Private Rebirthing

[Gerwald Lechner]

S U R V I V E​

LOCATION: Stewjon - Lechner Home
WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

Gerwald’s intent had never been to see Palm abandon the Soll’nav, but to question what they had taught her. She had used their teachings to create obstacles that a force user was never meant to know. While he saw value in their emphasis on being as strong as one could be, Gerwald could not condone the fact they restricted the use of the force in certain ways. It was a tool, a weapon, like anything else one could place in their hands. It was neither good nor evil, but could be used for either.

In asking Gerwald to be her teacher, Palm was choosing to turn her back on the Soll’nav. He only hoped that her trust in him was not misplaced. A truth Gerwald would never admit was that she trusted him far more than he trusted himself.

He nodded as she spoke her truth. She did owe her former order, but it was time to seek the truth they had not taught her. Balance was a hard thing to find, and Palm would learn that. Many leaned one way or another to find it, even Gerwald had his moments when the dark side of the force threatened to overtake him. The wolf had never been a man of peace, but always one of passion. Control had been something he learned, but it had not come naturally. It was the one reason he hesitated with Palm now. It was what kept his tongue still with Naedira. Gerwald no longer let his passions drive him, but rather he directed them where he willed.

The lupine searched her eyes for any sign of regret or remorse and found none. Her decision came with a dedication to the future, and to what must be. Palm would not find what she needed in the teachings of the Soll’nav, and as Gerwald had done on the day they had met, he would do his best to guide her toward what the Knights believed.

"A Knight Obsidian, then," Gerwald answered. There were other questions to ask, details to arrange, but they could wait. For now the path before her was set.

His stomach growled something fierce when she admitted her defeat. Their spar had carried them past the noon meal and well into the afternoon sun. Gerwald let the weapons lay where they had been dropped. The two would not have any more need for them.

The meal had been like anything Gerwald could expect on Stewjon. Hearty meats and vegetables filled his plate and sated the appetite their day of training had built up. His manners were not those of a Lord Commander, but rather of a ravenous wolf starved of food. There was not much difference between that and how most warriors on Stewjon tackled a plate of food after a long day of training. For a moment he paused, considering what Palm must think of the mead which dripped down his beard. He was a mess certainly, but he had been desperate to wash his meal down with actual mead, not the counterfeit which made its way around the Confederacy.

When the meal ended, Gerwald did not leave her to clean up the mess alone. Though after a time he did leave to wash himself. His clothes were dirty and drenched in sweat from the hard work they had engaged in for the best part of the day. It had not taken him long, and he returned in time to catch the smile and spark as Palm asked her question.

Gerwald was tired, but the wolf was not. Something primal stirred within him at the suggestion, and without a single word the lupine started toward the door. His clothes would be left as a trail in the direction he had walked. A few seconds was all that it would take for the man to become a beast. Palm would find the gray wolf sitting on his hind quarters, tail wagging, as he waited for her to make her way outside.

It was not the Gerwald she was used to, or the one she knew, but the same eyes she was familiar with would be staring back at her as she came into view. A loud bark was the only warning she would be given before the wolf bound off toward the treeline at the edge of his property.
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Location: Stewjon, Lechner Home.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

A small laugh came from her as Gerwald all but attacked the food, amused at his antics. Manners, as everything pertaining to protocol and etiquette, had been drilled into her skull since she was a child - but there was no need for any of that when there were no judgmental eyes around them, or when the only person she was representing was her very own self. The geminaie was nowhere near as voracious as the lupine, instead her comfort was displayed in the way her shoulders were not being pinned back to straighten her back, how she enjoyed her meal without keeping the pace and bearing of formality and regalness that were the staples of an Ambassador.

She was just another warrior filling an empty stomach after a tiring day.

Today had been tiring in more ways than one, but as her golden eyes set on Gerwald she could see something in him that she had never truly seen before. There were two sides to him, separate and the same at the same time. Tonight she would meet the one that was still a stranger to her, and the prospect of it lured out a deep curiosity from within her. That feeling of anticipation took root in her chest as he turned to walk out the door. Moments after it would draw her to follow him.

The dark of the night had taken over the sky, and what during the day had been a large, grassy plane surrounded by the forest had now turned into a shadowed expanse, visible only thanks to the warm light that came from within his home and the cold glimmer from the moon and stars that showered the woods. It was beautiful.

There was a shirt strewn over the grass, then a pair of pants, then his boots. A few meters after, sitting right on the edge where the warm light gave way to the cold glimmer, there was him. A small smile stretched her lips as she took him in. The first thing she noticed was the sheer size of the wolf, its head held just above her own. Her eyes moved up, and soon she they met the familiar icy gaze that held the power to enthrall her like nothing else could. Everything started to wash away into the background. The tiredness of her muscles, the thoughts that never stopped wading, they all slipped into nothingness until there was only them, the cool air and the sounds of the night.

Her heartbeat grew heavier knowing what was to come, her lungs beginning to take in deeper waves of air. But it was all steady, calm. The wolf barked, and the smile turned into a bright grin. The geminaie followed him as he moved for the treeline, towards the woods he had known since he was boy. They seemed to welcomed him back like an old friend.

She could not shed her human-like skin, but that did not stop the core of her purest nature to take over. It only left room for the deepest feelings that rested within her, only for the guidance of intuition, instinct, and that pull. The one always drawing her to him like a magnet. Even if she could not feel him through the Force it was as though something else called her to him, still managed to hold them together. There was no fear of the dark in an unknown land, because this was his realm. This was were part of him belonged. Palm already knew the man.

Tonight she would run with the wolf.​

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

S U R V I V E​

LOCATION: Stewjon - Lechner Home
WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

Cold air filled the wolf’s lungs as he ran toward the treeline. Palm would not be far behind him, but the beast was so eager to run that it did not wait for her. Muscles that had not been used in some time ached, but in a way that was invigorating. The night was cool, nowhere near as warm as the day had been, but Gerwald’s thick coat kept him comfortable as he made his way through a familiar path.

He chose a route that had been run so often that a trail had been worn into the grass. Palm would find it with ease if he happened to push too far ahead for the geminaie to keep up. This path had not been taken in some time. Overgrowth threatened to overtake the parts of it which were visible, but a few daily runs would take care of that. There was a part of the wolf which was sad as this path was not one he had taken without his siblings, but life had seen them all go their own ways for various reasons. When the sadness threatened to wash over him entirely there was one thought that held it at bay.

The wolf was not alone.

A howl was let into the night air the moment the moon became visible. Nothing had changed. Every scent was familiar. The sound of smaller animals scurrying about threatened to pull the predator away from what he was doing. For as long as it had been since Gerwald ran this path, it had been that much longer since he hunted those grounds. If he were to get sidetracked it would not be for some meager rabbit, but rather something much larger, worth the effort it would take to kill.

His ears could hear the footsteps behind him. Palm seemed to be keeping up just fine despite the hard day of training they had managed. It would not be much longer before the pair would run into a smallish clearing. A cabin was set back in the middle of it, almost hidden in the treeline. No one ventured this far into the woods. These were his woods, and the stories that were told of the vicious wolves that lived in them had been enough to keep the superstitious poplace out of them. Only a portion of the tales had been true after all, though, Gerwald had never been wrong about the wolves that lived in the woods. No one would have ever thought they lived in a cabin.

He did not wait for Palm. Gerwald pushed straight into the cabin where he shifted back to the form she would be more familiar with. He quickly retrieved a pair of loose pants. It was not for his benefit, but for Palm’s. The lupine did not have any shame when it came to personal modesty. Clothes or not, it was natural, and to shift he could not wear clothes. Gerwald had been among humans long enough to know that not everyone had the same view, that the body was simply a natural thing. To many it was an intimate thing to allow another to view their naked form. It was the only reason Gerwald had any modicum of modesty at all.

She would find him leaning against the doorframe by the time she reached the cabin. A smile was on the wolf as she approached. He did not say anything at first, simply motioned for her to enter with a bob of his head before turning back into the cabin.

A small fireplace against the back wall had lumber ready for a fire. As he had promised the lupine would not use the force, though it would have been easy to start it with a flick of his wrist. Reaching for the flint and steel, Gerwald struck the stone until it sparked onto the char cloth, causing it to catch on fire. The moss he had used as a starter quickly caught fire along with the dry wood, and in a matter of a few minutes there was a roaring fire.

He turned back to look up at the geminaie with a smile.

“This is where we would come when we needed to shift. If I go too long without doing so, I lose control. Our kind have been known to go insane without it. I am not a man, and I am not a wolf, but both at once.”

Gerwald stood and motioned about the cabin.

“It’s not large, but we would never go out more than two at a time, and usually if we were hunting. I have not been out here since I left. We can stay here tonight if you wish, but regardless. I would like to stay for a bit before we head back?”

He did not know why he felt the need to ask. Perhaps because Palm was his guest, or maybe it was because he did not want to face this part of his past alone. There were too many memories of siblings that would have never ended up like they had. Even as Gerwald stood in the cabin he questioned how it had happened. How could it have been that one lupine could have interrupted their family as it had? In that moment he understood why it had been her pack and his had been rivals so long ago.

“I miss them.”

It was quiet. Whether Palm would hear it or not Gerwald did not know. It simply was. His eyes darted back to the fire, and for a moment the wolf went silent.
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Location: Stewjon, Lechner Home.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

Two legs couldn't carry her as fast as four, but that did not keep her from trying to catch up with the wolf as much as her body would allow. The woods, the night air, the chase. Her mind couldn't help but take her back to her childhood, before the real weights of her titles had been put on her shoulders. The days would end and she would be tired, just as tired as she had been when today's sun had set. Under the cover of the night she would slip away with her friends, into the woods, and they would run until they reached the mountains.

During those hours she was no Heir, no Ambassador. There was nothing but herself, the people she loved, and the imagined endlessness of the forest. Here on Stewjon, with him, it was the same. An escape. Air burned in her lungs and her limbs never stopped feeling like they were about to give out, but they wouldn't. Not while this feeling kept pushing her forward. It was a sense of freedom, the promise that it awaited somewhere deep within the woods. In geminidae, she knew that promise wouldn't be kept and that freedom would only survive for as long as the moons shined in the sky. Here, with him, it felt as though it could last forever.

Palm followed the trail, and her pace only began to slow when the trees around her began to grow further apart. The tree line was crossed and her golden eyes immediately looked for the wolf, pupils blown wide to adjust for the darkness. Instead, she saw the man once again. Chest still heaving, she smiled. No words were needed nor was she sure if she had the air necessary to produce them as he gestured her forward, inviting her into the cabin.

At first there was a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the shuffling of their own movement and the creatures of the night. Her eyes danced across the inside of the cabin before settling on Gerwald as he started the fire, without calling on the Force, making the crackling of the embers join the soothing symphony that nature was playing for them. Now that she was still, and the rush from the run began to fade, that tiredness began to make itself known once again. But it was only in her body, for her mind was still very much awake.

We.

The use of the plural made her eyebrows knit ever so slightly in concentration, and something that resembled the shadow of concern flashed in her eyes. There was something about him that had not been there before, she was becoming good at reading him, but this time it made her heart feel wary. Her head gave a light nod in understanding, having heard the rumor about the lupines before - it did not change her view of him in the slightest. The geminaie had their own ghosts to carry too.

As he spoke, holding every ounce of her attention, her mind began to tie his words, to the place where they stood, to the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes. It was like drawing a map to a feeling she knew well, and slowly but surely that familiar heaviness began to weight down on her heart. For now she kept her silence, knowing that there was more to be said, but the answer to his own question was not delayed, and it was produced by a calm and soft voice. "We can stay here for as long as you wish us to." He wanted to remain here, and she would be by his side for as long as he would have her. Then the words that gave sense to that heaviness reached her.

"I miss them."
​

The sound was barely there, and yet she heard him loud and clear.

For a moment she stood still as a short-lived war was fought between her mind and her heart. A part of her had wanted to stop herself, and it had been swiftly silenced by that weight in her chest as it shifted and became unbearable. Palm had shown him her feelings, she had revealed all to him the moment she thought her life would be exchanged for his own. But she had never acted on them. The guilt of having forced that charge on him, of having brought another cause for turmoil instead of relief, the pain of it all...it kept her away. The fear of forcing him to make a choice he did not want to make.

But now, as the ghost of the past came to haunt him, she couldn't stay away. She could fight the pull when it was selfish. This was not selfish. This was not wrong.

The geminaie walked closer to him before reaching out and letting the back of her hand brush against his forearm, softly pulling his attention from the fire and towards her. Her eyes reached his only for a moment, unguarded and bright golden pools filled with so much emotion. He already knew every single one of them, he had felt every single one of them. But this time there was no guilt, no regret; there was only him and there was all of her, bared. She looked at the ring on his chest for an instant, and then there was the silent plea to forgive her for the bound she was about to push, for she had long accepted its existence while it still burdened his.

She walked into his arms, until there was no space keeping them apart anymore. That fire burned again, and she let it take part of her with it. The part that wanted to make her believe that this was wrong, when it felt like the only right thing she had ever done. Giving in, closing her eyes as she held on to him. She was not one of the people he had shared this place with in the past, and so there was a void she could not fill. But he did not have to face that emptiness alone.

Her voice would surface again after a moment, understanding and softness braided into its melody. Nothing could hurt like family, and that pain had touched him.

"Will you tell me about them?"​

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

S U R V I V E​

LOCATION: Stewjon - Lechner Home
WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

Gerwald had never meant to burden Palm with his words. He should have known by now the geminaie would always be moved by the things which weighed on his heart. She had shown him the lengths she would go because of her feelings. Even if they were not as strong as they were, she was a friend. Her appearance after the events of Naalol had not been borne out of her love for him, but because the woman cared about those she called friend. Gerwald knew this all too well.

The golden stare of her gaze betrayed what she was thinking, it always did, at least for him. The lupine could see what she was thinking without the force because of what she had shown him on Roon. What they had shared at the end had been more than what he had asked for. It was the reason why she kept making promises she could never hope to truly fulfill without great sacrifice.

Gerwald knew about sacrifice well. His life seemed to demand it from him at every turn. Since Naedira’s death, Gerwald had refused to allow himself to feel anything beyond camaraderie toward anyone, and even then the deaths of those on Naalol had been too much to bear. Voph had made a mistake in choosing him as his replacement, Gerwald would never think differently. Duty pushed him to do what the rest of him did not want. The lupine had made his peace with it, until her.

Palm-Imer had proven to be an interruption to the life Gerwald had forced himself to. While he still wrestled within himself over what he felt, one truth would always remain. The geminaie had forced him to face the questions he had not wanted to ask himself, and search for answers that he was afraid to discover. It had not been her intention, nor had it been his. He pushed boundaries that he should not have with her perhaps, and yet there was no regret in his mind. Whatever had happened had been meant to, even if this was as far as their journey took them, Gerwald was happy to know the geminaie.

The lupine felt the gentle sensation of her touch on his arm as she quietly pleaded for his attention. His eyes turned to hers where everything she could possibly say in the moment danced with the reflection of the flame behind him. For a moment his icy gaze could see everything, and for that brief time it gave the wolf peace. It lasted only as long as her eyes held his. The moment her amber gaze fell to the ring on his chest, Gerwald was once again at war.

It was not fair to her.

The burden Gerwald carried was his, and meant to be his alone. There were so many who offered their help, but they could not take the weight of it for him. Yes, the burden was of his own making, but Naedira had wanted to live again, and he would see it. The weight was only heavier because of how much he loved the woman, because he had refused to allow himself to move on until he had the answer to one question, did she feel the same?

Gerwald wanted to say something, an apology, anything that would alleviate the guilt inside of him, and the feelings it must have stirred within Palm. How could she care to the degree she did knowing what she did? The words never came. Palm’s next actions stole any ability Gerwald had to form speech in that moment. In the space of time that Gerwald could have spoken, the geminaie had closed the distance between them and settled herself into his arms.

Once again the conflict rose within his chest. The desire which burned within him waged war against that part of him which refused to give in. He had stopped pushing after Roon, and so she began to. It had always been him, every boundary that had been crossed had been at his initiation. This time her embrace had been of her own push, and Gerwald could only respond.

His strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer than either knew was possible.

Whatever guilt he had felt over abandoning his siblings was gone in that moment. The memories that had opened a would he thought had been healed vanished for a moment as they lingered in silence. When her voice finally broke though the crackling of the fire she asked about his family.

He nodded.

“There is not much to tell beyond what you could probably guess from what you know of me,” he answered as his eyes moved to the floor. They should sit, and the fur rug they stood next to was inviting. A hand fell to hers, giving it a tug as he moved to the floor. “My mother never hunted with us. There was my old brother, myself, and my younger sister. When I left for the Confederacy I left them behind because another of our kind arrived with the CIS. We had been told we were the last, and she had been told the same. My curiosity led me to leave without a word to them.”

Gerwald sighed.

“Alwine took it the hardest, Varick, he was hurt, but I think part of him understood. The same part of him that was jealous I left before he did. When I came back for them it did not go well. They killed our parents, and I watched… We had been lied to our whole lives. She had known, always known. I don’t think Alwine ever forgave me for leaving her, and while I managed to bring them all to the Confederacy afterwards, they both left at their own time…”

Blue eyes danced about the cabin.

“But here… nothing could separate us. We would hunt, Alwine always the fastest of us. These fires would roast whatever remained of our kills for the night as we packed sausages and made jerky. Since women were not allowed to be warriors Varick and I taught her in secret out in that clearing. The house I took you to, I rebuilt out of guilt, but this… this was home.”
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Location: Stewjon, Lechner Home.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

For a short moment, there was hell. On one end of a battlefield that rarely knew any truce stood that beautifully overwhelming feeling that their closeness always brought, and on the other there was the fear that she had pushed too far. There was no way Palm could ever blame him for the struggle he faced, no day when there was no guilt about having made it worse for him, and in a way she was ready for him to push her away. She would have understood. Palm knew he cared for her, otherwise this struggle would have never existed in the first place, but she had seen his feelings for Naedira. He had shown her.

The guilt began to win that battle, and the geminaie had been a mere instant of being the one to pull away, to at least save him from that choice, when she felt his arms wrap around her. Everything went still, everything except for that glowing warmth that took over her heart. There no longer was a pull, nor longing. She was in his arms, and everything fell into place. The Force was invisible to her, but in that instant she had learned that she did not need it to see the bond that held her to him. It would always be there, waiting for them.

Palm followed his lead, lowering herself onto the rug. Gerwald's arms still kept her close, and her body melted into the embrace, resting comfortably against him as though he had held her a thousand times before. The tension in her aching muscles began to slip away, chased by the warm waves that now reached her skin given their newly found closeness to the fireplace. Her eyes settled on him as she listened, peaceful and just as honest as they would always be when it came to him.

She nodded softly. It was surprising, in a sad way, how leading lives that were so different had led them to pains that were so similar. How every memory of the past seemed to bring as much fondness as they did sorrow, sullied by the ghosts of the present if not by their own. The geminaie did not have a family in the way most would understand. A father and a mother, as seen by most individuals in the galaxy, were concepts that were a bit foreign to one of her kind. But siblings? Siblings were everything.

"I could tell you that the choices we've made in the past are not worth hurting for - but I know saying that would make hypocrites out of us both," He had left without a word, and so the resentment his siblings held was justified. Perhaps if it had been someone else in his shoes they could have let go of that culpability, they could perhaps have been swayed into accepting that it had been the right choice because it had led them to where they were today. But it was not someone else, and Palm knew that if it had been her, her feelings would resemble his own.

Instead, her eyes reached his, knowing that what she would say was something she'd had to repeat to her own mind over and over again during certain nights, if only to hide the wounds that would never close. "We can't change what has already been done, but in the end they will always be your siblings and this...," her gaze glided through the cabin again, imagining how a younger Gerwald, his brother, and his sister would have looked. "This will still be that home, if you want to let it be." For it was up to him to look past the pain, to choose to see and remember what this place had meant to him before life happened, or to endure the bittersweet feeling it brought if there was no hope that that pain could be erased. That was another thing she could have understood.

Hope was often times more painful than acceptance.

"Thank you for sharing this place with me. I understand what it means to you."

There was a certain sadness to her words, one that came from the remembrance of the pains that mirrored his.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

S U R V I V E​

LOCATION: Stewjon - Lechner Home
WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

"I could tell you that the choices we've made in the past are not worth hurting for - but I know saying that would make hypocrites out of us both..."

Palm more than understood why just being in the cabin hurt Gerwald. It was not the fondness of the memories which the wolf held in his mind and heart for the place, but rather it was the guilt associated with the fact they would remain as such because of his decisions. Life was that way. Choices rarely led down a path that was optimal for everyone. If Gerwald could have found a way to please everyone and still accomplish what he wanted, he would have. Why had he chosen to leave without saying a word, because he knew they would have fought to keep the pack together. The wolf inside him would always feel guilty for being the one to break it up, but their family would have died had he not acted. He did not see it then, but he knew it to be true now.

It was rare the truth dulled the pain.

The truth was more evident as Palm continued to speak. Her words were not comforting, but direct to what he needed to hear. They stung in the same way that a slave often brought a burn to an open wound. With time it would heal, fend off an infection, but in the moment it was uncomfortable. Had it not been for her breach of a boundary that seemed to no longer be an obstacle for them, Gerwald would have felt restless. Instead he nodded with a knowing smile.

“I did not have the courage to come here alone. It was never meant for any of us to use this place to find solitude, but freedom to be who, what, we are.”

His reply was Gerwald’s way of accepting what she had said while explaining why he had brought her to the cabin. He did not know if this was where the run would end, but it seemed his instinct had taken him there. While it did not need to be rebuilt, the cabin was in much disrepair, a fact the lupine would remedy in the morning. For the time being there was only one thing that consumed his thoughts, and that was how the moment felt right.

She should not have fit so comfortably, but the geminaie did. As his eyes moved from hers, and back to the fire, Gerwald finally was able to relax. It was simple, and for just this once, it was just them. Whatever feelings Gerwald held were quiet, a sensation in itself that would strike him as odd later. Perhaps there was comfort and confidence knowing what they both felt, and that neither would force the other to act or choose. They simply were, and for now that was all they needed to be.

Gerwald leaned his head and let it rest against the top of Palm’s as he continued to lose himself in the dance the fire played out before him. His eyes closed as the weariness of the day finally caught up to him, but he would not fall asleep yet. There was one more thing to say.

“I know that your duty prevents you from returning home, and until the day comes that you may, this can be home too…”

He paused and smiled, ready to play on her own words before sleep would take him fully.

“...if you want to let it be.”​

​