Private Shadows of the Past

[Kael Varnok]

Kael leaned back in the booth, glass cradled in one hand, his other resting against the table as he studied her. For a moment, the noise of the cantina seemed to fade, leaving only the weight of her question.

He let out a long breath through his nose, eyes dropping to the amber swirl in his glass. "I don't know if anyone else remembers. Maybe they chose not to. Easier that way, maybe." His tone was soft, but there was no bitterness — just honesty.

Then he lifted his gaze, meeting her silver eye. "But me? I never stopped. Even the day they found your master's body, I… I felt it. Like a blade through the Force. Like I was standing there with you." He gave the faintest shake of his head, swallowing hard. "It's why I knew you couldn't just be gone. Not to me."


He tipped his glass back, finishing what little drink remained, before setting it down with a muted thud. His lips curved into a faint smile, fragile but real. "Truth is… I don't care about forgiveness, Cora. I'm just glad I've got one friend left who remembers me before I chose exile. Someone who still sees that boy I used to be."

Cora

 

[Cora]

The vision of her master's body laying motionless flashed in her head. She winced, a physical manifestation of the internal pain she felt at the thought of it. Then she spoke, her words smooth like velvet, "You'll always be my little Kael." The corners of her lips tucked up, a forced smile that held some truth to it. "Truth is, I don't even know who I am anymore."

She knew she wasn't the Cora that Kael knew back at the temple. She was too damaged. The dark side had a strong grip on her, but she wasn't lost completely. At least not yet. It was a state of limbo, lost somewhere in the abyss between light and dark. Those memories sending her deeper and deeper each time she reflected on them.

No, there was no going back to being the young girl Kael remembered her as, that time had come and gone. The new Cora was here to stay. She just hoped she was someone Kael could grow used to.

Snapped out of the thought by the server bringing a second round of drinks, she blinked a couple times then looked back at Kael. "So, what happened with you to make you lose faith in the Jedi Order?" She hoped he wouldn't mind her pressing the question. Surely he knew it would be asked at some point, but if he didn't want to go there she would respect it.

Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael rolled the glass between his hands, watching the way the light caught the amber liquid. Her words still lingered when he finally glanced back up at her, one brow quirking with just the faintest smirk tugging at his lips.

"'Little Kael,' huh?" he said, leaning back in the booth. "Careful throwing that around in a crowded cantina. Someone might get the wrong idea and think you're talking about me in a very different way." His tone carried the warmth of humor, but his eyes softened after the quip, letting her see he meant no harm.

The smirk faded into something quieter as he took a slow sip of his drink. "As for the Council… let's just say they had their way of seeing things, and I had mine. I fought for people, not politics. And the more I saw, the less I could stomach the rules they bound us with." He shrugged, setting the glass down with a hollow clink. "So I walked away before I became something worse than what they feared."


He leaned in slightly, elbows on the table, his voice lowering. "I didn't lose faith in the Force, or even in what the Jedi could mean. I just… lost faith in their version of it." His gaze lingered on her for a long beat. "Guess we both ended up caught between what we were taught, and what we've become."

Cora

 

[Cora]

Cora leant in and matched his pose. Kael was just as lost as she was, caught somewhere between both sides. They were the same.

She exhaled. Somewhere between a solemn chuckle and a sigh. Then she smiled at him and raised her glass up to the centre of the table. "To the new us!" She lingered for a moment before adding, "To who we are meant to be."

After they had exchanged the gesture she quickly downed her drink, then waved at the server to keep them coming. She hadn't been able to let loose in a while and was determined to make a night of it. Besides, what better way was there for the pair to drown their past out?

After about the forth or fifth drink, she'd stopped counting, her words began to slur a little. Swaying in her seat slightly, she leaned across the table and reached for Kael's hands. As she thumbed at his scars, her voice boomed louder than she'd meant it to. "So, what did this?" Before letting him answer she pointed to her own eye. "This one was my Master's lightsaber!"

Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael clinked his glass against hers at the toast, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. "To the new us," he echoed, voice steady, even if his eyes betrayed a shadow of doubt. Still, he drank deep with her — one round after the next — until the buzz dulled the edges of his grief, leaving only the warmth of her presence across the table.

When her hand caught his, thumbing at the old scars, Kael let out a low hum — almost amused, though his expression faltered as her question sank in. "Most of 'em?" he said with a slurred half-laugh, raising one arm. "Fighter crash, a couple close calls I wasn't fast enough to dodge." His tone was light, but his eyes dipped to the pale lines crossing his wrists.

He grew quiet. Too quiet. For a heartbeat, he seemed to forget the cantina around them, his thumb brushing the rim of his empty glass as if stalling for words. "Those ones…" He flexed his hand, jaw tightening. "…Those were me."


The admission slipped out before he could reel it back, and with it came the sharp awareness of her touch against bare skin. His eyes widened slightly — it was the first time in years he'd left his arms unwrapped, the first time he'd let anyone see the truth etched into his flesh. He swallowed hard, voice dropping low. "Guess I wasn't hiding as well as I thought."

Cora

 

[Cora]

As his words lingered in the air, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Squeezing one hand tighter around his, her other hand rose to lift his chin, bringing his eyes to meet hers. Her brow dipped as her eye studied his. No words were needed. Nothing she could say would ease his pain.

Her eye darted away from his as she sipped on another drink. This wasn't the kind of mood she'd hoped that the shared social drinks would lead to. Something more fun and upbeat was more her style.

Cora withdrew her hand from his and returned focus to the glass of amber liquid she was holding. Slowly, she rolled down one of her gloves to reveal similar scarring on her own forearms. A mutual understanding. She covered it back up swiftly. Still, words remained unspoken.

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael sat in silence for a moment longer, watching as she rolled the glove back over her scars. His gaze lingered, heavy but not pitying. Slowly, deliberately, he shifted his hand to hers again, fingers sliding between her own until their hands fit together naturally.

A dry chuckle escaped him, not without a shadow of grimness.
"Well," he murmured, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, "I guess we've grown alike—scars and all. Even if we were apart all this time."


He tilted his head, a faint, crooked grin playing at his lips as though he were trying to soften the sting of truth. "Not exactly the reunion toast I imagined, but… fitting, don't you think?"

Cora

 

[Cora]

"It does seem very.... us." She answered softly, a weak smile crept across her face. While their conversation was heavy, something about it was comforting. Maybe it was just his presence; that familiarity of her past life like a warm embrace holding her tight.

Cora took in a deep breath, the cantina seemed to quiet down as she squeezed his hand in return. Lost in his blue gaze, her lips were trembling. She wanted to say something, anything, but the words couldn't find their way through.

Gently biting her lip, she brought herself out of the trance he'd captured her in. She blinked, then shifted her body as if pushing away some unseen force. "I, uh..." A pause. "Should we go get your ship fixed up now then?" An excuse to ignore the feelings creeping up on her, a distraction would be good.


Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael's lips twitched—not quite a smile, not quite a frown. His hand stayed in hers for a moment longer, but his gaze shifted, sharp and unsettling. The warmth in his eyes drained, replaced with something colder. His pupils thinned, reptilian slits cutting through the blue.

"Always running," he muttered, but the words didn't carry Kael's usual tone. They were harsher, venom-laced. "Hiding behind excuses. That's weak, Cora."

The grip of his hand tightened suddenly, almost possessive, before he blinked hard. A flicker of conflict crossed his face, Kael's breathing shallow as he fought for control. His jaw clenched, and when he looked back at her, the slits were still there, faint but undeniable.


A smirk ghosted his lips, one that wasn't his own. "Fixing ships won't fix you."

Cora

 

[Cora]

As he gripped her hand tighter her eyes widened. Something had shifted in him. She pulled her hand away sharply and narrowed her eye at the man. Her core temperature rose.

What had been such a tender moment had made her let her guard down. Now she was vulnerable. Her jaw tightened. "So those words you said before, they were a lie?" It was betrayal, allowing her to believe, even if only for a second, that redemption was possible. But now he had revealed the truth.

Cora pushed herself up from her seat, staring daggers at the man. "Knowing when to walk away is not weak, Kael." She said firmly through gritted teeth. Then she turned her back to him and started to head for the exit.

Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael's fingers twitched as she pulled away, the sudden absence of her touch like a blade through his chest. His breathing deepened, ragged, his scarred hand drifting almost unconsciously to the hilt at his side.

"You call it walking away…" His voice was lower now, distorted, something feral hidden beneath the words. "…but all I see is running."

When she turned her back, his restraint shattered. With a snap-hiss, his saber sprang to life, its glow casting deep shadows across his scarred face. His pupils narrowed into predatory slits as the other half of him surged to the surface.

In a flash, he lashed out, the crimson arc of his blade slashing toward her retreating form—anger, betrayal, and that buried child's pain finally given a voice through violence.

Yet even as the strike cut through the smoky cantina air, somewhere deep in his chest, Kael's true self fought back. A tremor ran through his grip, his jaw tightening, as if he were at war with his own body.


"Cora… run." The words tore out between clenched teeth, desperate, almost drowned by the monster's growl that followed.

Cora

 

[Cora]

She sensed it before he swung at her. Sidestepping the blow, she twisted around to face the man and drew her own saber, ready for his next attack. A cold washed over her as the familiarity of his warm presence fleeted and was taken over by this snake. This fear set deep within her and fuelled her dark rage. She was ready for whatever happened next. No more running, then.

As she lunged at Kael with her crimson lightsaber, she let out a roaring cry. Their blades connected in a flurry of blows as she lashed out at him. How could he do this to me? Bring back all those memories, and for what? The more she thought about it, the more enraged she became. She wouldn't let him win this fight.

Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael's amber eyes narrowed, the slit pupils making him look alien and predatory in the dim cantina light. He met her lunge with an almost unnatural swiftness, his saber blocking hers with a hiss of energy. Every movement was precise but brutal, reflecting the darker side that had fully surfaced.


He pressed forward relentlessly, forcing her to pivot, dodge, and parry with all her strength. Each clash of their blades sent sparks flying, echoing through the small room. Despite the ferocity, there was a rhythm to his strikes—calculated, testing her reactions, almost as if he wanted her to fight, to feel every ounce of the tension between them.


Kael's grin widened ever so slightly, predatory but not cruel, as though he were challenging her, pushing her to confront the anger and fear he had awoken. The amber of his eyes glimmered with intensity, reflecting the chaos of their shared past, yet beneath it, a fragment of the Kael she remembered lingered—silent, struggling, buried under the darkness.
Kael's amber eyes gleamed with the feral intensity of his split, slit pupils narrowing as he struck. He parried her next swing with ease, then lunged forward with raw force. His fist connected with her shoulder, sending a jolt through her body, followed quickly by another punch grazing her side.

She staggered but recovered, twisting away from him just in time to avoid a head-on strike. Kael's movements were harsh, deliberate — a controlled aggression that mirrored the storm in his mind.

Despite the blows, there was a rhythm to his assault, a dark familiarity that unnerved her. His gaze burned into hers, a silent challenge as his amber eyes tracked every move she made. Even as he pressed the attack, a fragment of Kael lingered beneath the fury, his body moving with precision honed from years of training.


Cora steadied herself, gripping her lightsaber tighter. She could feel the tension in the air, the clash of their wills echoing louder than the hum of their blades. Every strike, every punch, brought them closer to the edge — but neither would yield. "your weak and sloppy, like old times, but I've grown"

Cora

 

[Cora]

"Weak?" She spat. This only enraged her further, each strike with her saber growing stronger with every word her taunted her with. Ignoring the pain of the new bruises he had just given her, she pressed on. "I am stronger than you will ever be! Always have been, little one!"

She lunged again, blades catching on one another as she kept his upper body occupied. It gave her an opening. Cora kicked the man to bring him stumbling down to his knees. Triumphantly, she brought her blade closer to his neck, eye locked in on his. This was no longer the Kael she knew. It was something else. She couldn't let it live.

What she hadn't counted on was his determination to not let her live either. In that split moment between her blade hovering near his neck and her decision to finish him, Kael made his move.

Cora's expression softened as she realised what had just happened. She'd lost. Her lightsaber retracted and fell to the floor. Her mouth was agape and her eye wide open. The heat from the plasma piercing through her abdomen radiated out. As Kael withdrew his blade from her torso, she collapsed to her knees. Her hands clasped over the hole his blade had left in her. A tear streamed down her cheek. She looked up at the man she once knew, speechless, but her eye was begging for his help. Then the room went dark as she fell into his lap, her breathing weak and pulse fading quickly.

She was still alive, but only just.


Kael Varnok

 

[Kael Varnok]

Kael's chest heaved as the world seemed to shatter around him. The feral grin slipped from his lips the moment her saber clattered to the floor. The amber glow in his eyes bled away, leaving only raw horror as he stared at the smoking wound in her abdomen.

"No…" The word cracked out of him, strangled. He dropped his weapon immediately, catching Cora as she crumpled into his lap. Her blood stained his hands, warm and far too real.

"I—Cora, I didn't—" His voice broke. His fingers trembled as he pressed them over the wound, the Force rushing unbidden from him, desperate to mend what he had broken. Pale light shimmered against her skin as he poured everything he had into keeping her tethered.

The memories struck without mercy. Vara, lying broken on the battlefield, her eyes already dimming while he had frozen—paralyzed by fear, by failure. He had sworn never again. Never again. And yet here he was.

"Stay with me," he whispered, tears welling as he pulled her closer, his forehead resting against hers. "Please, Cora. I can't lose you too. Not like this. Not because of me."


The Force shivered with his plea, every ounce of willpower bent on knitting her back together, though the guilt in his heart told him no power in the galaxy could truly undo what he had just done.

Cora

 

[Cora]

Long, painful minutes passed them by as Kael cradled her in his arms, forehead pressed firmly against hers. Finally, she stirred. "Kael..." her voice was weak and shaky. She let out a pained groan as her eye flickered open to look up at the man.

Slowly, painfully, she raised her arm to rest her hand on his hairy face, wiping the tears away from his cheek with a stroke of her thumb. Her eye flicked between each of his, studying his features. They had returned to their soft blue hue. But the pain she could see in them was familiar.

It was a pain she had seen all to often in the mirror. The agony. She couldn't let him live with her same burden. Wouldn't. "Kael... It's ok..." her breathing was laboured, making it harder to speak. But she had to tell him everything was going to be alright. That it wasn't his fault. "I forgive you."

Cora shifted her arm again, this time wrapping it around the man to pull him into a tight embrace. She squeezed him tight "It wasn't your fault." Her breathing steadied against the rhythm of his. Then she squeezed even tighter and repeated, "It wasn't your fault."

Their pulses synchronised as the duo lay there in each others arms. The world seemed to freeze around them. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Not the crowd of frightened patrons huddled in the corner with their eyes locked on them. Not the angry stare of the barkeep as the peace in the cantina was broken. Not the pain they each felt after their duel.

Cora melted into his arms, unwilling to move from that spot on the floor. If she could spend the rest of her waking moments like this, in his arms, she would. For the first time, she felt content. Then she drew in a deep breath and pulled away ever so slightly, just so she could see his face again to give him a smile.

Kael Varnok