Phantom Pain

[Asher]

Images flashed in front of my eyes like memories of what I had and hadn’t done. Alternate outcomes and the bitter truth. I had to admit I was never sure I’d ever done anything with my life that I’d truly be proud of. I had cheated my friends out of so much and neglected my sister to the point where I never saw her again.

It was that one image that flashed in my mind. The insufferable silence of a girl so mistreated by her own family that she fled it. Perhaps it was some sort of divine retribution for me to lose a limb myself. The coincidental nature of it all could have amused those around me, but me personally? I figured I deserved it. Maybe not like I did, but that it was something that was bound to happen.

My eyes slowly opened. Was I in a hospital bed? I blinked slowly as my face tensed up.

No. I was in my bed at [member="Lucien Cordel"]’s mansion. My hand stung up. In a sense it still felt like it was there. Phantom pain at it’s finest. Like an illusion that I played upon myself. At least it was no longer a direct cut as much as it was a stump.

I would have made a comment if not for the fact that, well, there was little to say.

One of the nurses went to gather Lord Cordel. I guess I’d have an opportunity to ask for that raise soon enough.

 

[Lucien Cordel]

Lucien had been reading out on the terrace, it was a pleasant suprise when a nurse came to see him. He had been worried about [member="Elias Truden"] , of course he wasn't about to admit that. He nodded and waved the nurse away. Elias could wait for lucien to finish his page. After all Eli has made lucien wait two days. A few minutes later he had finished the page. He placed it on the table beside him ,finished his glass of juice then retreated inside.

He found himself outside the door of the bedroom he had assigned to Eli for the duration of his recovery, the green room in his palaces East wing. He was contemplating knocking , it would be the polite thing to do but this was his house and he had never knocked on any of its doors before in his life. He finally opted to knock the door with his heel as he entered, it wasn't a knock so his pride was intact but could be veiwed as a signal so it was still polite.

He skulked into the semi darkness "Leave us " he announced the nurses and staff bowed then filed out silently. Lucien walked toward Eli's bed and sat down in an armchair he had had moved over for during his long vigils "Elias you are four fetching days late for work ... What are you playing at " he said firmly , however he couldn't keep it up a small smile crept onto his face "I'm glad your awake ... You did well " he rambled , he was terrible at this sort of thing.

 

[Asher]

The nurse was gone for a bit and I could think on what had happened before I had passed out. Obviously my hand was involved somehow. It might have been gone but it certainly didn’t feel like it the way it stung, burned, itched. My left hand kept reaching to scratch it but reality had a tendency to slap me in the face each time I tried.

There was a knock on the door. Had [member="Lucien Cordel"] just stepped into the room with a knock? A most unusual gesture but I was in no mood to question it. Perhaps it was just the way things worked after a man lost his most favored limb?

The nurse left and I sat myself a bit more upright. The stump on my right arm rested upon my stomach and I looked over at the chair in which Lord Cordel took a seat. A most convenient place for a chair. Had he appointed someone to watch me? Perhaps the nurse? I would have liked to think it was him, but at the same time, would I really?

Then the scolding came and I had no idea how to react. Was I getting shished for being unconscious? Really? Oh but he started to smile, and then… Oh wow.

“Thank you, Lord Cordel.” I tried to smile back but really all I did was grimace as the pain stung up for a bit. “I’ll try not to, you know, activate ancient traps the next time you bring me on an adventure like that.”

A faint chuckle parted my lips but it quickly died out. “How long was I out?”

 

[Lucien Cordel]

Lucien nodded "We won't be going on adventures of that kind for a very long time " one was quite enough for the time being . Lucien needed time to recover which was his main concern. [member="Elias Truden"] 's lack of hand was also a notable issue however his own condition was most paramount.

"After all I don't think the rewards are worth the cost of losing my assistant for two days" lucien adjusted himself in his seat "I had the nurses dose you up on sleeping meds, you seemed to be in a lot of pain" was this concern. It was a queer feeling.

"However the length of time you were out is unimportant , all that matters is that your on the path to recovery, we have very important work to do" important things like networking and finding someone to make Eli a new hand .

"So what do you need from me to make your recovery as fast as possible."

 

[Asher]

Sleeping meds. Would explain why I don’t have any memories of whenever they treated that arm of mine. I had to admit that as long as I didn’t think on it the pain wasn’t there. Whoever they were and whatever they did, they had done a great job as nurses and doctors.

Still, it was hard not to think on a missing limb.

“I don’t know.” I let a dragged out sigh fill the room. “A new hand would be nice. I remember my sister got one of those prosthetics-” A cheap one because it was all we were willing to afford her at the time. “-but that could cost me quite a lot.”

“Still, I don’t see me having much of a choice in this matter.” I tried to sit up but goddamn that pain was insufferable. A grunt was all I could afford at the moment. Screaming in agony in front of your boss was not a good thing. “Unless I start using my left hand. Even then that might take a bit to get all co-ordinated.”

“In any case I’ll be back to work as soon as the pain sets itself aside.”

[member="Lucien Cordel"]

 

[Lucien Cordel]

"A new hand will be necessary Mr. Truden , I am not well known for charity and I would prefer to keep it that way" after all when one became known as a giver one attracted a great many leaches. Such a problem had ruined and would continue to ruin more powerful people than lucien. His stance on charity may surprise those with no understanding of society , after all he paid his servants well enough . However it wasn't charity when the beneficiary had to work for the rewards and as lucien well no no leach want to work for their score.

"I will get onto some of my alchemically inclined associates and see what I can do for you"

It was around this time lucien clocked into the fact that @Elias Truden had a sister. "I don't believe you've ever told me of your sister or even your family in general, I feel you should rectify that " lucien suggested forcefully but in a subtle fashion. Lucien was of course trying to ignore Eli's pained groans whenever he moved, lucien had no idea how to help and floating about trying to help only ended up being annoying , lucien was never annoying. Lucien was also not humouring Eli's assertion that he would be back soon , he would return when he was fit a feverish PA was useless.

 

[Asher]

Not known for charity. Now that if anything sounded to me like a cost to be taken from my salary. Then again, a new hand wasn’t one of those things that I’d really complain about at this point. He made mention of alchemy, yet another term I had no familiarity with but one couldn’t help imagine old witches standing over a cauldron cooking little children, right?

The picture made me smile as [member="Lucien Cordel"] asked about my sister and family. The ever familiar regret kicked in again and I couldn’t help frowning.

“Fair enough.” I nodded. “My family consists of me, my father and four women. Three sisters and a mother.”

“They run a company on Coruscant. A small chain of electronics stores spanning most of the planet as well as a few others. Still, insignificant enough to be any real players on the market. Even if they really believe themselves to be as such.”

I sighed in shame. “We weren’t exactly a well-knit together family. My sister was always the black sheep for reasons that I don’t really know why. We treated her… Badly. For example this one time when working the warehouse she had a whole shelf collapse over her. Got out just in time but…”

“Her leg. It was crushed. We got her a prosthesis for it yet I heard the discussions between my parents while she was still in that hospital. They wanted to get her the thing that was just “good enough” and that they did. Her entire shinbone was a mess and they replaced it with -- not kidding here -- a protocol droid’s leg.”

“I miss her, but… She died on Alderaan when the Sith arrived.” A second sigh. “Look, point is that I am not a stranger to prosthetics but I am willing to let you take this out of my salary if it means I get something that isn’t as stiff as a stick.”

 

[Lucien Cordel]

Lucien listened quietly . His eyes never wavered from [member="Elias Truden"] 's. Lucien listened as Elias recounted the septic family he had escaped , it knocked lucien sick . Mayhaps his own sordid family history had made him somewhat hardline when it came to family loyalty.

"Nothing will be being removed from your salary , your no use to me with no hand , I will see to it that a suitable replacement is secured be it a biological or mechanical , I'll hear no more on this matter "

So it seemed Eli had parents were were less than clean "Where is your sister buried?" Lucien asked trying not to sound too concerned . An anonymous benefactor ... Anonymous being the operative word . No body deserved being fitted with a droids cast off leg. Lucien frowned compassion made his head hurt ... He didn't like it .

Brandy would fix that brandy fixed a lot of things "I'll be back shortly " he said rising slowly and padded from the room returning a small time latter shadowed by a hall boy bearing a tray with a brandy decanter and a box of cigars . Lucien gestured to a sideboard then dismissed the servant with a wave. After a suitable time in order to allow the boy to get a suitable distance away lucien rose to get himself a brandy and light a cigar. A contented sigh escaped him as he sat back down.

"Do you feel your family is deserving of there currant position?" He asked between drags on his cigar "I can very swiftly see them ... Put to a status more sprite for their ... Characteristics "

 

[Asher]

“I don’t know where she’s buried.” I couldn’t help sighing as I had so many times before. “For all I know the vong might have taken her corpse or worse.”

I had played with the idea so many times. The pain was there, but the guilt was greater as if I somehow could have prevented this by myself. I knew of course that nobody could prevent the crazy minds of neither sides of the ancient Sith-Jedi war. It stung like a needle of idiocracy. How many more lives would this conflict claim before it was finally over?

While the thought was one I had thought of so many times the answer was always the same. It wouldn’t. Though a man could always dream of it.

Then the boss offered to take care of my family for me. While it certainly was a tempting offer this was something I had to do myself. For the sake of my own dignity and pride, and for Kana. I owed her that much. They would pay, but all within good time.

“No, they do not deserve their current positions.” I let the bitterness seep into my every word like poison to a dagger as my eyebrows furrowed in resentment. “I appreciate the offer to help but this is something I need to do for myself. Maybe at one point or another I would call upon you for help, but for now I want them to feel safe and comfortable before I apply the pressure.”

They had already been comfortable for a few years. The departure of the only son hadn’t seemed to bother them much if at all, but I would come back and when I did I would bring them down into ruins.

For Kana.

“I really need to do this myself.” My gaze set for the windows for a second as I pondered what my next move should be. “Anyway, are you sure I haven't missed anything important?” Work still came first and I let my attention set on [member="Lucien Cordel"] once more. “When the new hand arrives I’ll work even harder to make up for all of this.”

 

[Lucien Cordel]

Lucien nodded , he could respect [member="Elias Truden"] 's desire to deal with his parents himself . Lucien would probably have wanted the same had he been in Eli's position, as such the topic was swiftly abandoned.

The conversation rather predictably returned to work. "There have been some disappearances only small and in remote areas nothing major and since I'm no longer on the council its not my problem and aside from that nothing of importance has happened " it seemed Eli was making a declaration to work doubly hard once he had recovered. He should be cautious of making promises , after all some people would remember and hold them to their declarations .

"I don't expect your replacement hand will take too long to arrive , I'll have all the paperwork moved to your desk in readiness , now if you don't mind I have an important engagement to attend " the engagement was with his dining table but no the less an important event and Eli needed to rest , lucien couldn't wait for his assistant forever.

 

[Asher]

“Absolutely, Lord Cordel.” My head fell limp into the pillow. “Lunch beckons and I am not one to keep you.”

The sith lord departed and in his wake came the nurse. I smiled at her, the purpose of her return was obvious with the needle she carried. It was time to enter the world of dreams again. The insufferable world of memories and nightmares. I had half a mind to tell the waitress not to bother but before I could voice my concern the mask had already been placed firmly upon my mouth and nose. I saw no reason to fight it and with a couple of prolonged breaths I drifted off into a deep slumber.

In this world of mine there was nothing to take joy in. There was nothing to take with you in order to prepare yourself for what was to come. Images of Kana, of my family and their treacherous tendencies. In my dreams I were reminded of who I am and what I had done to deserve the life I led. I had killed people, figuratively speaking. Taken away their livelihoods in order to bring my own agenda forward but in the end what had it mattered? I ended up on the streets and they ended up at spice dens around the galaxy. It kind of made you question who the real monster was, didn’t it?

I tended to shake it off as necessary actions. After all, had I not been willing to step on a few toes I wouldn’t have been where I was at [member="Lucien Cordel"]’s side. Had I not been willing to step on toes I would not have met Andra again. At the same time, had I been a more kind man then maybe Kana wouldn’t have left us. Maybe she wouldn't have left... Me.

I let the nightmares come as her voice whispered to me. The echoes of a dead teenager that just wanted a better life. I would be waking up out of breath and in cold sweats soon enough.