The look on her face when talking about the possibility of haunted memories both said alot and was agonizingly vague.
"No don't do that," he said, shaking his head,
"that's not real. You're screwing with me."
Then suddenly, he furrowed his brow and a small smile began to creep across his face as he thought of a little voice coming out of a mini and declaring that all should love it and despair. The image did make him giggle,
"oh alright maybe it wouldn't be so bad," he said as he continued to laugh.
"Imagine a little voice. 'Fear me!'" He squeezed his eyes shut and laughed harder. It'd almost be worth being haunted to own the trapped soul of a powerful figure of history inside a little painted model of itself.
He finally got his giggle fit under control when the dirt conversation picked back up. He couldn't help but beam as she accepted his offer of galactic dirt.
"I'll getcha the best dang dirt in the land. And don't you think I won't,"
It was said in a half jest, but the alcohol in his system ensured he meant it. It was a silly thing, something ultimately insignificant against the enormity of the galaxy, but the thought of sending a bag of dirt back to a friend put a smile on Jacen's face. Something goofy yet something he knew would have meaning.
"Oh please, you make me sound like the Empress or something."
"It's the truth, though," he said with a shrug,
"at some point the differences in power between you guys gets...I dunno...it becomes just...noise? I mean, you'd know more then me for sure. But you all can do the same stuff from what I've seen. At least if anyone does anything crazy at this point I'd probably just nod my head, 'yeah alright.' Opening like...a portal to another universe full of little tiny furry critters that attacked on command and spoke in your mind? Yeah alright, that's just another day at the office."
He shrugged his arms very animatedly, "Not saying you should coup the Emperor or anythin' like that! I'm just sayin' to me, to
me, right, you're already as strong as anyone I'd ever seen. And probably will only get stronger."
He shook his head,
"That's insane to me, a bit. How strong you could get. Any of you. Hunh." He picked up his glass of water and took another drink, then he followed the movement of the bottle of whiskey as close as he could as she filled his shot glass up again and raised hers in toast,
"Ey that's a proper thing to toast to. Cheers, to friends, to those who didn't make it and to us who still can."
He slammed the drink back and gently rapped his fist on the bar top.
"Oh god," he said exasperatedly, then looked at Kaila,
"I've no chance have I?" he asked, smiling,
"Not that I'm givin' up. Ain't an ounce of quit in me, boss. But damn." Jacen shook his head and exhaled slowly,
"I'm going to be very sick tonight I can feel it. Churnin'. Like a cauldron."
He breathed in deep, controlled. Trying to keep himself upright was getting harder and harder by the second. But victory was just over the hill, he was sure of it. Less sure then he was six shots ago, but sure of it.
"I don't remember if this was your question, so I'll give you this one for free; I do care. And I would like to count you among my friends. I think that... it's a little easier to trust you than my colleagues."
"Huh? Oh right a question. I didn't ask one did I? Unless-actually yeah, no, yeah we'll go with this bein' my question. Saves me having to think of one." He nodded repeatedly, then stopped, putting a hand on the side of his head.
"That's enough of that," he said quietly, in to himself, then looked at her and smiled.
"Well. I'm kinda in a spot aren't I? Yeah you can trust me, don't think I'd ever betray anything you told me in confidence. Who would I say it to, for one, for two it'd be awful easy for you to plug the leak. I'm kind of the perfect confidant. Doubt I'd ever be in a position to betray your trust and live to a ripe old age. You're also the only you I trust. So it'd be real dumb to ruin that. Plus, I don't think any of the others would drink with me."
He paused, lost in thought,
"Loyalty matters to me. Faith deserves to be rewarded. I don't think I could ever really look at myself in the mirror if I turned something someone said to me in confidence against them. That's..." he paused, looked at Kaila and held her gaze,
"I've done bad things for our cause. I suspect I'll do more. Killed squad mates who jeopardized the mission, sent friends to their deaths, killed people who wanted to flee to the Alliance, poisoned the water supply of a group of houses just to kill one or two actual rebels. That's the job. It's what our Empire needs from me. But those are my enemies. I'll never put myself in a position to intentionally hurt someone whose put faith in me."
He couldn't help but chuckle,
"That's a bit hypocritical ain't it? I'll kill another living being but gossip? Never." He laughed again,
"maybe I'm just very melodramatic." He shrugged his hands and turned, facing out to the club and leaning back on the bar.
"What are your other friends like? anyone from your unit?"
He thought for a moment. He could count people he considered friends on one hand. Probably two fingers on one hand.
"I got you," he said,
"and I got
CT-312
. She's like a sister to me. Be together since Woostri. God, feels like ages. I have other guys and girls I'm friendly with. No one really I-...truth be told, the concept of friends gets a bit strange after a while." Jacen rubbed the back of his head,
"growin' up, every other kid's parents worked for mine. So everyone was told to treat me good. Be my friend. It made everything seem so...hollow. Then I get here, and people are nice and then they die. Sorry I'm tryin' to keep it light. We're havin' a real good time I'd hate to bring the mood down."
He cleared his throat,
"312. Don't even know her real name. Only ever her number. She only calls me by mine. But she comes back every mission, we protect each other every mission. There's a couple others," he thought of the spy woman on Trenwyth, the one who called herself Aedan,
"but...honestly I don't think I have friends besides for you two." He felt a sting of pain in his heart. A sudden realization in just how lonely he was.
The words sat heavier then expected.
"...Huh." He shook his head slightly, not enough to jostle his drunken brain, but enough to clear the thought. Jacen immediately pivoted, trying to bring the conversation back into a lighthearted territory,
"Hey I gotta know, here's my question. Really, what is it like to do the things you can do? To be able to move stuff, control stuff. Is there ever a moment where you're just like 'yeah I can do really cool chit'?"