Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Private Seas of Change







SERENNO

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Maneuvering between the Corporate Sector and the High Republic left little time. It left little in the way of a proper waypoint as well. The Corporate Sector was fine and well with a miriad of expensive steakhouses and lounges but he didn't want a first date to be in the space.

He would be spotted. Being spotted would lead to complications.

Not that he was embarrassed or trying to hide the fact he was on the date. It came more from the fact he had yet to tell his sons. Being well-known in the Corporate Sector meant someone would end up telling Makai before he had the chance.

If there was a chance to tell anything. A first date. Meant the evening could go either way. It was bad enough to have a therapist pick his intentions apart with a woman twenty years his junior. Iandre Athlea Iandre Athlea also had to show, and while she did not seem the type to humor him, there was the possiblity she said yes as not to hurt his feelings.

Silverware clinked and low conversations filled the space as he waited. To be fair, his meeting had wrapped up early, allowing for extra space in his schedule.

Dressed in a simple black suit, Judah kicked back with his whisky, doing his best not to look at his datapad.

Part of this was the entire getting out there thing that Tannor Grene Tannor Grene harped on every session. The man practically jumped overboard in shock on the yacht when he had been told.

What did that say about him?


 
Iandre paused outside the restaurant for a moment before stepping inside.

It felt strangely unfamiliar.

She had attended diplomatic galas, state dinners, military ceremonies, and enough formal receptions to fill several lifetimes. Those had always come with expectations. There had been titles to remember, conversations to navigate, and responsibilities waiting the moment dessert had been cleared away. This was none of those. This was simply...a date. Not just any kind of date, though. The first real date between her and Judah Dashiell.

The thought drew the smallest smile to her lips as she smoothed an almost nonexistent wrinkle from her dress before taking a quiet breath and making her way inside.

She had left her robes and armor behind for the evening. Her days of wearing those were becoming less common. Instead, she wore a long emerald-green dress that gathered naturally at her waist before falling in gentle folds to her ankles. The sleeves reached just past her elbows, simple and elegant without drawing attention to themselves. A modest slit along one side made walking comfortable without being ostentatious, while a pair of understated gold earrings and a delicate bracelet were the only jewelry she'd chosen to wear. Her hair, usually tied back or braided for practicality, had been left down in soft waves over her shoulders.

The hostess scarcely had time to greet her before her eyes found Judah. Following her to the table, she couldn't help but remember the evenings she had already spent with Judah.

He looked exactly as she'd expected him to: composed, professional, and trying very hard to appear as though he wasn't waiting for someone. A warmer smile found its way onto her face.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting long." she said as she approached the table. "You look good, Judah."

There was the faintest hint of nervousness in her voice as she came to a stop beside him.

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








As she approached, Judah had caught sight of her and quickly stood. Their table was against the glass wall, overlooking the expansive city of Carannia and beyond that, the glittering sea the city bordered. The sights in his opinion rivaled that of many in the Core, although he was biased, the Core had never vastly appealed to him.

"Not long at all. Had free time in my schedule so I arrived a little earlier than anticipated."

Moving to pull out her chair, Judah offered a scoff in reply.

"I look how I do everyday. You on the other hand look stunning. Green seems to suit you."


He motioned for her to take a seat. The old salvager was wise enough not to push his greeting with kiss on the cheek or a hug. Didn't seem they were in that space yet, if they ever would be. This was getting out there and his expectations were low. If the night was filled with lively conversation he would consider it a win.

Once she was seated, he settled back in across from her.

"Thanks for joining me. I hope the location is suitable."


 
A faint blush warmed Iandre's cheeks at the compliment.

He said he looked the way he always did. She wondered when she'd stopped saying the same thing about herself.

There had been a time when robes and armor were as much a part of her identity as breathing. Tonight they remained folded away, replaced by emerald fabric and a nervousness she hadn't expected to feel. Judah hadn't changed for the evening. She had.

She wasn't sure what that meant yet.

"Thank you." she replied, accepting the compliment with a warm smile before taking the seat Judah had offered. It still felt a little strange allowing someone else to fuss over her again, but not unpleasant. Simply...a new experience again.

She looked across the table at him for a moment, studying him in a way she never had during receptions or council meetings.

"You look different tonight." she observed thoughtfully. "Not because of the suit." A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "You look...more relaxed." She searched for the right words. "Like you're not expecting every conversation to become a negotiation."

A quiet laugh escaped her.

"I'm not sure that's the right way to describe it." She tilted her head slightly. "But it suits you."

Her eyes wandered briefly to the city lights shimmering beyond the glass before returning to him.

"And this place is wonderful." she said sincerely. "Thank you for inviting me."

There was still a trace of nervousness in her smile. First dates, she was discovering, were far more intimidating than diplomatic summits. Yet as she settled into her chair and looked back across the table, that nervousness had already begun to give way to quiet anticipation.

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








“I do anticipate a great debate between getting the layer cake or galette for dessert, but beyond that I am expecting no massive negotiations in my near future. Unless you surprise me and break out some debate sheets.”

Pausing as the waiter brought over two glasses of flat water and their menus, along with a small spiel of chef’s experimental dish for the evening, subjects were changed away from business.

“No need to thank me. I’m the one in your debt, I should be thanking you for joining me. Part of me expected you not to show, but I had a feeling you are not the type to merely ghost an engagement.”

Picking up the whisky he had ordered before she arrived, he gave a small nod towards her.

“So, what have you been up to since we saw one another last? The Commonwealth Gala. An interesting event, quiet.”



 
Iandre accepted the glass of water with a quiet nod of thanks before turning her attention to the menu. Her eyes drifted over the offerings, though she couldn't say she was truly reading them yet.

A small smile appeared at Judah's confession.

"If I didn't want to be here, Judah..." she said gently, looking up from the menu, "...I wouldn't have accepted your invitation."

She held his gaze for a moment, letting the sincerity and truth behind the words settle between them before taking a small sip of water.

"As for what I've been doing..." She smiled thoughtfully. "I officially...well...I suppose I temporarily stepped away from both the Lilaste Order and what remained of the Diarchy." There was no bitterness in her voice anymore. Only acceptance. "I needed some distance to figure out who I was without either of them."

Her fingers rested lightly against the edge of the menu.

"I spent some time on Naboo." she continued. "Caught up with Aiden Porte. He's become a good friend through the Jedi, and...I think I needed someone who understood where I'd come from without trying to tell me where I should go next."

A hint of amusement returned to her eyes.

"And..." she said, a playful smile finally breaking through her lingering nervousness, "I also met one of your children." She looked over the top of the menu with quiet satisfaction. "Balun." The smile grew just a touch. "He's a good man."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








"Stepping away makes sense. I guess that is the trouble with anything you emesh with in life. When it ends you have to figure out the who and what in terms of next steps."

It sounded like a self-imposed therapy session in his eyes. Or one without declaring it as such, especially considering she had met with another Jedi. It would only make sense to seek out another in a similar field of...could it be considered work? He could never tell.

Gaze had flicked to the menu, silently debating between some type of fried meat dumpling or a summer salad for his starter when Iandre Athlea Iandre Athlea dropped a bombshell.

She had met Balun. Presumably on Naboo. Or maybe at some type of Jedi training.

A small cough of surprise. He quickly tried to cover that cough by taking a sip of whisky, that only made it worse. Soon he was coughing in earnest and the whisky went down the wrong direction. Growing red faced, he struggled to breathe properly.

He looked like a damn fool.

Before she could do anything though, he waved away her concerns. Only thing to do was to try to regroup and breathe normally again. It would take a moment.

Deep breaths. Maybe he would try to talk.

"Balun, huh. How did I come up?"

Clearly the lack of oxygen made him forget about the last name and how formal introductions went.


 
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Iandre started to get up the second Judah began coughing, concern wiping the smile off her face instantly.

"Judah?"

She stopped when he waved her back down. She waited until his breathing evened out before letting herself relax, though the worry stuck around for another beat. She pressed her lips together, trying hard not to grin.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Once he'd caught his breath enough to talk, a quiet laugh finally slipped out.

"I met him when I was visiting Shiraya's Sanctuary," she said, the smile still there as she remembered. "He introduced himself as Balun Dashiell. When I heard the name, I told him I knew a Judah Dashiell, but figured it was probably just a coincidence."

She shook her head gently.

"He just looked at me and said, 'That's my father.'"

A warm laugh escaped her.

"Neither of us saw that one coming."

Her expression softened.

"We ended up talking for quite a while after that." She held his gaze. "You should be proud of him, Judah. He's a thoughtful, kind person, and I think you two have more in common than either of you probably realize."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








"I am proud of him. I'm proud of both of my sons."

When Iandre Athlea Iandre Athlea mentioned he and Balun Dashiell Balun Dashiell were quite similar, he didn't disagree. If he had to say which of his children was like him more, it was clearly Balun. A single father, failed relationships, a need to escape into work. Makai he had surmised long ago was more like his ex-wife's side of the family, then being partially raised by Danger Arceneau formed his life more than Judah had first thought.

"Thats what I didn't want."

He said quietly, picking up his drink. Their waiter came by and he had decided on the summer salad, some fancy concoction with no leafy greens, just sliced and some type of dressing. He patiently waited for Iandre to place her starter before continuing. The waiter thanked them and he began again.

"Balun is the only Force sensitive Dashiell, so don't worry about running into another one. One is probably more than enough for the 'verse at this point anyway." Pausing, he chuckled once. "Any other bombshells? Didn't meet my ex-wife or anything crazy like that? I'd like to know before drinking again."


 
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Iandre's smile lingered at Judah's warning about the number of Force-using Dashiells she might unexpectedly encounter. She reached for her water, but paused before taking a drink as though reconsidering the wisdom of doing so while delivering her answer.

"I'm unaware of any other bombshells at this time." she assured him, amusement dancing in her grey eyes. "I haven't unknowingly befriended your ex-wife, discovered another child, or encountered anyone else who revealed a surprising connection to you." A beat passed. "At least, not that I'm aware of."

When the waiter turned to her, Iandre glanced once more at the menu before settling on her choice. "I'll have the seared tip-yip medallions, please." Once the waiter departed with their orders, she took the drink she'd delayed and settled more comfortably into her chair. Some of the nervousness she'd arrived with had quietly faded during their conversation, leaving the evening increasingly similar to the easy conversations she and Judah had shared before, except for the subtle awareness that this was different.

Her thoughts returned to the quieter words he'd spoken before the joke. That's what I didn't want. There had been something beneath them that she didn't quite understand. Iandre studied him for a moment, curiosity replacing her amusement.

"What did you mean when you said that wasn't what you wanted?" she asked. "Balun being like you?" Her brow furrowed slightly. "Why wouldn't you want that?"

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








"A small relief then."

Finishing off his whisky as she inquired about why he didn't want Balun to end up like himself, he debated on what to tell her. They had been friends but this was more of a first date scenario. A difference in his eyes when discussing things. Yet he felt it was prudent to lay it all out there. Being honest and forthcoming in the beginning meant no time wasted.

"A once borderline alcoholic who can't maintain a stable relationship or friendship. Raising a child on his own, the mother off to just who knows where. Working too much and purposely isolating himself." He paused for a moment. "Sons are not meant to repeat the sins of their father, yet Balun is keen to follow in my shadow."

Leaning back, he might as well get comfortable for this tale.

"Balun is the result of a one night stand I had zero idea about until....five or so years ago. Blackout drunk because of my ex-wife's, uh, situation I had zero idea. Which doesn't make it right, obviously. Had I known I would have taken care of Balun myself and taken care of Balun's mother if needed. I still look out for my ex-wife.... built her home, built the start of her flight school, made sure she has credits - its my son's mother, such a thing is only right despite Makai being a grown man. Even now Balun's mother is....resistant to any help. I fear she has some sort of trauma or mental illness."

He waved a hand dismissively.

"Getting off track here. Now, I've made improvements in my life. Gotten help. Focused on the important. I don't drink as much. Still smoke though, don't think I can kick that one. It took a long time for me to do this. Too long. I've tried to get Balun to learn from my mistakes but he seems determined to be just as stupid."

There was a small pause as he studied her.

"If you would like to end this early, I understand."

 
Iandre listened without interrupting. The menu in front of her went largely forgotten as Judah spoke, her attention remaining on him instead. It was considerably more than she had expected when she'd asked a relatively simple question, but perhaps that was precisely why she appreciated the answer. He could have offered something easier. Instead, he had given her the parts of himself he clearly wasn't particularly proud of and trusted her to decide what she thought of them.

What caught her attention most, strangely enough, was what he'd said about his ex-wife. Despite everything that had happened between them, he had built her a home, helped establish her flight school, and continued making certain she had what she needed. There was something quietly honorable about that. He hadn't allowed the end of their marriage to erase the fact that she remained important as the mother of his son.

"A great many people carry trauma or mental illness through their lives, Judah." she said gently. There was no criticism in the observation, nor an attempt to diagnose a woman she'd never met. "Some know exactly what they're carrying. Others don't. I imagine I could have things buried somewhere in here that I haven't recognized yet." She lightly touched two fingers to her temple before lowering her hand. Given everything she'd survived, the possibility hardly seemed unreasonable. "Whatever her reasons for refusing your help, I think the fact that you continue offering it says something good about you."

Her thoughts shifted back toward Balun. "Don't all children have to learn some things in their own way?" she asked before giving a small, almost sheepish shrug. "I say that as someone who has never been a mother, so perhaps I'm entirely wrong." A faint smile appeared. "But Balun seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He may make some of the same mistakes you did. He'll probably make entirely new ones you never thought of." Her smile warmed slightly. "That doesn't necessarily mean he'll end up in the same place."

Then came his final statement. Iandre blinked, genuinely puzzled for a moment. "Why would I leave?"

She leaned back slightly in her chair, studying him across the table. This was perhaps the first time since she'd known Judah that they had been able to sit together without refugees needing homes and supplies, governments requiring negotiations, or some formal event dictating what they ought to discuss. For once, she wasn't speaking to Judah Dashiell the businessman, philanthropist, or logistical partner. She was beginning to meet the man underneath all of those things.

"I accepted your invitation because I wanted to be here. Learning more about you isn't going to make me change my mind simply because some of it is complicated or uncomfortable." Her smile softened. "Thank you for sharing this with me, and for being honest. I will do the same with you."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








"Yeah, it says I'm crazy."

Judah chuckled at his own self-depreciating joke. Iandre Athlea Iandre Athlea wouldn't see the humor in it he suspected but it was still a joke worth making in his eyes. A small smile touched his features as he thought of Balun and mistakes that lay ahead.

"As a parent, you never want to see your children struggle. On some level you know they have to. Its inevitable. Balun seems especially set up to just repeat everything I've done. Imitation is flattery but I would prefer not to be flattered in this instance." Eyebrows knit together slightly as he thought. "Only so much I can do."

"As for offering for you to leave, just trying to give an out. I think we're both a little too old to sit and play games. Some could easily sit and have a miserable time. I would prefer for those in my presence not to have an obligation to stay. Just consider it an old habit...or even a courtsey I guess."


Picking up his water glass, eyebrow raised.

"Hell of a way to start the evening. Since I've been talking let's flip this back to you. What is next on the horizon for yourself?"




 
Iandre's lips curved into a small smile at his assessment of himself. She could appreciate the humor for what it was, even if there seemed to be a habit of placing himself at the expense of his own jokes. It wasn't the first time she'd noticed him do it. She didn't point it out, though. Perhaps it was simply one of those little idiosyncrasies that belonged to Judah, something she was beginning to recognize the more time she spent with him.

"I wouldn't go quite so far as to call you crazy." she replied, amusement lingering in her expression.

She listened as he spoke about Balun, nodding slightly. There was something almost universal about wanting to spare someone you loved from mistakes you could already see coming, even while knowing there was only so much you could do to prevent them. "Only so much you can do," she echoed thoughtfully. "You've given him the benefit of your experience. What he does with it has to be his decision."

His explanation for offering her an escape earned a slightly more amused expression. "Well, if I ever consider spending time with you miserable, I promise I won't hesitate to tell you." The words were delivered lightly, but there was sincerity beneath them. She had spent too much of her life navigating diplomacy and carefully measured conversations to see much value in pretending to enjoy someone's company when she didn't. "So you can retire the courtesy with me. If I'm still sitting here, it's because I want to."

The question of what came next for her required a little more thought. Not long ago, she wouldn't have had much of an answer. For the first time since Rellik's death, however, pieces of a life were beginning to form around her again. "I've stayed on Veradune, and I've started picking up some clerical work for the government." A faint smile touched her lips. It wasn't glamorous work, nor anything resembling the position she'd once held within the Diarchy, but that was part of its appeal. She could be useful without allowing duty to consume her entire identity again.

"I suppose one can leave the Jedi, but the Jedi won't leave the person." she added after a moment, her smile turning thoughtful. Helping people still came naturally to her, whether that meant negotiating humanitarian aid, sorting through the mundane workings of government, or simply making herself useful where she could. "I'm still figuring out exactly what comes next, but for once, I don't think I need to have the entire answer before I take the next step."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 
e








"Clerical work sounds...methodical."

A nice way of putting it. He had dropped the entire 'free to leave' thing, not wanting to beat a dead bantha as they had established a mutual understanding. There was no disparaging her newfound place in the 'verse. Judah found it odd in a sense given her talents. Yet he could also see the appeal of just being a cog in the machine.

Much like when he worked the salvage lines.

"Seems as if you have a plan then, even if that plan is ambiguous. Not having an answer I feel is not required. There is plenty of time to find your place in the grand scheme of things. All the things the galaxy is will still be there when you decide to forge a new path. Found that out years ago. Seems the only thing that changes is the year, everything else is the same."


 
Iandre smiled faintly at his choice of words.

"Methodical is certainly one way of describing it." There were far less generous descriptions for spending hours sorting through reports, correspondence, and the endless minutiae required to keep a government functioning, but she didn't actually mind the work. There was something reassuring about having tasks that were useful without being particularly consequential. Nobody's life depended upon whether she finished processing a report before the end of the day.

What Judah said next stayed with her a little longer. There is plenty of time.

Time was a peculiar thing for someone who had lost nearly nine hundred years of it. Since awakening, Iandre had spent so much of her life moving from one purpose into another that perhaps she'd never really allowed herself the possibility of simply existing between them. Jedi. Survivor. Diarchy. Rellik's wife. Each identity had given way to another almost before she'd had the opportunity to ask who she was without it.

"I think I'm finally beginning to understand that." she admitted. "For a while, not knowing what came next felt like something I needed to fix immediately. Now..." She paused, considering the difference before giving a small shrug. "I'm starting to think perhaps I can just let the answer come when it comes."

His last observation brought a touch of amusement back to her expression. "I can certainly confirm the year changes." Nine centuries made her unusually qualified on that particular subject. "Although I'm beginning to suspect you're right about the rest. Governments still rise and fall, people still argue over the same things, and apparently paperwork survived nine hundred years entirely unchanged."

Her smile lingered before curiosity softened it into something more thoughtful. This evening was supposed to be an opportunity for them to know one another beyond negotiations, humanitarian projects, and formal events. She didn't want that opportunity to become Judah simply interviewing her about what she intended to do with the rest of her life.

"You said you found that out years ago." she said, picking up on his earlier words. "What path were you trying to find when you learned it?"

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








"Maybe...if this goes well, I'll visit you on Veradune. So as not to interrupt your paperwork."


Judah had to leave the 'maybe' in the air. There was no need to assume. Iandre Athlea Iandre Athlea could easily come to her senses by the end of the evening and realize she was on a date with a man about twenty years her senior. Minus the whole fact she had been in carbonite but he was rooted in the reality of now, not the past.

The waiter arrived with their starters and he had to shake his head on the entire 'path he was on' comment. If he didn't know better it sounded as if Iandre was friends with his therapist.

"Not so much of a journey as it was more getting older. Everything seems amplified when you're young, maybe a little more so when you're a corporate titan. Not that I feel I'm a corporate titan, but I couldn't think of a word that is best apt to the day-to-day. Now things are a bit less urgent and more focused on thinking first than making action happen immediately."



 
The suggestion of visiting Veradune brought an easy smile to Iandre's face.

"Perhaps." She answered with the same gentle uncertainty he'd offered. "And if you do, I promise not to bury you beneath the stacks of paperwork I deal with."

A quiet laugh escaped her as the waiter arrived with their starters. She thanked him before returning her attention to Judah.

His explanation wasn't what she'd expected.

She had imagined some defining moment that had changed the way he viewed the galaxy, but instead he described something much simpler. Growing older. Learning that not everything demanded an immediate response.

There was a quiet wisdom in that.

"I suppose that's one advantage I missed." she said thoughtfully. "I went to sleep convinced I had all the time in the world, and when I woke up...nine centuries had already passed."

The observation wasn't bitter. If anything, it carried a touch of bemusement.

"Perhaps that's why I've felt such a need to figure everything out. It always seems as though I should have done it already."

She paused long enough to sample a bite of her starter before continuing.

"I like the way you describe it, though." Her grey eyes settled on him with quiet interest. "Not that life became smaller, but that it stopped demanding an answer to every question all at once."

A faint smile returned to her lips.

"It sounds...peaceful."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 








Listening intently, his shoulders shrugged at her mention of missing out in terms of figuring things out. He could see the disorientating nature of her being but he suspected figuring out who she was had taken a backseat to life. Especially once she had gotten involved with the Diarchy right after. Judah had never really pried, didn't seem appropriate. Maybe someday he would get a better picture of why.

"Maybe give yourself a little grace." Picking up a fork, he offered a short laugh. "I know, easier said than done."

Spearing a piece of vegetable, eyebrow raised when she stated his life must be peaceful. In many ways it was. In many ways it was far from the truth. Depended on the situation. To paint his existence as peaceful was a new one for him though.


"Peaceful? Hardly. Between my sons, the grandchildren, the business....I've got plenty keeping me on my toes. I'm not sure there is a moment of peace to be found. The difference between then and now is living on my own terms though."



 
A quiet laugh escaped Iandre at his suggestion.

"Grace?" she repeated with a faint smile. "I'll have to remember that." There was a lightness to her voice that hadn't been there a few months ago. Whether she would actually become any better at granting herself such kindness remained to be seen, but she appreciated the thought nonetheless.

She listened as he described his life, unable to suppress another smile.

"You've just made me realize we have very different definitions of peaceful." she observed with gentle amusement. "When I picture your life, I imagine board meetings and difficult negotiations. You picture grandchildren climbing through moving crates."

The distinction lingered with her for a moment. It wasn't that Judah's life lacked responsibilities. If anything, it sounded wonderfully full of them. Yet there was something different about the way he carried them.

"I think that's what I meant." Her grey eyes met his across the table. "Not that your life is quiet, but that it belongs to you." She let that thought settle before adding with a small smile, "There's something comforting about hearing someone speak of a busy life without sounding as though they're racing against it."

She picked up her own fork at last, finally giving her starter the attention it deserved.

"Perhaps that's another thing I have to learn." she said, the humor returning to her voice. "Although I suspect I'll start with the grace. It sounds a little easier."

Judah Dashiell Judah Dashiell
 

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