Private Sand and Solitude

[Amilthi Camlenn]

Location: Tatooine, north of Mos Eisley Image Source: [x]

Amilthi's feet landed in the soft sand. The air was already rapidly cooling down as the afternoon turned to evening, all the more so as the bottom of the small canyon that cut into the Great Mesra Plateau lay in shade. Sturdy bushes had anchored themselves in cracks in the rock faces, and some of them even ventured so far as to attempt to grow on the sandy ground that was littered with the occasional rock. Some twenty metres from the spot where Amilthi had touched down the ship, there was even a grove of palm trees, next to which stood a little concrete hut. There was just the bare building, lacking even a door, and no signs of habitation were to be found around it.

Amilthi examined it from afar. "It appears I don't have a door anymore", she observed with a doubtful look. Nor a moisture vaporator. Nor, probably, anything else that was movable. She turned to smile at Lefwen. "I used to live here." The statement seemed rather incongruent with her unmistakeable Core world accent. "It's one of the nicer spots around, actually, if you're not afraid of the Tusken. Come."

She went up to the hut with lithe steps and peered inside. It was a fairly large and open, square room, another door in its back right corner, which was left open and apparently led into a bathroom. As predicted, much its former interior was gone. Specifically, anything that could in any way be described as a device or appliance. The humidifier, the heater, the stove, the ventilation unit. Probably the generator in the cellar.

What was left was a bed in a hollow extending from the back left corner, taking up space along one side of the house which was not occupied by the bathroom to its right. There was a large brown mat in the centre of the room, and a table with two chairs by the right wall. There were also some shelves in the form of hollows in the walls themselves, and a cupboard and a dresser of sorts by the left wall. Amilthi leaned forward to take a look at what had used to be the kitchen corner to the left of the entrance and was now reduced to an overhead cupboard and a worktop.

The Jedi sighed, and then smiled. She stepped inside and opened a trap door in the floor just to the right of the entrance, from which a short, steep flight of stairs led into the cellar.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen surveyed the home with all the disappointment she could muster. Not having a door was almost the least of the house's problems: it didn't have anything bar the dusty concrete it was built from. She wasn't quite sure what she had been expecting, but this was somehow still a disappointment. She cautiously stepped around the house, hoping that it would adopt a more exciting form when viewed form some specific angle, but it was no good.

She tugged her oversized gloves up again in a vain attempt to keep the gusts of sand from ending up inside the machinery of her fingers and then tried to smear away some of the sand that was gathering around the edges of her visor. She began to make her way back around the building, returning to the front entrance through which Amilthi had disappeared. As she did so, she slipped on a loose sand-drift and fell unceremoniously to ground. 'Why would anybody live on a desert planet?' she thought grumpily, hitting the sand with her fist. Her fingers were starting to ache as the sand worked its way into the servos and feedback circuits. This stuff gets everywhere.

Inside, the house was no more glamorous. Someone had clearly stripped of value away while Amilthi had be gone, and what little remained was hardly inspiring: a few pieces of worn furniture, the odd personal effect, little more. Lefwen brushed away the sand that still clung to her clothes and pulled her helmet off, placing it on the ground by door. Her face was red with the heat, and she messed her sticky hair to remove the slicked-back look. Now that they were out of the dusty wind she tentatively removed her gloves and studied her prosthetics, peeling back the worn and tattered synthskin to check the damage. The coarse, irritating sand was everywhere inside the inner workings, locking up the gears and rubbing against the tiny pistons that kept her fingers moving. The sensation of thousands of tiny pin-pricks rubbing inside her finger was maddening, but attempting to blow out the invading dust did little to help.

"So, I'm guessing you had a bit more... stuff the last time you were here?" she asked sarcastically as she followed Amilthi into the cellar.

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

"A bit", retorted Amilthi with a wry smile, turning around to Lefwen on the stairs while she continued to descend with unnaturally sure steps. She caught sight of the girl nursing her hand and noticed the prosthetics. "You'll soon stop minding that", she said reassuringly. "And we'll get it fixed some time."

She reached the bottom of the cellar, its interior reveted with brown clay. The workbench was still there even though her tools were gone. Interestingly, the generator was still there. Amilthi went up to it and inspected it curiously. It wasn't functional and some parts were missing, but they could be replaced easily enough. Probably whoever had begun to take it apart and remove it had been disturbed by something or someone, perhaps by the Tusken. That was a good start.

The water reservoir on the other side of the room, below the bathroom, was also there and seemed intact, though naturally empty. It seemed that Amilthi had the next fews days' work cut out for her. She nodded slightly to herself and turned back to the stairs. A smile flickered on her features once again as her gaze briefly touched Lefwen. "Come", she said and returned upstairs.

Standing in the middle of the room, her hands folded in front of herself, she waited for the girl to follow her.

"While you are here, there are a few simple rules. You will hate them, but do observe them. Because if you don't, your progress will be slowed or you won't make any at all. There are good reasons for all of them, which I won't bore you with, but you can ask me. Most of it will become clear on its own with time.

"Now", she continued to expound, very matter-of-fact and business-like, "You will not lie. You will not steal. You will not cause pain to any living being. Sometimes in life, these things are necessary to protect yourself. But not here, because to protect you here is my responsibility. Therefore, you will strictly abstain from any such action.

"You will refrain from any sexual activity. That includes touching yourself.

"You will not eat any food after noon. You can have water and tea whenever you want - until I run out, that is", she added with a wry smile. "Don't eat more for breakfast and lunch than you normally would. It will be no more than two or three days until you'll no longer miss dinner.

"You will not distract yourself with any form of entertainment. You will not listen to music or watch any recordings. If you wish to read something, ask me first.

"You will have six hours a day to sleep. If it happens that you sleep less, that's fine. Don't worry about it and don't become upset. You can have the bed - I don't mind the floor.

"You can have your helmet for at most three hours a day. Try to make do with less if you think you can. In time, you will find it to be unnecessary.

"I won't be asking you to help with the housework or anything like that. Your task is to practice diligently the exercises I will give you."

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen stood listening to Amilthi's proclamations looking every bit like a school-girl who'd be sent to the master's office. What Amilthi was saying made no sense: they had nothing in this house, and unless the strange woman was hiding a barrel of credits somewhere they would need to steal or lie to make the house even remotely liveable-in. There was such a flurry of rules that Lefwen was unable to form a proper answer to any particular point.

"I could just leave..." she whispered, immediately realising how stupid she sounded. She had chosen to follow Amilthi, volunteered to learn whatever Amilthi had to teach. She didn't really know why: boredom, curiosity, realisation that these abilities could help her achieve her goals... Regardless of what had driven her to say yes, whining now because she'd been told she wasn't allowed to waste a night with a bunch of spacers was pathetic. She straightened herself up and meekly nodded. There was a time when she'd have just waited until nightfall and made off with what few things Amilthi had left, but that didn't seem worthwhile. Besides, Amilthi didn't seem to know everything about her, so there was nothing stopping her from bending a few rules so long as she was discrete.

"Is there anything you want me to do tonight?" she asked, a tinge of bitterness in her voice. "I'm guessing not having a door will be a problem if any more tusk-things show up?"

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

"Yes, you could just leave. But it wouldn't be advisable, because you don't even know the way to the next city from here. The nights are cold, the days are hot, and the locals aren't friendly, at least if you don't understand their culture, which you don't. And also, you would lose out on what I have to show you - or rather, what I can teach you to find for yourself."

Amilthi walked over to one of the chairs and sat down cross-legged. "I will make it difficult for you to leave. You will occasionally hate me for it." She was making this prediction as a simple statement of fact and seemed completely unfazed by the prospect. "Because you will at times experience a strong urge to stop practicing and leave. But it will pass, and then you'll thank me for it." After a pause, she added: "And don't even think of the ship. First, you can't access it, and second, you can't fly it. You'd and up crashing it into the ground and injuring or killing yourself."

"No, it won't be", said Amilthi nonchalantly when Lefwen voiced her concern about the lack of a door. "But if it gives you any comfort, I do intend to replace it."

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen tried to remember back to her etiquette lessons, wishing she'd paid more attention. There had to have been some point where she'd been taught how to politely deal with a pretentious, stuck-up, smug old bat with a drukhole of a house and a superiority complex... Nothing came to mind, however. She'd always disappointed Ms Aspharil, her mind always preoccupied with speeder racing or fencing. For a moment her eyes lingered on the door. It can't be that dangerous... The wind seemed to pick up though and a whirl of sand fell through the door. Her fingers ached. Finally, she settled with just sitting on one of the chairs on the other side of the room from the cantankerous witch and glared at her.

"I was always quite good at flying, actually," she grumbled. She swung her rucksack around and began to root through it, noting the knife which shone out at her from the bottom of the bag. After a few moments she pulled out a short, heavily frayed brush and, after sliding off her gloves and dropping them to the floor, began to clean out her fingers as best she could. After a few moments of trying her best to ignore Amilthi she broke and glanced up. "Don't you think you should fix the door soon? If you're not going to let me hurt anything that tries to eat me then it would at least be nice if we didn't welcome them in."

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

"Anything that tries to eat you will die", said Amilthi with perfect, eerie calm. To state this in such a factual manner, as if it were an incontrovertible truth, could only mean that she was either completely deluded... or there was something about her that Lefwen didn't know.

"But I can't exactly conjure a door out of thin air", Amilthi continued after a long second, dissolving the tension again with a wry smile. "So I'm afraid you'll have to wait until tomorrow. The night will be a bit chilly, but there are blankets." She shrugged.

"As for what I want you to do tonight... and for the next days and weeks. You won't hear anything from me about moving objects for some time. First you need to understand your own body. Then you need the understand your own mind. And then can you begin to understand the rest of the world.

"To that end you will meditate. Every waking minute. Most of the time, you should be sitting, with your eyes closed. I'll give you a cushion."
She stood up and strolled over to the dresser and retrieved from it a large, flat cushion of square proportions. She shook it slightly and a bit of sandy dust emerged from it. She put it down on top of the dresser, probably intending to clean it later.

"You can sit however you want as long as the position is stable and comfortable. With your legs crossed, with your heels under your buttocks, on a chair if you need to. At first you will find the urge to move and change position arising frequently. Try to resist it, but don't torture yourself if it gets too strong or if you experience pain. It will get better in time.

"No matter where you sit, keep your back straight and don't lean against anything. When you catch yourself slouching, straighten up. If you feel a strong urge to lie down for a moment, you can do so, but no more than ten minutes at a time.

"The actual exercise is this. Starting at the top of your head, you scan the surface of your body with your attention. Make the area of focus as small as possible. Two, three centimetres in diameter. Sweep with your attention over your scalp, your face, then your right arm, left arm, front of the body, back of the body, right leg, left foot. And then then back again in the reverse direction and order. The order doesn't actually matter, but keep is constant or you will forget places - and you shouldn't. Don't leave out anything. When I say scan your arm, I mean every part of your shoulder, upper arm, elbow, lower arm, wrist, palms, back of the hand, and every section of each finger.

"As your attention moves, be attentive to the sensations you encounter on the way, but do not dwell on any such sensation - always keep moving. The sensations may be of various kinds. The touch of your clothes. Heat. Perspiration, itching, throbbing, pulsing, vibration, tension, pain. Anything. Notice them all without judgement - none of them are better than the others. But notice them alert and with interest.

"Over time, your mind will become sharper and sharper and you will perceive ever more subtle sensations. There will come a point where you will feel... a subtle flow of energy everywhere in the body, and the movement of your attention will become light and effortless. Eventually, you will feel like your entire body dissolves into this energy, consists of it, or maybe that you don't have a body at all. It is extremely pleasant, perhaps the most pleasant thing you have ever experienced. Many people break out in tears from the rapture and joy of experiencing it for the first time. But that's actually not important. Don't get distracted, don't make the mistake of thinking that this pleasure is in any way the point of it. The point is awareness. You will eventually be able to perceive your entire body in the same moment. I know, this sounds meaningless now when I say it, you cannot imagine yet what it is like.

"At first, the flow of your attention over and through your body will frequently be interrupted by one thought or another. Whenever that happens, don't be annoyed or frustrated or upset. Just notice it, make a mental note of it, labelling the thought. If your mind was idly wandering, label it 'wandering'. If you were remembering something, label it 'remembering'. You may have been imagining, visualising, yearning, pondering, experience frustration, hope or depression. Don't fret about the exact label - the act of labelling is what's important, not the label. And after you have so labelled a thought or emotion that arises, return your attention back to your body and continue surveying it.

"When you move - when you change your sitting position, when you straighten your back, even when you walk during a break, do it slowly and pay attention to how the movement feels in your body. Pay attention to your intention of moving, to your perception of where your hand or leg is as it moves, pay attention to the feeling where your body touches something, such as when your foot touches the ground. The same thing, you should also do while eating.

"You will experience many different things. You will encounter embarrassing thoughts, fearful thoughts, ridiculous thoughts, and many more. You needn't worry, I won't know any of it - I'm not reading your mind. You can tell me or keep them to yourself as you wish.

"I will be around or not - try to ignore me while you practice. Twice a day, after lunch and in the evening, I will be here for you. You will describe to me the experiences you've been having. I may ask you questions about them. You are free to tell me and ask me about anything you want.

"That energy you will eventually feel flowing through your body - maybe in a few days, maybe in a few weeks... that is one aspect of what we call the Force. Once you can feel it, I will tell you more about that, and I will give you different instructions for how to move on. Do not be impatient. You will eventually reach this stage, and it doesn't matter how long it takes. If it takes you a long time, that doesn't mean that you are weak. It is not a failure. Do not grow impatient or hasty - that will slow your progress rather than accelerate it." Finally, she smiled. "And you can already predict what I will say now: if you do become impatient, just note 'impatience' and continue with the exercise."

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

'Tiredness' and 'bored beyond comprehension' were the main thoughts Lefwen 'noted' as she wandered around the house for the third time that night. She opened a cupboard, the familiar hinges creaking slightly just as they had the last five times. There was still nothing inside it.

It had been a while since she'd last spoken to Amilthi, who was now sat in one of the house's small rooms. She'd been like that for hours. Lefwen had attempted to sleep but the eerie sounds of the wind curling off of the dunes outside kept her awake. So instead she'd spent some time cleaning out her prosthetics as best she could, and was now pacing around the house twirling her knife between her fingers. It was a simple exercise, one she'd been encouraged to practice by her physician when she was a young girl. He'd encouraged her to use a stylus, though. Round each finger the blade span, each finger moving up and down in a rhythmic motion which kept the blade continually falling. It was supposed to help her maintain the nerve memory that her prosthetics relied upon, although over time it had become a nervous tick.

She continued to prowl around the house, checking sideboards and drawers for anything that might have miraculously appeared since she last looked in them. She stepped briskly past the door, which opened out into the blackness of the night like a mouth threatening to swallow her. She went down into the cellar and fiddled with the dials on the broken generator, carefully lining up each knob to make a pointless pattern on the face of the machine. She sardonically 'noted' that the water reservoir had failed to refill itself.

Upon returning to the ground floor and pacing some more Lefwen eventually passed the room in which Amilthi was sat. The Jedi was motionless, although clearly not asleep. She was kneeling on a blanket, her hands calmly resting on her knees and her body supported by the heels of her feet. It looked perilously uncomfortable to Lefwen, but Amilthi's expression showed no pain. In fact, her expression revealed nothing at all. Lefwen closed her eyes and reached out with her feelings, attempting to visualise Amilthi's mood. After a few moments she gave up, however, perplexed by the bizarre pattern her senses lay before her. She looked down at the knife in her hands and smirked. Eyes closed, she carefully watched Amilthi's mood once more, trying to note the way her ghostly outline moved and flowed in her mind, and then she dropped the knife. It clattered noisily to the floor, and the sound seemed to echo through Amilthi's thoughts. There was no panic, however, no erratic change in her state. Rather, the sound seemed to enter her and then immediately smooth out, dampening steadily until nothing remained. Lefwen opened her eyes and scowled, picking up the knife and pacing back to 'her' room.

She sat cross-legged on the ground and closed her eyes. Amilthi had said something about focusing on the sensations she felt, and checking every part of her body. She took a deep breath and tried to focus, beginning with the top of her head. It felt... well it felt like the top of her head... Her mouth curled up slightly and she moved her focus down to her forehead. Unsurprisingly, it too felt exactly like it always did. She briefly passed her thoughts over the rest of her body, and eventually came to the realisation that her body felt the same way it had for the last 26 years. She leant back against the wall and opened her eyes. What am I doing here?

She sat herself up and closed her eyes once more. She began with the top of her head once again. It was... normal. There was a slight breeze in the room. Why was she wasting her time with this nonsense? She could be half the way across the galaxy by now, well out of CTI's reach. If they found her like this the bounty hunters would probably die laughing. She'd known a lot of bounty hunters, mostly on okay terms although they did tend to be rather gruff, always hiding behind their masks and their heir of mystery. Maybe she'd make a good bou-

She stopped herself thinking, realising that she'd become distracted. Amilthi had mentioned that too: 'make a note of it and give it a label' she'd said. 'Distraction'. Lefwen returned to focusing on her body, now moving to her face. It didn't really feel like anything. It was a little tense, maybe? She flexed the muscles in her face and tried to relax them. Her shoulders were tense too, and her fingers still tingled with sand. Her side still hurt from the fall back on Eiattu 6. She had a large bruise there now. "You're wasting your time like you always wasted mine!"

Lefwen's eyes snapped open. She was used to Laphia's words intruding on her thoughts, there was a time where they'd almost felt like her own. That time was long gone though - Laphia had abandoned her years ago, left her on that hydrogen trawler out near Besberra. She'd been lost since then, stuck on her own. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, cross with herself. She sat up again and closed her eyes, returning her focus back to her face. It took a few moments, but she began to notice a little more: her face was more relaxed now, but her eyes stung slightly and she felt like her nose was running. Her throat hurt when she swallowed. "You're nothing without me!"

"Feth off!" Lefwen shouted suddenly, her eyes snapping open again. She breathed heavily, her chest heaving and her hands shaking. She curled her fingers into fists and leant back against the wall again, bringing her knees up to her chest and burying her head between her arms. Outside, the sand dunes howled and sang in the midnight wind.

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

Amilthi emerged from the tiny room that was little more than a pantry or broom closet, but did not seem alarmed. Instead, she moved leisurely and threw a casual glance across the room, wondering if Lefwen had maybe spotted an animal of some sort. She saw the girl crouching by the wall. Slowly and quietly, she went to the dresser and took out some blankets and bedsheets. Another brief look at Lefwen and she went outside to shake them out, seemingly oblivious to the cold.

After some minutes of producing thudding noises, she returned inside and busied herself with making the bed, seemingly utterly content in this activity. She clearly had no intention of approaching Lefwen or talking to her, but right now she was a surprisingly gentle and unforbidding presence.

***​

It was late morning when the sound of a landspeeder darting across the open landscape to the south of the canyon disturbed the quiet. Early that day, before sunrise, Amilthi had gently, but persistently, wakened Lefwen and then left her alone with a reminder to meditate after explaining that she would go to the nearby city and would be back by noon. She had left Lefwen some rather dry rations taken from a compartment in her ship, but took none for herself. She had not eaten since their stop on Eriadu, but seemed not to mind it.

The landspeeder - certainly not a vehicle that Lefwen would have enjoying taking for a ride - came to a stop in front of the house and Amilthi stopped the engines. It was pulling a hovering trailer that was loaded with all sorts of parts, stuffed together and covered with a tarp. She pulled it aside and revealed a disassembled moisture vaporator, a number of simple boxes, and, indeed, a door.

Amilthi carried two of the boxes inside, ready to greet Lefwen with merely a quiet smile, but otherwise taking little note of her. She seemed content to do this with her bare hands - probably the boxes were very light despite their size. Amilthi put them down in the kitchen corner to the left of the door and began to busy herself with unpacking them. One of them revealed to have contained a modest cooking plate, the rest of the space was taken up by foodstuff of various sorts - among them pallies, haroun bread, a hubba gourd, and a large container of some liquid. With perfect patience and no sign of hurry, she began to prepare food, using a pot that had remained in the house to cook.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen had spent most of the morning wandering around the house. She'd ventured out a little, although never too far from the concrete abode. She spent a short while disassembling her helmet and trying to clean out the sand. She nibbled the rations as she paced around, idly turning over pieces of furniture to check for... something, anything. She had sat down and attempted to meditate, as Amilthi had instructed her to do, but that had only lasted a short while. She couldn't get her mind to focus on her body: it always just seemed to slide off, her attention shifting onto memories or just spooling out endless ideas in a stream-of-conscience before she could reign in back in. It was a waste of time. Well, maybe not for Amilthi, it seemed to work for her. But Lefwen wasn't Amilthi - she'd worked that out clearly enough. Amilthi was more simple, perhaps less intelligent, less imaginative. Judging by the state of her home she'd lived a boring life, which Lefwen assumed made it easy to let your mind go blank. Maybe that's all this was? A boring, lonely woman looking for an exciting companion to distract her from her pointless life.

She sat down again and tried her practice. She'd worked out that starting with her head was a bad way to go, it always got her thinking about other people's faces and that stopped her from focusing. This time she began with her finger-tips. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts move down to her fingers. Index first: it felt normal, she could feel the fabric of her trousers lightly pushing on the finger tip. The other parts of the finger offered no feeling at all. Middle finger next: similar sensation, although there was a tear in the fabric here which felt different. Her ring finger and little finger came next, but they just felt itchy and ached with the sand that filled up their mechanism. She tried to feel the palm of her hand, surprised to discover that it felt strange. She focused more, her eyes tightening slightly. Now that she really thought about it, she could feel the difference between how the fabric felt on her real skin and how it felt on the synthskin of her prosthetic. The synthskin wasn't less sensitive, per se, but it felt distant, almost unconnected - like it was a feeling that was being described to her rather than one she was actually experiencing.

The sound of a whiny thruster broke her train of thought and her eyes sprang open. She took to her feet, grimacing as her side ached, and walked over toward the main room of the house. Amilthi arrived shortly after and gave her a cursory smile before busying herself with the boxes she had returned with. Lefwen watched blankly for a short while before returning to the room she'd been in before. She sat and closed her eyes again.

***
​

Lefwen sipped loudly on the thin soup. It had a strange texture and was almost tasteless, but her stomach had been groaning all day. She was used to being hungry, but somehow it was worse when there was food and you were forbidden from eating it. They had spoken little since they’d arrived on Tatooine. Amilthi had listened during the times Lefwen was ‘allowed’ to talk to her, but as always she was rarely the one to begin a conversation, and so after swallowing one last spoon of soup Lefwen began. “I noticed something earlier, when I was meditating.”

Amilthi smiled at her. “Yes? What did you notice?”, she asked calmly, but clearly with interest. The idea that Lefwen should begin to think and care about meditation made her expectant and happy.

“Well, these actually,” she held up her hands. She’d removed the synthskin entirely now, as it just tended to keep sand in rather than keep it out, and so now it was clear the extent of the prosthetics. Her hand, the ‘real’ parts only extended down to her middle finger. The rest was prosthetic, designed to mimic the shape and capability of normal human hands as much as possible. The result was a half-and-half split between rough, pale skin and dark metal and circuitry. Lefwen examined her hands for a moment. “I’ve had these since I was a child, but I’d never really noticed before that the fleshy parts feel things differently than the prosthetic bits,” she smiled to herself before looking up at Amilthi.

Amilthi, too, smiled briefly. “That’s nice”, she said simply. She seemed to hesitate to add anything. With subtle matters such as these, which different from person to person, it was usually best to let them discover for themselves. “You don’t need to note this. Noting something like ‘difference’ is unnecessary. Just be aware of the different sensations as you survey your body. You will discover more things you didn’t know.”

Lefwen crumpled her face slightly, expecting a little more applause for her achievements. “Hmm, so when I’m doing it right what am I meant to feel?”

“There is no particular thing that you’re meant to feel. It can be anything”, explained Amilthi patiently. “Whatever it is that arises in the moment, accept it. Do not regard some sensations as more desirable than others. Do not try to evoke any particular sensation. Just investigate them. Notice how they arise, pass away again, flicker. Notice their unique qualities, whatever they are. If you find yourself evaluating them, regarding a sensation with aversion or pleasure or intrigue, then make that occurrence the object of a note.”

Amilthi paused for a moment, seemingly pondering whether to add to what she had said. “Training your ability to observe and accept whatever it is that is happening is what will bring you peace. Eventually, you will feel pain and be at peace. You will freeze and be at peace. You will experience fear and yearning - and still be at peace. And you will experience joy and be likewise at peace even as you are fully aware that this joy is impermanent and will be replaced by something less pleasurable in time. Do not mistake peace for the absence of emotion. You are not here to change the emotions you experience, merely the way you relate to them. You are to experience emotion, and yet be at peace. Remember that - emotion, yet peace."

“But for now”, she warned, “do not pay overmuch attention to your emotions. When they happen and you notice it, note them, but stay with the body as much as you can. Perhaps investigate whether emotions manifest in the body. A tightness in the chest, or increased perspiration, or a higher heart-rate. First the body - then the mind - then the rest of the universe”, she ended with a gentle smile.

Lefwen mulled over what she’d heard as she sipped her glass of water. When Amilthi talked like this it still mostly washed over her, but she was noticing now that some stuff seemed to stick in her memory. She was starting to enjoy meditation a little, even if only tentatively so. Laphia’s voice intruded, ‘You’re wasting our time…’ Lefwen pushed the thought down. She hadn’t yet mentioned that she heard voices: that seemed like something to save for later. Laphia’s mocking tone was certainly getting in the way though, breaking her out of her thoughts when she was just starting to focus.

She stopped that train of thought. Why did she care if she was starting to focus? This was all a waste of time anyway. Amilthi was still talking in riddles and now apparently the progress she was making wasn’t ‘right’, or it was right but in the wrong way… She couldn’t tell. Amilthi did seem to be trying to help, although Lefwen still didn’t understand why. Maybe it was normal? Maybe she could help? ‘She’ll just stab you in the ba-’ “Do people usually hear voices when they meditate?” Lefwen interrupted.

"Not usually, no", said Amilthi, tilting her head. "Are you? What are they like, what do they say? Do they sound like anyone in particular, and do they have a sound at all?” She was wondering whether the girl could possibly be confusing her internal monologue for a voice in her head, or at least ineptly describing it as such.

"No, I'm not hearing anything." Lefwen twiddled her spoon. "I just read something about it somewhere."

“Didn’t I ask you not to lie?” remarked Amilthi dryly. “Please don’t. It’s not good for you”, she added more gently.

Lefwen stopped twirling the spoon and caught Amilthi's eyes for a moment before staring down at her empty bowl. "I've always heard her voice, for as long as I can remember,” she quietly mused.

“Her? Whose?”, inquired Amilthi, seemingly without alarm.

Lefwen moved to leave. “It doesn’t matter, does it?” she asked rhetorically. She flared her senses for a moment, expecting to see the sullen spectrum of disappointment falling over Amilthi. As always, though, there was no real change. “Why are you so hard to read?” she snapped.

“Because I am at peace”, said Amilthi simply. “You may very well be right that it doesn’t matter.” She smiled encouragingly. “When the voice speaks, just note it. ‘Voice’. And then go about your business of observing. Don’t engage with it. Maybe it will go away. And if it doesn’t, that’s just as well.”

Lefwen nodded, her eyes focussed on the middle-distance as she thought. She didn’t say anything else. Quietly, she gathered up the cutlery on the table and took them to be washed and put away before retiring to her room.

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

A few days later...

It was afternoon and Amilthi was in the cellar. The moisture vaporator had been installed and the water tank was slowly filling up. Now she was working busily on fixing the generator with her new set of tools, when she suddenly stopped. She had noticed within her an unspecified, indistinct feeling that something was wrong. She looked doubtfully at the generator, which was clearly not the cause of it, and put the tool aside to go upstairs.

Lefwen was sitting cross-legged on a cushion on the mat, practising, finally, as she had been instructed to. The sensation became more distinct now and revealed itself to be a feeling not just that something was not right, but of danger. With swift, but light steps, Amilthi approached the girl and kneeled down next to her. "Get into the closet and stay there", she whispered, gently putting a hand on her shoulder. While she spoke softly so as not to startle the girl, there was an unmistakeable sense of urgency in her voice.

She rose from the floor again and began to approach a window, but then stopped in her tracks. It suddenly felt like a distinctly bad idea. "Stay away from the windows", she said aloud. That was why she had chosen the storage closet in the first place, it didn't have any; but it couldn't hurt to reiterate the point, because it could be a point of life and death if what she suspected was the case.

It took her a second or two to decide to move towards the door. She threw a glance over her shoulder at Lefwen to make sure she was doing as she had been told. The feeling of danger had grown into a feeling of doom and acquired a bodily manifestation in her stomach. Amilthi noted it.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen focussed on the slow rise and fall of her chest and stomach as she breathed. The pull of her clothes, the slight pause and shudder as her diaphragm pulled down, the tickle of a piece of loose fabric on her back. It was becoming easier to stay focussed, just as Amilthi had said it would. She began to move her focus upward to her neck, feeling it expand and-

She felt a hand on her shoulder and opened her eyes with a start. Amilthi was just ahead of her, crouched low, her face creased with concern. She spoke quickly and softly before moving away, not waiting for a response.

"The closet?" demanded Lefwen as she rose to her feet. Amilthi was clearly concerned about something, but she'd moved off before Lefwen could ask what was going on. She paused and listened intently, not hearing anything particularly concerning beyond the usual sounds of the desert. Still... Amilthi rarely joked around.

Lefwen moved quickly over to her bag and pulled out her helmet, slotting it quickly over head and burying the thin piping under her top. She rooted around in the bottom of her bag for the knife, finally finding it among the empty hydron-3 canisters and stolen ration-bar wrappers. It shone dully in the little light that came in through the window, the edge dull. Still, if something was happening it was better than nothing.

Lefwen stepped over to the door of the room and peered out, keeping close to the wall as she looked around for Amilthi. She couldn't have been serious about her hiding in the closet, could she?

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

A chorus of roars became audible from the exterior which made the situation clear - at least to a local of Tatooine. Amilthi unlocked the door and opened it to be ever so slightly ajar. She didn't want to have to replace it yet again. She stood by the wall next to the door and looked darkly at the floor. Her hand wandered under her coat to the lightsaber at her hip.

The Tusken Raiders’ existence was a tragedy. At the very lower end of the spectrum of human intelligence, one could not in general say that they had any idea what they were doing. They had social instincts which locked them into a culture of senseless attachment to garments and weapons - and senseless violence. The concept of living in harmony with others was beyond the reach of their mind. They were fundamentally incapable of insight, and one if the few among the so-called sentient species known to be incapable of the undergoing the necessary training to become Jedi even when they were Force-sensitive. In this, they were little more than animals. And yet their capacity for pain and suffering was probably much closer to a human’s.

Their existence was unfair and infuriating. But it was a fact, and as such to be accepted and dealt with. They were predators, deplorable in their existence, but there was no cause to hate them for it or persecute them. But they were predators who had picked the wrong prey, and so they would die. Such was the natural course of events which there was no point in resisting. Discomfort with the whole state of affairs remained, rose, passed away again, rose again stubbornly, but at the centre of these swirling emotions, Amilthi remained unmoved.

On an impulse, she pulled open the door open - and just in time to prevent a gaderffii from impacting with it. The Tusken stumbled forward, expecting resistance and not finding it. With a hiss, the teal blade of Amilthi's lightsaber sprang into existence and made a sizzling, buzzing noise when it cut the intruder in half.

Without hesitation, she stepped past him and forward into the door. A sweep and a flash of her blade, and two more of the attackers fell, with the last one jumping back in fear and showing signs of an intention to retreat. The next moment, Amilthi was back inside with her back against the wall, holding the lightsaber upright in front of her, and deactivated the weapon. She could hear roars from the surrounding rocks. She knew there would have been snipers with their slugthrower rifles up there. There was pain in those sounds. They were mourning. Amilthi sighed and leaned against the wall.

She had felt nothing, her mind had merely observed in perfect stillness her own movements, the movements of her blade, almost as if they had been someone else's. Now, sadness washed over her and dissolved into a tingling sensation all over her skin. Her hand, holding the lightsaber, hung limply by her side, and she remembered it and put it back to its place on her sash. She pulled her coat together at the front, and still holding it closed with one hand leaned into the door and peered out. The last Tusken was gone. There were only the hideous bodies of the dead left. The surfaces where her lightsaber had cut were cauterised, there was no blood, nor were there even true wounds or body parts to see. Just a disembodied torso and arm with a black surface at one end.

Nature had taken its course. Moving very deliberately, and somewhat sluggishly, Amilthi began to drag the corpses, or pieces thereof, outside and some way away from the hut.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen stood behind the doorway to her room, the knife gripped tightly in her hand as she listened to the alien sound outside. Moaning, roaring, crying almost - whatever was out there sounded almost human, but not quite. There was something feral and violent in the throaty noises they made, something dark and vicious. Her hands started to shake.

She peered out slightly, checking that Amilthi was still there. The woman stood over by the door, her hand hovering by her hip. It was now deathly quiet, the only sound being the bubbling from the water-heater on the stove. Lefwen strained to listen. There were footsteps now, firm but soft, as though the feet that made them were wrapped in thick cloth. Lefwen found herself staring intently at the door, her face tight and her legs coiled. Her hands still shook, but there was little that could be done about that. She was ready... maybe...

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of blue-green light. Amilthi had stepped forward with incredible speed and swung open the door. The creature fell into the room, and in one swift movement Amilthi had drawn her weapon and cut the beast down. Amilthi drove on through the entrance, the bright light of her blade illuminating the doorframe. There was a flurry of sound: the humming drone of Amilthi's weapon, the groan and cry of the creatures, and the hissing sound of burning meat. In a matter of moment Amilthi had returned inside. Her blade dissolved away into its hilt and the woman leaned back against the wall.

Lefwen swallowed and blinked, her eyes moving between the Jedi and the dead man-beast that lay in two parts on the floor. The creature was swathed in strips of drab cloth and leather, and a cruel metal club lay on the ground ahead of it. The creature was unnervingly human in appearance: indeed, if not for the monstrous sounds it had made when Amilthi cut it down it would have been easy to assume it was human.

She pulled her eyes off of the beast and onto Amilthi. For a moment, she thought she noticed something about her face, and Lefwen allowed herself to reach out with a feelings just in time to watch a flicker of sadness, easily recognisable, fading away. It was a fleeting moment, however, and soon Amilthi began to busy herself with dragging the monster's body out of the house. Lefwen stepped out from behind the door frame. "Are you alright? Are they gone?"

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

“Yes”, replied Amilthi curtly, unclear which question she was answering - perhaps both. She did not explain, and proceeded to drag the remains onto a pile. When this had been accomplished, she once again drew her lightsaber, put it to the pile, and activated it. The better part of the blade sank into the dead bodies, immediately charring the tissue of cloth and flesh around it. Amilthi kept it in position and waited until the energy that was flowing from it finally ignited the organic material. She withdrew her weapon and stepped back from the makeshift pyre to watch it burn.

She turned around and went back to the house with a serious, indeed grave expression. “They won’t cone back”, she stated. “Come”, she said and extended her arm to lightly touch Lefwen as if to guide her back inside.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen lingered outside for a moment, watching the fire take hold over the pile of bodies. The smell was an appalling mix of burning flesh and soiled clothing, and after a short while Lefwen was forced to turn away and follow Amilthi back into the house.

"You're a Jedi?" she asked flatly, the answer already obvious: only Jedi used lightsabers, every child knew that. Lots of things suddenly fell into place: memories of her tuition, of holo-books she read in the family library. The Jedi were once considered the protectors of the peace: stalwart warrior-philosophers who maintained galactic order through their wise teachings. In recent decades, though, that reputation had been tarnished: the SJO's continued presence at the forefront of galactic business, and galactic warfare, had cast them in a less mysterious light. No longer did children across the Outer Rim long to become Jedi, instead the regarded the enigmatic group with a kind of reverent fear. Inscrutable, unknowable, and possessing powers few understood; with the veil of mystery gone it had become clear to many just how dangerous such a group could be, and there were many worlds that lay in ruin due to their ongoing conflict with those they deemed unsuitable to rule.

That Amilthi was a Jedi seemed obvious now. As Lefwen had slowly made progress in meditation Amilthi had begun to mention the Force more and more frequently, explaining its nature and its connection with all living things. The Force, she'd said, was what enabled her to lift objects without touching them, allowed her to maintain her balance, even acted as a guide to her. It wasn't until she had drawn her weapon, her lightsaber, that all of the pieces began to fall into place.

Lefwen stood in the doorway, knife still limply held in her hand, smoke whirling in the air behind her.

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

A week had passed, and the ashes of the Tusken Raiders buried at the roots of the palm trees, their visit was long out of Amilthi's mind.

Years ago, when she had made one of her more questionable life choices and studied with the B'omarr monks, she had been forced to flee their monastery to prevent her brain from being instructed, and after doing so had fallen into the lair of a krayt dragon. In defence of her policy against being eaten, Amilthi had killed it, and it was a rare perl from its belly that now gave her lightsaber its distinctive colour.

Adron Malvern had later given her an egg of a particular species of krayt dragon, probably only to see what she would do with this item that was of little use to herself. Apparently the Confederacy had been exploring the breeding of these beasts for war, though the project seemed to have been abandoned since. Amilthi had found it only right to place the little beast, once it had hatched and was viable by itself, in the lair up north that was empty because of her. It was because of this that she had listened up when, during her initial visit to Mos Eisley in search of supplies, she had overheard a rumour about some monster up north. It was time to make inquiries.

After a tenday at her hut, Amilthi had decided to offer Lefwen to go with her to the city. She had been careful not to frame this as a reward of any sort. Awareness of one's surroundings and of one's place in the galaxy was important, she had said, and if she wanted, Lefwen could take her first look at the next part of Tatooine now. The girl had received the idea with an enthusiasm that had been slightly disturbing, but Amilthi hadn't said anything.

She had insisted that a proper morning meditation session would be conducted, and had sat it together with her student to reinforce the point that it was perfectly possible to sit still for three hours in a row - although she was worried that she might have overdone it by demonstrating to the girl something that she could obviously and naturally not imitate just yet.

It was around noon that the two of them headed to the city in the landspeeder that Amilthi had somehow acquired or borrowed, and they set foot in a cantina as it was filling with people in search of a collation. Amilthi looked around briefly taking in the scene. The place prided itself on its beverages and soups, all of which mysteriously game from an incomprehensible contraption of jars and tubes behind the bar. There was the usual mix of species, a forlorn jawa possibly being the most unexpected. Somewhere at the back were two jokers wearing uniforms of the Empire that had taken over the planet a good ten years ago and had long since collapsed and been absorbed into the Confederacy. Nobody cared now about these uniforms or the fact that they were certainly stolen.

She went over to the counter behind which was standing an old human woman. "Hello, Berrie", said Amilthi with a friendly smile, obviously familiar with the face. The woman seemed confused for a moment, then pensive - and then her face lit up at the recognition. "Ami, dear - haven't seen you in ages! Thought you'd left for good." She smiled at Lefwen, too, then frowned. "Who've you brought us here? A bit too old to be yours, ain't she?" Amilthi smiled wryly. "I daresay."

She didn't answer the woman's question about Lefwen, but requested a glass of pallie juice and invited Lefwen to order what she wanted. Then she turned to the little jawa right to her left, who was ignoring everyone and everything while suckling on a straw. "M'um m'aloo", she said as softly as she could. Nevertheless, the jawa jumped back and looked up at her with its red eyes, and after a moment began chattering so fast that Amilthi couldn't understand. Her jawa left much to be desired and she spoke very slowly, which seemed to make the creature impatient, and her attempt to inquire about any happenings in the northern dune see that the little one might be privy to ended in failure. Amilthi merely smiled and gave a shrug.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

I'm finally getting a reward for all my hard work! Lefwen thought as the speeder buzzed along. She smiled. She was glad to be out of that canyon with its familiar dirt and rocks. She deserved this reward really. The meditation was getting easier - yesterday she'd even thought she'd felt... something... like for a moment she just fell away from herself. She was quite proud of herself: soon she'd been stealing satays like nobody's business. She still didn't know how Amilthi managed to just sit there for hours on end, like what had it been? 7 hours this morning? It was rather unnerving, although Lefwen assumed that was a Jedi thing.

Today is a good day. That was the thought that kept her going, all the way up until they stepped inside the cantina. She'd been in worse establishments, certainly, but something about the way Amilthi held herself had lured Lefwen into think they'd be off to some drinking garden. Not that gardens seemed to be in overabundance. The cantina was a dreary affair: brown, mouldy concrete and a smell of long-spilt blue milk were the first things she noticed. The second was the clientelle, which seemed to be made up of every type of scum and villainy one could imagine. Again, nothing shocking for her but she'd expected more from Amilthi.

She followed the Jedi up to the bar and smiled as the lady behind it did so. Amilthi didn't introduce her, instead simply ordering herself a drink and then turning to a weird, hooded-dwarf figure a few stools down. Lefwen crumpled her nose and stepped up to the counter, noting the slightly damp touch beneath her fingers as she rested on it. She studied the drinks board for a moment before settling on the perfect one. "A Jedi mind trick please," she smirked. "On the rocks." Berrie expertly set about pouring the cocktail and Lefwen turned around, scrutinising the other people around the cantina. It was certainly a cosmopolitan mix of species: Twi'leks, Rodians, a Geranite, some huge, pig like people. Most seemed to be concerned with their drinking, or with raucously laughing at each other's tall tails. Somewhere in the back, in one of the seating areas which had been cut out of the mortar, a fight seemed to be breaking out between two Klaatu. Amilthi didn't seem to pay it much mind though, so neither did Lefwen.

She turned back around and beamed as she saw the drink the had been placed before her. She had half expected Amilthi not to let her drink anything except water and blue milk. The drink burned the back of her throat slightly as it went down, but it was the kaleidoscope of flavours that held Lefwen's attention. After what must have been months of vegetable stew and water, just the taste of fruits and liqueur was an amazing sensation. She put the drink down, noting with a frown that only half of it remained, and turned to the kindly bartender. "I'm Lefwen, by the way." She nodded over to Amilthi, "She doesn't seem to be the 'introducing' type. Although, I guess you already know that, seeing as you two seem to know each other."

Berrie smiled, "I suppose I do know Ami quite well: get to know a lot of different people in this line of work." She paused for a moment, clearly reminiscing. "She's one of the good ones though," she concluded with a wink before turning back to her work. Lefwen picked up her drink again, and it was at that moment she noticed the diminutive, hooded creature that had appeared beside her.

"Tloo Wal Tee Soo," the creature said, gazing up at her with its bright orange eyes. Lefwen offered a quizzical look, at which the tiny person pointed at her hands. She'd left her gloves off - Amilthi had said something about learning to accept her body to better understand it - and in the low light of the cantina her prosthetics were dimly discernible. "Oh, right," Lefwen sighed, familiar with the gawping looks she sometimes got. "They're just prosthetics, look," she offered her hands over to the little person.

The Jawa studied her hands for a moment, and then eagerly grabbed them both and tugged hard, nearly pulling Lefwen to the floor. She awkwardly landed on her feet and tried to pull her hands free, but despite its small stature the creature had amazing strength. The alien was now making a variety of whoops and whistles, and kept gazing up at her with emotionless eyes. Lefwen tugged and pulled as best she could, but she could not free herself. "What the feth?" she hissed. "Twee Doo Loo!" the creature replied. Groaning, Lefwen kicked out with her foot, catching the hooded monster squarely in the chest and forcing it to release its grasp.

The alien fell backward through the air and crashed into a stool with a thud. The Twi'lek on the chair, a bright-blue woman with long, scarred lekku, fell backwards and landed on the ground on top of the Jawa, her drink splashing all over herself and her suitor. The cantina fell silent, and Lefwen could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears as the Twi'lek rose from the ground and regarded her with a cold stare, her hands moving down to the array of vicious looking knives about her waist.

Amilthi Camlenn

 

[Amilthi Camlenn]

After having her efforts frustrated by the jawa, Amilthi turned back to the counter and leaned forward to quietly speak to Berrie in an almost conspiratorial voice. "Have you heard of anything happening up north? The other day, someone said some folks ran into trouble in the bantha plains..." - "Trouble? Wouldn't put it that way. Word is the sarlacc is gone, can you believe it? You wanna chat with Drenn over there..." She nodded at a man sitting in a corner in a group of three. "Thanks." Amilthi nodded and turned around just to find Lefwen struggling with the jawa.

Before she could do anything, the obnoxious little creature flew across the room and into the lap of a Twi'lek who promptly toppled over and fell from her stool, thus robbed of her drink and whatever dignity she might have thought she possessed.

Cheers erupted from a pair of Gamorreans behind Lefwen, one of whom pushed rudely past the girl and rushed towards the jawa. Before the little one could collect himself and scramble away, he was picked up by the alien's huge hands.

Amilthi nonchalantly picked Lefwen's drink up from the bar where she had deposited it to have another hand free to contend with the jawa. Holding it in both her hands, she stood at Lefwen's side and did nothing, calmly watching the Twi'lek woman approach.

Lefwen Claskier

 

[Lefwen Claskier]

Lefwen instinctively felt out, testing the emotions of the people around her. To her surprise, her senses seemed more keen, the whorls and lines of people's feelings seeming more detailed and refined that the usually did. She found herself noticing anger and frustration in the Twi'lek, but also a flicker of embarrassment, a coil of worry, panic even, as though she wasn't quite sure what to make of the smaller human she was confronting.

Not that knowing that really helped her. The Twi'lek took a step closer, one knife half-unsheathed. "E chu ta! You stupid schutta! Who do you think you're dealing with?" Lefwen straightened up, her eyes focused on tracking the Twi'lek's hands. She'd been in plenty of fights before, although they usually didn't end well and she'd usually had a few more drinks first. It was a simple matter of being faster than your opponent, staying out of their reach and being constantly on the move...

The Twi'lek's hand flashed out in a sudden movement and grabbed Lefwen by the shirt. Feth! She hadn't even had a chance to move. She squirmed, one hand attempting to unravel the Twi'lek's fingers while her other grasped for something, anything that she could use to defend herself. She was being pushed into the bar, her back pressing against the hard stone while her feet scuffed against the dusty floor. Their was a slick sound as the Twi'lek began to pull the knife from her belt. "Let's see what this schutta looks like with a smile on her face," the Twi'lek grinned viciously.

Something pressed hard into Lefwen's side. For a moment she panicked, fearing that it had been the Twi'lek's knife, but the pain was dull and broad. She glanced down, suddenly remembering the hydron-3 canister she'd clipped to her belt. Amilthi had been right, she was less reliant on it that she had been, but she'd still brought one along just in case. She reached down with one hand, scrabbled to find the canister and unclip it, and then brought the cylinder of metal up until it was between the two of them, her thumb pressed over the valve-end as though she was holding down a pin. "Better than yours with a thermal detonator on it," Lefwen heard herself say. It was an appalling comeback, but the Twi'lek's eyes raised as she looked at the tube of metal that Lefwen held between them. Her grip weakened, and Lefwen managed to roll off to the side, still brandishing the pretend thermal detonator in front of her while her other hand reached around for the knife she'd secreted in her back pocket. The two women stared at each other, the entire bar silent with anticipation.

Amilthi Camlenn