Private Return From Sabbatical

[Roten]

Return From Sabbatical
The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

Roten had done a lot in the last few months. He was tired. It was time for him to go home, so he did just that. The Bursantian had walked a path of violence against those who did violence on others, he sat in the gilded halls of the Jedi Order's most prestigious places. He had seen Ukatis, Naboo, elaborate mega-structures that orbited in space. To see so much and do so much would typically offer clarity.

He only carried with him more questions.

The padawan stumbled his way through the ship to his room and threw himself onto his bed. He couldn't linger there for long, of course. He wanted to shower and get himself cleaned up. That could wait, though. Roten just needed to lie their for a moment.

Maybe get absorbed into his mattress.

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

Roten
The Master of this ship was informed when his young protégé had returned, and curiosity turned his steps toward a greeting. After finishing some paperwork, he made his way down to where Roten stayed, near the machinery of the vessel. The doors stood open, so the tall, feather-winged man stepped inside without a knock.

"Welcome home… did you enjoy your excursion?"

 

[Roten]

The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

Roten exhaled, then sat himself up to address Matthew more properly.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I saw a lot. I did a lot. It felt like I was getting somewhere at some points of it all, but I sorta just wound up back at square one. I thought traveling was supposed to clear things up..."

His ears folded down, and he ran his left hand through the fur tuft of his right shoulder. What was the middle-ground between the violent life he used to live and a passive monk who focused on defense first? It was hard to dance on that tightrope without slipping too far one direction or another. If he got too violent he just wound up looking more like a pirate, or hurting someone unnecessarily. Yet on the other end being too passive achieved nothing.

And the lives of those traditional High Republic Jedi just didn't suit him, nor did he really belong with the raiders of his past any longer. He was something different now...

Something even he didn't recognize.

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

Roten

Matthew stepped in further to the room, coming over to stand before Roten, offering him a gentle smile as he reached down and slipped his fingers into that dark violet fur on either side of his face and head and gave him an affectionate set of gentle scritches.

"And what's so confusing to you?" Matthew asked gently. "Traveling can certainly be eye-opening in the idea that you are seeing what the rest of the universe is like… the different people and cultures there are… all trying their best to live out what precious moments of life they have. Compared to the length of time for all existence, even a Hutt only lives within a small flash… that's what makes living so… unique… You only really have one shot at it… and there's no going back." Matthew offered softly.

 

[Roten]

The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

Roten pouted when Matthew took hold of him, his fur bristling in embarrassment. Yet, even so, he didn't fight the gesture.

"What's confusing me is what I'm supposed to be," he grumbled, crossing his arms. "I don't... I don't want to be my mother. Violent and petty and... degenerate. But trying to be peaceful and junk just wastes time. Nothing gets done. I can't help that I'm good at fighting, yeah? And some people deserve it, don't they? But then I just feel... like the same brute under a different banner... I can't seem to maintain a middle ground without slipping one way or the other."

A huff escaped his teeth, slipping out from between his fangs.

"If this is my one shot I feel like I'm on the edge of screwing everything up."

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

Matthew listened carefully to what the young one was saying. "That's alright… the truth is there is no real right or wrong answer… you can be whoever or whatever your little heart desires… the only real limitations to that are whether or not you have wealth or status within a society… or to what degree you apply yourself to learning a craft or skill… You should do something that brings you satisfaction or joy or a sense of purpose… and that's okay too… mistakes happen… they will be inevitable… the important thing is to learn from them and not let any of your mistakes be the fatal kind," Matthew offered lightly.


"Don't try to maintain a balancing act… just try to be yourself… As for whether or not someone deserves it… well, as I'm sure you've learned, the answer to that morally changes with cultures, doesn't it?" Matthew asked. "All you really need to worry about is if you can take care of your self... food shelter clothing and the basic creature comforts... "

Roten

 

[Roten]

The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

Roten let out a sigh as he took in the words that Matthew responded with. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted more certainty. That being said, he couldn't argue with the points he made either. They were the truth and nothing less. What he was to be was only something he could choose.

"I feel like I should worry about more," he stated. "I don't want to just be... content surviving. I want to be a good person. Fix my mistakes. Make something of myself. At some point don't basic necessities just feel shallow? A blanket to hide yourself from the rest of the world?"

He didn't want to hide. Roten wanted to look the future in the eyes, take it into his grasp. He didn't care how hard it was going to be.

There was ambition enough for that in his heart.

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

Roten

Matthew settled his hand atop Roten's fuzzy head and offered a few more affectionate pets.

"Then it sounds like you have a goal at least," Matthew offered. "You want atonement… That alone tells me you already are a good person." Matthew spoke softly. "Bad people don't feel bad about their actions, present or past." He added gently. "So… what do you think will measure up to that kind of redemption? What will be enough for you? What can you do to be the best version of yourself you can be, hm?"

 

[Roten]

The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "I... feel like I need to find the line. Like, what's an appropriate way to use my skills. I don't wanna be a savage lunatic... but I'll go insane if I do nothing."

Fighting solved a lot of problems. Lots of scum who deserved it didn't get any kind of punishment unless somebody kicked their teeth in. He knew that he needed to fight to get things done, but he didn't want to just run around mindlessly cutting people down. He had to find the middle ground.

"I just... am having trouble defining the line."

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

TAGS: Roten ​

Matthew considered what the lad said before he spoke again,

"Why not make yourself into a crusader?" he asked lightly. "You know… someone who carries the Light of justice outward through battle rather than guardianship."

He paced a slow half step, feathers shifting with a mild adjustment of those massive wings.

"That line you're looking for is drawn by intent and by consequence of action. Are you protecting someone… or proving something? Are you stopping harm… or feeding anger? Would you still move if no one praised you for it? If no one feared you?"He asked giving the lad some insights.

"You don't need to be passive, and you certainly don't need to be savage. It takes discipline to act with force only when something sacred is threatened… and even greater restraint to stop the instant that threat ends."

 

[Roten]

The Exonerator
Tags: Matthew of Valendale

Kiba no Shimai​

"You know, crusader doesn't have a positive connotation where I come from," Roten remarked. "Those guys are typically known for being brainwashed meat-heads that expand a sphere of ideological influence through questionable tactics. I get what you're saying... but a preachy lug who serves some higher power isn't who I am."

Going on a crusade was just it's own kind of piracy, in many ways. The Sith were fond of their crusades for a reason. Kalrath saw his pirates as crusaders, even if they were unsophisticated morons.

"Maybe I just... need a little more experience to find the balance I need," he muttered.

It would have to come eventually... right?

 

[Matthew of Valendale]

TAGS: Roten
​

"Perhaps," Matthew said softly.

He regarded Roten for a long moment, as though weighing something unseen.

"Perhaps you should join us on an operation I have planned. It may do you good to experience things from another angle… to test that line you're searching for in a place where it matters."

His wings shifted in a soft adjustment.

"We'll be conducting our strike in several hours. You can ride with me."

The offer was simple, offering no real pressure.

Perhaps Roten didn't need more philosophy. Perhaps he needed context or purpose shaped by discipline instead of impulse… force guided by restraint rather than hunger. Sometimes clarity didn't come from thinking, but rather by doing and experiencing... Sometimes it came from standing in the moment and choosing who you would be inside it.