Jacen Voidstalker
Failure Is Not Fatal
His focus wavered for a moment, but his resolve was far greater than it had been for days. He knew from experience that when you were still feeling, even if it was anxiety, it was better than the state he had reached in his darkest times. That numb hollowness that sucked all feeling from life. Too many weeks of his life had been lost to periods of deep depression. Not again, he assured himself.
Finding solace in some more pleasant memories from his past, he did something he had often done on tour to hold his nerve and cheer his squad mates up. Jacen started to sing. His rich baritone voice started up in a low, soft tune. Both the action of singing, and the memories of camaraderie it evoked, had a relaxing influence that lessened the impact of being in solitude again.
As he sung, he sensed Ad’ele’s presence linger on the other side of the door. Perhaps she was simply waiting for the lift to be recalled, or perhaps she had been taken aback and had paused to listen.
That evening he tried once more to manipulate the stones. Sweat ran down his body as he held his weight on his arms alone and willed the objects into the air. Three at once circled around his head as his focus held. At his best he could manage six, but this was still significant progress. It wasn't the Jedi way, but he permitted himself a small swell of pride. He was mentally and physically exhausted from the day's activities. The healing took its toll as well.
Another first for that week came that night: a deep and peaceful sleep. For the most part. As he roused himself from slumber several memories of his dreams returned to him in broken pieces. Adele was such a peaceful and demure creature. Apparently some part of his subconscious had found that appealing. Perhaps it was something like the desire for forbidden fruit. That was a dangerous metaphor given the week he had been through the his use of the Dark Side.
His mind had conjured a chance encounter in the hot springs that had just been opened up in the main temple. Wrapped in small white towels, beads of sweat dripping down their bodies, they had accidentally brushed past other. The blush on her face had hidden those lavender tattoos.
Raising his eyebrows, Jacen decided a cold shower was in order. After all, there was that whole ‘no passion’ thing he was supposedly held to. But as he padded across the small cell, his mind drew his attention to another, particularly vivid, moment from that dream. They had been standing half submerged in the hot water. The water had lapped around them noisily as her fingers had dug into the grassy earth around the spring. She had turned back over her shoulder to look at him, mouth wide open. There was none of the usual tranquility on that expression, it was pure hunger. But that wasn't what his mind was drawing his attention to. It was her eyes; they had been bright red.
Jacen shook his head in bemusement as he stepped into the refresher and turned the temperature down. Yet some part of him felt less like that was fantasy, and more a warning.
It took some time to settle his agitated thoughts and return to his concentration. After another simple breakfast of porridge and a chunk of freshly baked bread, he sat for meditation. Brick by brick he soothed over those memories that plagued his thoughts and assuaged his fears for the future.
Finding solace in some more pleasant memories from his past, he did something he had often done on tour to hold his nerve and cheer his squad mates up. Jacen started to sing. His rich baritone voice started up in a low, soft tune. Both the action of singing, and the memories of camaraderie it evoked, had a relaxing influence that lessened the impact of being in solitude again.
As he sung, he sensed Ad’ele’s presence linger on the other side of the door. Perhaps she was simply waiting for the lift to be recalled, or perhaps she had been taken aback and had paused to listen.
That evening he tried once more to manipulate the stones. Sweat ran down his body as he held his weight on his arms alone and willed the objects into the air. Three at once circled around his head as his focus held. At his best he could manage six, but this was still significant progress. It wasn't the Jedi way, but he permitted himself a small swell of pride. He was mentally and physically exhausted from the day's activities. The healing took its toll as well.
Another first for that week came that night: a deep and peaceful sleep. For the most part. As he roused himself from slumber several memories of his dreams returned to him in broken pieces. Adele was such a peaceful and demure creature. Apparently some part of his subconscious had found that appealing. Perhaps it was something like the desire for forbidden fruit. That was a dangerous metaphor given the week he had been through the his use of the Dark Side.
His mind had conjured a chance encounter in the hot springs that had just been opened up in the main temple. Wrapped in small white towels, beads of sweat dripping down their bodies, they had accidentally brushed past other. The blush on her face had hidden those lavender tattoos.
Raising his eyebrows, Jacen decided a cold shower was in order. After all, there was that whole ‘no passion’ thing he was supposedly held to. But as he padded across the small cell, his mind drew his attention to another, particularly vivid, moment from that dream. They had been standing half submerged in the hot water. The water had lapped around them noisily as her fingers had dug into the grassy earth around the spring. She had turned back over her shoulder to look at him, mouth wide open. There was none of the usual tranquility on that expression, it was pure hunger. But that wasn't what his mind was drawing his attention to. It was her eyes; they had been bright red.
Jacen shook his head in bemusement as he stepped into the refresher and turned the temperature down. Yet some part of him felt less like that was fantasy, and more a warning.
It took some time to settle his agitated thoughts and return to his concentration. After another simple breakfast of porridge and a chunk of freshly baked bread, he sat for meditation. Brick by brick he soothed over those memories that plagued his thoughts and assuaged his fears for the future.