Private Painting the town

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
JOZI'S CANTINA | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

Three days.

Two of travel from Muunilinst. Two nights of barely any sleep at all. Tonight would be the third. Third night of reliving the strike in that arena in her dreams. Reliving every action afterward. Waking up, drenched in cold sweat and then not being able to go back to sleep. This time, it would be at home.

She didn't feel like a third night of nightmares.

So Rexanne had snuck out. Not to the clearing. Not to train. She didn't want to touch a weapon so soon after. No, she found herself in the first and best bar she could find. Dressed inconspicuously, she was hardly noticed by anyone as she started chasing away Darius' ghost with whiskey. Can't be haunted if you are out cold from alcohol.

"Another." she said to the barman as she set down her fourth empty tumbler, a nice warm and numbing feeling starting to spread through her.
"Can I just leave the bottle with you, Miss?" he asked her as he approached with the bottle of Galidraani Single Malt again.
"Yeah, you can. Here." She pulled a pile of credits from her jean and handed it to him.
"You're not driving anywhere?" he asked, taking the creds.
"No." Roxy poured some new whiskey into the tumbler and took a gulp. She vaguely considered sending Leon Draco an invite. They could be drinking buddies. Drown their sorrows together.

She didn't consider inviting Raze.

She'd been avoiding him since that day. Stuck to her quarters on the ship. Avoiding most of the Ironhold today so as not to run into him. She really didn't feel like getting another lecture from Mister Righteous. He wasn't a child-killer. He just didn't get it.

She chased his face away by emptying her glass.

He'd lose his shit when he realised she was missing. It was already hard enough slipping her detail. She knows he had been keeping an obnoxiously close eye on her since getting her out of that arena. Even when she didn't see him, she knew he was there. So sneaking away from him was almost impossible. But she'd managed.

Another glass.

She needed that numbing feeling to spread faster. There was just too much plaguing her mind for her to remain moderately sober. It all had to disappear. Get washed away by the golden liquid in the tumbler. She now knew why the Galidraanis favoured this stuff as much as they did.

It had wonderful amnesic properties.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

The night was getting late, and it had been clear that Roxy was not going to be meeting him to train. He should have known that she would pull away, but he had wanted to think she was stronger. Everyone who had witnessed the event was still in shock, and while it was entirely unfair, those who had seen battle and taken a life had already moved past the horror of it. Rexanne had not. It was her first kill, and this would haunt her for many nights.

He knew her well enough to know where he may find her. There were few places the Justicars did not frequent where she might be able to avoid being noticed. One of them in particular was a favorite spot of hers when she wanted to be left alone. Normally Raze would give her the space she wanted, but not this time. It was too fragile of a situation, and how she chose to cope with all of it would determine who she was going forward.

Raze loved her too much to let her sink into a drunken stupor, and he respected the Duke too much to let Roxy tarnish the Renoux household.

That was why he took the glass she had just poured for herself and took the shot with a clean swig and sat the glass on the bar.

His eyes were steady on her, knowing there would be some kind of reaction. It just depended on how much of the bottle she managed to drink. Roxy could just yell at him, or even be bold enough to take a swing at him. Either way he was ready for whatever came his way.

"She's done," he said to the barkeep, and put enough credits down to cover more than what she could drink alone.

Unlike Roxy, Raze made no attempt to be inconspicuous. Even if the others did not make the connection of who the redhead was, they would be well aware of who he was. Even if he tried to hide it he couldn't. His size and stature made him recognizable from a distance. It was an advantage on Jaemus, but rarely on the battlefield. In this case it meant the bar staff did not argue with him when he cut off her supply. No one was going to dare and cross Raze.

"This isn't going to help. C'mon. Let's get out of here. I know a place."

It wasn't the clearing, but it wasn't a bar. Hopefully she made this easy.

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
JOZI'S CANTINA | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

The glass disappeared from her hand.

Next to her stood the mountain that was Raze, downing her drink and cutting her off.
"Shit, of course you are here." she sneered at him, glaring daggers at him. Without another word, she got up and floated out of the bar, not listening to another word he said. He most probably would stick to her like gum, but she just had to get away for two seconds.

Her mind was fuzzy. The whiskey had really given her a good buzz. But Raze had shattered the numb feeling. The man was infuriating. The cool air outside acted as another sobering agent. She didn't bring a jacket, which was a regret right now as a jacket might have left the buzz in place. Instead, she whirled on the buzzkill that was Raze in all her unimpressive splendour aside from her hair and eyes.
"Can't you just leave me alone for once in your life?" she hurled at him. He probably didn't deserve it, but right now, she didn't care. He wasn't the one that had to live with what she'd done. Normal battle was one thing. That's what she wanted. Not accidentally killing a kid.

She turned her back on him and pulled her fingers through her hair in frustration, goosebumps on her arms.
"Ok, Mister Next Prime, what's your grand plan? Cause I can tell you, you just screwed up my whole plan of me actually sleeping for once." she said, turning back to him. Cause there was no bloody way she was going to get rid of him now. And every person in town would know who she is now with him hovering over her.

She loved the man.

But he pushed her buttons like no one else.

And he had double standards. What involved protecting her? Letting her drink herself to sleep or to leave her to be the walking dead? She desperately needed sleep. Make-up couldn't properly hide the blue circles under her eyes anymore. The House Healer didn't want to keep giving her meds and, quite frankly, they didn't help anyway. And everyone kept saying that it wasn't her fault. That she rode well. That it could have happened to anyone.

But it happened to her. And no one got it.

Not even the man in front of her now. Everyone expected her to move on. But they weren't the ones with the blood on their hands. It wasn't them that had made the choice to lower that lance even though her opponent was unseated. Three days. How the hell do you get over killing a kid in three bloody days? Could no one just leave her to cope with it in her way? Or was it a conglomerate of heartless people?

"So tell me - what now, Raze?"

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

He shook his head. Why would he leave her alone when she insisted on sneaking out of her room to get stone cold drunk in order to numb the pain of her nightmares? Drinking to the point of blacking out was not going to leave her rested. In the end it would just cause a massive hangover, and the feelings that led her to her sleepless nights would return to haunt her again. Rexanne was stronger than this, she just needed to be reminded of it.

It was a good thing the cold air was sobering her up.

“It would not have gotten you any sleep. The nightmares would still come.”

She refused to actually listen to him. Raze did not think he needed to be blunt with her. War was the life he knew. Just because he seemed to kill now without any recourse did not mean that was always the case. Roxy saw a stoic and stalwart man before her, but there had been a time when Raze was a frightened child.

He let her rant and walk off in whatever huff she wanted. It was the only small mercy he could afford her in the moment. Roxy was in pain, and like any wounded animal she was lashing out. That did not mean it was right, or even acceptable. It simply was. She levied her question in almost an accusatory way. He could feel the venom spilling off of her.

“You could start by remembering how much of an ass you can be when you’re drunk.”

He was going to pay for it later. This was the price of her wanting his honesty that night in the clearing. They both had the right to speak the truth to each other. This time it stung.

“Then you can stop pretending like you’re the only one who had killed a child before, or have you forgotten how our young initiates have trained?”

Cold and hard truth rest in the question. His eyes settled on the woman as he moved closer to her. A hand motioned for the gate. He intended to lead her outside of the city which surrounded Ironhold.

Raze was quiet. He said nothing more until they arrived at their destination. It did not matter how much Rexanne would protest or demand an answer. She needed something to sober her up quickly, and the warrior knew just the place.

This clearing was different. It felt dark, at least to Raze. Memories of his younger years filled his mind, but there was one he looked for in particular. He started to walk the trodden and trampled grass. Much of it was beat down to nothing but the dirt and rock underneath it. His feet only stopped when he found the spot of his first kill.

“This was my first kill. Right here. The boy lied there. He was much younger than Lord Amnen, as was I at the time.”

Raze moved again, stopping in another spot.

“My second kill was here. Still younger than Ty’darius.”

The Justicar moved to several places, stopping, repeating himself, until Roxy would hopefully finally understand. His eyes searched for hers, heavy from the memories he had re-lived in order to make his point.

“No one is asking you to get over it. We aren’t even asking you to forget it…”

He took a couple steps toward her.

“We’re just asking you to learn how to live with it, and if you will let me… I can help you figure out how…”

“...what now…”

He took one more step.

“Stop shutting me out.”

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
JOZI'S CANTINA | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

He could just as well have slapped her.

She even flinched as if he had. Both statements. Talk about kicking a dog while it's down. She didn't even want to say something. She'd just taken a step back from him. The second statement especially was something that could have stayed, even if it rang with a truth.

When he moved closer, she moved away, wary that he would fling something else at her. She probably deserved some of it, but damn. When he motioned to the gate, she hesitated, weighing her options. She was definitely sober now after that stint. She knew if she just walked away, he'd just make a U-turn and just stick to her. Or herd her to where it was he wanted to go anyway. So with a sigh, she stuck her hands in her pockets and followed him, albeit at a distance.

Roxy preferred the silence as they walked. She didn't want to talk to him. Not yet, at least. She had to calm down a bit first. Or they'd just go in circles again. And she was so exhausted that running circles was out of the question. So, even though this was probably out of ordinary for her, she was quiet too.

Then they stopped at a random area. Or so she thought.

Until he spoke. And she had settled enough to at least listen. As he went through his haunting tellings, that which would ensure that Rexanne would never become a full-fledged Justicar, stepped to the forefront again.

Her compassion.

She cared too much. She could see his pain and forgot her own. When he finally turned to face her, she could meet his gaze with a softness that she hadn't given him for days.

She allowed him to come closer this time, listening to what he was saying. A part of her wanted to shy away again, but she remained where she was like a deer entranced, dreading the blow of the words that would follow his pause.

“Stop shutting me out.”

Roxy closed her eyes briefly against them - the guilt caused by the truth of them. She had shut him out. Hard. He had always been the one person that she could be real with, but now she had even shunned that. And it had taken him reliving his own ghosts to let her see it.
"I'm sorry." It was said so softly that even the silence of the night could drown it out.

She met his eyes with sadness, but she remained where she was for the moment, not going to him like she wanted to. For a reason.
"Did they..." She cleared her throat from the emotion. "Did their deaths serve a greater purpose to you?" she asked him, motioning to the spots he had highlighted for her. The question didn't come with venom or self service. It came with the soft and sincere need to know. To understand him on a deeper level. And hoping that his answer would give her the direction she needed with the blood on her own hands.

Hoping that his answer would make the pain they both felt, worth it.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

Raze was not looking for an apology. Apologies without action were just empty words. It was when she took the step closer he knew she meant what she had said. The subject had shifted to his kills. Had they served a greater purpose to him? At least they were moving to the philosophical stage of justification. It was progress, even if it was Raze’s least favorite of the stages.

He shook his head.

It was not the answer she would want, but it would at least help them get to where she needed to be. Life began and it ended. When it ended was not something anyone could predict for themselves. What Rexanne had discovered was how heavy a thing it was to know she had the power to end a life. In this case she had deemed it to be too early because the boy was young.

“Your father, his father before him… for a long line I am sure… they wanted their warriors to be able to kill without flinching. These kills made me the warrior I am, just as the kills you make will define the warrior you will be.”

His words attacked the issue from the perspective of a warrior, which he was. Roxy was not, though she wanted to be. He smiled knowing that he was already doing it again, and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. I only know what a warrior should feel or react to all this. Your world is different from mine, but this part you want, the part where our worlds intersect, that is where we are the same. Every initiate goes through what you are dealing with. The ones who make it past their first kill always make it to the ranks of Justicar. Those who do not… they fail.”

He looked up to the moon. Raze knew she wanted to find something that would make it seem okay. Perhaps he was not capable of helping her find it. Pain of this kind was not something that went away, or even felt worth it. All Raze could do was justify his actions based on his oath to the house.

The errant thought gave Raze another idea.

He reached for Roxy’s hand. It would be a risk, but maybe it would help her.

“Come with me.”

There was no option, nor did he wait to see if she was following. Raze started to move back toward Ironhold, but not the main gate. Raze was leading Rexanne to the Justicar entrance.

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
JOZI'S CANTINA | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

He tried.

She knew he did. Yet his words still didn't bring the comfort she needed. But she couldn't be angry at him for it. So she did go to him then, even as he apologised for his soldier's analogy. She took on of his hands and squeezed before letting go.
"Don't be sorry for the fact that you are a warrior. And I understand what you are trying to say." she said, looking up at him. She wanted to say more, but that truth died before it reached her lips for the moment.

So she could just watch the moon light up his blue eyes in silence as he struggled with something, an unbidden shiver of cold running through her. And then he was reaching for her hand.

“Come with me.”

She allowed him to take her hand and lead her to where he wished to go.

It was only when they got closer to the Hold again that she grew confused. Not because they were returning, but because they would be going through the Justicar entrance.
"Wait, Raze, why this way?" she asked him, though she didn't slam on the breaks either. She still kept pace with him. Probably because he would have dragged her like a plough anyway. That the caveman-Justicar hadn't thrown her over his shoulder yet to prove a point, was a wonder. But then again, she wasn't exactly in the right mind right now for him to do something like that.

So all she could do was wonder in silence what he was up to. She trusted him. She may have shut him out like everyone else, but she still trusted him with her life and more. She knew he was trying to help her come to terms with what had happened. She let him try. Though there was a distinct difference in his kills and hers. She just hadn't told him yet. After the shock of the tourney had worn off from her, she hadn't spoken to him again. Tonight was the first time.

She owed him the truth.

It just wasn't easy. Admitting it aloud would just make her shame more real. And she didn't have the courage yet to face it and live with it. So she gave him his moment to do whatever it is he wanted to do to help her. Maybe that would give her the boost she needed.

And she prayed that they wouldn't get caught.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

At least she seemed to understand. Regardless of the differences, life had to move forward. It did not mean anything about the circumstances of the death would be different. They both knew what happened was more of a tragedy than Raze was letting it be. The only thing that made their situations similar was it had been for the house. That was why he took her through the Justicar Gate.

There was a risk. Raze knew they may get caught, but the fact she had been sneaking around and drinking would make it worse for her personal guards. They had let her slip their watch again, and they would likely keep it all quiet. Raze just had to ensure nothing happened that would get him in trouble.

"You'll see soon enough," he said as they passed through.

Nothing about the area was as elegant as what they had seen on Entralla or Muunlinst. Ironhold was more of a military compound from the outside. That did not mean the nobles did not have their opulent decor or possessions on the inside. The Justicars did not have the nice things the Roxy would have been used to on the inside. Everything about what she would see would draw attention to the stark differences of their station.

It was plain inside. The main courtyard was stone, a white circle in the center. A banner hung from the front of the face of the building which led into the barracks. The words were simple, but from it hung the Justicar oath.

"Have you ever looked at the oath or paid attention to it?"

Raze pointed to the banner as he moved behind the woman to let her read it.

"Justice, Courage, Integrity, Respect, Honesty, Honor, Loyalty… the seven tenets of the code. That last one, loyalty… that's why you unseated the Lord. Your house came first."

Maybe he was wrong, but he knew the recent peace would have them struggling in their thinking. He knew at some point they would need to come together. Loyalty to the new covenant, but that would take time. There would need to be a prime they could all follow. Raze did not know who that could be. For now, it did not matter. The truth of what happened needed to be determined. Was there foul play involved with Lord Amnen, or was it an accident.

"If you want to be what I am and do what I do… these seven things must become what drive you. Nothing else. Spend your life bringing Justice… honor Ty'darius by fighting to make the peace work. His death isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be in vain."

Raze turned to look Roxy in the eyes.

"You get to choose…"

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
IRONHOLD | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

It was stark.

He had led her into the courtyard of the barracks. She'd only been there a small handful of times, so it always hit her anew how their worlds differed. It made her feel ashamed. Once more, the gilded cage restricted around her. Luckily no one was around except them at that moment in time.

Raze stopped them in front of the oath banner.

Roxy knew the oath. She'd been present in the background when initiates have given their oaths to her father. She'd studied it herself on numerous occasions. She knew it by heart and had tried to stick to it as far as she could. But since the tournament, she hadn't stuck to two of the tenets. It hit even harder as Raze spoke.

When he turned to her with a "You get to choose…", she knew she had to tell him.

"It wasn't just loyalty that made me level that lance." she said as she shook her head. She sighed. "It was pride and arrogance as well. I knew I was his better in the martial field and I didn't want to give that up for the sake of honour. I wanted to make my father proud and show him what I could do." Roxy hadn't cried once since that lance had landed, but tears did start to leak from her eyes now. The guilt and shame finally breaking the dam. "How do I make his death count for something if it was pride that had caused his death?" When a sob escaped on the tail of those words, she turned away, dragging her fingers through her hair once more, this time to try and compose herself.

She drew in a shaky breath, still turned away. "I loathe myself for what I have done." Tears threatened to spill over again. "It may be an accident that he's dead, but its my arrogance that had put him there. I want to move forward, stick to the tenets again, even fight to make the peace work, but I do not know how if I can't find peace in myself." She tried to scrape together the crumbling pieces of the dam, to not collapse into a heap, and managed to keep back the tide of tears before turning to face him again.

"I'm not worthy to do what you do. I failed the moment a leveled that lance."

Her truth, raw and filled with pain.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

Raze listened, almost stunned. Roxy carried far too much of the blame on her own shoulders. She wanted to be responsible for an accident, but that would have meant it was not an accident. If her words were as true as her perspective wanted them to be, then she intentionally chose to do something she knew could end badly. Raze had a hard time believing that. He had trained her, and knew better. If there had ever been the slightest thought in her mind that Lord Amnen would have died, she would have never lowered the lance.

“You hate yourself because he died. If he had not died you would have never given it a second thought.”

Was it a blunt statement, yes. Was it harsh, maybe. That was the truth however. Had the boy lived they would not be having the conversation, instead they would have likely been in the dive she called a bar toasting her victory.

What was the difference? How would her pride have been justifiable any more in that scenario?

“You want this to be your fault, because it has to be someone’s, right? I get that, and maybe you should feel the sting of it, but to carry the full responsibility… to somehow be the one to blame for this… I do not buy that one second.”

Raze pointed to the banner, a little frustrated that the Renoux stubbornness decided to be ever present in this moment.

“If you want that death to matter then learn from your pride and spend the rest of your life ruling it. Give yourself over to the seven tenets. Live for something that is greater than you.”

Whether that was the answer she wanted, it was the answer he was going to give her. As long as she still made the death of the boy about her, she would never move on from it.

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
IRONHOLD | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

He was blunt.

She preferred it that way, despite the sting of his words. If she wanted frilly and placating sentences, she wouldn't have fell for Raze. Not that he always made it easy love him. Sometimes she wanted to strangle him.

But his words rang true.

And it gave her the hope and motivation she needed, brutally honest as it was. As he spoke and she listened, she started pulling herself together, vehemently wiping her eyes and face.

Yes, she had taken the blame onto herself. The alternative was just too tragic. To just accept it as the accident it was. A death that was meaningless. A death shouldn't be meaningless. It'll take her some time to accept it as it was. But Raze was right, she had to get back on the proverbial horse sooner rather than never.

"You're right." she said, still a bit stuffy from crying. "And I'll do my best. That is, if you'd still be willing to train me." she added, her tone questioning. She knew her guilt and shame wouldn't leave her in the blink of an eye and that it would be difficult to pick up a weapon again. But if anyone could hammer her back into routine, it was him. She knew she would hate him at times, but it would be worth it to just learn to live with what had happened and to fight for the living.

She took a step toward him, but stopped herself. "I'm sorry." she said. "I want to hug you right now, but it's not safe. So I'll just have to settle for a verbal Thank You. So thank you for dragging me from the pit. And I'm sorry that you had to." And she meant it.

It was just too risky to show it, still standing in the courtyard.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

They were hopeless, both of them. He was a blunt instrument, and she was a stubborn mule. Normally it would not make for a good pairing, but they had found a common language to push them beyond the obstacles of their personalities. Their nights spent training had taught them to speak as one, and they knew one truth above any other.

They loved each other.

Raze simply shook her head at any doubt Rexanne had about whether he would still train her after what happened.

“If anything you have shown me I have not been training you enough.”

It was not an enthusiastic yes, but rather a sarcastic jab at his beloved. She would know the difference, and no doubt the time would come where she would get even. Maybe Raze was even testing where her spirits were with the comment. Either way, the Justicar wanted something of their relationship to go back to normal after the emotionally heavy week they both had experienced.

She wanted to hug him.

“I know.”

The sentiment was even dangerous to say out loud were it not for the fragile place she had been. Raze wanted to hug her as well, but she was right to be cautious. His eyes closed for a moment as he let his force aura brush against hers. While they could not touch each other in the way she wanted, they at least had their bond. It was deep, and deeper still since they had given into each that night in the woods.

When his eyes opened there was a smile on his face. It turned as soon as it came, however. Roxy was apologizing. He shook his head.

“No, don’t. This is both my duty and my desire.”

Now he was the one being risky with what he was saying.

“You sober enough to fight?”

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
IRONHOLD | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

She caught his jab.

Roxy was still a bit fragile, but not so much that it was lost on her. The corner of her mouth pulled into a brief half-smile.
"Better up your game then, sir." the half-hearted jab shot back.

But it didn't last.

She still felt bad what she put him through. It wasn't fair to him. He'd always been there for her, a constant in a raging sea, but she had pushed him away when she had needed him most. She felt the brush of his Force and it brought some sort of relief and comfort to her. But his words made it all the more difficult not to go to him in that moment. There was a part of her that wondered how long they'd be able to keep this up before one of them slipped up.

But then he threw another spanner in the works.

“You sober enough to fight?”

She shrugged uncomfortably, almost fidgeting. Yes, she was sober. He'd made sure of that. That wasn't the issue. It was picking up a weapon again, even if it was a training one. What if another accident happened and this time it was the man she loved? The one that killed Darius was also meant to be non-lethal. She was scared. It was one thing killing an enemy. It was another when it was people that were not or that you cared about.

"I..." She looked down at herself, wanting to use the excuse that she wasn't exactly dressed for training. That she didn't even have a training saber with her. But the stubborn mentality that had been brought to the forefront by Raze's blunt methods kicked against her fear. She needed to get back into her routine. A little bit of normalcy.

"Yeah. You got an extra one for me? Then we can go." She motioned to his saber.

 

[Raze]

H O U S E • R E N O U X​

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Reggie Rau

Her smile was half hearted. Raze ached inside for her. He knew that it was an attempt at least, and that her half smile was better than nothing. It was an attempt, and for now that was all he could ask for. Moving forward was up to her, and at least this showed a willingness to do so. Agreeing to take a weapon was even more so.

Raze smiled as he shook his head.

“They’re at the usual place,” he answered.

There was not much they could do or say while standing in the courtyard of the Justicar training grouds. The warrior was careful as he suggested they head to the woods. She was smart enough to realize that was what he was doing.

They had not been back to their place since returning, and nothing had felt normal since. He did not care if she did not desire to be close, or even if she did not want to touch him. Raze just wanted something to be normal. Roxy needed something to be normal too.

He started to move, whether she followed or not. This time he did not look back to see if she was. Regardless of what she decided to do in the moment, he was confident that his intervention had been enough. A smile did pull at his lips, however. His mind flooded with all kinds of things he could say, but none of them were anything he could state out loud.

His mind brushed against hers with all of them at once.

Perhaps that would get a reaction.

“You only have so long before your Justicars resume their patrol of your suite.”

 

[Reggie Rau]

STORM
IRONHOLD | JAEMUS
TAG: Raze

DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND​

Of course they were in the clearing.

It just proved how out of it she was. She seriously needed to pull herself together and get her mind straight again. She was out of touch with everything and just emotionally charged, ready to fly off the handle at the smallest thing. It had to stop.

She was chewing her lip in frustration as she now walked next to Raze to the clearing. She hadn't hesitated to follow him this time. She was still wondering, however, how the hell she was going to get herself to swing a saber.

But then thoughts interrupted her inner fretting.

Grey eyes snapped toward Raze, catching his smile. That broke through the last of her doubts and resistances. She couldn't help but shove him against his shoulder, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth.
"You're brazen, sir." she said, sounding more like herself. It was good to have a semblance of normalcy.

“You only have so long before your Justicars resume their patrol of your suite.”

"What are they going to do? Look through my window to see if I'm there?" she asked. She knew they would be patrolling outside. But inside were still kind of off limits unless something happened. She'd not feel comfortable if they did, anyway.

They finally reached the clearing, Roxy being properly cold right now. She walked over to the stump they hid the training sabers in, meaning to take them out, but just stood there, staring at the stump instead.

This was harder than she'd thought.