Private Proem

[Asha Seren]

Ocean waves lapped against legs which hung over the edge of the manufactured seascape the village sat upon.​

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They'd been here perhaps a day, give or take a few local hours, and in that time Asha had tried her best to keep her distance from the ship so that Cale and his student could have some privacy, some time away from her wound and all that it entailed. She'd only returned to find a bunk to sleep in, and then she'd drifted back out. Helped some of the fishermen bring in their catch, or mend their nets, or whatever she could offer to keep her hands from being idle.​

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Now though she simply sat and enjoyed the view. It was warm, and the air was filled with a sharp salty brine that was rather bracing. Her boots lay off to the left of her, socks tucked within, so that her feet could meet with the water unhindered. She wasn't entirely silent, though, instead she was whispering a code beneath her breath like something of a mantra.​

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"Emotion, yet peace; Ignorance, yet knowledge; Passion, yet serenity; Chaos, yet harmony; Death, yet the Force..." Sometimes she only motioned the words with her lips, without actually speaking them into existence, other times they were more pronounced. Never more than a whisper, though, she didn't need to draw attention to herself. It was after all just a meditative act.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

She hadn't been lying, this place was as peaceful as they came, and that left Cale feeling horribly out of place. He'd sat in the sand, looking down at the lightsaber he'd built, and questioning his every decision. He demanded of himself the truth, to know if he was hindering Aleks by remaining his master, to know if he really thought he belonged back in the ranks of the Jedi, and most pressingly, to know if he really thought that helping Asha Seren was going to make any difference.

What if she was a sleeper, how he'd been? Cast into the wild to await activation at the opportune moment, so she might inflict the most damage possible. What if Carnifex really was after her, and whatever remnant fleet the Sith had at their disposal appeared in the sky at any moment? What if she wasn't at all who she said she was, and this was all some sick game?

He didn't know the answers to the questions that echoed through his mind, but he did know why he was asking them. Cale was afraid, less of the consequences of what he'd done, but more that he was about to slip back into his old, stupid, naive ways. That he might finally let go of his jaded and cynical caution and commit himself to the war he knew could not be won once again. A pointless, endless war, that might well kill the few people that still truly mattered to him. He couldn't risk that.

But he couldn't stop himself from continuing down that path either, as much as he tried.

So Cale wandered, a simple shift in the place of the jacket he'd worn, a long scarf hanging over his right side to poorly mask the missing limb. He let himself wade barefoot through the shallows, and allowed his mind to for once not hyperfixate on the futility of everything. Consciously or not, Cale grew closer and closer to where Asha meditated, guided by...something towards the wound. He could fix a hyperdrive, patch up an unholy amount of injuries for a man with half the hands he was meant to have, fight inquisitors and soldiers and Sith, and still fly with the best of them, but he couldn't help her. Not in the way she needed.

For a man who'd tried so hard to accept that he could not make a difference, that frustrated him far more than he'd thought. Maybe it was the shared sense of suffering, the fact that she was like him, with a face and body younger than their mind, and memories no one around but the old and the long-lived remembered now. But Cale couldn't even help himself by and large, but his lack of ability to help her somehow weighed heavier.

The words were whispers, but as he realized he'd come onto her, he heard them nonetheless. They were strange yet familiar, close to the words he'd recited as a boy, but still entirely distinct from them.

"That doesn't sound like the code." He stated as he came along beside her, eyes staring out at the sea, heavy with sleep that he feared to seek. "Close to it though, don't think I've heard it before."

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

Soft words pulled her from her ruminations, and with a soft smile Asha turned her head up to look at him. The waves still lapped against her legs, reminding her of her proximity to the ocean even though she could not see it any longer. Patting the ground at her side, she bade him to join her and then cast her gaze back to the great abyss.​

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"You're probably more accustomed to Odan-Urr's refined code," she stated, with a shrug, "There is no emotion, there is peace..." Asha sighed at that, before shaking her head some. "I never could agree with that, we're all people with emotions are we not? To pretend otherwise seems like folly. But the original mantra..? I find it lets one know that having emotions, that feeling things, is natural. We simply shouldn't be led solely by them."​

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Though she didn't look at him, she could sense his fatigue and a small frown played over her expression. "You seem as tired as I feel," she remarked softly, "Does sleep elude you also?"​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

"Yeah, the code was always...restrictive, antiquated even. They didn't stop people from forming attachments or enforce any rules about from what I remember, but they kept the 'ole saying." Cale shrugged with a hint of amusement, the Jedi Order and The Republic itself had been atop a mountain of contrivances and hypocrisies by the time it fell, they didn't even seem to play by their own rules. He still preferred them to the One Sith, for reasons beyond his own trauma for obvious reasons, but they were not paragons all.

Sleep was the next subject, and the mere mention seemed to stir a hint of fear, but his expression seemed amused, morbidly perhaps, but amused nevertheless.

"I don't sleep, haven't for years. Not for more than a few hours. Nothing there but nightmares and unwanted recollections." He turned his gaze away from the ocean and to his newest passenger. "What about you, why aren't you sleeping?"

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

"That sort of thing is always better in theory than in practice, anyway. Each new iteration of the Order seemed to bring with it its own variant, but if you look at them through the lens of their era it all begins to make a little more sense. I find it fascinating, to be honest, I studied them all in depth when I was younger..." ​

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The Mantra, Odan-Urrs, Skywalkers... Products of their time, a reflection of not just the Order but the Galaxy. Something she could go into great detail about if pressed, but for now she let it lie. No sense getting philosophical, she was only preaching to the choir after all.​

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"Have you tried meditation in lieu of sleep?" she inquired, "There are methods of meditation which can provide the same effects as sleep on the body, which can bring you renewed vigor and allow your mind to process the events of the day, without succumbing to dreams and the like. It was one of the few things I could readily do back.. there.."​

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A difficult skill to master, however, in that it went beyond just the surface level meditative practices most Jedi utilized. Something she'd be more than willing to help lead him in though, if he ever sought to learn.​

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As for why she couldn't sleep...​

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"Fear" she confessed, a bold statement to be made around a Jedi, much less to come from one who had once been viewed as such herself. "There's a small part of me which is convinced that this is all the dream, and that I'll awaken back there. Foolish, I know, but I'm working on it..." Had this been anyone else she might not have been so forthcoming with her answers, but they'd already broken down most of the barriers which would typically stand between them, she'd already bared her heart and told him the intricacies of what she'd been put through.​

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If he didn't understand, then who would?​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

Cale nodded, and did all he could to process and understand what she was saying. He'd never been one to study the different eras beyond the stories of heroes' past. Their philosophies had been unimportant to him, only their actions measured in enemies felled and lives saved. He'd been young, and ever so eager to carve his name in the stars beside theirs to ever think about what it was they really believed. Maybe he should've, maybe then he'd understood what he believed in now.

"I used to, haven't tried in a while. The nightmares wait until I sleep, the memories...they just wait until it's quiet." It was a miserable thing, inescapable and unrelenting. Cale sighed and drifted down into a sitting position of his own. His eyes once again drifted far offshore as he rested his arm over his knee, staring out into the waves as he flexed his fingers into a fist then out again.

Fear was something he understood, he lived with it every day, the same one that seemed to haunt her.

"Nothing foolish about that at all. That's the worst of the nightmares for me, the ones where I'm back, where this was all a dream. That he never died, never let me go, that this is all one great big trick just to break me, for a laugh." He shook his head. "It'd work too, I'd be done for."

"The worst part is it seems like he could pull that off. He had me dancing on his strings from across the galaxy, surely he could conjure up some long dream." He let his hand fall into the surf, and run through the sand, stomach-churning as he dared to put his fear into words. He prayed that didn't make them real.

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

"I imagine it can be difficult to get past the memories long enough to actually meditate" she retorted, with something of a faraway look in her eye as she pondered on such. Imagine, she said, as though it wasn't a reality she too was living in at present. ​

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"There are other ways to meditate that don't feel quite so... Isolating. The Je'daii used a technique called Alchaka, it's a very personal experience, no two practitioners flow through the same motions, but it's still something I could pass on to you if you ever sought to do it. Brings you so close to the brink of exhaustion that everything else sort of... fades away. I've had more than my fair share of dreamless sleeps by performing it, though I haven't tried since my death. Never really had the space for it."​

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Lifting her head some, she glanced around where they presently sat with a ponderous expression. "It's a series of movements, you don't sit for Alchaka you keep yourself ever in motion; it's a different way to lose yourself within the Force..." There'd certainly be space for it here, though she knew better than to push it on another. As quickly as she made plans for how it could be taught here on Pelagon, she pushed it down inside and let the momentary hope fade.​

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As Cale spoke of his own fears, she could only nod her head in understanding. "I had the opposite problem, while he still held me," came her too-quiet response, hands fidgeting in her lap once more. "He'd twist my dreams and make me believe I was free, or that it was a dream... And then I'd wake to find myself locked within the real nightmare. But, well, for what it's worth... You seem real to me, Cale. Feels like this isn't a dream..."​

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For now, at least, in this very moment, it seemed like reality.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

Je'daii, Alchaka, old words that he might've read in a history book once, ones that carried little meaning to him before now. He'd heard whispers of Je'daii in years past, that some sect of them might've formed and were trying to do things the ancient way. It didn't work, one could not dabble with darkness and stay in control, not truly. The Jedi had taught him that when he was young, and he'd believed because he was supposed to, then he'd been drowned in it, and he believed it because he knew. But Asha wasn't trying to convince him of anything, just to show him a way he could finally rest.

He'd have killed for that in a heartbeat, but he had the manners to wait to ask for her instruction.

For all the plausibility he thought his fears held, she'd seen them realized. Kaine had subjected her to it far more than once. Pain, torment, isolation, they could all wound a person, but nothing destroyed the soul quite like false hope. The death of hope was the death of spirit, and for a long time Cale was sure that applied to him.

Cale gave her a smile, small as it was, and let his hand fall into the surf. He let the water run between his fingers, and then promptly splashed some of it onto her. "I'm as real as it gets Asha, if it were a dream I think he'd have devised a less disappointing getaway driver."

But, beyond the banter, he was serious. Surely Zambrano would've conjured up a face she knew and inherently trusted if this had all been a cruel joke. He wasn't sure what he was doing, he usually saved his less thorny jokes for the two still aboard his ship, everyone else got jaded barbs and dry remarks. Instinctively Cale wanted to pull back, close off, and go hide away in his cabin, but he didn't make any such move.

"This Alchaka stuff, could you teach me?" He asked, turning his eyes once again back to her and away from the endless seas.

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

Asha found herself sprayed with water, and as she turned her head toward him she listened to the accompanying words with a soft shake of her head. One hand scooped down to splash back at him. "You're not disappointing" she stated after the fact, "I doubt anyone else could've broken through to me. So thanks for that..." If anything he was exactly the getaway driver she needed.​

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Which only further added fuel to the argument that this was reality. Right? There was no way Kaine could manifest such a dream...​

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As he made his request, Asha couldn't help but begin to smile. "I can" came her immediate reply, no hesitation to be found; it wouldn't be an easy feat for her, it would mean opening herself back up to the Force even if only for a little while, but if it meant he could actually rest? That he could find some small measure of peace? Well, then she reckoned it would be worth it. A way to repay him for all he'd done for her.​

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"But it's a very personal act. I can show you one way to do it," not her way of doing it, that wasn't something she ever showed to another, but the generic steps taught to young Je'daii who were first starting out to give them a feel for it, "But it works best if you find your own way, your own movements and steps. Something that speaks to you, and which comes naturally. You'll understand with enough time."​

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Pushing up from the ground, she drew her feet out of the surf and then stretched once at her full height. Then she reached down a hand to help him up to his feet. For a moment she tried to consider a good starting point, before an idea came to her. "Which form are you a practitioner of?" she inquired; that could be a good springboard, even if they didn't actually bring sabers into the equation.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

"D'aww now you're just saying things." He gave a smirk as the seawater cascaded over his clothes, though he hardly seemed to notice. She meant them, genuinely, and though he believed in her sincerity, he still doubted he was the right one for the job. But still, the gratitude was appreciated and he couldn't help questioning if maybe she was right, maybe it had needed to be him. "Don't mention it."

As he waved off her thanks, he felt a spark of excitement when she confirmed she could in fact show him the way. Given her affliction, he couldn't imagine something like that was something she would offer lightly. Vulnerability for vulnerability, it was funny how that seemed to play out. She spoke of it as if the method were a secret, and if she only knew one way then he supposed that made enough sense. He took her hand and rose up out of the waves.

Before he could comment on how similar it sounded to lightsaber forms, she seemingly drew the same connection, and given the way he fought now, something more individual made plenty of sense to him. He'd relied on the arm he was missing, to fly, to build, to fight, when he'd lost it he'd had to relearn everything. And what he'd learned wasn't quite something one could find in a holocron.

"Djem So before I lost the arm, after that I've sorta found my own way. Takes a lot from Makashi and Soresu." He mused, arching his eyebrow. "Why?"

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

Soon they were both on their feet, and Asha was mulling over his answer. Djem So had been his preferred, though he'd had to switch that up for obvious reasons. That didn't mean they couldn't draw from it, though. Makashi and Soresu too...​

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With a nod of her head, Asha soon had something of an idea forming.​

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"We're going to use them as a base to build upon" she stated simply, smiling toward him as she did so. There was a small amount of excitement building up within her, how long had it been since she'd practiced Alchaka? How long had it been since she'd helped to teach another, well, anything?​

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"It's important that you draw upon the Force as you begin your actions, just as you would when sitting to meditate. Allow it to flow through you, to aid you."​

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Moving so that she was stood across from him, Asha began to draw upon her knowledge of the Forms. As a practitioner of Niman back in the day it had been important for her to learn all that she could of the others, barring Juyo and Vaapad for obvious reasons, and having a Battlemaster for a Master certainly helped such along.​

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So she performed an opening move, in the form of a Makashi Salute - only without a lightsaber. No, instead her arm was an extension of the blade; she stepped forward, raised her left and dominant arm up, and then swung it back down so that her fingertips were angled toward the ground. It was by no means a perfect rendition, again without a saber such wasn't the most obtainable, but with any luck he'd see the similarities regardless.​

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From there she'd lead him on in a similar manner, from salute to the Soresu opening stance with her dominant arm held back and her footwork moving to match the source material too. Her whole body seemed to flow from one act to the next, it wasn't just a motion of her arms it was every muscle that could facilitate it working in conjunction with one another.​

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And as much as her stomach churned, as green and pale as it might have made her seem, Asha pulled upon the Force throughout and lost herself within the moment. Even Djem So, even that which he'd had to forsake, was honoured in the practice she led him in, a move akin to a Falling Avalanche made only with one arm and not both; even on Asha's end, she only raised and lowered one.​

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Interspersed between the movements were small acts made through the Force; Asha reached out and called a small wicker basket meant for holding oysters and the like from the pier, and then pushed it back to where it belonged, another time she formed an orb of the tide which lapped against the seascape.​

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And then, if he was paying attention, they were back around to the Salute. Back at the beginning, and ready to start over again...​

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Alchaka was a process which took up every fiber of an individual's being, and left no room for thought.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

Had it been some younger Jedi of the modern order, Cale wondered if he'd have even listened. Stubborn pride might've reared its head, and he'd have been forced to try and relearn humility. But she trusted him, and thus he trusted her. At first his mirroring was sloppy, his practice with the pure, true to the text versions of the moves was lacking. Slowly, but surely, he caught on. By the time she'd finished her own and ended at the salute, Cale was still a few moves behind, but the force moved through him like a river.

Each move felt alien, but familiar, right up until Cale transitioned into the Djem So portion of the routine. For every orb of the sea he'd raised, every basket brought into the air, every flourish and feint, nothing quite compared. Movements became tight and crisp, and as he moved his eyes went shut, trusting in his instinct. He felt it, felt the rumble of a saber in his hand, but there was no time to think, no time to ask what kind of memory it was, only instinct.

He brought his arm down with the avalanche, and to his right sand sprayed where a phantom limb whipped up the grain with its force. For that fleeting second, he felt them, the tiny particles against skin, the reverberation of a blade in its palm. Cale's lip tugged upwards, and he followed the motions into the next set, and finished back at the start, facing her.

Cale let his eyes open, and chuckled, "So, just that, over and over? Thoughts go, but where's the rest come in?"

He dusted some of the sand that'd come up off his shoulders and rolled the blades back as his body began to release the tightness he'd trapped in it. "Or do I just keep going and I'll find out?"

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

Asha was pleased to see him moving along with her, just a few steps behind as he watched each move she made and mirrored it. Part of her had been worried there'd be some resistance, or reluctance, or refusal. Sure he'd asked for this, but that didn't mean she wasn't expecting grumbles or the like. But no, he took to it clumsily at first but what was to be expected? This was new, and strange, and too close to actual moves that it was understandable for it to be a little bit confusing.​

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He kept up though, followed her through the on-the-fly set, and as they finished up where they'd typically cycle on in a repetitious manner he slowed to a halt so she did too.​

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"More or less" was her immediate response to his question, "I recommend building upon it though. Make it your own. Use moves which come naturally to you, adapt it so that it flows in a way you're comfortable with. And then... Repeat."​

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He was curious where the restful part of it came, understandably so given that this was why he'd asked to learn in the first place, and she could only smile in response.​

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"The point of Alchaka is to push yourself to your limits. Keep going until you think you can't any longer, and then do one more set for good measure. By the time that you're done, there'll be no room for thought just sleep. I promise, if you give it a proper go, if you put your all into it, you'll sleep a good sleep..."​

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Obviously this wasn't something he could rely on every night, it was a bit of a time commitment, but every now and then... It could certainly do wonders to supplement his current lack of.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

"Ah, so it's one of those kinds of meditations." Cale had tried to rest after strenuous activity, hoped exhaustion might grant him serenity, and it'd failed. But as he began the dance again, flowing through the movements, calling on the force, keeping his focus, balance, and awareness all in harmony, he began to realize he'd never quite tried something like this before. The force made him feel whole, in a way he hadn't in some time. Though it was not there, and was merely a construction of pushes and pulls working in harmony, he could even feel the phantom limb moving with his stride.

Of course, there was no time to focus on that, no time to process the feeling, Asha's method left no room for it, no time to question, and that freedom was something he cherished more than life itself. He'd need to teach Aleks eventually, it'd be good practice for him. But for every completed cycle, he thought less of his responsibilities and more of how exhausted he was becoming. He supposed that meant it was working.

"I know thought is the opposite of the goal here," He began, coming to a rest at the end of another cycle, drawing breath a bit more raggedly than he'd have liked, his lungs none too pleased with his years of stim usage. But Cale looked to her and made eye contact, trying to keep a smile amidst the strain. "But have you given any to where you might want to go next? Or go in general?"

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

In spite of everything, Asha found herself chuckling to his statement. "Just try" she encouraged, and as he picked up the motions once more she followed suit and performed the ritual alongside him. His would no doubt change in time, just as her own had, but for now they could share in something often deemed so sacred that it was done in isolation by those who were not learning.​

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On they flowed, from one set to the next, until fatigue fogged their minds and strained their limbs. It came as a surprise then to hear him speaking; Asha slowed to a halt, and turned to face him.​

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The question gave her further pause.​

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Where could she go? She knew she couldn't just hide away on Cale's ship for the rest of forever, pretending the Galaxy and its woes did not exist. That simply wasn't an option for her. But at the same time, where was there for her? Even the sects she had once known had evolved to incomprehensible new ones. Where did all of that leave her?​

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"I, uh..." She huffed between words, and placed her hands on her hips. Deep breath in, deep breath out. She'd forgotten just how ruddy taxing alchaka could be. "I'm not rightly sure..." She could always go and hide out on Tatooine... The chances of anyone finding her out there were slim to none, and though many found it inhospitable she'd come to enjoy it in her youth.​

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Times had changed though, perhaps she might not find it the way she remembered.​

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Would he find her weird for even suggesting it?​

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"Somewhere out of the way, maybe? Then I could leave you and your boy in peace, and work on figuring everything out."​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

"Oh come on Asha, we've talked about this, you aren't takin nobody's peace, mine or his." He understood the sentiment better than anyone, wanting to get as far away as one could from others for fear of burdening them with everything that was wrong with him. But he and Asha were...friends? He wasn't sure, they'd only met recently, but it felt appropriate already. She knew details about him that scarce few in the whole of the galaxy did, and she'd come by that knowledge far quicker than any of the others.

"But," Cale thought over her words, Pelagon felt out of the way, but it wasn't really was it? "If it's out of the way you're wanting, then I can make that happen. You know that, nobody's dragging you to go meet the Jedi council here."

They were called 'The Circle' now, and Cale couldn't tell if he preferred it, or found it pretentious, but it was certainly different from what he and Asha were both familiar with. For better or for worse.

"They're a bunch of kids 'ya know? I think only a couple of them were out of diapers back when we were their age. Dunno how many of them even remember the Republic." Cale chuckled slightly, but his mind began to drift to darker places, the amusement draining from his face as he wondered what it'd all been for. He didn't let the thought spread, without a word, he started the routine again.

Asha Seren ​

 

[Asha Seren]

They had talked about it, hadn't they? And he'd reassured her that there was no rush or burden to be had. So why was she struggling to accept that?​

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She'd lost her independence long ago, the day she'd come to Panatha in search of vengeance such had been stripped from her, and it wasn't going to be an easy thing to recover. In the meantime, wasn't it best she accept the help and support of one who sought nothing from her in return? She'd repay him in her own way, one day in the future, that was simply who she was, she'd been raised for a time among Mandalorians after all and a debt was owed, but he wasn't looking to use her or exact anything from her right now.​

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Chances were he wouldn't even accept whatever debt she saw fit to pay in the end.​

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Better that than some of the other options she might be met with out there on the hyperlanes. A slight grimace followed that thought, before she shook it off and sighed.​

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"Okay," she replied, with a small nod to accompany it. "Somewhere quiet. And I doubt they'd want to meet me anyway." A small, wry smile, before his next statement came. Kids. Just a bunch of jumped up kids. Now why wasn't she surprised?​

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"In a Galaxy as turbulent as ours, it makes sense. How many from our days even really remain? And how many of those aren't too jaded to want to make a difference?" You didn't live as long as they did in a Galaxy wrought with constant war and come out the other side in one piece. They were both testament to such. "I hope they don't lose their spark too quickly. I reckon people still need the hope..."​

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Cale started back up, and Asha was quick to follow. No more words... Just movement.​

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Cale Gunderson ​

 

[Cale Gunderson]

With every movement, Cale's mind detached from thought, but that did not mean he was not listening. He heard her every word, and as he came to the end of the routine, the last of her words hung in his mind. The answer to her question was something he had wrestled with for a long time, and before recently he'd have counted himself among those too jaded to go on. But there had to be a reason, something to fight for, there just had to be. It'd broken him, finding the strength to fight only to watch it all fall apart. He'd seen it twice before, and Cale was afraid to see it again, to commit himself only to watch it all crumble away.

But as Cale stood there, finished with his routine, he found the words at last.

"I'd thought there was no point for a long time. I don't know if I see one even now, beyond the kid, and you maybe. People I've actually done something for that won't just be washed away by the tide of change." He mused, looking out over the rolling waves.

"But maybe you're right, maybe hope is what we need, maybe it always was, I 'dunno." Cale shrugged. "But I think the kids will do alright."

He smiled, genuinely, not some half-smirk, but a true and full smile. Hope, what a funny thing.

Asha Seren ​