"Padawan I'll make an Althaiophobic out of you."

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

"Now reach out and maintain your focus." Wu said it while she was there and prepared... most reached out with their senses but a few had reached out with their hands... no matter what like with Sukai and her other students there was a point and method to this. She wanted to build up their ability to concentrate in any situation no matter how bizarre a jedi needed to be able to focus themselves. Wu produced her training aid from behind herself and fired off a shot. The large marshmallow designed to impact and stick to the side of the face if her padawan remained still. "Now maintain your focus and concentration no matter what happens... no matter what you feel or hear or possibly taste and smell.... keep your mind clear and don't think about what is happening around you." She gave a nod and fired off a few more shots to try and distract her padawan.

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh"]

Vinnon was able to ignore the first few of the strange, sticky objects that hit her face, but on the fourth one her eyes snapped open in a combination of bewilderment and anger. She was even more filled with both emotions upon realizing she had been shot with marshmallow.

"Ugh! Disgusting! I hate marshmallow."

Vinnon quickly pulled the marshmallows off her face and tossed them to the side. The taste of marshmallow wasn't what really bothered her, it was the texture. The soft texture, spongy and yet strangely chewy at times just threw her off, and made it almost impossible to stomach, and the feeling was the same when it was sticking to her face.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

She gave a look at her padawan and the girl had a face of anger before Wu remained there. "Ah ah ah concentrate. A jedi will face many distractions, many challenges it is how we deal with them that proves what we are worth." There was a smile on her face though while looking over all fo the things the padawan could do until she put the gun away. "Now in here where we are training it is a sweet treat... out there it could be dangerous.. if you respond with anger a darksider will see that and use it." Her arms crossed under her chest when she waited to see what the padawan might say with the lesson continuing.

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei"]

Vinnon looked at her master, her eyes still held their anger, but she forced herself to calm down. Her emotions had always been wild, and her troubles controlling them had been one of her greatest hampering as a Padawan. She gritted her teeth, and centered herself. After a moment, she responded to her master.

"I'm sorry, my emotions have....always been one of my greatest failings, one of the things holding me back."

Vinnon closed her eyes, and did her best to return to what she had been doing. She took another breath in, and resumed meditating. The marshmellows were just hitting her, she didn't have to eat the things. She had dealt with nastier while cleaning, she could deal with this. Still, she couldn't help but feel some twang of regret, as her mind wandered a little. Her thoughts turned to her lost brother for a moment, before she cleared her mind again, and fully resumed meditating.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

"So what are you going to do about them?" She looked at the padawan and stood there keeping her arms crossed. Emotions happened, denying that was dangerous same as giving into them. She had noticed many jedi didn't seem to have well maturity when it came to emotions and lacked self control. THey just went with whatever an emotion dictated. THey felt something they ran with it instead of allowing themselves to have a form of self control and inner discipline. THe jedi master was standing there as she found a small area to stand and was in the clear. "EMotions are something everyone has but the real difference of them is what you do with them. Are they going to rule you and ifnorm all of your decisions or will you have them, acknowledge them and have control over yourself so that you aren't like so many others."

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei]

"To be honest, I do not know. I struggle to control, I've...I've struggled to control them ever since I was seven. I was nearly killed, and I lost my brother all in one day. It....made things difficult, and I've struggled to keep calm ever since. My brother was once everything, the rest of my siblings bullied me relentlessly, but he defended me, and fought for me. I....I'm rambling, I'm sorry master."

Vinnon shut her mouth, and returned to meditating, these thoughts lingered on her greatest regret, and her greatest sadness. That she couldn't help her brother at the time, and that she had lost the one member of her family she still truly cared for. She was distant, and never contacted the rest of them, but she still wished that she had her twin at her side. The one she know had been force sensitive, and had shown it in saving her life, before being lost, and probably killed by the hostile wildlife of Umbara.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

SHe looked at her. "My father banished me and my mother so that there wouldn't be a challenge to my sister's claim to the throne. So family is not exactly the strongest aspect for me but my padawans are my family. I care for them, I look after them and I nurture their talents." She moved around and was reaching out with the force itself. Searching, allowing the force to expand outwards where she would be able to teach and calm her padawa. A good way so that she would be able to handle her emotions. "Family can raise much in your mind and turn your emotions like a storm. Have them, love your family, mourn their loss but understand that part of becoming a jedi of being an adult is knowing self control if everyone was ruled by their emotions many would be gone or hurt off of the smallest things."

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei']

"It's....not that simple. I've done my best to control them, to accept it all. He saved my life, he's the only reason I survived, and then he was just....gone. He was always stronger than me, protected me. Yet I'm sitting here, and he's gone. He died because of my failure, my weakness, and he died scared, alone, and probably eaten by one of the beasts in the jungles of our home. Or starved. Or....to many things to count. I....I've done everything I can, I even tried to just stop caring at all, but I can't. I just....can't."

Vinnon cast her eyes downward, ashamed of what she was saying. This was why every single other master had abandoned her, why she was probably doomed to fails. She kept the tears at bay, she had accepted this long ago. She was resigned to it really. This was her last chance, and it was as doomed as the others. She sighed, she was going to fail again, and then she was probably done. She'd find something else to do she supposed, maybe become an engineer.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

She looked at her remaining neutral in her expression. Crouched down to look at the padawan peacefully as she tried to understand what was... happening. THe jedi master though remained there though as she tilted her head for a moment. "Padawan listen to yourself please, hear what you are saying." SHe waited for a moment while she stayed there and rose to one knee to be at her level. "Your life has been difficult yes, you have suffered but so have many in the galaxy. The trials you have faced brought you here and the jedi can help you if you let them. No one is asking you to forget or let it go but if you only ever focus on it, if you only ever think that your pain is the only pain there is. You'll never be able to grow."

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member='Wu Yeoh-Mei']

"I....will try, but I've failed so far. I don't know what else to do, simply meditating, and trying to not think about it isn't working."


Vinnon sighed, she knew this was hopeless. She would fail, another master would abandon her, and all would be for note. She clung to some hope that this master would be able to help her, but it wasn't very strong. No, doubt and hopelessness clung to Vinnon, no matter how she tried to shake it. Every morning she still woke up with the face of the woman that doomed Dok on her mind. She wasn't angry anymore, that woman was long dead, she was just....sad, and it had never gone away.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

It honestly sounded like someone needed a hug,her padawan seemed to only know how to double down or even triple in the self loathing department. Compared to many others who might find a reason to push forward she was only ever getting stuck in the past. "Failure is a part of life, it is how you deal with it.and grow that determines everything. I have been telling you, I am here for you, I am wanting to help you but you refuse to acknowledge anything beyond your own pain. You almost refuse to try and move on. I am beginning to understand why the other jedi moved on from you if this is how you presented yourself. Likely figured you wanted to join the service corps."

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member=Wu Yeoh-Mei']

"I don't, I want to be a Jedi, it's what I've trained for. I want to move past the pain, I want to let go, but I don't know how, and nothing anyone has ever done did more than dull the ache. I want help, but no one seems to have the patience to help me. I know I'm a burden, but if I can't ever move past this, there's no hope for me as a Jedi."

Vinnon looked up at her new master, she was good at holding back tears at this point, but that didn't mean the frustration, and all the rest weren't bothering her. Vinnon put her hands idly on the cybernetics she now bore, her 'gift' upon entering the order.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

"We are jedi and we have plenty of patience padawan but you have just answered your own reason. YOu can't let go of your pain, if anything you seem to hold and cling to it, to thrive on it and keep yourself like this." She didn't leave but she also couldn't keep just repeating the same thing over and over. It might have been more harsh then she would like to do but telling the padawan she needed to grow up and stop just clinging to the pain was the best way. It could get easier each day but only if you tried beyond expecting someone else to have the instant answer to your problems. "I can't instantly solve your problem only you can start solving it."

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member='Wu Yeoh-Mei']

Vinnon pulled out the only possession she owned that she cared for. A silver and gold bracelet with a symbol carved into it. A bubble surrounding a sickly but growing tree reminiscent of the trees on Umbara. The bracelet was given to Vinnon by Dok before his disappearance and suspected death in the jungle, and is all she has left of him. She ran her thumb over it for a minute before holding it out to her master.

"Maybe....maybe if I can let go of...of the only thing I have left of him, it will...it will help."

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

"Perhaps." She said it but had risen up and was walking towards the doorway. "Whatever you decide I will be in the kitchen making food. Take as much time as you need." The jedi master moved into the kitchen to well make some food but her forms of meditation were in here. Slowly sliding a blade from the wall with a sharpener when she worked it to make the edge nice and straight. Her eyes focusing on the food as she laid it out and the chunk of fish was there. Slowly with the knife she got it close to the bone but just barely touching it as a large strip of flesh came off. She flipped the fish over and repeated the slice to get two large strips then slid the bones and remains into a pot to become stock. The second pot of rice cooking as she started to hum to herself fidning a relaxing place in her mind.

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei"]

Vinnon dropped the bracelet, catching it with the force so it floated gently in front of her. She watched it twirl in silence, lost in her own thoughts. Looking at it always helped, made her remember the good times instead of the bad. One hand touched the blaster scar on her abdomen, a permanent reminder carved into her own flesh of what had happened. She reached out to take the bracelet, but stopped, hand nearly wrapped around it. She sighed and closed her eyes, forcing her emotions down so she could meditate, the bracelet hovering in front of her still. She just meditated, calming her heart instead of her mind. She didn't know the true answer, how could one simply....let go of something that defined who they were. She needed to, but the how eluded her still.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

THe sizzling sounds of the oils and food as she seasoned the meats, the rice sloshing as it wasn't completely cooked but stirred to keep from sticking to the bottom and sides of the pot it was in. SHe focused on some of the eggs as they were being cooked quickly and scrambled with slices being mixed along with the veggies. She cut the fish into smaller strips and started cooking them as the seasoning gave the kitchen better scents and she stretched out finishing up sopme of the food. Bowls, plates and utensils for everything as she reached out and could sense her padawan still trying... that was the best she could hope for. She could only repeat the safe thing so many times, so many ways before it was just repeating the same answer. Wu grinned though taste testing the food. She kept the cooking process going as she reached deep into the force to focus herself.

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei']

Vinnon kept her mind focused on the bracelet in front of her, her mind on Dok, and felt....cold. Not physically, as if something had inserted a spike of ice into her soul. She pushed past it, and kept focusing, wondering if the Force itself had an answer for her. She could a glimpse of a dark room, then a pair of all to familiar blue eyes, then finally a sharp, burning pain engulfed her head. She screamed, and fell to the ground, holding her head, while the bracelet fell limply to the ground. Vinnon curled up, her head now pounding, fighting against the pain, but a weight lifted from her shoulders, something though she could not say why, her mind was dominated by the pain coursing through it.

 

[Wu Yeoh-Mei]

[member="Vinnon Varuut"]

Wu sensed more coming from the room but no she needed to remain strong... based on everything from the padawan's words there was a reoccurring theme with her masters so she was going to do it differently. Self soothing was an important skill to learn as she continued to work on the food preparing it and taste testing it with a smirk on her face. THe jedi master finished up though as she was stirring and finishing the rice. Slivers of shrimp smothered in buttered garlic, veggies nicely cooked and moist before she set down the food on the one table in the mess hall with a small smile to herself. Convection thankfully could keep the food hot for her padawan and she could eat while sitting there.

 

[Vinnon Varuut]

[member="Wu Yeoh-Mei"]

Vinnon remained on the floor, pain pulsing in her head from the backlash. Eventually she pushed herself to her feet. She was woozy, and struggled to maintain her balance. She snatched up her bracelet and put it back on, but the weight on her shoulders did not return. Something inside of her had let go, and the ache in her heart was no where near as strong as it once was. She stumbled her way out of the room, looking for her master, for answers. She was paler than normal, but almost no one that wasn't Umbaran would be able to tell. The pain was fading slowly, but it was fading,making things slowly easier for Vinnon.