Ace's eyes remained fixed on the city while Arris spoke, but he wasn't really looking at it anymore. Five years ago Arris said she was a shockboxer and a thug.
Arris's life was completely different, her values and morals were different, and yet somehow she'd arrived at the exact same place as everyone else.
Sibylla. Lorn. Aether. Now Arris. The realization settled slowly and painfully.
"You once told me that what frightened you most about Dathomir was not what you had done… But that you felt nothing while doing it. That you feared becoming a slave to your emotions....a monster. Well, there is your answer... because instead of choosing differently…You are choosing to become exactly that. To be a slave to your emotions."
"I've seen this before, you tell yourself it's temporary. That you're still in control. That you'll step away when it's done. You don't. You lose track of where the line was. Then one day you look back and realize it's gone."
"So are you doing the right thing? That's the wrong question. You have to decide if the power to destroy the 'big bad' is worth losing people you love. Because try as you might, they will get hurt or they will be lost. And when the Covenant someday falls - as all nations do - you'll have to live with the man standing atop the ashes."
"Look at me," she said. It was a soft-spoken command. "This for nothing you're afraid of us banthashit. But the for something ain't, okay? For the people that remain - those you love, those you want to protect. For yourself. All of that is something."
None of them had been telling him different things, more like different versions of the same thing. The same warning. Over and over. And suddenly he understood why he'd spent months arguing with all of them. Because if they were right... then everything he'd done became harder to justify.
A slow breath escaped him. For the first time in months, he stopped fighting the thought. They were right. The admission hit harder than any lightsaber, not because he'd been convinced, because he'd already known. Deep down. The entire time.
That was the truth. Not that he wanted to protect
his people, or that he loved them. He did. The lie was that it'd be worth it, and eventually the sacrifices would justify themselves. That one day he'd stabilize the galaxy, remove the threats, protect the people he cared about and somehow all the blood, all the lies, all the compromises would balance out.
But it was never going to end. There was always going to be another threat, another enemy, another reason, another sacrifice. His hands rose and buried themselves in his hair before sliding down over his face, and then the walls broke.
Tapani. Coruscant.
Trinity. Balmorra. Even Remowa. The people he'd killed, hurt, the relationships he'd damaged and the things he'd become comfortable doing. All of it crashed into him at once.
The guilt, disgust, self-hatred, disappointment. All of it raw and ugly. Then came a grief so deep it felt like something was tearing inside his chest. Not just for them, but for himself. For every piece of himself he'd destroyed so he could keep moving.
His shoulders shook once beneath the weight of it and a bitter laugh escaped him. Because the worst part? Walking away wouldn't fix any of it. It wouldn't bring anyone back, make Sibylla forgive him, or make Lorn trust him again. It wouldn't erase a single thing.
He'd already gone too far for that. Redemption wasn't even on the table anymore, and that was what made it so tempting to stay. To keep going and burying it, to keep telling himself there was still a finish line waiting at the end of all this.
But there wasn't. He knew there wasn't. For the first time in months, he couldn't lie to himself about it anymore.
Ace lowered his hands, eyes remaining fixed on the ground. Quiet. Exhausted. Broken.
"I know." He finally said,
the words barely escaped him.
This was a confession months overdue. Because deep down he'd known for a long time. Despite everything he'd done... despite everything he'd become...
He knew he couldn't keep walking this road.
Arris Windrun
Mercy
hadn't escaped her, either. "You don't know Mercy or what she's after, Ace. Of course, she wants you to challenge her. She wants everyone to challenge her. You weren't there on Ruusan. I was. You never fought her. I have. The only thing that drives her is the escalation of the game. And the only thing she's after here is bringing more players to the stage." There was a slight pause.
