Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Planet Building

So, I'm making a planet, been working on it for about a week now and have five or so species (sentient and non) planned along with more on the way. My brain is burning a little from the amount of time spent on it, been listening to music tracks over and over again to keep my muse flowing. I would like to put out pieces of the work to see if there is anything I should be aware of, or something that needs a little bit of work etc.

So for starts the planet's location and day:

Region: Unknown​
System: Lon System​
[SIZE=11pt]Suns: 1, Sol, Type B (Blue SuperGiant)[/SIZE]​
Coordinates: In the hex left of Sabarene, practically right on the edge of the left side of the galaxy​
Rotational Period: 2 days approx. (47.56 hours)​
Orbital Period: 47,000 days approx. (258 standard years)​
Next planet details:

Class: Terrestrial​
Diameter: 25,512 km (2x Earth)​
Atmosphere: Type 1​
Climate: Temperate with multiple different regoins​
Gravity: Twice Standard​
[SIZE=11pt]Primary Terrain: Grasslands, Oceans, Tundra, Mountains, Forests, Other Earth Terrains[/SIZE]​
Exports/Imports:

Major Imports: High-end technology (Repulsorlifts, starships, reactors, etc…)​
Major Exports: Teachings, Valuable materials, Knowledge, Niche technology​
Affiliation: None​
So I have a lot more on top of this, but I wanted to start here and see if anyone had anything to tell me. Thanks for you time!
 

Nyx

Insert Hilarious Title Here
In Exports, I would suggest expanding on 'valuable materials'; it seems a bit too vague. I think you should specifically say which materials are exported.
Looking good so far!
[member="Ultimatum"]
 
Thanks! I look forward to hearing what comes up with the next set. [member="Nyx"]

I will add more tomorrow. That should give time for others to look through and for me to complete a little more. I'm currently at almost 5000 words for the planet and another 5000 words for one of the species.
 
Alright so I'm putting out the name of the planet and some other info today, again I am looking for constructive critique and suggestions in the case of errors.

Name:
Name: Cordialis​
Spacial info:
Orbital Position: Approximately 100 AU from Sol​
Moons: None​
System Features: Three other planets, asteroid field​
Herald, Ark, Keeper, Boundary (respectively)​
And Natives:
Native Species: Nissimus, Kaipo, Maelstroms, Pec-situs​
Immigrated Species: Humans, Twi’leks, Gran, majority of other alien races​
Primary Languages: Basic​
Government: The Nissimus leadership is based on a Communistic government, while the Kaipo are based around a Monarchy type government.​
Population: 30 billion total​
15 billion Nissimus​
10 billion Kaipo​
5 billion of nonnatives​
Grim Haunt: 16.5 billion (offworlders, Nissimus, and some Kaipo)​
Angel Haven: 10.8 billion (offworlders Nissimus, and majorly Kaipo)​
Voln’s Domain: 2 billion Kaipo​
0.7 billion are spread elsewhere over the world​
Demonym: Cordian​
 
Okay, seeing as nothing came up with the previous session I am going to be putting up the next part. Feel free to go back through previous installments and just let me know where it is coming from.

Technology:
Technology:​
Has not reached the point of creating their ships for star travel, they are quite good at atmospheric travel. They have a limited starship number from what was given to them a long time ago.​
The Kaipo are in a rut technologically, they were able to reach the point where they built swords and other such but stopped there. They seem to be capable of learning how to use more advanced tech but they don’t seem to care to make it themselves. They have in the past captured Nissimus weapons and ships and used them sufficiently well that they do pose a threat with greater tech when they get their hands on it. They aren’t concerned about advancing in such a way.​
[SIZE=11pt]The Nissimus on the other hand are very scientific advancement orientated. They almost have this need to try and become more and more advanced. They have built flightsuits, flying battleships, projectile weaponry, holographic communication, and early space travel in the form of rockets. They have been advancing in this way since their beginning, always trying to find some way of creating more efficient devices to carry out any job.[/SIZE]​
And Culture:
Culture:​
The culture of this planet is practically divided in half; on one side are the Kaipo, and on the other there is the Nissimus and nonnatives.​
Kaipo​
The Kaipo tend to prefer to be left alone, enjoying peace amongst themselves. They are a people who have stayed as one through the centuries (a few exceptions) and have become quite strong for it. Their people are led by single ruler, who must prove himself to be the most powerful if his people in order to maintain control. They believe that a person must work to solve their own problems in order to grow, relying on another person to fix your mistakes is a weakness in their eyes.​
War is a painful process to think of for the Kaipo, having had a very bad experience losing their home in war. They enjoy play fights and friendly duels, but they detest real combat and war. They will try to avoid real conflict as much as possible, but when they are forced to fight they do so with their whole being. They do not stand for half accomplishments.​
Kaipo enjoy flying for fun. Their favorite part of flying is looking at the ground and seeing how small everything is. To them this shows how everything that is done on the ground by anyone is so small as to be insignificant. With the recent revelation about planets, galaxies, and the universe, their thoughts are even more present on the incomprehensibly small quandaries of life that so affect all life.​
The Kaipo tend to believe that life is finite because all living matter understands the importance of life and death. They see that things that don’t die, rock, metal, etc. aren’t willing to die and therefore are lesser than organic matter. They believe that this inferiority is why those materials are only capable of servitude to organic matter. This concept, along with their short life spans, allows them to accept death more readily than the Nissimus. They see that people who are unwilling to die are naïve and are doomed to painful deaths. They believe that, while painful deaths can happen to any person, a person who does not accept death is dooming themselves to death being painful.​
Nissimus​
Nissimus are more open to outsiders and are quick to accept new ideas. They are a science oriented culture that believes that every problem may be solved through some scientific means. They welcome others because they believe that the more people you have working on one problem will make a solution apparent sooner than otherwise. They believe that it is best to work as a group, correcting mistakes and problems as a group so that weaknesses are balanced by strengths. The Nissimus are led by a group of scientists who maintain control and pass their command to a chosen successor upon death. The common people are expected to share everything without expecting any payment. In fact, there is no proper economy within the Nissimus because everything is shared as best as possible.​
For the Nissimus war is a saddening fact of life. For them war is an answer that they use far too often in an attempt to rectify some wrongdoing. Their culture has been wracked with many civil wars that have never solved many of the culture’s problems. Most of the problems are caused by the traditions that the people cling to. They often say they are their own people, working towards the future, however the general populace holds to many of the traditions of their ancestors.​
The Nissimus find particular enjoyment in science, particularly scientific advancements. They believe that because they are good at making scientific advancements they must then proceed with what they are good at. For them science is a natural progression and they wish to follow it to its end. The species seems naturally inclined towards advancement technologically and they have placed this as their foremost goal. They enjoy using their new technology as well; in fact, their flightsuits are one of the largest tourist attractions on planet. The Nissimus believe in sharing what they have learned with those that are intelligent enough to understand it.​
The Nissimus live for about five local years, as such they are used to living for a long time. Further they believe that life can become longer and longer until at last one lives forever after being born. They believe that if they can reach that point of infinite life that they will be ready for the next step into eternal life, becoming beings that are ascendant above all other life. They believe that, while it is unlikely they will ever see the results of the work there are trying to accomplish, they are making a better world for their children.​
 
Well, as it appears that nothing has been said thus far, I'm going to go ahead and put up one more piece of information and wait a week now as it appears that I am either doing this very well or really badly. (I am looking for critiques, suggestions, and compliments because this will be my first really big attempt at a planet I would like to know if I am doing it right.)

I have a number of locations already written down and I will give three here:

Grim Haunt:
Grim Haunt is the largest city of the Nissimus. It is considered the capital of the planet, as the Nissimus are more open to the outsiders. This city was built early in Nissimus culture. It is located south of the Kaipo Restricted Lands. It is now a bustling metropolis that houses the only sanctioned spaceport on the planet as well as the largest library on the planet. It is the probably the most well-known city onto offworlders. Grim Haunts is also quite notorious for its criminal element. Some of the greatest leaders within the city are also part of some criminal group or other. Most tourists are suggested to avoid wandering the streets at night in most areas of the city.​
In the beginning the city was little more than a number of huts for warmth during the nights. There were less than a hundred Nissimus at this time and they were hunters and gatherers. The Nissimus spent more time gathering resources than building up the village. As time went on they harvested enough resources to spend time on construction. At the time, the culture hadn’t learned how to properly manage compartmentalization of jobs; as such they would all work on one job at a time. The Nissimus would then work on the buildings, which now began to appear more like the proper buildings.​
The first real step towards the culture it is today was when they learned to separate different people to accomplish different tasks. They would have some people hunt, some would gather, and yet others would continue work on the village. This allowed more work to be accomplished over a standard year than their original way. At the offset they had the jobs cycled through, making people work in a given job for a certain amount of time. Some people liked certain jobs and they became better at them, this led to certain people making a full lifelong career out of a job. This allowed for the people working on building to become more experience which aided in the creation of new designs.​
As time went on, some of the builders became more abstract in their thinking. They would make designs that couldn’t work with the materials they had access to, but were ideal for more durable or flexible materials. Some of these would even leave building behind and focus on the abstract in general, looking at different aspects of life and seeing where something else could be in play. These would later become the scientists that would lead the Nissimus into the future. The builders took advice from their more abstract brothers and sisters and soon buildings were being made more efficiently. Over the next local year, the abstracts led the Nissimus into collecting different resources. The people figured out how to mind for more useful resources and how to conserve their use. It wasn’t long until concrete buildings were the main structures.​
At this time a split happened within the Nissimus. A number of the people came to a disagreement and found that some of them didn’t see eye to eye. The end result was that a third of the town’s population left to start their own colony. This action caused progress within the town to grind to a halt. Suddenly it seemed every job was undermanned and everyone was overworked. It wasn’t until some of the jobs were removed from rotation that work began to be accomplished without burning people to the ground.​
It wasn’t until two local years later that work began again. Almost immediately the city’s work exceeded the previous years by near triple. The city was expanded considerably, even though two more population splits occurred in this time. It was soon after this that the Nissimus met the Kaipo. Some of the city’s population had been sent out as watchers of these new people. Meanwhile, the city continued to be built upon.​
As a local year passed, the city grew wider and taller. The inhabitants had suffered a civil war, and a conflict with the Kaipo. They had also begun making advancements towards scientific goals. They had basic rifles and were beginning to have working turrets. These first turrets were placed towards the center of the city, so that the most important parts were protected. At the time, the center of the city had the library, a laboratory, a military production facility, and an academy.​
The Nissimus would later be wracked by more wars, both civil and otherwise, and the city would take much damage. The city was never completely destroyed, but it didn’t expand out. It only grew taller and more heavily defended. For two local years, the city was battered and rebuilt over and over again. Each time the city became stronger.​
Then came the Empire, they took over the city and added their own tech to the region. Most of the city was devastated by a Rebel attack on the city. After the Imperial and Rebel retreat, the city began reconstruction. The Nissimus spent more time rebuilding, trying to perfect their buildings and to defenses. The city finished reconstruction five standard years ago and has been only kept up to date.​
[SIZE=11pt]Since then, due to an increase of crime, the city has become overrun with criminals of one sort or another. The majority of the infrastructure is controlled by at least five or six crime groups. Even so, the criminals on this world are numerous.[/SIZE]​
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Library of the Ancients:
The Library of Ancients is the largest library on planet and, arguably, the most extensive place of knowledge in the galaxy. Due to the fact that Cordialis was isolated after the Galactic Civil War and possible because of the Kaipo’s natural immunity to the Gulag virus, the Gulag Plague never completely devastated the planet. A large number of Nissimus died, however the Kaipo kept all records safe. As such, the historical records were almost entirely intact when the plague at last subsided.​
[SIZE=11pt]The Library is open for any person to visit, though certain material is restricted to certain users. The Library is made up of solely computer based files and there are multiple backups in case of damage to the mainframe. The actual central computing system is restricted to only leaders and maintenance crews. These are monitored continuously at all times. Such is the preciousness of knowledge to the Nissimus. Even the criminals who have control in the area do not attempt to sabotage the library.[/SIZE]​
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[SIZE=11pt]Angel Haven:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]
[/SIZE]
Angel Haven is the largest Kaipo city. Unlike Grim Haunt, this city is not the original location of the species homes. Instead, Angel Haven was built in the new home of the Kaipo. This city is based up in the mountains of another continent. It is the second largest city on Cordialis but is significantly far behind technologically. The city is also far safer than Grim Haunt and is considered a preferred tourist destination. Even so, it is suggested that offworlders do not go outside during the evening and mourning hours, as these are the hours that the Kaipo leave and come home.​
Angel Haven’s origins lie in the exile of the Kaipo from the continent that they had originated. They and the Nissimus both came from the same continent; however the Nissimus were technologically superior and took control fairly early on. After a particular war they were forced to leave the continent as part of the peace agreements. The first city constructed on the new continent would later become Angel Haven.​
As usual with the Kaipo, it was built high up in the mountain regions of the new land. Unlike their original home, these mountains were free of the dangers of Maelstroms, which lived in the Kaipo mountain regions. The Kaipo also built it into a better defendable position. Previous cities were built on the sides of mountains facing out onto flat lands, so that there would be lovely views. This city was built in between two mountains so that enemies would have to come in via two entrances or open themselves up to attack from below by flying above the mountains.​
Also unlike Grim Haunt, Angel Haven was not attacked directly at any point in their history. This was probably due to the fact that the Nissimus saw no strategic value in destroying a technologically inferior city. When the Empire arrived they found the Kaipo to be aggressive enough to use as warriors, but they were also too independent and condescending towards outsiders. The Imperial efforts were focused on the Nissimus, while the Rebels worked with the Kaipo. The Rebels were never allowed to enter the city. The Rebels attacked the Empire before the Empire could respond and their battles were mostly held over Grim Haunt, saving Angel Haven from the possible damage it could have suffered.​
[SIZE=11pt]At this time, Angel Haven is built with residential areas almost entirely. There is a single building for the Leader and all the rest is devoted to the population. Unlike the Nissimus, the Kaipo have spent less time focusing on technological gain and instead focused on life and the enjoyment of such. The city is often called beautiful by outsiders, the midday sunlight is bounced around on certain metallic buildings until it lights up the large fountain that is in the center and bottom of the city. The light causes the fountain to evaporate slightly as well as makes the light refract and shine around the area brightly.[/SIZE]​
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Next set is a continuation of locations and then beginning on the history.

Voln's Domain:
Voln’s Domain is another Kaipo city. This one is set in the same mountain range that their original city was located. This city was built in honor of the Voln and the first great leader of the Kaipo: Largon. The city was built without much defense capabilities because it had little in the way of strategic value. In fact, the city is hardly of any value as it has no natural resources, beyond plant life and stone, and its position is only good in that it is so far away from anywhere else.​
The city was built after the negotiations with the Nissimus after the MisWar. The Kaipo had been trying to prove themselves an important part of the world around them. They turned to their past accomplishments and the greatest feat their species had done was the killing of Maelstroms. None had done this as greatly as Largon the first great leader of the Kaipo. To the leaders at the time the Voln had been a perfect example, having made the difficult decision to make the strong ruler over the weak.​
The city was built by the Voln, intended solely for the Voln. As such other species and the Ukus and Trus are not welcome there. If an outsider does come for some reason or another, the Voln will not do anything to make them leave. They will however be incredibly displeased and they will tend to shun the person or persons. If the person continues to stay or makes any obvious plans for a prolonged visit, the Voln will request that the person be respectful of the atmosphere. The person may stay, however he or she must stay out of the way of the Voln. If the person makes a nuisance of himself then the Voln will request that he leaves. Any further response will be based upon the person’s willingness to listen and obey.​
[SIZE=11pt]Within the city, on the fourth day of every week, the Voln take an hour of silence. In this time, they all remember the early years of the Kaipo. Specifically they try to envision what it was like being fought back into the mountains and losing ground and friends every day. From this they then imagine Largon coming to the rescue leading them all to victory against the Nissimus.[/SIZE]​
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The Ancestor:
The Ancestor is the name of an older city that has been left in ruins on the continent that the Kaipo now mainly inhabit. The reason for this is that neither the Kaipo nor the Nissimus have been able to discover whose city it is and thus they do not wish to disturb the grounds. It has been sealed off as archeological ground. No one is allowed access to the land unless they have direct and reviewed permission from the Nissimus and Kaipo leaders.​
Little is known about the city’s history other than that which was collected before the city was closed off. There were a number of informational journals collected, though the language is unknown and there is no other language to compare it to. There are some images that were collected, most of which had a strange species on them which has thus far baffled researchers. It seems to point towards a third sentient species on Cordialis, however aside from this one city there is no other proof of such.​
There is a theory that it was an ancient species that was eradicated before the Nissimus had sent any expeditions to search the continent. This is possible as the Nissimus didn’t send any people across the oceans until after the Imperial Relocation; the Kaipo had been there much longer. Another theory is that the city comes from a species that was the originator of both the Nissimus and the Kaipo and that the species had disappeared once both the other species were sufficiently evolved. This theory is generally frowned upon by both species as they do not believe in a common ancestor. A third theory is that the city is of an ancient race of offworlders, a theory supported by the belief that at some point the Rakata visited the world. Of course, that theory is near impossible to prove or disprove, though the art style used in this city is not consistent to normal Rakata preferences, making it unlikely.​
[SIZE=11pt]Once a standard year, the Nissimus and Kaipo send a single expedition into the city. They are only allowed to collect artifacts that are sufficiently sturdy not to be damaged by the travel. Anything of interest that can’t be moved is photographed for analysis and may be studied further on the next expedition.[/SIZE]​
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Abyssal Demise:
Abyssal Demise is an underwater trench that goes about fifteen miles below the surface. It was given such a dramatic name after one of the Nissimus’ first battleships sank there and so far they have been unable to collect it. The trench is about 2300 miles long and at its widest point 50 miles. The trench has not been fully explored, but it is a favorite location for fictional novels to have sea monsters or other horrors. The trench was formed after the tectonic plates moved away from each other. The bottom of the trench is beyond all light but there is life down there in the form of creatures that live off of the heat vents and bacteria.​
[SIZE=11pt]The Abyssal Demise is important to people of Cordialis as there are artifacts that have been found along the edge. Popular belief is that a civilization once resided on an island that was located where the trench is and that there was a cataclysmic event that caused the whole island to sink into the ocean, becoming the Abyssal Demise. This belief is not supported by Nissimus scientists and historians in any way. The professional group tend to lean towards a theory of another species either having had a city underwater or a city located on the water and that it sank at some point. If the former it probably sank due to the tectonic shift, if the latter likely from an accident of some sort. All these theories have as of yet been unproven and are just conjecture.[/SIZE]​
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Restricted Lands:
The Restricted Lands is a plateau located North of Grim Haunt. It is about a hundred miles across, fifty miles wide, and 10000 feet tall. It is the burial place of Karpoth, the second great leader of the Kaipo. The land is restricted and had been designated as holy ground. No person is supposed to travel on that land.​
The plateau was the location of the first time the Kaipo sighted a Nissimus city. At the time of Karpoth’s burial, the Kaipo had not yet found the Nissimus city south of the plateau. It wasn’t until Porthom’s reign that the Kaipo would discover the city. The whole plateau was not originally supposed to be sacred ground. The Kaipo at the time had only set aside a square mile of land and only mourners could enter. As time went on however, the Kaipo tried to secure their history as much as possible, hoping that other species would take them seriously. The whole plateau was made sacred and no one was allowed to enter.​
[SIZE=11pt]Even so, there are a number of travelers and other people that live on the land. They are normally people who didn’t want to live in the cities. If these people are seen by Kaipo they are generally picked up and taken to Grim Haunt. Further legal action would be taken against the person, either having an offworlder deported or a local being imprisoned for a set amount of time.[/SIZE]​
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History (part 1): Beware, if you are intimidated by long posts avert your eyes :D
Cordialis’ history is mostly covered from the Nissimus perspective because they have been the major collectors of history on planet. They also have spent much more time making advances of some sort or another which has allowed their history to be more easily categorized than that of the Kaipo. The Nissimus had begun writing down their history early on and kept rewriting their history on new mediums. Also, the Nissimus have had more wars occur within their own society, further they are also the species that had more experience with offworlders.​
The first record of history on Cordialis is of the construction of a village for the Nissimus. This village would later become the largest city on planet, Grim Haunt. However, at the time it was a small village with less than a hundred people. Up until now the Nissimus had been nomadic, traveling over the continent a number of times. They chose an area of land with a forest nearby and a high plateau above and far from the oceans. The Nissimus early on in their time in the village learned how to tame the local Pec-situs which were used for transportation to and from rivers and the forest.​
During this time the Kaipo were also making their dwellings, up on mountains far north of the Nissimus village. Their own dwellings were naturally occurring caves that faced away from the mountain range onto tundra and an ocean. Their life was much more difficult than the Nissimus, they had to fly down the mountain in order to hunt and gather food and there was always the threat of a Maelstrom. None the less, the Kaipo learned quickly how to enjoy life; they would often have playful duels and would fly over the tundra as a group. The Kaipo stayed nearer to their home for the security of the caves which were too small for the massive Maelstroms and gave great protection from the blizzards that often struck.​
The Nissimus’ first technological discovery was a natural one, using stones to help in the sowing and harvesting of crops. This helped make life easier as they could then focus food collecting efforts closer to the village. This allowed them to spend more time at home or in the field. Food became easier to come by and more work was accomplished on the village. At the same time some of the Nissimus were working on discovering scientific explanation for their days and the weather. They wouldn’t fully comprehend these until a much later time.​
The Kaipo had a short burst of technological advancement using stones easy to find in the area for swords and spears to make it easier to hunt. It was only a short time before they figured how to use fire and stone to clean metals in the caves for similar uses. At first they used metal like they originally had used stones, throwing them or dropping them, using them in duels and other such.​
Due to the lack of metal in the area that the Nissimus had chosen they were slower in learning how to use metal. When they did though, it was to produce more effective farming implements or gathering tools. All this time they continued with research into the sciences, trying to discover ways of flying. Their goal was to touch the stars. They were beautiful things to the Nissimus that were to be reached so that all may behold their beauty. At the time the exact thought was that stars were small glass life orbs of life and light that were held by the heavenly beings.​
As time went on, the Nissimus began to discover strange things in life around them. It had been about three local years since they had first built their village and there were some that theorized that there were small microscopic things that made up everything around them. At the time these theories were not given much credence as there was no physical proof at the time. Another theory that began at this time was that the celestial bodies were actually incredibly large and that because they were so far away it appeared that they were tiny. This idea was not fully accepted by the population, however a number of the more educated found this to be an interesting possibility and completely plausible.​
The Kaipo in the meantime had still been living much the same way they had been for the past years. The advances they had made were all to make what they did more efficient. They became refined their abilities as hunters and gatherers. They also had to dig into the cave more to allow for more housing for an increasing population. They had enjoyed relative peace, having only small squabbles among themselves. Their greatest threat at this time was the Maelstrom, which were still too large and intimidating for the Kaipo.​
The Nissimus made a thought discovery of splitting what jobs people would work becoming their sole job; this allowed those who were more science oriented to become better at it. Within weeks of this system being put into effect though, some of the farmers grew weary of not being welcomed into the scientific talks. This would lead to the first split within their culture. Almost a third of the population left to make their own city. For a few months the people in the village struggled to readjust their lives. They stopped production of houses as suddenly there was plenty of extra housing for new families.​

While the Nissimus in the first city redesigned how they would work, the other Nissimus made a journey about ten miles to the east of the village. They built a small town near a river so that they could take advantage of a close water source, a forest between them and the other towns, and a large plain in front of them. This town would find hunting and farming easier due to a combination of open plains and close forests.​
Both towns quickly grew in population in response to the sudden loss. Following this was the advent of the first rifles. The Nissimus in the first town after the split were fearful of an attack so they worked on making their weaponry more powerful an effective from larger distances. They had found that their primitive bows and arrows, while effective, were lacking. They turned to the newly discovered powder that they had found to be very efficient at starting fires. The mixture was explosively flammable and until recently they had only used it for starting larger fires because it worked quickly and caused heat quickly. The weapons that came from this launched small pellets of metal at high velocity. The projectiles could punch through most protection that was used at the time.​
At this time their population was so large that they decided to begin exploration into new areas. One of their interests was the plateau above them and the mountains in the far distance. They first sent teams up onto the plateau hoping that the large plains atop would serve as good homes and a sentry position. The first few searches proved that this was a fairly safe area, though the forest nearby caused the sight to be more difficult in the direction that they knew their awry comrades had gone. Further, the sky wasn’t close enough for them. They decided to send their searches further, the mountains seemed a perfect place to view the heavens.​
The Nissimus were surprised when they found that other beings lived there. They were strange creatures, appearing to be like them but with majestic wings. Those beings seemed to be more primitive and didn’t notice the explorers as they returned to their city. The explorers tried to avoid being seen, as they weren’t sure how they should respond to this new discovery. They found that their leaders were equally uncertain. Thus a decision was made to watch and learn more of these strange creatures.​
The first outpost was made for the specific purpose of watching the Kaipo. This first structure was built with the intention of being unseen and observing alone. They wanted to avoid interaction until they could be certain of how their quarry would react to talks. Unfortunately, they were living too far away from the cave, in fact they didn’t even realize it existed, to learn anything beyond the Kaipo hunting habits. They also did not count on the Kaipo being very aware of their surroundings.​
The Kaipo had known that there was a strange place at the base of the mountain. It was difficult to see but they could tell it was there from the beginning. It was an oddity to them, it stood out from its surroundings if only because they knew the area like no other. They were afraid that it was some sort of omen or sign from powers beyond their understanding, that they had angered them. They dared not go near it or accept its presence in the hope that it would disappear.​
It was the Nissimus that would later engage communication attempts once they had more outposts in the area. Their first attempt was by sending up a newly discovered use for their powder. They had made a small projectile launcher that instead of firing solid metal pellets it would send a ball of flammable substance into the air. They named it a flare as when it hit the ground it wouldn’t ignite the ground so it was temporary. Their specific ones would appear a light blue that could bathe an entire outpost in light. They used this at night, attempting to gain the Kaipo attention, not knowing that they were already being observed.​
The Kaipo took this as some sort of good sign, blue was the color of the sky and sea, which were both good things that gave life. However, they wanted to confirm this idea so they waited and watched every night. It was an entire week before they finally made an acknowledgement to these signals. They sent a group of Kaipo hunters, two Voln and an Ukus. What they found was a marvel of the world that they didn’t fully understand. There were strange beings that appeared to be like them, but shorter and without wings. These people tended to carry weird sticks, holding them shortways for no apparent reason. Also they had an odd contraction on their roof that moved when a lever was pulled or pushed when inside. The people were generally open and welcoming, though neither side understood the other.​
The Nissimus were overjoyed when at last their flares were answered. They had been afraid that the Kaipo were not noticing the flares or worse were frightened by them. In fact now that the Kaipo knew that these beings were not all-powerful they were intrigued with the flares and other technology that they had. The Nissimus were willing to share the flares, however they held onto their rifles just in case. However this would be proven a useless gesture in the following days.​
The Kaipo continued living their lives, hunting and gathering, trying to avoid the distraction and lure of the outposts. One day a gatherer group came across a hidden stash of the Nissimus sticks. They didn’t know why the sticks were there, but they took them and looked them over. The Kaipo were very much interested in these new weapons as they would learn them to be. Their first discovery of their use was purely accidental, they had tried to beat an animal to death, but they found it to be difficult to keep hold of the weapon without a hand grip and one that was far too dull. When he slipped his finger into the trigger, the Kaipo learned why the weapon was coveted by the Nissimus. They decided to keep such useful weapons for themselves. They were useful in hunting, though generally they avoided using them due to the sound and limited resource of the pellets.​
The Nissimus needless to say quickly learned of this development and were uneasy. They were afraid that if a fight occurred that the Kaipo might become more dangerous due to their use of rifles. They sent messages to the city, looking for what they should do. While they waited for their leaders to deliberate, the outposts sent their group of men to meet with the Kaipo and hopefully learn their language. It was awhile before the city leaders came to a decision. In that time the committee that had been sent had learned basic speech within the dialect. Their initial attempts at speaking the language elicited a mixture of laughter and shaking of heads. The Kaipo were fairly friendly now that they assumed the Nissimus had no intention of attacking them.​
[SIZE=11pt]Before an order could be sent to reobtain the rifles, the other city of Nissimus attacked the first city. They too had figured out how to get working rifles, however they had a slight difference. These Nissimus had coated their metal pellets in a substance that burned when it reached high velocity. This caused their projectiles to burn when flying through the air and cause fires when landing on flammable materials such as cloth. The result was their weapons were more effective in combat. Thus began the first war on Cordialis.[/SIZE]​
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Now for the next History section: (There will be a number of these, hopefully all will be of equal quality, please tell me what you think)

First Civil War:
This war would prove to be the least devastating in the long list of wars that the Nissimus took part in. The majority of the battles took place within the forests nearby and over the plateaus above the Grim Haunt. The cause of the war was the grudge that the second city held for the first. The disagreement that had caused the separation had never been properly attended to and hard feelings had festered from argument. This war would last about two standard years and in this time there would be a number of fantastic technological advancements in the hope of defeating their enemies.​
The second city was the one to begin aggression by attacking the first. While that first encounter was devastating it wasn’t as effective as the Nissimus had hoped. There were a large number of causalities in that first conflict, most of them belonging to the first city. With the sudden onset of war, the city recalled all people from the outposts. No longer concerned with the Kaipo, the men were needed to fight their new enemies. The extra man power was just what was needed to begin an offensive which would push back the other city’s troops. In fact, their advance appeared to be overly effective, they believed that they would make it all the way to their enemy’s very home. This would not be as their push was halted within the forests near the second city.​
Almost the entire war would be fought over a few meters of land in the belief that it would eventually lead to an advantage. The first city suffered abysmal losses after their forces stopped a forward advance. The city leaders would not be moved on their position of opposition to the other city’s leaders. Both sides set up ineffective negotiations though neither side much cared for the possibility of a peaceful outcome. Even so, the first city was having difficulty fighting an enemy with a little more efficient weaponry. They had to find some way of obtaining an advantage. To this end they experimented with different forms of weaponry and eventually came to an interesting conclusion.​
They had metal pellets filled with the explosive powder and fired from larger rifles. These would turn out to be very useful in the forest where one shot could level a tree and anyone hiding behind it. The downside was that these were incredibly bulky and tended to require more time to reload than the regular rifles. This was made less a problem by having soldiers with these mortars as they were called on the plateau. The soldiers in the forest would fire flares approximately above the enemy’s position and the rockets would be fired towards the ground under the flares. This resulted in incredible shift in power. The first city suddenly was wiping out enemy troops before those troops could reach the battlefield.​
The second city had to somehow counter this; they had a small population and had until now been able to work with the soldiers they had. Now though, their people were being killed faster than they could be replaced. They decided to try making armor and machines that could protect their men from enemy fire. Their first invention was metal plated armor, though they quickly learned that the disadvantage to this was that the metal slowed their people down considerably, which left them open to attack on weak spots. In order to combat this very apparent problem, they worked on making primitive machines that would help move the armor quicker. Springs helped with running, though it did cause unevenness in gaits and some of their men weren’t strong enough to bend the springs properly, rendering them unable to move. The next thing they tried was replacing the springs with pumps, the proved to be ineffective and didn’t change anything.​
They found themselves losing a war and so far the only people to have definite chances of survival were those strong enough to carry around the heavy armors, who were too few in number to be able to turn the war. And even the quarter inch think metal plates would protect the wearer from the mortars lethal blasts. They decided that what would have to be done was somehow remove the mortars or capture them. The latter was preferable as it would allow their men to have an incredible advantage over their enemies. To this end, a number of their soldiers were sent out to take the mortars.​
These soldiers had an incredibly difficult job, though less lethal than their brothers fighting within the forest. They had to first find a path up the slopes to get to the plateau. It took them a couple days to decide where to attempt climbing and from there another day or so to make their way carefully up the slope. From there, the soldiers left a marker and began their trek towards the enemy mortars. They weren’t seen by the enemies until they were within firing range. A number of the enemies were killed before a single mortar blast killed them. This did not stop the mortars from continuing their barrage; however it slowed their responses and cause the first city to recall some troops and send them up the plateau to defend the now vulnerable mortars.​
The second city sent another larger wave of soldiers to hopefully deal with the mortars. These soldiers were told to take the mortars or destroy them if they couldn’t hold them. The enemy was also told to destroy them if they couldn’t keep the valuable weapons. Neither side wanted the other to have them, yet at the same time they both desperately needed them to really turn the tide of the war. Thus, two small armies faced off on the plateau. Both sides were almost equally matched, one had armor that made them resistant to the rifles in use while the other had mortars that killed everything. The mortars had limited use in this battle though as the two sides were far too close for the not completely accurate mortars, so the first city ordered the mortars to begin bombarding the entire enemy position in the forest below, hoping to end the war before they lost too much ground.​
The forest battles till this point had been generally bloody and ineffective. So much damage was being done to the trees in the area that soon a line began to appear where the no man’s land was. Actual confrontations were occurring fewer times; however this was mostly because so far no night attacks had been staged. Night side had put too much thought into attacking while it was dark because of the lack of visibility for both sides. When the order came in for saturation bombarding, the first city’s people moved away from their defenses so as not to be caught in the blasts. The second city’s men found out too late why their enemy was retreating. They began a real retreat after the first five explosions occurred. This would prove to be the most effective attack to date as the first city suffered no forest losses and their enemy lost about a quarter of their men. The first city’s army would then proceed to follow their enemy hoping to finish them off. However, the second city’s soldiers had been prepared for such an attack. They had deep holes dug into the ground to protect men from the blasts. When they heard the enemy soldiers passing above them they came up and attacked with full fury to avenge their fallen. That battle was mutually painful. The second’s troops could push their enemy back beyond their own line. The open area was once more the no man’s land.​
The armies above, on the plateau, built trenches in which to take cover from one another’s shots. At a mere three meters from one another attacks were common, though never very effective. The soldiers on both sides had difficulty fighting at such a close range, as it was whoever happened to have their rifle aimed in the right place at the right time who often won. Even so, the second city’s soldiers slowly pushed forward and held their ground. While their charges were very dangerous and cost a number of men they were able to capture the enemy trench and force them to flee. From the enemy trench it was only a mere twenty meters to the mortars and as the first city’s soldiers had not expected to be routed they hadn’t built many defenses in place in case of that event.​
The second city’s soldiers found the last run easier than anything up to this point. They had their armored men push forward and the others fired from the enemy trenches. They had the enemy now; however the first city’s men obey orders and began to sabotage the mortars quickly before running away. This left the second city with the plateau and some now ruined mortars. This would seem to be a less than ideal trade for all the men’s lives it had cost, but the scientists in the second city disagreed as they were able to get a basic idea of the mortars and were able to construct their own version. During their attempt to create a mortar the forest battles continued, both sides losing many men.​
While the second city worked on mortars, the first stayed focused on protection for their troops. They had found the second city’s concept of metal armor to be an interesting, if less than satisfactory, answer. They decided that they would need a more sophisticated method of safeguarding their troops. They took the concept of armor, but they didn’t want to weigh down their own men with the heavy materials. Instead they first made the metal plates cover a frame made of wood that the soldiers would move into place to act as cover. This cover was a nice addition to their army, however it had a very similar downside to the armor in that it stilled slowed their troops down. Their men couldn’t respond fast enough to changes in the battle. To the end of negating this effect as much as possible they attempted to create a system of winches, pulleys, and wheels to make the cover move on its own. This allowed their men to not be burdened with moving the large pieces of metal around. Unfortunately, these mobile covers were slow and only went in a single direction. This wasn’t a problem when they were covering ground, but when they came upon some obstruction, such as a tree, the device would have to be moved. That was a very dangerous inconvenience. This led to the city’s next technological boon. They turned their attention to full and efficient mechanization of these devices.​
At first this created cover that would move and could be controlled by a small wheel that would turn an axle within the frame that would make the cover’s wheels turn in either direction. This made the problem of moving the cover a little less apparent, though it couldn’t turn very quickly and required a soldier to be behind it to operate the wheel. This was an effective solution for most of the battles. For a time the first city was able to drive back the second’s soldiers.​
The second city decided to make their version of the mortars more portable, so much so that their men could carry and fire them without having to set them up. They made a gun that launched a similar shell to the mortars, but they also added a propulsion system that burned slower. This new launcher, as they called it, was much easier to aim than the mortars and proved to be very effective on the armored covers that the enemy was beginning to use. The rockets would explode on contact, turning the protective cover into molten metal that would be thrown away from the blast’s overwhelming power. In most cases, the soldier behind the cover would be burned, if not torn to pieces by the flying metal.​
This new weapon presented a problem to the first city. Unlike their mortars, the launchers didn’t require the altitude of the cliffs in order to be effectively used. Their covers were rendered obsolete and their soldiers were dying at every fight. They lost ground on a near daily basis, and the times that they didn’t the soldier losses were unacceptable. They had to figure out a way of countering this new weapon. While their scientists continued working on making the covers more automatic, the leaders repositioned troops to the plateau. They sent more mortars up there as well as extra troops to try and find the other city.​
The losses had been horrible for both sides, and the residents were beginning to tire of the continual fighting. The war didn’t seem to have an end in sight and that didn’t help the people’s resolve. It became more difficult for the government to find willing people to join the fighting force. The second city instituted a drafting program and this solved that issue for the time being. The people in that city were more willing to accept being sent if it appeared relatively random. The first city in the meantime had some of its veteran soldiers return from the battlefield to tell civilians what was happening. This caused some more people to join willingly.​
The soldiers that had been sent by the first city across the plateau found the second city. Instead of attacking however they attempted to negotiate a ceasefire. As they were soldiers with experience in the field, they were able to share what was happening in disturbing detail. The leaders of the second city had initially expected either an attack or defection. When neither occurred they found it interesting what the men were suggesting. They decided to deliberate on what to do before coming to a hasty solution. They feared that the first city was attempting some sort of trick, though their scouts reported that there were no other forces in the region. They kept their soldiers from moving forward, instead telling them to defend their position.​
The first city in the meantime wondered what had happened to their troops, thinking that some ambush had ended that group. They decided not to send more forces in that direction in case of ambushes. Instead they sent more men to the frontline. They also continued working on the armored covers. At this time another technological breakthrough occurred on their side. They figure how to use metal wiring to conduct a phenomenon known as electricity. They had recently been experimenting with the strange force, but only now figured how to use it for a useful purpose. By putting a motor that relied on the winding of a winch into the covers, they were able to make them much faster and more maneuverable. They also made small holes into the cover so that their men could shoot through the cover without having to stand up out of the cover. This gave their men even more protection.​
The only good thing happening for the second city at the time was the capture of the enemy covers and the continual use of launchers to their advantage. The covers were effective except when used against the launchers of mortars. Thus their use was limited to the forest battles, but even there they caused such an advantage to whichever side used them. Even so, the battles proved to be ineffective for the second city’s troops as they were avoiding going on the offensive. They kept losing ground, slowly but steadily. At the rate of loss they had they wouldn’t have lasted more than a month until they reached the city.​
This however, would never occur. Quick thinking leaders of the second city decided to go through with a ceasefire and peace. The few leaders who weren’t certain on this were left out of the negotiations, an ‘accident’ due to the timing of the talks, almost midnight. The guest soldiers were thankful for the hospitality and the willingness to negotiate. They left feeling better than when they had arrived. Their travel took about two days before they reached the first city with their message.​
Needless to say, the first city’s rulers were surprised that the soldiers were alive and had returned. They listened to the soldiers intently. They were even more surprised with the fact that the second city was willing to work towards peace. They had seen the second city as filled with barbarians. Now though, they decided that it was time to end the war. However, a few of the rulers wanted to show what the scientists had been working on. They wanted to use it in the last battle to intimidate the enemy so that they wouldn’t try to fight again.​
On the last day of fighting, a massive machine was brought to the battle. It was a few meters high and almost doubly so long. The machine was covered in protective metal armor and had a few rifles built to fire automatically at targets. They had built a rudimentary targeting computer that would pick out soldiers and open fire on them. The droid was strong enough to knock over most of the trees in its way and it whipped out a large number of enemy soldiers. It would have done even more damage had the second city’s soldiers not used their own new weaponry. Their scientists had focused on making the launchers more effective. That was just what was accomplished. The new launchers were built with a propulsion system that used a liquid they called oil as the ignition rather than the powder that they had been using. This made the rockets fired go more in a direct line, rather than having a somewhat random path. They also packed more explosives into the chamber which made the blasts more powerful.​
[SIZE=11pt]The massive droid was damaged beyond repair by a dozen of these rockets. That put an end to first city’s hope of intimidating the second city and also ended the war on a bad foot. The second city questioned its vie for peace and was uncertain as to whether they were safe. They continued working on military upgrades in the just fear that the first city would attack. Both sides acted similarly, both fearing an aggressive strike from the other but not willing to work it out. Thus ended the First Civil War approximately a local year and a half after it had begun.[/SIZE]​
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[member="Ultimatum"]

You sir, have put me to shame.

You've got... god. Over 60 paragraphs here. You might have to break this up into two posts or two separate submissions.

I know that my recent Victory III submission had to be cut off into a Spaceship submission and a Location submission for the interior (which I'm still working on btw) because it exceeded the maximum post length for SW: Chaos.


You might want to double check that all of your information can fit into a single post, or ask the Codex Admin how he would like you to display your information if it cannot be broken down into a single post.
 
Wow, your Victory III was quite nice, detailed very well. There is still more? I look forward to reading it.

Thanks, I hadn't realized that it would be a problem, I'd never heard of a post length limit! What did you find to be the limit?

[member="Captain Larraq"]
 
Ah, that will be a problem.... currently at about 12 thousand words and the history isn't close to being finished yet.

Thanks for letting me know ahead of time! Would have been quite embarrassing to find that out as I'm putting it all in.
[member="T'yr Dellos"]

Do you have a suggestion as to what I do?
Most of the word count comes from the history.
 
[member="Ultimatum"]

If your sub exceeds the maximum post length you may split the sub into more than one post (as in, the second post being a reply to the first, not two separate thread subs). Just put a note on your first post about it.
 
[member="Ultimatum"]

My initial suggestion would be to break it up into smaller posts and post 3-5 posts in a single submission for review.

OR!

Take out all of the Locations and Species and make individual Submissions in the Locations and Species Codex for this planet, then simply link them in the submission.

You could also ask the Codex Admin to bring back the "Lore Codex" for you to submit your planet's History in an appropriate location, if it simply will not fit into a standard submission.
Or simply break down the History into a series of Blogs or create a Thread where each post in the thread is narration of a different erra of history (you could even format each post so it looks like it's being read from a history book or museum advertisement). You'd then simply provide a hyperlink to each post/blog for each era of history.

either way, you need to talk to [member="Valiens Nantaris"], the Codex Admin, about how he feels about what you're doing and how he would like you to organize your submission.


Edit:

Or listen to Lorelei.

*shuffles back to Factory*
 
As an addendum to the above -

In order to help cut down on length of subs (because our Codex Judges have lives, too!) you can also generalize a bit more on culture and whatnot if you fully intend to create species submissions for the native original races - as the "Culture" part of the subs really relates more to the species/races than it does to the planet in question.
 
Hmm... *thoughtful*

I do intend on putting in species submissions, so the culture will be cut down then a little. If I expand on the locations more then I'll cut them back as well and put in locations subs.

Thanks both of you! I appreciate the suggestions.

[member="Lorelei Darke"] [member="War Hydra"]
 

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