Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved NPC Pvt. Hath

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Name: Maseo Hath
Loyalties: Wraithguard
Role: Rifleman. Rank Private.
Development Threads: If needed

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Age: 19
Species: Alunrovaan
Appearance: Taller than most of his species, Maseo Hath stands at the non-intimidating for a human 1.77m. He belongs to the peach toned pale skin color Alunrovaan race that boasts a bit better resilience to UV exposure than the other Alunrovaan races. What distinguishes him greatly from the rest of the Alunrovaans' is the genetic mutation of his eyes that can be described as slightly cat-like (See Witcher).

Before joining the Wraithguard, he had a longer platinum blonde colored hair but after joining the Wraiths, he had to shave it off for a military buzz cut. Nonetheless, after finishing boot camp, he had gone and let it grow as it was not forbidden. He will most likely be seen with casual clothing outside of service due to the lack of UV light that penetrates the lower levels of his home planet of Vorzyd V. Otherwise, he would always prefer not exposing his skin to UV light.

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Personality: Maseo tends to be a friendly man as far as his species allowed him to. In the sense, that the Alunrovaans have less empathetic functions as a normal human. That is often obvious with lesser understanding of humor, especially one that is dry. Although, this may hinder his social skills greatly among most citizens of the galaxy, it helps him in combat or dire situations in which he can function properly with complete composure.

Taught empathetic morale more as a logical function than emotional by his parents, he has grown to show compassion to people in more of a robotic/programmed way and a duty than as a complete emotional bonding. Despite that, a few people have appreciated that in him while most have berated him and mocked him for being too 'unhuman'. This had led Maseo to have a very small circle of friends and more attached to his parents. Thus, when his poverty stricken family was offered a well paid job in the factories of Corondex Arms, he knew he had to pay the debt by joining his family's saviors - Wraithguard.

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Force Sensitivity: N
Weapon of Choice: Service rifle issued by Wraithguard.
Skills: Warfare; Slicing.
Combat Function: Rifleman and slicing expert.

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Wealth: Average.
Notable Possessions: A ring on a chain that he wears: Gift from a girl he was attached to that died from illness.

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History: Maseo Hath was born in the lower levels of Vorzyd V to a family living on the edge of the poverty line. Work exploitation at its height throughout his childhood and into his teens, nothing changed. Racketeering from local criminal groups constantly. No law enforcement. No control. Hardworking and honest men were the victims and the fools, while the scoundrels and the rogues were the role models. A rough area to grow up holding to principles that turned into someone's prey.

Nonetheless, they endured.

During his childhood and teens, Maseo was often bullied due to his 'weirdo eyes'. The years of abuse had made him far more closed to any social interaction and severely degraded his social skills. Becoming a loner outside of home, Maseo grew a stronger bond with his parents and eventually became dependent on their happiness to be happy. For on his desperate quest to find friends, he only found his parents.

Things changed for Maseo when he joined the local art high school. The students there were by far more open minded and bullies were not as prevalent. With hopes of becoming an artist, Maseo studied hard and enjoyed it. The art school and his home were the only two beacons of light for him in these obnoxious lower levels of Vorzyd V. It was here that Maseo finally found people he could call friends. A few of them, indeed, but friends nonetheless. Despite his hardship of bonding at first, these friends were patient with the Alunrovaan. He opened up to his friends but not as much as he opened up to the girl of his dreams - Halya. Their short-lived high school romance was cut short when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness - a result of gaseous abuse by local gangs - and passed away a few months later. She had given to him a memento - a ring on a necklace. On the ring the words 'FORWARD' were engraved. An implication to Maseo to always keep going, never to surrender.

As an Alunrovaan, he did not go through a really depressive state as normal Humans would. Nonetheless, it was a great pain and burden upon him. Something he disclosed only to himself and carried it alone. The loss of the only one besides his parents that he could completely open up to. Between then and his graduation from school, crime levels began decreasing radically as a local irregular law enforcement began crushing criminal elements. Even the gang that had abused Halya was reported slaughtered in one of those brutal skirmishes by these irregulars.

At his graduation from high school, his parents had told him that they had found a great job in a factory on Vorzyd IV and that they would be moving. A few weeks later at the opening day of the factory, a man known as Vitor Avendahl spoke of his commitment to making the lower levels of Vorzyd V safe again. His commitment of cleaning up the streets resulted in the formation of the Wraithguard. Maseo's father, ever thankful for the opportunity that the weapons' factory gave him and the sight of a better Vorzyd V for those that lived in the shadows of the wealthy, urged his son to join.

Maseo Hath changed the painting brush with a service rifle.

He had a debt to pay.


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Intent: To flesh out a recurring character who will be used as a PoV in Wraithguard narratives. The aim is to bring more of the grunt-side of things and not solely rely on writing top lieutenants such as Wraithguard's general Saigo.
 
Greetings, [member="Wraithguard"]. I'll be taking your submission today.

Does the genetic pigmentation mutation of his eyes have any special consequences, or is it simply a anomaly of appearance?

Reading through the History...I'm honestly confused by it. Lots of short sentences strung together, not many of which seem to actually relate to the NPC themselves, and it's a real struggle to work out exactly what you mean. You talk of 'finishing public school', but it honestly reads as though his parents did, rather than the character. The first paragraph itself speaks of conditions, but with no sense of how he handled it, what consequence this had on the character: it reads like a dry movie introduction designed to add just enough context to not make the viewer wonder what they're being sucked into. It honestly tells me little to nothing about the NPC!

The school: as a hub for drug dealing, what consequences did this have for the character? You're building a narrative about a location, not a person, quite frankly, and that's not what we're aiming for with NPCs: we need to know as much as we can about them in order for everyone else to effectively relate to or even write that NPC. This...wouldn't do that.

The Wraithguard concept itself is fine, and his joining up is clear enough, though how exactly they saved honest people like his parents isn't entirely clear: I get that they opened up a factory, and this boosted the economy, but that influenced crime by decreasing it, and thus, the Wraithguard 'saved' those people? That doesn't track at all: affluent areas see an increase in crime unless there's a consequential increase in security measures (which aren't indicated prior to the Wraithguard, which came afterwards - otherwise, what's his motivation to join?). You'll need to expand on that one, I'm afraid.

Otherwise the sub is fairly straightforward. The writing style of it is a little hard to comprehend, but I sense you were aiming to craft a more expansive narrative, and have ended up telling us a lot about a location and almost nothing about the person the submission is aimed at. If you could correct that, this one should be a 'slam dunk' submission.

Many thanks for your time! :)
 
[member="Tirdarius"]

Thank you for your time!

Fixed the history, should be better linked up and more personal than before.

The eyes mutation is just an appearance anomaly nothing more!

Let me know if it needs more fixing!
 
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