Did Jacen
mean to keep his circle small?
He furrowed his brow, a pensive look shown on his face. It was one of those things that all would agree was a quality over quantity kind of thing. He
had 'friends' as a child, people who said one thing and did another. They never really felt like true friends. It was always forced...it made Jacen feel more alone then he ever thought possible. Perhaps it was better then to only have a few friends you felt you could truly count on. But still, did Jacen
mean to have only one or two friends? No. He wanted more friends. The feeling the couple he had gave him was intoxicating. More so then the whiskey, he thought. Perhaps that was endlessly Jacen's curse. Wanting more, rather then appreciating what he had. He wouldn't do that now, not with this friend.
If she was right, and they were quite alike despite their differences, then her friendship would be one he'd treasure. He did not want it to slip away.
"I was always, well maybe not always, kinda recently I guess...uhm...I am kinda curious what the academies look like," Jacen said, almost to himself,
"not that I think I'd sign up to a tour, or nothin' like that...I'd be much too scared. Very intimidating. Very....grandiose, y'know? Like you look at some of these buildings, not that I've seen them in person just like a picture or two, and you think...wow. Y'know?" He turned to look at Kaila, and watched as she knocked her drink back. Thinking for a second he was falling behind or otherwise missed his designated drinking time, he followed suite and downed his shot glass, recoiling at the taste as he set the glass back down, sticking his tongue out in an effort to clear the substance. "Blech," he shuddered and exhaled, regaining his composure before he looked to her again,
"I'm sure I knew at some point you had an apprentice," he leaned forward on the bar, propping his chin up with a fist. Part of him thought to bring up the rumors circulating some trooper ranks about the nature of some Force users 'teacher student relationships'.
...Jacen decided not to even joke about that. As good of friends as they may be or grow to be, he didn't think he'd blame Kaila if she threw him through the bar after making such a crass joke. Instead, he smiled,
"your student is lucky to have you as an instructor, I think. You're not some...hermit with a beard down to the ground, overly long fingernails, or a maniacal cackle."
He stopped and leaned closer,
"you don't have a maniacal cackle, do you?"
...When she began to answer his question, speak honestly, he listened. The way she explained how she felt with her powers. All Jacen could do was nod along, and when she said she couldn't stop, wouldn't want to stop...How could Jacen blame her? For all he talked, Jacen
wished he could do what she could. He'd never admit it aloud. But sometimes when they moved things without touching them, when they seemed to
know something before it happened… he'd wonder. If he'd been born different. If he could've done more. Been more. What he could do with that power? Using it for her was intoxicating? Imagining having it was intoxicating for him. It'd be...cruel of him, of anyone, to ask someone like her to give up their gift.
"so...it was something you suffered for?" He asked, his eyes locked on hers. It wasn't really something he thought about before. Some part of him imagined it was just...easy. It just happened. Perhaps that was why so many Sith were insufferable themselves. It was some trauma they'd acquired from their teachers, or just the nature of the Force itself?
"I can't blame you for that. Who could give that up? The only thing I could ever like...compare it to was one time
CT-312
tried to take my dessert one night."
He shook his head his face full of solemn determination,
"wasn't gonna happen," he smiled.
"Thank you. For telling me. I have so many questions about it, about you...if it ever gets to be too much, please tell me. I just wanna know."