Serious Business (Siobhan)

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

Tegaea Alcori was not blind, and she was not stupid. That was something everyone could agree on.

For many years now she had been first with, then engaged, and then married to Siobhan Kerrigan. The union had, for the most part, been a fairly happy one. The two often lived separate lives, and were not averse to taking their own partners and lovers on the side. However, through all that they had remained committed to each other on a psychological level. Their ‘love’ for each other had remained no matter how many book clubs they may have attended to appreciate new literary approaches.

Now though, now Tegaea wasn’t sure. The person which had earned Tegaea’s suspicion was [member="Mirien Valdier"], a renegade who had come to them and been welcomed. She had fitted in well, and her past history with Siobhan had allowed her to be useful to the company and the Eldorai. She was also invited into their other activities too, and though Tegaea liked her well enough she was not best friends.
However, she had noticed that Siobhan was rather more taken with the new arrival, spending a lot of time with her, communing through their Force wizardry, and generally giving her a lot more attention than anyone else, even Tegaea…or so she thought anyway.

Therefore, she wanted to nip the problem in the bud. She trusted Siobhan, so she would ask her directly if there was a problem between them. With this in mind she had sent Siobhan a message that she wanted to talk to her alone in their bedroom. Her tone in the message indicated this was not a fun sort of ‘talk’.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"]


Love was a complicated thing. Contrary to what certain romance holovids indicated, it was not all fun and games. Indeed, a relationship that did not go through tension and squabbles was a fairly tale that would probably fail the moment it was tested. Polygamy came with complications of its own. There was a fine line inside it.


A line Siobhan was certain she had crossed with Mirien. It had not been planned. Not at all, as trite as that sounded. Nor had she intended to keep things from Tegaea. It made her feel guilty and pained her, yet she had. This meant that inadvertently she had hurt her. Siobhan was a woman with many flaws. She was self-centred, arrogant and vain...but not dishonest or deliberately hurtful. More to the point, she loved and cared deeply about her wife, even though lately it appeared they had more distant to one another. Still she had never wanted to leave her and did not want to do so now.


Now Mirien had entered into her life...a woman she could not deny that she loved. Someone she connected with deeply through their bond and who knew everything about her. The thought of hurting either was revolting to Siobhan and felt like the stab of a knife, but she could not lie.


Soft footsteps announced her arrival when Siobhan walked down the corridor towards their bedroom. She took a deep breath, as if trying to gather her courage. Yes, you heard that right. A woman who faced Dark Lords and abominations was afraid. Siobhan, who was a far softer person than her public persona implied, did not take arguments in her family well and she hated the idea of causing anyone inside it pain. Then she knocked the door, a bit timidly, before entering. "Hey, love. I got your message. We've...got to talk," she said hesitantly.

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Tegaea nodded as her wife spoke. It seemed this meeting was long in the making.
“We do. Please, sit down,” she said, offering Siobhan a chair near the bed.

Pausing, not sure where to begin, Tegaea tried to track the seed of the problem. She settled as a preliminary on the Force in general. Siobhan was strong in the Force, she knew that well, Mirien was too, as was Tempest, Chesna, Coryth…in fact all of their major friends. As the outsider Tegaea could only watch on as the women around her did things and discussed things she not only could not understand, but could also never appreciate. It was an amusing inversion to the galactic balance of population.

Finally, she took a deep breath. “I just want you to know I’m not angry, not at you or anyone. I want you to tell me in complete honesty, as my wife, what feelings you have for Mirien. More importantly, does it change how you feel about us?”

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"]


Siobhan looked very timid and uncertain. Almost like in the days when Tegaea had first gotten to know her. Somehow this seemed to emphasise her hobbling when she limped over to the chair and sat down. It took her a moment or two to gather her thoughts. Last thing she wanted to do was start stammering like an idiot.


"I never wanted to make you feel left out...or hurt you," she finally blurted out. Well, that was not how she had wanted to start things when she finally mustered up the courage to open her mouth. "I love, I admire you, for all that you accomplished without needing fancy space magic. But I have not been completely honest with you. If this changes things and you don't want me anymore...I understand," she said quietly at the end, temporarily pausing.


"What developed between Mirien and me is more than just friendship. A lot," There she had said it. The nail in the coffin of their marriage? As narcisstic as Siobhan was, she understood that Tegaea had every right to leave her. Her hands trembled a bit. "But it's never changed how I feel about you, that I love you."

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Tegaea felt a shiver run through her, and a pain in her chest. Was this what it was like to have your heart broken?
Still, she took a deep, shuddering breath.
"Okay. I am not blind to what's been happening, and the confirmation you provide is both more and less reassuring to me. I still love you, Siobhan, but I understand. Mirien is a woman who is more like you than you might admit, and I think you may have more in common with her now than me. Back when we first met we suited each other well, and the difference between us of Force and no-Force didn't matter as much. Even when I worked my way up the Protectorate we had a common goal, and then, well, Firemane. You've helped the business in the field, I've helped back in the office. I'm not a soldier anymore, I'm a businesswoman. My back hurts now, I don't do anything more dangerous than inspect factories. Even our daughters are more yours than mine, though I love them both, I am very much the step mother."

"But, Siobhan, none of that really matters to me. I still love you for the person you are. You indulge my passions just as much. I think now that Mirien is a symptom of our growing apart, not a cause, so I don't blame her."

"The question is...what do you want to do now? Do you...I mean would you rather...I mean.... Are you going to leave me?" she asked the last with tears in her eyes despite her best effort to keep them controlled.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"]


What Tegaea said hurt. Even more so because it was true and Siobhan had obviously caused her pain. It would have been easier to deal with if the redhead had turned angry. The actual redhead, for the record, not the fake one. Anger Siobhan could deal with, seeing Tegaea this sad, upset and feeling left out was something she could not.


The question was, what did she really want? As surprising as it might seem, Siobhan did not want to leave Tegaea, even though they had grown apart in many ways. But did she want to give up Mirien? No. It would be an understatement to say that things were very awkward. "No," she said. Just a single word, and then she pulled her wife into a hug. A gentle, loose one, just in case Tegs did not want the contact, something Siobhan could not blame her for.


"I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you and...I've never once thought of leaving you. Never. I love you...and if you were to go, I still would till I die." Well, that sounded a bit melodramatic, but this was Siobhan. "I'm so sorry. But...I also can't change how I feel about Mirien."

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Tegaea sighed and accepted the hug gratefully because it meant she didn't have to speak for a moment.
"You and I know that can't last. A person can't commit their heart to two others. People are jealous, and, well, I wouldn't want to play second person. I am committed to Firemane still though, and I'm happy to keep running that with you on the old lines. For the rest though...."

She looked Siobhan in the eye. "You need to choose which of us you want to commit to. You cannot have both. If you choose Mirien...well...I promised to help Anya with the Exodus, and keep the business going. I think it would be wise in that case for me to move to the Skyport until the Exodus is over, I'll see after that. If you choose me, well, I won't ask Mirien to leave, but I think that's what would have to happen. Too much friction, too much room for...misunderstanding."

"Think it through, Sio...you don't have to decide right now if you need time. I know this isn't easy for you either...."

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"]


Siobhan sighed, her upper lip trembled slightly. The decision she faced pained her deeply. It was like a knife to the gut. In an ideal world she would not face it, but this was reality, not a fantasy. Either way, someone would get hurt. She could only blame herself for it.


"Back in the old days...I feared you'd be the one facing this choice and that you might leave me. I was so jealous of Anya when we first met," she admitted, hugging Tegaea close. "I...don't like this, but I understand. To expect either of you to play a second person or feel like I love either of you less than the other would be unfair. And there's Galina to think of," she spoke softly.


"I can't decide...not yet. You're both amazing, beautiful, kind women who I love deeply. No matter who I choose, I'm gonna hurt someone and I hate it. I need some time," she pulled back a bit and looked directly at Tegaea, hand stroking across her cheek. "No matter what happens, you'll always be in my heart."

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Tegaea nodded. It was better than she had expected. She had expected that Siobhan had already decided and this was all a preliminary. Now she saw it was an actual decision, and that gave her some hope, even if it was a small one.
“Alright, Sio, take your time. Choose carefully. I’ll be here.”

When Siobhan had gone she lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Things had gone better and worse than she’d expected. Now she could only wait and consider two very different futures.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"]


Siobhan said her goodbye and hobbled out of the room. Tegaea was not the only one with a pain in her back, though the sensation seemed especially profound now. A life time of battering ramming had taken a strong toll on her body. Maybe it was amplified by the weight on her shoulders. Leaning heavily on her cane, she limped away and eventually found herself outside on a balcony.


Standing for too long was something her still not fully healed leg would protest against, so she reluctantly settled down on a chair, wincing slightly. She took a deep breath, brushing aside a single tear that had formed inside her eye as she contemplated two futures, two loves. One of whom she was bound to hurt and disappoint. In an ideal world this would not be so, but this was not a fairy tale. Actually it was more than two, for she had her daughters to consider as well. It weighed on her more heavily than any battle.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

Mirien could feel the turmoil of Siobhan through her bond with the woman. After their last conversation she could only assume that Tegs and Siobhan were having that discussion. One she very much wanted to avoid and stay out of. If push came to shove, she was likely to step aside. There were children involved which complicated things terrible, but to Mirien made it a whole lot simpler.

Sighing heavily, she decided to be perhaps bolder than she should and go looking for Siobhan. Which in hindsight maybe not the best of ideas that she had. After all there was only one person in the galaxy that could spook the spook and that was Tegaea. That was the singular person she did not want to run into right now. And by heading anywhere near the Villa, she ran a serious risk of that. Still, she needed to check on Siobhan, which kind of outweighed the risk of a little awkwardness and an angry wife.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"] | [member="Tegaea Alcori"]

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"] [member="Mirien Valdier"]

After laying there waiting and thinking, Tegaea knew she had to do something. She couldn’t mope around crying all day, so she got up and straightened her hair as much as possible, washed her face and was ready to go.

Heading downstairs she was heading for the main door when, with a sense of dramatic inevitability, she came across Ms Mirien Valdier.

For a moment Tegaea wanted to slip out of sight and pretend they’d not come across each other, but that wasn’t right. She wasn’t the adulterer here, after all.

Instead she approached Mirien, all frosty politeness.

“Hello, Mirien. I believe Siobhan is upstairs. We have had a discussion and she is considering something important.”
She would not get angry, she would do nothing which would push Siobhan’s decision the other way, but she was also not going to effusively hug the woman who might be (inadvertently) the homewrecker.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

And Mirien had quite a simliar though, well almost as she spotted Tegaea. For her part she wanted to melt into the wall and not be seen. Just to avoid the whole uncomfortable mess. But it was her mess. She couldn't avoid it forever.

"Hello, Tegaea." She said softly, almost meekly. Truth be told the woman did scare her in this particular moment. Any other, she had just made her nervous/intimidated. A woman who didn't need the Force to survive in this world, was a rare thing. A powerful thing. Something to be respected, and not something to mess with. Especially not on what clearly was a bad day.

"Yes, I imagine so...." Biting nervously at her lower lip, she glanced back to the door behind her. "You know ... I could just go back out the door." Isn't that still avoiding the elephant in the room? Yes, yes it is.

"Look, I ... I didn't, I don't..... I'm sorry." She said softly. Her eyes now on the ground, not wanting really to be here any longer at all. This was way too awkward for even her.

[member="Tegaea Alcori"] | [member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Mirien Valdier"] [member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
For all the reaction or emotion she showed Tegaea could have been carved from stone. She just looked at the other woman, her interior battle between jealousy, understanding and pure hatred unresolved.

“The apology is appreciated,” she said as coldly as Kaida in a blizzard, “Even if it is too late.”

“Siobhan and I discussed matters, and she will choose which of the two of us she wishes to remain with. I am sure neither of us would want to try and influence her decision. She will decide and inform us in her own time. If there is nothing else I have matters to attend to,” she concluded with the same clipped politeness.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

She nodded slowly.

"Actually, I kind of came to check on her and make the decision easy. This isn't my place, isn't my home. And I may love her but to protect her, this family ... I'm not breaking that apart, even if I have placed a wedge in it. You, her and your children are more important than a single person." She gave a small shrug, "End of the day, I'm just me, and I'll survive." Even if it hurts I'll survive. "I have no other intentions in being here. Just laying my cards out on the table. I'm walking away." Gods in no way is this not going to suck. But I can't be what ruins this.

[member="Tegaea Alcori"] | [member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]
Tegaea stopped in her tracks, turning back to Mirien. If this was some sort of joke…but it seemingly wasn’t.

Heart pounding, she nodded her head. “Thank you, Mirien. I did not blame you, and I see my instincts were correct. What happened between you two was perhaps a natural result of changes between my wife and I. I think perhaps if you’re so resolved we should go and tell Siobhan. She’s not had an easy time as you can imagine, and I don’t want her to suffer longer than she needs to.”

She held out a hand to Mirien, relief starting to slowly pierce the icy cold in her heart. However, there was always the danger that Siobhan would choose to leave with Mirien and become the exile instead. Still, she now had something to hope for.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Tegaea Alcori"], [member="Mirien Valdier"]


Smoking was bad. It was unhealthy and messed up your lung. Good thing that Galina could not see her right now, since Siobhan was thoroughly plundering a cigarette packet she had found while she was sitting outside on the balcony. However, her nerves were going into overdrive and having a smoke calmed her down. Even if only a little bit.


Night had fallen upon them and it had gotten a bit chilly, and she shivered a bit, for she was only wearing a blouse and jeans, but she was to deep in thought to care much. Two different futures, two women she loved and had hurt in some way. Siobhan was by no means without flaws. She was inherently self-centred, rash and arrogant...yet she could not escape the conclusion that she had driven a wedge inside her family through her actions.


Mirien was a part of it - she could not accept the idea of her having to leave, no matter whether Tegaea might push for that. Siobhan was not intimidated by her. But...she owed both of them an apology. A big one. She brushed a stray lock of hair from her face while she pondered, trying to trace when things had gone wrong in her marriage and what she wanted.


It was true that they had grown apart, almost living what amounted to different lives to a degree. Tegaea had seemed distant and not pushed for greater closeness, which had upset her. There was also a part of Siobhan that believed her wife did not fully appreciate what she had done for Firemane. It had been a lot more than 'seeking glory and amputations in the field'. Frankly words like that stung. They had been begun drifting away some time before that queen Akala plunged the Galaxy into madness.


To be sure, Siobhan had sought out companionship and eventually love elsewhere, instead of trying to bridge the gap. She could not escape a portion of the blame. Her hand shook slightly, then she stubbed out the cigarette she was smoking and, upon looking at the packet, realised how depleted it was. It all came down to the simple fact that she had hurt her family. A cool wind swept her way, chilling her skin and making her shiver. There was a blanket on a nearby chair, but she seemed oblivious to its presence.


Did she want to divorce Tegaea? No. Did she think they could figure out their marriage? She was uncertain, but maybe she owed it to her to try. As her eyes closed for a moment, she briefly got a flash of happier, more passionate and joyful times, thinking back to their marriage and the vows she had said. As much as Siobhan was all over the place with her dalliance, those were words she had meant and took seriously, yet had inadvertently betrayed. Neither of them were perfect, but they had been happy. Throughout her best and worst moments, her wife had been there for her. Loved her, encouraged her, forgiven her.


Then there was Galina to consider. She could not put herself above her daughter, who looked up to Tegaea. Same with Natoline, though alas her wife was distant to both. Finally there was Mirien. It would be a lie to her that Siobhan was not drawn to her, inexorably. She excited her an accepted her darkness in a way Tegaea perhaps could not. Perhaps part of the sensation was also borne out of the fact that she was a Force-user, someone Siobhan could trust to take cotrol and help her, even keep her safe when she weak. Their bond was like a warm blanket that warmed her when she was cold, reassured her when she doubted.


But...she faced a choice and it would not be fair to Mirien if she walked away with her and still had a foot inside the other room. Not when part of her wanted to make things work, not when she would feel deep regret for driving a wedge through her family.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

Mirien sighed, her eyes still on the ground and nodded. "It doesn't matter if you blame me or not. I blame me." She said quietly. "I shouldn't have intruded. It wasn't right of me, and I'm sorry." The girl gave a shrug, still looking down, "She showed me what it was like to have family. Something I've never known until her, until the both of you. So, I'm not about to screw up that up for the both of you if I can help it. I don't ... I don't want that. I want for you both to be able to put it back together and make it work, truly."

Another heavy sigh came and went, "Just do me a favor .... Take her somewhere, alone. Just the two of you. Rekindle what you both have. Because it's still there, that I can promise you. That I know from her memories. She loves you beyond a shadow of a doubt. Just have to remind her of that."

A nod followed, "I am. And I agree." Her eyes drifted to Tegaea's hand. And for a moment, she did nothing but look at it. Then reaching out a trembling and shaky hand, she took Tegaea's and let the woman led her up the stairs to where Siobhan was.

But before Mirien let them get far, she stopped Tegaea at the bottom of the stairs. The former Inquisitor sighed a final time, "I do hope you know, that despite me being a Force user, and you not... You have always made me nervous and intimidated. It's that thing, how you've survived in the galaxy, and thrived without the force that most impresses me about you." She whispered softly. "Which yeah ... I won't admit this ever again but that's what has got me trembling. You." With that she shook her head, "Well that and what I need to do, does scare me a little." Mostly because Mirien had never been in love before. Not once. And that did make all of this entirely new territory for her.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"] | [member="Tegaea Alcori"]

 

[Tegaea Alcori]

[member="Mirien Valdier"] [member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

“Me?” Tegaea asked in surprise. “Though you wouldn’t know it by looking at Firemane, 99.99% of the galaxy can’t use the Force, but we struggle by. With power comes burdens, and I think in some ways it’s helped me that I didn’t have to train and control a part of me beyond the physical. Of course, being able to throw tanks around could have been useful at times…so it evens out.”

Pausing at the base of the stairs, she looked at Mirien.
“Thank you for your honesty, Mirien. I don’t want you to vanish entirely, I think you’ve been a great help to us both. I just don’t know how to resolve this. One of us has to leave this house, or else the other will never truly know what might be happening – but I at least still have part of a company to run, a daughter to be in the life of and a planet’s population to move. Love is a messy emotion.”

They headed up the stairs, coming upon Siobhan and bringing the final dramatic conclusion to this story.

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"], [member="Tegaea Alcori"]


Siobhan did not really want to be here when Tegaea and Mirien joined her. Her eyes first fell upon her wife, with whom she did not feel much of a connection these days. A petty part of her wondered whether Tegs had only started to take an interest in her again because she faced the risk of losing her.


Yet Siobhan still loved her and remembered happier times. Whether this would be enough to salvage their marriage was still open. It would not be the so-called 'good old days' again. Sio's view of those was a lot less rose-tinted! Nor did she want to go back to being the woman she had been then - someone who'd been a codependent wet hen.


Her eyes next fell on Mirien. She knew what her bond sister's position was and after thorough thought, she had agreed. Their bond seemed to help her calm down a bit. You're so bloody noble and chivalrous. I'm in a bad fairy tale romance. I'm the princess, you're the knight I shouldn't be madly in love with, Tegs is the queen, "I, uh, this is sodding awkward. Thanks for coming. This is...for all of us. I believe I owe both of you an apology, so I'm gonna ask for forgiveness. The truth is, I've been selfish, putting my own desires first," at that she glanced at Tegaea, then at Mirien.


"I've never wanted to hurt anyone, never wanted to drive a wedge through my family. That said, I don't regret a single moment we spent togther, Miri. Nor our bond. You're part of this family, of Firemane, and I want you to remain that. I know what your position is and I agree. I cannot get serious with you if a big part of my heart is still elsewhere. It would be unfair and cruel to you. Tegs, if you want to still have me, I want to try and get our marriage back on track. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you..I still love you." But they would not magically go back to being shiny and happy.