Private Sisterly Ties

[Noelle Varanin]

Life finally felt like it was establishing a rhythm. Courts, dinners, executive meetings ... it was a stark contrast the life she had life in the country, but court was starting to feel like her home again.

The absence of those she cared for were felt, but she locked it away and paid it no mind, as she did with many of the emotions that distracted her form her new role. Noelle had always been reserved but now some might even called her cold. Better that than to slip up and hurt the nation. Was that an overaction? Possibly. Truth be told, the cost she had paid for her mother's resurrection. She was so bitter, for so many reasons. Was it justified? She did not know. Better to lock it up and away, where the battle of dark versus light could not creep through the cracks of her façade.

She knew who she was now.

Queen.

That was enough.

She had made it a habit to spend thirty minutes after lunch to tend to herself. Whether she read a book, or swam, or glowered over the impossible debt that plagued her nation-- the offer for a moment of peace was there. She spent this one painting her nails. She wasn't very good, at least not with her right hand. She sat hunched over the oak of her desk, the room notably sparse. Most of the restored palace was.

All in good time.

She cursed as her hand jumped and smeared the cream polish over her thumb.

Quinn Varanin

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Eshan was home, even when it didn't feel like it. Quinn found herself spending more time on the planet and in the palace more often than not. It was home, but with Noelle Varanin being so busy with her responsibilities - Quinn felt more alone than anything. Growing up inseparable, Quinn knew it was her fault they separated. She wanted to be like Ashin, powerful and independent. Maybe if she was strong like her, she would get the attention she craved from the woman.

Quinn climbed from the window sill and wondered what her sister was doing. As busy as the older twin was, Quinn was determined to see her. It was getting old how much Noelle was diving headfirst into her duties and ignoring her younger sister. Heading through the restored building, Quinn knew precisely where Noelle would be hiding. Opening the door, she caught the curse as she messed up her nails. Quinn stifled a laugh and wandered over. "Let me do that. You know you're bad with your right hand."

Pulling the polish and the brush away from the girl, Quinn smiled, "It's been a while since we've done this, huh?" As much as Quinn wanted to spill her own issues onto the older twin, chastise her for ignoring her, she knew that Noelle needed someone to listen. Swallowing the whirlwind that had become her relationship with Alina, Quinn continued to smile.

"I've missed you."​

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle startled. She had been too absorbed in her task to feel the presence. Quinn's sudden emergence left her turning, her head whipping about as she tried to place just how -- "Wha- Quinn-- did you come in through the window ?"

It was a question that didn't need its answer.

A noise of disbelief caught in her chest, the nail polish surrendered. "I have a door, you know." Quinn did. "Staff would let you through at any time." Quinn would know that as well. A final noise caught in her chest before she surrendered with a sigh. Her sister was nothing if not a whirlwind. Sometimes they couldn't be more different if they tried.

She pursed her lips, considering her twin. She handed over her smeared right hand.

"I've been here." --this whole time. She swallowed back the final words. Quinn was always so sensitive, she didn't want to scare her off just like that. ...Alright, fine, she recognized them as 'itchy.


"I've missed you too." She conceded, her tone softening. "I really haven't gotten better at my nails, have I?" She could feel the unsaid practically bubbling under sister's skin. She didn't inquire. Let her fester a bit a longer.

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn just smiled. She liked that she had surprised her sister; not much got by the older Echani. Moments like this, Noelle looked more like their mother. A sense of grace and duty filled the aura around Noelle, one that Quinn felt like she could never live up to. Her shoulders sank slightly at the remark of Noelle being here on Eshan. She knew that, and she knew she had been gone, leaving the older girl alone.

Carefully, the brush glided along with Noelle's fingernails as Quinn focused on the even coats of paint. "I know." She spoke, knowing fully what her sister wanted to say. She had been here, and Quinn had left numerous times. "No, you haven't, but that's okay. It's why you have me." She continued neatly painting the Queen's nails.

"I can see that you've been busy; you've been rather difficult to get an audience with." A gentle smile as she avoided looking up at her sister. She can already sense the frustration that her statement would more than likely stock. Trying to think of something to say, something that kept the conversation from heading towards Alina, who had been staying with her. She thought of their mother, who had been resurrected recently. "How's our mother?"​

Noelle Varanin

 

[Noelle Varanin]

"Which one?" She shot back dryly. It was probably a safer place to redirect her frustration. It was strange how quickly Quinn's presence brought it back to life. Perhaps she had been doing her own heavy distracting, Quinn with lovers and her with ruling. It seemed both girls needed to be needed.

Not that either would admit it.

"Spencer seems to have largely recovered. ...Though there really is no return to normal once you've been there, is there..." Her words were weighted with an unspoken struggle.

"Ashin is as insufferable as ever. -- Well, what. She is," she shot back, before Quinn could have any rebuff. "And to think you wanted to follow in her footsteps." Her sharp words paused as she was reminded of the Dreaming Dark... of her own failure, and just who had been strong enough to cut through and reach her.


"Well, you've certainly got her skill at least," she commented, a belated compliment of sorts. She was never as direct with her thoughts as Quinn was. She was also never so brisk.

"Have you seen her."

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Noelle's tone and response caught Quinn off guard. She didn't expect how she addressed their parents and with the tone she had. However, it made sense with how Ashin had been in the netherworld - willing to sacrifice them to save Spencer. As much as Quinn wanted to pretend that never happened, she had an odd sense of understanding. She would do anything to protect Alina, and before that, she had Vesta. Blowing lightly on the drying nail polish, Quinn bought herself some time.

"I haven't. After Vesta left me - we spoke, but she's colder than I remember when we were growing up." Quinn shrugged; maybe it was her own mind trying to tie unpleasant memories into pleasant ones, so she didn't have to accept her parents' failures. "I think I want to be like her because maybe then she'd pay attention to me." Shrugging, Quinn screwed the nail polish closed, "I was referring to Spencer." It felt weird saying the woman's name, but she followed her sister's example.

"I might have Ashin's skill, but I won't ever be as strong as her. You, on the other hand, Noelle, you're so much like Spencer, you're so strong, and I feel so small compared to you."​

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle nearly chastised Quinn for such a thought. There were many reasons to go dark, but a parents approval should never be it. ...Ashins words, ironically.

"Not strong enough. I needed you in the end, didn't I?" They had never spoken about it. In a lot of ways, she was grateful for that. Her gut stirred with toxic mix of shame and disgust. It was her turn to be quiet.

"It wouldn't work," she finally said. "I tried for a year when we were getting mother back. It didn't matter how much I did, or what I sacrificed. ...We'll never be enough."

She took her hand back and inspected the work. Quinn always had such neat strokes. It took Noelle years to get penmanship that was worth putting to paper.

Years.

"It's perfect," she concluded, smiling up at Quinn tightly. "Thank you."

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn didn’t realize how uncomfortable the topic of their parents was. Their parents were infamous critical players in several galaxy-changing events. How were they supposed to live up to that? No wonder their eldest sibling never came around and decided to live her life her way. Maybe she was the smart one.

Never enough. The words stung deeper than Quinn would have liked. At least she did one thing right, and that was painting the Queen of Eshan’s nails. Quinn nodded, “You’re welcome. You know I’d do anything for you.” Pausing, Quinn wanted to do something to comfort her sister, but Noelle was never the type who needed it.

“I’m happy I was able to help you through Noelle. I never get to do that.” The smile faded from Quinn’s face as she folded her arms in front of her chest. “Does it bother you that you weren’t perfect enough one time in your life? I’m sorry your lesser sibling showed up to help you out.”

Quinn pulled away and pinched the bridge of her nose, “We might not be enough for them, but you were always enough for me. I’m sorry I’m not enough for you.”​

 

[Noelle Varanin]

“Does it bother you that you weren’t perfect enough one time in your life?

Noelle grimaced. Yes. Yes it did.

Quinn always had a way of seeing through her and cutting her to her core. It use to bother her growing up. Now it was a bit nice to know you were seen. She watched the way Quinn sat back, the stress that sat inside her brows, the way her shoulders seemed to curl up to hold feelings back. She relented with another, smaller sigh.

"You are enough, you're just never here. You're wrong you know. I do need you. ...But that's not why you're here, is it? Out with it. What are you not saying."

She grabbed the nail bottle and undid the cap, reaching for Quinn's hand. Whether she wanted the shoddy job or not.

"...I promise to not get mad," she added, sensing the bubbling apprehension.

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn reluctantly let her hand be grabbed, and she watched Noelle begin to paint her nails. For as perfect as Noelle tried to be, simple things like painting nails were out of her grasp. Trying her best to relax, she watched Noelle and shook her head. “There’s nothing to really talk about. I wanted to come to check on you since we never talk anymore. When we were kids, we were glued to each other’s sides.”

She avoided her sister’s gaze, a part of her wondered if she knew what had happened in the hanger if she knew Quinn had fought against the Maw in the Sith’s war. She had followed Alina into the fray to try and save her. Doing so put her on the path of darkness again.

“I just wanted to see you, Noelle, catch up with what you’ve been up to.” As Quinn finished, a small black cat would pounce onto the wooden desk and purr while nudging Noelle’s shoulder.​

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle scoffed, the cat's head butts making her smudge a line.

"It may have been a while but I can sill feel when you are lying," she called out simply, her voice more like a song. Still, she didn't push it any further. She nudged the cat away and went about cleaning up the line.

"Will you be staying a while then? I can have rooms prepared for you here. Our old ones are long gone but the restoration was done in near perfect likeness of the old floor plans." It was always easier to talk facts than feelings.

"I have some dresses you could wear ... and there's the solstice festival next week." She dared a look up from her work, her eyes shinning with a bit of hope as she made the offer. The Solstice was one of the largest holidays for them, one might even say larger than life day.

it had been a long time since the city had been able to celebrate one properly. Since they were children, even.

The restoration had been a long time coming.

"And I'll need my nails done again," she added, curbing the hope in her core with another cold hard fact.

 

[Quinn Varanin]

With her free hand, Quinn reached out to the black feline and scratched him behind the ears. A long content purr came from deep in the animal's throat as it melted into the touch. Flopping onto its side, it reached its paw towards Noelle and pawed slightly at her, then decided it wanted to clean its coat after the brief moment of love.

As the cat stretched its toes, Quinn looked at Noelle and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be staying around for a long while. That would be nice. I've been in and out of the guest room. I don't see anything taking me away from court for some time now." Noelle had done so much for the planet and the Echani people, Quinn felt guilty. She was still part of the court and should have been standing beside her sister and helping their people.

"Of course. It's been a long time since we've been able to celebrate the Solstice." She bit her lower lip, knowing that her sister knew she was lying about not having something she was hiding. Quinn didn't know how much Noelle knew already - it wasn't every day that the Princess was used as a source for Anima. Quinn mused as she leaned into her sister, "So for the Solstice, are you bringing anyone special?" Maybe if Noelle had someone - Quinn could ease the fact of her vampiric beau.​

 

[Noelle Varanin]

A deep and heavy blush rushed to Noelle's cheeks, the question yanking her back to the foggy recollections of a night not too long ago. Her heart rushed unseen behind her otherwise unflappable facade, and it was almost like she was trying too hard to not have any reaction at all.

"No. Nothing like that." She dismissed, her voice airy. "Why?" She bit her lip and gingerly did a tricky cuticle line. To her credit, she only flooded it a little .

Her attention darted up to catch Quinn's response, a guilty reflex.

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn wasn’t stupid; she knew the fluster and the look. She watched until Noelle looked at her. Crossed along her face was a grin wider and knowing. “Unfortunately for you, we have the same face and the same reactions to certain things.” Quinn teased as she watched her sister do her best with the cuticle.

“Tell me about them?” Again she teased, “Did you have fun? Were they any good?” Quinn mused, wondering what type of person her sister was interested in.

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle groaned-- a childish complaint that only sisters could bring out of her. "Sush it, you, what if someone overhears?" They were entirely alone in her study.

She leaned forward, huffing in indignation. "Fine, I'll have you know there was someone. But you wouldn't know him, he's spent a lot of time off world serving our affairs." Which was exactly how she managed a one-night stand with a nobleman only to find him standing before her the next day in court.

Her cheeks grew more untamed by the moment, and so did her handy work. "Oh, now look at what you made me do--" she chastised, trying to distract with the swipe of nail polish that had engulfed Quinn's pink.

"Hand me the acetone." She held our her spare hand expectantly.

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn handed over the acetone and continued to smile. “I don’t know him? I’m quite well traveled dear sister,” Quinn was smug with this point. Her desire to go to the Sith Academy allowed her access to many people from different walks of life.

This was a conversation she had always been looking forward to with Noelle. She was always the girl that never looked twice at potential partners. Quinn was the flirt and Noelle had to suffer through continuous crushes and heartbreaks.

“So tell be about this someone? Handsome? Tall? Dreamy eyes?”

 

[Noelle Varanin]

If Noelle was to grow any redder she might pop. As it was, she focused on save the poor pinky nail instead, her movements precise and absorbed.

"He is... acceptable," came the modest detail. She bit her lip, her thoughts drifting to the way his eyes had swum and practically swallowed her whole that night.

And his lips...

She cleared her throat, focusing back on the nail and starting from a clean slate with fresh polish. "We met at the market. Both of us were dressed down and trying to be..." She chewed on the word. "Someone else. So naturally what occurred means nothing. It was just a... spoof. A one off. It won't happen again," she assured, speaking to herself more than the sister across from her.

Because they both knew passion was a mortal sin .

 

[Quinn Varanin]

Quinn continued to listen. It was funny how they met. Pretending to be something and someone not royalty or special. An interesting concept she would have to tease Alina with.

The smile faded slightly hearing that it wouldn’t happen again. It was obvious that Noelle liked this guy.

“Why won’t it happen again? I thought you liked this guy? You can’t lie and say you don’t. It’s all over your face. “

 

[Noelle Varanin]

Noelle snuffed. "Because, Quinn, I am his Queen. Think of how it would look-- what others would say-- if I started abusing my position with such frivolities." She jammed the polish brush back in its container and looked up, more frustrated with herself than angry at anything. It was a fair question. Why couldn't she explore what she felt with this man? She still wasn't sure if it had been the drinks or the night itself, everything had been cast in such a pleasant hue.

"I don't expect you to understand," came the perhaps too sharp words. "You've always been able to go where want-- follow your heart--"

 

[Quinn Varanin]

“No one is telling you that you can’t except yourself.” Quinn frowned feeling that she was the target of Noelle’s frustration. It wasn’t Quinn’s fault that she was the younger of the two. She was easily overlooked for the crown, but she wasn’t upset about it.

“You’ve always put what you should do or shouldn’t do before what you want. No one is going to care if you fall for some random noble or if you’re making out with some scruffy Corellian.”

Taking her hand back, Quinn brushed her blonde hair back and scratched the fuzzy bottom of the cat that had fallen asleep on Noelle’s desk. “Don’t forget our mother the former Queen came from humble beginnings, she followed her heart - maybe you should take a page from her book.”