is the only place that has houses on the Planet.
Planetary Features: The ground is all Lava with no land. If you wanted to leave there you have to live in enclosed cities on top of the lava.
Major Locations:

Factorburnfir: This is where the main factory

Landoshiptrop: This is where all ships land.

Sith Mountain Range: The location to get Sith Crystals.

Holoberg: This is where you can contact people via holograms and make sith Holocrons.

Training Field: Training Siths and sports.

Force Nexus (Optional): There is a Sith Nexus.
Intent: It is only a place where Siths can go to and Jedis or normal people cannot. It is because when Mike’s parents wiped everyone off the Force went off balanced to where everything is the Dark Side of the Force.
Strength: It has a Strong Nexus.
Effects: It tricks peoples mind into becoming a Sith. It causes you to faint and relive the worst events that happened in your life.
POPULATION

Native Species: N/A
Immigrated Species: Humans and other Siths
Population: Insignificant. 1,000 people.
Demographics: It is open to any race as long as that person is a Sith.
Primary Languages: Galactic Basic.
Culture: People train to be siths and/or mine for metals. They accept you as you are. They do opera, Sporting events, Athletes, Ball sports, Blood sports, Combat sports, Fishing, Hunting, Martial arts, Racing sports, Sporting equipment, Sporting organizations, Sporting positions, and Sporting venues. They do not care about your religion as long as you are a Sith.
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY

Government: It is a Monarchy under the rule of Mike V’Trechen, since his parents died.
Affiliation: It is ruled by Mike V’Trechen: http://starwarsrp.net/user/20727-mike-vtrechen/, but it is allied under the The Jen'ari Empire: http://starwarsrp.net/groups/531-the-jenari-empire/
Wealth: Wealthy, since they do a lot of metalworking.
Stability: Medium, since all Sith can come. This is a planet of chaos, but law- abiding. It is dangerous to visit, if you are not a Sith. They do not participate in politics except for the monarch.
Freedom & Oppression: There are some freedom, but they have to follow rules. They need to respect the King and do their factory shifts which is 8 hours a day. They are Fairly Free. It does have a Dictator, and when fights get to dangerous the King and the Police have to stop it. It is ruled by fear, but it is relaxed and open to everyone. Illegal is drugs, deathsticks, and alcohol, because they have to deal with metals that could hurt them.
MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY
Military: A fortification that houses police, ground and ship groups. These individuals are the best there.
Technology: Animal equipment, Armor, Communications, Components, Consumables storage and processing, Countermeasures, Data storage and processing, Droids, Fictional technology, Nasan Godera's projects, Safety devices, Satellites, Sensors, Shields, and Survival gear.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
It was a tropical paradise, before Mike V’Trechen’s parents found it. They noticed that the planet was off the map, so they decided to make it into a Sith Paradise, so they brought a lot of lava and spilled it all over the planet. It destroyed everything that was good, that caused the Nexus. The parents started to fall in love with each other, so they decided to live on that planet. They brought a living containment center and just started building off it. While they were building they found many different kinds of metal, so they started selling it off. They brought in some workers that were Sith like, but they did not have the force, people. After, it was all complete, Mike V’Trechen was born.

 

[Kyyrk]

[member="Mike V'Trechen"]

Under Review

 

[Mike V'Trechen]

Thank you!

 

[Kyyrk]

[member="Mike V'Trechen"]

Alright, as per usual with my reviews, I'm going to start with the stuff I NEED you to change, and then I'll move on to the suggestions for clarity and readability, and finish off with a bullet points list so you have a nice easy reference for change list.

First up, your region indicates the planet is within Jen'ari space, which is all well and good. However, that information would actually go under the Coordinates listing, not Region. Region is simply what region of space your planet is located in. In this instance, You could list Outer Rim or Wild Space (And given the large number of custom planets in the Jen'ari sphere, you could totally check with Vyrassu to select the same region as his entries for a more uniform collection, but this is not necessary by any means).

As for the Coordinates listing, I notice you do not have one. That's something we HAVE to have, unfortunately, so I'll need you to add that back in to your sub. (it goes in between System Features, and Major Exports). To properly identify the hex it would go in, mouse over the "Map" header at the top of the page, and select "Old Map" from the dropdown. The new map doesn't have coordinates yet, so we're using this method in the meantime.

The next item on the list is your Force Nexus. Under the intent, you're gonna have to remove the part about only Sith being able to visit your planet. If anything, this would be an effect, not the intent. Pretty much the only thing you need on this heading is the statement that the Nexus was created because of the devastation wrought by the senior V'Trechens.

In addition to this, you state that the nexus WILL have the effects that it does. Since you have no control over other peoples players, and thus cannot force things upon them, we ask that you word this such that the nexus MAY corrupt an individual to the Dark Side, or the nexus MAY induce states of fear and unconsciousness. (And while we're on the subject, Might not hurt to add in some benefits for the Dark Siders. So far the only thing the nexus has is negatives).

And lastly, under Demographics, this heading is asking for the spread of population. IE, 75% human, 25% other. If you could edit this field to reflect that information, that would be wonderful.

Now, on to the suggestions. Bear in mind that what I have said thus far is stuff you HAVE to change (Except the bit about adding benefits to the nexus, that's a suggestion). From here on out, you do not HAVE to change any of the items I'm suggesting, I'm merely making recommendations to make your sub more accessible to people who aren't as familiar with your world as you are.

Once again starting at the top of the submission, and working our way back down, our first stop is the image credit. You have the credit, but you don't have a picture. If you don't want to add a picture, you can safely change this to N/A, and be on about your day.

Next up, listing "Human" under the Demonym doesn't....really make sense as there's only a single entry. The purpose here is to state how occupants of this planet would be refereed to. For instance, someone from Britan is "British". Someone from Canada, Canadian. America, American, ETC. The way you have it written would suggest that only humans are refered to as Sithorian. Perhaps the easiest tweak here would be just to remove Human, and leave the entry as "Sithorian".

Next up, you state that the planet has major exports of metals, and also has unexploited resources of "metals." As a casual observer, what's the difference? What metals are present, and being mined/sold, and what metals are present but NOT being mined/sold? A little clarification on this front might not hurt.

Along these same lines, I did some looking in to Sith Crystals, and found that none of them really form naturally. Of the two non-unique crystals on the list I found (Linked HERE for your reference), both are created by artificial means, not formed underground like standard Force Crystals. My recommendation would be to change this from Sith Crystals to Force Crystals, or remove Crystals from unexploited resources, and add them to exports, as the materials are gathered, and the crystals are created.

Now, the big thing we're gonna tussle with a few times over the rest of this is the description of the planet. You state under terrain that the planet is lava, mountains, and volcanos, yet under planetary features, you explain that the planet is 100% lava. These two bits of information kinda conflict, along with the statement that the Sith Mountains exist as the source of the crystals. How do the mountains exist if the planet is all lava? Might not hurt to add a bit of clarity here.

Next on the list, Capital City. You can just list the name of the city here. Everything else you have under this heading would qualify as major locations. Given that it's all details on the capital city and does not pertain to the rest of the planet, you could certainly write a seperate sub for the City itself (As seen on TV Codex HERE).

Moving on to the aforementioned major locations, might not hurt to expand on Factorburnfir, as it seems you're missing most of the explanation of what this is, exactly. In addition, the Training Field could also stand to be explained with a little more detail.

Now, languages. For a planet of the sith, for the sith, by the sith, one could reasonably assume that the Sith Language is spoken here. Leaving it Basic Only is totally fine, but you're also welcome to state that the planet recognizes Sith (or any variants) as an official language too.

Culture, on the other hand, is the next major contradiction I see on this sub. The fact that residents are hostile to non-Sith, yet accept you as you are leaves me to wonder how accepting they really are. In addition to this, could stand to offer a blurb about how the planet embraces the "Work Hard, Play Hard" ideology, as they certainly have a LOT of recreational avenues for a planet of merely 1,000 people. Also, how is fishing and hunting possible on a planet that's entirely lava? I would assume the planet is home to beasties living in the lava? If so, you could do with a blurb in the historical info explaining how the creatures got there if the V'Trechens wiped out all life on the planet.

Under the government header, you can simply state that the planet is a monarchy, and that'll be sufficient. Along the same lines, you don't really need to link Mike's Bio and the Jen'ari again as they've already been linked at the beginning of the post, so you're welcome to remove those if you want.

Wealth: not a big issue but in my experience mining planets are typically on the lower end of the wealth spectrum.

Stability is home to the final big contradiction. You state that it's medium stability, but it's Chaos because of the Sith, and yet also law abiding? Those two things are usually mutually exclusive. Wouldn't hurt to pick one of those and roll with it. Also, the dictator angle would suggest an oppressive law abiding regime, so if you decide to go the chaos route, you could remove this aspect with no problems.

The Military header is typically meant to offer an explanation of what to expect out of the military presence. For a planet of 1,000 inhabitants, I would imagine that the military is quite small, so it wouldn't hurt to reference that under this header. Alternatively, if you wish a stronger military presence, I'd remove the hard number under the population, simply stating that it's "Insignificant"

And last but not least, Tech doesn't need an itemized list. You're welcome to simply state that it's at galactic standard, above galactic standard, or below it. In my experience, mining colonies are typically below galactic standard.

Overall, kudos for making your first ever Chaos sub! Proceed with caution, this gets addictive. As I said before, the first section is stuff I NEED you to change before I OK it, the rest of it is just suggestions to make the sub easier to understand for casual observers. Tag me when you're done making your edits, and I'll give it another look over!

---

The List:

You MUST:

• Change the region listing to a region, my recommendation is Outer Rim or Wild Space
• Add the Coordinates Listing
• Adjust the Nexus Intent to state that the nexus is present because of the actions of the V'Trechens
• Adjust the Nexus Effects to state the the effects MAY occur.
• Change Demographics to a rough estimation of species population percentages on the planet.

You CAN (but are NOT required to):

• Remove Credit link as no picture requires credit
• Remove Human from Demonym
• Explain the discrepancy between Export Metals and Unexploited Metals
• Update resources to reflect Sith Crystals being manufactured, not formed, or change resource to Force Crystal
• Explain contradictions in planet being 100% lava
• Change Capital City listing to name of City only
• Expand on Factorburnfir and Training Grounds
• Add Sith (or Variant) as official language
• Explain contradiction between planet being hostile to non-Sith, and accepting everyone "As they are," Emphasize "Work Hard Play Hard" ethic
• Change Government to simply state "Monarchy"
• Remove links under Affiliation listing
• Adjust Wealth metric to reflect that mining worlds are typically not the most wealthy
• Explain discrepancy between state of Chaos or law abiding in Stability
• Adjust Freedom and Oppresion to reflect whatever choice is made for Stability
• Adjust military to reflect small military presence, or bolster planet population
• Change Tech to simply state if Sithoria is at, above, or below Galactic Standard (And explain how in historical info)
• Add explanation in Historical info to explain how hunting and Fishing is possible on an all lava world (Only if changes are made to maintain the planet being 100% lava)

 

[Mike V'Trechen]

Thanks! I will work on it.

 

[Kyyrk]

Moving to Pre-Codex after a discussion with the author stating it may take some time to make the requested edits

 

[Kuzo]

Archived for Inactivity. Contact me or a Codex RPJ for return to Pre-Codex