Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Perserverance

The past two months for Jairdain had been very trying on her. With no real support, the emotionally broken woman had turned to trying to drink her pain away. Most of the time it worked and she was able to put it aside for a time, however when she woke up...it all returned and the vicious circle began again...

Having found her way back to Kashyyyk after a stay away from everybody. She was only slightly better, but not entirely. Having taken a step back in the recovery process after a trip to the Netherworld...here she was in a cantina on the new capitol for the Silver's trying to drink this new pain away.

She sat at one of the booths and wasn't paying any mind or attention to what was going on around her. Focusing on the drink she sipped at, Jairdain wished all of a sudden that she wasn't alone any longer. With these people, there were only three people she thought of as friends and one of them no longer remember their full history.

Tears of pain and sorrow fell from her eyes as her own heartbreak was remembered and she took a drink from the glass in front of her. It wouldn't be long from now before that painful memory was washed away for the night.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
It had been another long day for the Knight. He had been doing tasks around the Jedi Order, assisting several people where he could and trying his hand at healing though Doctor Hyonu Ye was often not a fan of his work. Something about science over Force, it was crazy for Yuroic to believe but not everyone was a huge fan of the Force. He passed a tavern that the Rangers frequented after big missions, Yuroic tilted his head as it had been a long time since he had drank. Entering the tavern, he ordered a small alcohol drink and turned to gaze at the people in the pub.

There were several Rangers conversing, Wookiees talking amongst themselves, Yuroic gave them a wave. Being one of the few people to fully understand Shyriiwook, he was friendly with most Wookiees on Kashyyyk. He then spied someone in a booth, alone. It looked like they were drinking their sorrows but hard to tell with such oddly dim lighting. Yuroic wondered if he needed to talk to the bartender about fixing the lighting so that you could see what was going on. But that was for another time, for now, he wandered over wanting to help the person crying he noticed as he moved closer. They also seemed very similar but he couldn't tell who...

"Jairdain!" It hit him hard, he had never seen the woman get drunk before. He was shocked by this, something must be serious wrong for her to be drinking like she was. "Hey, what's wrong?! Why are you drinking so much? Never seen you drink before." Yuroic commentated as he studied the clearly depressed woman. His heart sank, something within called him to hug her and kiss her to help her feel better, but that wouldn't be appropriate, instead he reached forward and squeezed her hand with concerned eyes.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
As if the Force had heard her plea and answered, Yuroic was calling out to her and joining her in the booth. Instead if answering right away, Jairdain drank the rest of her drink. Setting the glass on the table, she couldn't meet her former love in the eyes. With his memory altered and part of the reason for her current state, she honestly wasn't entirely sure to how to respond.

While not yet at all drunk, she ordered another drink to replace the empty glass on the table and finally looked at Yuroic. There was the sadness in her he would never fully understand or comprehend, but she could tell him some of what happened. Something stopped her from opening totally though. Not about to admit to her failure in the Netherworld, she decided to stick to the issues with Commenor only.

"The Prince has been missing since before the Sith attack and then the fall of the system. I just need a drink now and then."

​It was the truth, just not all of it. With the altering she had done, he wouldn't know her now well enough to realize she was still hiding something.

"I am glad you joined. Better than drinking alone. What brings you here?"

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic could sense that something wasn't quite right with Jairdain. Whether or not she was deceiving him or not revealing the whole truth is something else. Yuroic grabbed the drink that Jairdain and placed it back on the bar, signalling to the bartender no more. He was cutting her off and ensuring she didn't get drunk. While some may find it beneficial to drink their woes away, Yuroic learnt from his Master there was always a better and more constructive manner to deal with lost. Jairdain mentioned some Prince, he could tell that the man meant a great deal and a pang of strong emotion struck him. He couldn't tell what. It might have been envy but he wasn't sure.

Shaking his head, he looked at Jairdain. "Drinking won't bring him back. It won't help you deal with him missing either. I never drank when my Master passed, I found a way to be constructive and do him proud. Something you can do too, be productive, do something in his honour. Not this Jairdain, never this." Yuroic commented as he frowned, he wanted to help his friend but wasn't sure how. He had never lost someone he romantically cared about, the grief was unknown to him. "I came here to relax after a long day. I've been busy helping people around here and prepping for a mission with Master Nooran."

Yuroic didn't mention he was doing so much work to impress the council. While he didn't want to seem overly keen or too ambitious, he did want to prove he could be ready to be a Master or even on the council as a Senior Knight. Something to prove he to himself he was worthy for the Order and a capable member, not someone to vanish in the background.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
Letting out a cranky growl when he took her new drink away, she crossed her arms at him. He was right to say drinking wouldn't bring him back, but it helped take the pain of him missing away. What he said next really tore at Jairdain though. Her memory of what happened far too clear in her memory and since she had altered his...he did not remember how he had reacted when they all learned Arisa had died.

If she had been in her normal state, she would have realized she was almost following him down that same path. One that had in the end landed him into her lap asking for his memories to be altered. She wasn't though and couldn't sense it.

When she had needing the healing before, it had been suggested she help those in need. Very soon after she had wound up with Commenor and helped people there. Now that was no longer an option and the prince she was hired to advise was missing.

Realizing her breathing was fast and rather shallow, she had to take a few calming breaths. This meeting with her head as clear as it was going to test her resolve to not open fully with Yuroic. Everything screamed at her to do just that, but it would ruin everything she had done before. Jairdain wanted more than anything right now to go back in time. To a point in their lives when they were both innocent and happy, two people in love for the first time and their lives in front of them. There was no rewind button and life must go on.

In an attempt to at least appear normal and not the torn woman she was, she focused again on the present and the man she truly loved. She always would even if their love had never happened for him.

"What mission will you be going on?"

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
There was a clear sense of conflict within Jairdain, he couldn't tell what she was conflicted about. He assumed it was conflict over doing as he suggested and sticking to her self-destructive ways. Yuroic grabbed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes, "hey, I'm here as your friend. You can stop, you don't need to drink your problems away okay?" His voice friendly as he squeezed her hand to reassure her. He was trying to understand the pain and sense of loss that she felt but he wasn't sure if he knew how she felt or ever would. Romantic relationships were not something he sought after anymore. He was content staying a Jedi, so this limited him in understanding her feelings towards this prince.

"We still have refugees from Commenor and Galactic Alliance space looking for help and support, we can help them together if you would like?" Yuroic had done a lot to support their many refugees at one stage, it was better for Yuroic to be part of the team assisting refugees as he spoke so many languages and understood the needs of them as well with his background. Speaking of which, was something coming in handy for him with his next mission. "We are heading to meeting with Hutts, trying to negotiate some form of peace amongst the cartels which have started to disfunction with differing ideologies. It was Master Nooran idea that I join after I sought to become more involved with the Order, though she seemed to think I was high spice at first and that I was insulting Master Yune, it was upsetting but I was glad she accepted I was telling the truth. Master Nooran did state she wanted to talk to you afferwards. I hope everything between you two is okay." Yuroic stated, he just remembered the meeting and events that happened early on, he'd been so wrapped up with excitement about starting his mission he forgot to tell Jairdain about his meeting.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
She was never good at hiding her feelings and that could be a real concern here. If Yuroic looked close enough, everything she felt about would be clear. It was a skill Jairdain had never learned...sometimes not being able to see the faces of others was a bad thing. Not knowing how to bury externally what she felt internally was one thing she did not know how to do.

"I know about the refugees here. Helped bring some here myself and have helped when I can. It is not helping me this time though. My mind wanders back to what was lost. Maybe it would help to do it with company though. If you have the time, then I accept. Better than being alone."

His touch on her hand, rekindled those long dead butterflies she had for him and for a moment her breath caught again. Pushing them to the side, she knew it wasn't meant to be. Yuroic had decided on a different route for his life and she was only a small part of it.

"My work with Commenor has kept me away from the various missions, functions and people of the Silver's. I actually have no idea who this master is or why she would want to speak with me. I will reach out to her though."

They had met once, but her attention had been for Yuroic that time and she did not remember who else had been there at the time.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic nodded his head when Jairdain explained that while she had not much luck with distracting herself, but was willing to join him in hopes of company. His hand returned to his lap as he studied Jairdain. She was torn, there was something holding her back but Yuroic knew better than to ask as he didn't want to pressure her into revealing the secrets. "Well, let me know when you wish to hang out. I am trying to keep myself busy with Order duties but I can set things aside to help you out anytime."

Yuroic was slightly surprised that Jairdain hadn't heard of Jyoti, she had quickly rose the ranks from normal Master to Grand Master. It was admirable. "Jyoti is the Grand Master, she was Master of the Order under Master Valae's leadership. She has quickly become a leading figure in the Order, it's been noteworthy as some think her promotions rushed but seeing her in action. It was like she was an expert in such roles before." Yuroic commented, there was clear tones of admirable and he wished he would be just as capable one day in such a position. Though he would have to prove worthy of being a Master first.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
"What are you doing with the Order now, Yuroic? May I have something to drink? I mean I am thirsty."

Her job had taken her away from the Silver's and out of the loop of things. The comings and goings of people made little difference to her. Something maybe he hadn't thought of or considered. This was the first time she had been on Kashyyyk in a long time. Her previous visit had been before Commenor was attacked.

"If people think she's earned her rank, it isn't my place to say yes or no. What happens here isn't any of my business. I don't think I belong anymore."

Listening to him, Jairdain attempted to wear a false smile. He liked this other woman and that was something she should be happy for him to feel. Without the memory of what they had shared to hold him back, Yuroic could make his life and find new love. A small part of her broke a little more as she thought and felt this. She knew after tonight she would be leaving Kashyyyk again. Not able to stand being so close to her love and yet so far away.

"I am happy for you, Yuroic. Really, you deserve happiness."

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
"Oh well at the moment anything I can do to prove myself. I've been a Knight for a while now and was thinking of where I want to go next. Seemed logical to push myself so I can be a Jedi Master." Yuroic explained, he didn't want to show how eager he was as most saw that as a slippery slope to the Dark Side. Ambitious can be fickle like that, too much and one can get selfish and lose sight of themselves. However, nkt enough and one will stagnant which was something Yuroic refused to do.

Lifting his hand, he ordered a glass of water for them both. "That should help, I find a glass of water can do wonders." He wasn't going to let Jairdain carry on drinking alcohol but soft drinks like water were essential. "Well, being out of the loop doesn't mean you don't belong. If that aere true then no beginners would be able to join. See this as a chance to start fresh, meet the new people and maybe reinvent yourself if you wish." Yuroic stated with a smile. "Anyways, I'm always here so I can help if you meet new people as there's the chance I know them." He hoped that gave her confidence to stay, it be nice to see his friend more often.

Yuroic shook his head with a knowing smile. "Nah, not like that. I respect Master Jyoti, and rumours are that she and Allyson are very close. You know that relationships and me don't work well, I am better off alone. Gives me a chance to sort my head out." Yuroic stated as he studied Jairdain.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
Tilting her head to listen to what Yuroic said about his goals, she felt his want to grow. When it had been her time to become a master, she felt she had gone through enough trials in her life to be thought of as one. Boy had she been wrong. Life was good for a while...until the Alliance fell. Then things had really turned sour for Jairdain. She was really interested in what he planned and he might see this in her.

"What do you think your next step shall be?"

Letting out a mental groan when he ordered water, it was all she was going to get while he was near. She was in such a poor state of mind she was unable to pick up on his caring of her.

"Water is meant for fish to drink."

He then went to dispute her feeling of not belonging and understood a little better. His offer to help her meet new people and interest in helping her made her feel wanted by him. What he said next though pretty much dashed her hopes down again. When they had been a couple, they may not have been together all the time, but their time together had meant the world to her. It was something she missed and needed. Her own memory was clear while his was empty of it all. With his indication he was better off alone really hurt her. Maybe in time her faulty work done on him before might fail and his memory would return. If that happened, she just hoped he wasn't going to hate her for what she did at his request.

"I did not actually know that, Yuroic. At least the current Order does not forbid relationships. You might think you do better alone, but I think you just don't know how good a relationship can be."

Shutting her mouth or she might reveal too much, she took a drink of the water when it was set down next to her.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 
Yuroic shrugged when Jairdain asked what his next step was. "I am going to be available wherever possible for Order and their Padawans. I still haven't had one of my own yet, but I look forward to being more involved in the deeper ongoing within the Order." His eyes narrowed when she said that only fish drink water. "Well, that is a load of rubbish, you are mostly made of water." Yuroic argued in a stern voice as he leaned forward. "Take the water, Jairdain, the drink is not going to help."

He could sense the very mixed feelings brewing within Jairdain though he did not pry what thoughts and emotions that were rolling around inside her. Instead Yuroic sipped his own water and listened to what she had to say on the idea of relationships and the fact that they might benefit him down the line. Yuroic shrugged noncommittal as he didn't feel the same way. "I have a lot of baggage in my life, a lot of it based on my experiences on Nar Shaddaa as a child. I just I don't feel I am able to open up or actually feel romantic like others." Yuroic admitted as he believed himself incapable of love anymore. Empathy and love of friends, but not romantic love.

[member="Jairdain"]
 
If there was a way for her eyes to look away from him when he mentioned he hadn't had a padawan, they would have. Instead her focus through the Force and did moved to the water placed in front of her. She knew what Yuroic said was true and everybody needed water to live. There were many ways to get it though and Jairdain didn't want to drink plain water.

His denial of being able to feel romantic love for others was very similar to how he had spoken when they first met. Not exactly the same, but close. Her attention snapped back to him as he continued. There was no way he should have remembered his actual childhood. She had altered his memory and made it seem like he grown up with the Jedi.

Before this conversation broke all of her resolve and she gave away too much, she needed to leave. Downing the water quickly, Jairdain almost panicked and stood up. Placing a hand lightly on his shoulder, it rested there just a moment before she ran. Not saying another word to him, her actions were not those of a woman in her right mind.

Unless Yuroic chased after her, she would be gone off Kashyyyk. She couldn't face her own feelings she had for him, everything that had happened to her, so she ran. Not knowing where she was going to go...she knew she needed to escape.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]
 

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