Revolution of the Heart

[Katrine Van-Derveld]

She was the sum of things. Sum of her parents, sum of the spirit’s desires, the sum of her past experiences, the sum of her capacity to love. When she had embarked on this journey, she was different. Drugs made her voices quiet, her emotions dormant, her true nature only slightly reaching out in between her dosages. It wasn’t a life, it was an existence. What came after was hell though. The spirit that she had thought her friend had been a demon, taking pieces of her soul, attempting to crush the very essence that was Katrine Van-Derveld Hawk. Any attempt of hers to break free had been broken until she had been faced with a loved one. Not a dear animal, not a friend but someone she genuinely cared for.

It had been a true love’s kiss that had saved her; a distress call sent to her Mother answered by Aston. He had come to Orcus for her, Avarisa had thought it the ultimate test of her work. If Katrine had killed Aston at her command than she truly would have won. She hadn’t. Instead, she had lost and Katrine had liberated herself from the darkness, beginning the journey she had always intended to have. That path had led her to the Mandragora, to Pebble, to Gerwald. And there she was, her heart complete as it was broken. All at the same time. Love had caused her to lose someone dear to her and the pain that followed had cut deep and wide. It still hurt. As if that pain hadn’t been enough, she’d been forced to listen to a complete stranger lecture her about what she had done. She had loved. Despite what the darkness had told Pebble, she had loved. That was her greatest sin. Unfortunately, she couldn’t love to the fullest because of her pain. Her sister didn’t want her, she couldn’t reach her in the horrific state she had entered, she couldn’t move forward with the man she loved.

The spirits had thus come to a decision - give the deWinter girl exactly what she wanted from Katrine. It was a block on her heart, on her soul, on her journey. The spirits had insisted. While she couldn’t release Chloe from her heart and the guilt that came from not being able to find her sister even after all this time. While she couldn’t release herself from the guilt of abandoning her brothers when it had been her decision, she could allow herself the freedom to move on. Not forget, never forget.

Release her, Jart had reminded her once more as she sat in her study.

On the open parchment, Katrine had already written out words before she had even began to write the spell.

Set her free.

Release her.

When she had gone into the darkness, she had two people who loved her.

When she leaves it, she’ll have none.​

I love you.

I went for Chloe.

The monster of her kind.

I choose you. I choose love. I choose our future.

She thinks I would trade her to Avarisa to be free.

Avarisa is banished.

I’m the bone desecrator, the heir, the future Queen.

He abandoned his siblings for me. I abandoned my siblings for Chloe.

I am Ceta.

I am Katrine.​

I love you, Pebble.

I release you, Pebble. Release me too.

Now she was staring at those words, each and every one of them. And once she had, the words for the spell just seemed to roll off her mind, the spirits at her aid.

My heart is heavy, my truth exhausts my soul. ​

Spirits, Mothers, Gods, take my pain, lessen my grief. ​

I intend to know what has been done, I tend to never forget. ​

But let me love less, let me be able to move on. ​

Release me, as I release her. ​

​

Her heart, it didn’t know how to let go on its own. Instead, Katrine needed help from the magic to do so. Before she would chant the spell though, she picked up a recorded and activated it.

“Pebble, I love you. The darkness was wrong. You went into the darkness with someone who loved you and she still loves you even now. While you slept, there was no claiming. If you thought for one second I could claim anyone while your life hung in the balance, you don’t know me at all, little sister. I told you I released you but I didn’t, I lied about that. And the weight on my heart is heavy even after all this time. I’ve lost my big sister, it’s a pain I’ve never recovered from. I’ve abandoned my brothers because of her and my baby brother still won’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I can’t make the same mistake anymore.

You’re free. Free of the Mandragora, free from me if that is what you choose. You’re free to come to Ryloth, no one will harm you. You’re free to take anything from me but I can’t give you the man I love, not as long as he chooses to be with me. He is my future, my life. I belong to him even when I haven’t claimed him but our lives, they’re so short, I don’t want to drag out what is meant to be anymore. Take joy or not in the fact that you’ve broken my heart, tell anyone who will listen to you facts that aren’t completely true, little sister. I no longer have the will to argue on it.

Just find a way to see the break of dawn in your darkness. Find a way to break free from it before it consumes your very being. There is a light inside of you. You may think you need Gerwald but you only need a boost to set yourself free. You would probably argue with me on this if you were here,” a lips spread in the tiniest weak smile at those words, “but it doesn’t change facts. You were a prisoner, you’re still being kept one. You don’t want to be my sister, that’s fine. Part of me will always love you as one. But your darkness, you need to find a way to defeat it by yourself or you will never be free of her.” Inhaling a deep breath, she sent her message to Giggledust. Whether Pebble choose to listen to it now or never, the choice was hers. It was Katrine’s final message to her.

With that, she picked up her parchment and walked out of her study, leaving the Nocte Aranea to step out into the night of Ryloth. Gerwald would be meeting her soon. For now, she headed to the nearby altar of spirits, where the three were already waiting for her. The Rylothi Rancors weren’t far behind either. The herd father approached the altar as did the spirits. With her knife, Katrine cut a small wound into the flesh of the Rancor, a few drops of blood dripping over the parchment which now lay at the altar. Then her own finger, letting her own blood drip over the animals’ blood.

She glanced at the spirits, each of them giving her a nod before she concentrated, eyes closing as she did... ”My heart is heavy, my truth exhausts my soul. Spirits, Mothers, Gods, take my pain, lessen my grief. I intend to know what has been done, I tend to never forget. But let me love less, let me be able to move on. Release me, as I release her.” The words flowed through her, feeling the spirits fuel her in her intent. Something in her heart had already been shattered by Pebble’s words, and the cracks grew deeper with Seren. With Josh, they had cracked more but mended wrong somehow still. Now, the spell began to mend those broken parts. Katrine was completely aware of what she was doing and while she was doing but her heart began to push further what she felt for her sister, lessening the pain, weakening the love in her heart. The memories remained as the feeling retracted. Pain had gone first, guilt for loving second, words that felt like daggers before suddenly felt ticklish on her heart, unaffecting to her. Until finally, there was but an understanding of love, understanding of who Scherezade deWinter was, what she had meant to her remained.

Now when she thought of Scherezade, Katrine didn’t feel the urge to rush to her, to try and get her to come up, didn’t have the urge to cry. There was nothing good or bad towards her, she just wished for her to find the peace she needed.

It is done, Jart whispered into her ear as he settled on her shoulder. The Pebble is released. Doashim roared beside them. Katrine looked at Doashim with a neutral expression. ”It is as Scherezade wanted," she agreed before she smiled and stood from the altar and moved to the large steps, taking a seat on them, head tilting as she thought for a moment on what she had done. There was no memory erasing in the spell, she remembered every bit of it. There was a possibility of there being repercussions to the spell, especially since it involved blood magic but in the moment, Katrine felt calmer than she had in a long time. And instead of thinking about her sister, she thought of Gerwald, her smile growing a she did. She thought of Figaro Favoura VII, where they were headed next. Let the past die, Larentia told her many times over. It was a mantra of sorts for her Lupine protector, something she kept reminding her all too often since this had happened. Only now did Katrine see that the woman was right. Sometimes, the past needed to die so the future could begin. It was what she needed to do in the name of the new future they were creating for the Lupines.

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Figaro Favoura VII was a place Gerwald has only read about since leaving Stewjon. His feet had never sank into the soil, nor had his wolf run through the forests of the fabled planet. This was going to be his home, and it had once been the origin of his line. There was a very surreal, yet subdued, excitement that filled his bones. It permitted every part of him.

A long and deep breath pulled into his lungs and released slowly as his feet carried him to where he was going to meet Katrine. His mind was filled with the events which had led up to this meeting. Primarily he was focused on his siblings and the conversations they had had over the course of the past few days. Alwine especially did not like Katrine, she blamed the blonde for stealing him, being the reason he had abandoned them. Alwine was only partially correct. Gerwald had planned to leave with the Confederacy already. Had Katrine nit been there he would have still left, but finding her, that had made his decision completely irreversible.

He was dressed as he normaly was for occasions like this. His large team was covered in denim pants, a black v-neck shirt, and with him came the sweatshirt that Katrine had taken from him. The agreement had been when it stopped smelling like the other they would give it back, and Gerwald could no longer smell her scent on it. Perhaps in the middle of all the turmoil that had surrounded them recently, this would be a reminder of something that had been good for them. Gerwald has simply gone to see her to retrieve his shirt, and he had left the next day knowing what things with Katrine would be.

He walked into her ship. There was no reason he felt like he had to ask permission anymore. Her gift to him had been an equality that she could not, or would not, share with another. While he assumed certain rights as a result of that conversation, Gerwald also knew where the boundaries were. This was not one of them, not when he had been in her bed on several occasions.

She wasn't there. Gerwald remembered her saying there was something she had to do, so he waited. Whatever it was had sounded important, but she had not said. Her scent was still strong, strong enough to know he had missed her by just a few minutes perhaps. He sat in the lounge which was attached to her quarters and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. His hair fell about wherever it would be as he decided to keep it down today, which was usual when not in battle.

This was how she would find him when she returned.

[member="Katrine Van-Derveld"]

 

[Katrine Van-Derveld]

For a few moments longer, Katrine had remained outside, taking in the fresh air of the planet - taken in with a new, open outlook. Things were going to be different from on, she knew. Even when Katrine knew what she did and a small fraction of herself regretted doing so, she knew it was the right, no, the only choice to make. For as long as there was hesitation, there could be no future. Now, she had none of the first and all of the hope for the future. Freed from Avarisa and freed from her pain, lost in a time she now belonged to, Katrine Van-Derveld could begin anew, just as she had told Gerwald more than once. Now, it was more real than ever. It was now.

A smile crept to her face with that thought before she made the walk back to her ship and drawing near it, the Lupine picked up the familiar scent of her lover, knowing he would be waiting for her there. He was there, the scent made it all too clear. Knowing that the blonde picked up her pace for the rest of the way, making her way inside then through the familiar path of her own personal ship, knowing full well where she would find him. And not just because she could track his scent but because she just knew where he'd be waiting for her.

Inside her quarters, her sapphire gaze found him quickly, moving to him without hesitation, without restraints. "Hi," she'd only said before she knelt in front of him, just to plant a kiss on his lips, too impatient to wait another second. "I missed you."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald felt he had been waiting for some time before Katrine returned. He smiled as she kissed him and nodded. Before he could answer her another kiss had to be pressed to her lips. With everything that had happened over the past few weeks, Gerwald needed this. This moment was the only thing that seemed to be going right in his life, and even that was marred by the decisions he had made. He would not allow it to be if he could help it.

There was a lot to tell Katrine. In the span of their last time together, Gerwald had run into Scherezade and had a conversation with his sister about it all. Emotionally Gerwald was a wreck and while he should talk to Katrine about it, all he wanted was to have a place where something could be right and normal. Maybe nothing would be, but this everything to him right now especially since he had failed miserably to try and get Scherezade to forgive Katrine.

Gerwald sighed after the kiss.

“I missed you too…”

He kissed her again and then sat back on the couch when it broke. His hand patted the seat.

“I ran into Scherezade the other day, and had an interesting conversation with my sister,” he said as he looked at her. It was something he needed to get off his chest. She needed to know that he had tried despite the fact it was clear neither of them wanted him to. Gerwald was going to try and fix things, but the more he had tried it seemed that it was better

“What have you been up to?”

[member="Katrine Van-Derveld"]

 

[Katrine Van-Derveld]

To the quiet invite, Katrine took her seat beside Gerwald, her feet rising beside her as she listened. He'd run into Schereade the other day, as well as had an interesting conversation with his sister, her lover said. Her face didn't change, her brows didn't move, her lips didn't change from the smile she had her face still. There were the knowledge and acceptance of the past inside her, without the need to sigh or cringe at the thought more pain would come or whether Scherezade had said something to Gerwald. "I hope Scherezade finds a way to feel better," Kat responded sincerely. She did wish it for her. Not Pebble but Scherezade.

And yet, she quickly moved on to the other subject. "What was the interesting conversation about?" Katrine wondered, the upbeat expression still very much on her face.

Her body adjusted, head leaning into Gerwald's shoulder as she heard his question about what she had been up to. "Just healing my broken heart," she whispered before she peeked up at him, curious to what he'd say to that. Katrine intended not to have secrets from Gerwald and while she knew it was a good decision for her, his was the only other opinion in this that mattered.

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]