Private Our Remains

[Loske Treicolt]

PRE-DATING THE INVASION OF DANTOOINE
CORUSCANT // JEDI TEMPLE //
Ryv
SAVING US A RIOT + LIGHT​

​

The past few days had been a blur, and the message Frank had relayed from Ryv put her at emotional crossroads.

Relief and happiness were both prominent and expected. The peace-sign and grinning face of the Sword of the Jedi in a selfie claiming he was back to work had been the first smile she'd cracked in a long while. At least since losing Maynard at Yinchorr and being visited by her mother's apparition. But it was quickly contaminated by something else.

At first, she thought it was anger. Vexed that he'd dared to leave after Bastion, withdrawing to areas unknown. Whatever the initial purpose of his isolation had been, the outcome was apparently a reinforcement of his focus. He'd left; he'd returned. The cycle continued.

It was only in the context of her own grief, frustrations and all-around scattered reactions to the affairs at hand that she realized she wasn't mad at her brother. He was only (finally) listening to their countless pleas.

"You have nothing to prove to anyone man. You're the Sword Of The Jedi, sure, not everything is gonna go our way. It's been hard, really fuckin' hard for you. I'd like to think I'm tough but...fuck man, you've been through it all. You need some rest. Will shit still be going wrong around us while you're gone? Yeah...but if you keep trying to hold it all back alone well...you won't be around much longer to put a stop to anything, just how it is man. I don't like seeing you like this. Whatever you gotta do...just take it easy. I love you, like a brother and I just won't let you keep going down this path. Just- just do us both a favor if you feel like you're not doing good by yourself and just step away even if only for a little bit. You gotta heal, recharge."

"Do that. Please do that.
Take time to reconnect with you. Who you are now. Who you want to be and how. You're not going to get the space to do that jumping back into the fray of things again. Please, Ryv."

"I wanna see you make it, Ryv. Whatever you have to do...for yourself, just do it. I love you, you're my brother. I want to see you happy, healthy, all of it. So yeah whatever it takes, just do it."

Instead, she was jealous.

Envious he'd had the ability and support to make the choice to disappear. Something she wanted so desperately to do, but her partner's tenacious need to prove himself prevented their exodus. And leaving on her own had no purpose; it had to be together. That was the one reason for the dream. Having that desire so loftily promoted and on a continually moving horizon ended up just hurting and creating dissatisfaction in a world she'd been content in before. A world she'd been good at –– and still was –– but her heart was less and less involved and her mind more aware attuned to the routine of it all. Apathy was still a ways off, and as long as she had her friends, it would remain distant –– but it was skulking around the corners of her mind. For now, indifference took a backseat to the other emotional strain on her thoughts.

Maynard had lashed out on Yinchorr without question, obedient to orders, and it had gotten him captured. Her more benevolent approach had made her useless to stop it. For all her hesitation and restraint, she'd only been rewarded with loss. She'd wanted to blame him. It was easy enough to paint fault in his hyper aggression. But it also wasn't. The frustration of their bleak situation had to be taken out on something. The stupid Imperials and their incessant greediness was as good a –– no, it wasn't. It wasn't a good reason. They weren't evil; they'd seen that on Bastion. She might have been afraid of Tavlar, but….

She looked at the holoimage in her palm of Ryv again and found blame suffusing it's way through. The dangerous world of what-ifs. If he'd been there, at least the three of them could try and cover one another as they were known to do. If he'd been there, would the Cold War have kicked off?

Or maybe she could have fulfilled her vow if her mother hadn't chosen such an inconvenient time to die and reach out.

No, that wasn't fair. Blaming projected potentials on an absentee was not fair.

She'd never felt so helpless, frustrated, isolated, alone and focused all at the same time. She couldn't place herself within the entirety of everything that was happening.

When she exhaled, she didn't feel any release from the tensions accumulated around her shoulders. But she did realize where she was. She hadn't been thinking about it until she arrived. The text from Ryv had come in only a handful of minutes before, and she was now at the pictured office.

Her arrival was unannounced and entirely unceremonious but typical to her wordless burst-into-the-scene with a lurching hug that desperately clutched at her friend. Loske shoved her burning face into that familiar space between his neck and shoulder with a shuddering exhale. As corporeal as Ryv was in this moment, this still felt incomplete with the third of their iconic trio missing, so she held him a little tighter.

 

[Ryv]

So now I never know the things to say to you
Now help me prove that I'm still on your side
I never showed just what you do to me
The timing was always wrong

Silence melted away as music erupted from beside Ryv's head. Groggily, he fought to open his eyes and blindly reached about for his holo-device. When his hand finally brushed against it, he picked it up and managed to crack an eye open. The screen read 6:00 AM in big, bold letters, while a clock rotated in a small circle. He pressed his thumb down to dismiss the alarm and sat up at the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over as he went. BD-8 unknowingly mirrored its master across the room as it kicked its two little legs back and forth on his desk chair. Ryv bit back a laugh and stood. The old wooden floorboards, imported from Tython if he remembered correctly, creaked beneath him. Big Chieftain hopped up and joined the Jedi Knight as he moved into the bathroom.

"G'morning, buddy," Ryv greeted the droid with the customary head pat before turning the faucet. BD-8 chirped happily as it leaped onto the toilet seat and began playing something from his morning playlist. Ryv allowed the music to fade into the background as he ran a hand through the mop of hair on his head. His fingers then trailed through the patchwork beard that dominated most of his jaw and chin. "What do you think?" he looked down at the droid. "Time to go?"

BD-8 hopped twice, nodded once, and further punctuated the point with a series of rapid chirps.

Ryv recoiled. "It looks that bad?" he looked aghast for a moment, only to laugh alongside the whirring droid. "Alright, alright, you win," he unlocked the latch on the medicine cabinet and tugged it open. A few minutes later, he was not only cleanly shaven but also properly trimmed up top. "What do you think?" he dried the remainder of the water from his face before dropping the towel onto the vanity. The Chieftain jumped onto the counter and leaned in close as it studied Ryv. After nearly a minute of close examination, BD-8 chirped.

"Thank you, thank you," Ryv grinned and reached up to close the cabinet.

Right before the latch slid shut, he felt the droid's little head butt into his elbow. He looked down in surprise. "What is it, little dude?"

The droid chirped softly, the happier tone replaced with something softer. Sadder.

His eyes fell to his feet at the droid's sullen reminder. The cabinet groaned in protest as his grip tightened, the pressure enough to bow the old wood. "C'mon, Chief..." he pleaded with the droid, his eyes squeezed shut, hand shaking. "You know I hate them. They just make me feel so... dull, like, I'm missing things I shouldn't be missing," Ryv looked down at the droid's big ol' faceplate and sighed. "Fine, fine..."

The medicine cabinet swung open a second later. He reached out and took hold of a cylindrical pill bottle, the container's metallic surface ice-cold in his hand. There wasn't any other movement after that. At least, not anytime across the following few minutes. Ryv just looked down at the pill bottle while the exploration droid gently coaxed him with soft, melodic chirps.

"Well," Ryv cracked the bottle and fished out a pill. "Bottoms up," he muttered. He popped it into his mouth and swallowed it a split-second later.

As he left the bathroom, he made his best effort not to notice his shoulders slump or some of the colors seemingly drain from the world around him.

​

Don't get me started on what it means to be alive
You're lying to yourself and then you still act surprised
'Cause you're scared
Can't come to terms with what you are

Ryv took a bite out of whatever fruit he snagged on his way out the door. It crunched loudly as his teeth carved a chunk through its soft, juicy exterior. "Huh," he took another bite. "Not bad," his attention shifted to the Chieftain on his shoulder. "Where'd you say this comes from?" the droid responded with a three-round burst of beeps. "Wow, really? Wait, we used to have a temple out there, didn't we? Maybe we should just liberate it from the Sith and start growing these bad boys. Wouldn't mind an entire field of whatever this-" he shook the fruit back and forth, "-is, in my backyard."

He crossed into his office, took the final bite, and tossed the remainder of his breakfast into the waste bin. BD-8 crawled down his shoulder and zipped around the room in excitement. Ryv smiled as he watched him.

"I know, pal, it's been a while since we've been here," Ryv stepped around the desk, his gloved hand running the length of the aged wood as he went. "Good to see the temple didn't burn down in our absence," he dropped into the seat and tugged open the desk. Only a datapad sat within. The Jedi lifted it and activated it with the click of a button. The screen flashed twice as it activated. "Time to see how much we've missed," he navigated the device's functions, accessing the list of notifications and messages he'd received while away. BD-8 clamored up next to him, and the duo stared in shock at the screen.

"WHAT!?!" Ryv shouted while BD beeped, a mixture of shock and horror intermingled in their display.

Ryv set the datapad on his desk. His head dropped into waiting hands, a weak plea for mercy uttered shortly thereafter. "There are over four thousand instances in need of review," he groaned. "Vacation fucking sucks...."

Over the next four hours, Ryv managed to work through three-hundred-something reports left by the New Jedi Order. Some required direct questioning of those involved, which made everything that much more obnoxious.

Throughout the arduous hours, he scrolled through his personal-holo-device whenever he found a second of free time. Unconsciously, he found himself drawn into the gallery of photos recently taken. He clicked away at the screen, casually swiping through photos of him and BD. During his time away, the young Jedi Knight unknowingly made a habit of snapping pictures of him, the little exploration droid, and whoever made the mistake of picking a fight with the pair. While there were only a dozen photos, each one brought a wide grin to his face.

"Remember this one, Chief?" Ryv pointed at a one-eyed Twi'lek with a blaster drawn. "This dumbass thought he could steal you from me, right?" the droid nodded thrice in quick succession, its harmonious beeps its best attempt at laughter. "Man, I can't believe you set him on fire. I thought putting him through a wall was eno-" he stopped midsentence as he flicked right and took note of the next picture.

Loske appeared on his screen beside him, the two enjoying a one-armed embrace in the shot. Ryv's lips curled up in a slight smile as he looked down at her. "She was so beautiful that day, wasn't she, buddy?" BD chirped. "There was just a glow to it all, I think. The way she moved, her big ol' smile. Just, everything..." he set the device down and leaned back in his chair. "I still can't believe they tied the knot. Well, that's not true. I saw it coming miles away but, I dunno, you know?" he ran a hand through his hair as his droid relaxed on his lap.

"I'm happy for them," Ryv declared to the empty room. "It hurts, but," he reached forward and ran a hand across BD-8's head, who nuzzled against his gentle touch. "We knew that from the beginning. Didn't we, Chief?" the droid shifted on his lap as he sat up. "You know what? I'm gonna message her. I haven't seen either of em since. Doesn't feel right."

And with that, BD-8 crawled onto Ryv's shoulder, and the pair snapped a selfie.

​

Let's leave no words unspoken
And save regrets for the broken
Will you even look back when you think of me?

"Look," Ryv began. "I don't care why the fight started. You're both Padawan of the New Jedi Order. We don't do that here. You wanna fight other Jedi? You can go join the Silver Jedi on Kashyyyk. That what you want?"

"No, sir," one answered immediately. Varo was a Togruta born and raised on Coruscant if Ryv recalled correctly. A bright up-and-comer with much potential, the Sword couldn't hide his surprise when Master Aldric brought both of them in for disciplinary action. The other, Kahlis, a young refugee from Tython, was less of a surprise.

"Kahlis?" Ryv prodded.

"He started it!" Kahlis shouted again. "He keeps making fun of me for not being able to do telekinesis!" her lips quivered as tears took shape in her eyes. "I d-don't know why I can't! I just, I can't do it! I see things, like, there are these people in armor, a-and, I feel scared and don't know what to do and..." she trailed off as she cupped her face in both hands and began to cry. Both Varo and Ryv stared in absolute shock at seeing the girl's sudden outpour of emotion. Unsure what to do, Varo practically begged for help when he looked up at Ryv.

"Kahlis," Ryv spoke softer as he rounded the table. "It's okay if you can't do telekinesis yet," he knelt beside her. He reached forward and offered a tentative squeeze of her shoulder.

"R-Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, kid, really-really," Ryv brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. "Fun fact for both of you. I can't do telekinesis very well either."

"No way..." she looked up at Ryv as she wiped tears from her cheeks. "R-Really, Master Karis?"

Varo blinked rapidly. "I don't understand. All younglings and Padawan learners practice telekinesis. It's one of the easiest abilities to learn," he reached out and lifted one of the numerous datapads lining Ryv's desk. "How haven't you mastered it yet, Master?"

"Well," Ryv laughed softly. "My training as a kid wasn't typical. The Republic was at war with the One Sith, a sort of precursor to the Sith Empire. Padawan, like me, were trained early on to fight Sith. A lot of the traditions we have nowadays were abandoned. I wanted to bring all that back, so when you two are Jedi, you'll be equipped to handle any challenge. Not just the fighting, like we do now. Know what I mean?"

They looked at one another, then to Ryv, and nodded.

"Good, good," Ryv straightened. "Now-"

Ryv stopped, his entire body frozen in place as a familiar presence flooded his mind. He looked from the two teenagers and out the door. His eyes widened as Loske marched directly towards him. From what he could tell, she wasn't having the best of days. Between downcast eyes, scrunched up shoulders, and the protective embrace she's wrapped about herself, his heart physically ached. He could feel the pain drifting off her in waves, only worsened by the confusion she felt in herself.

"Loske," he muttered weakly.

She cleared the threshold that separated them before her gaze lifted and met his own. His earlier smile tripled in size as he welcomed her into the nape of his neck and waiting arms. Her momentum carried him back against the corner of the desk, but he didn't complain. He just repositioned. He said nothing as he held her, choosing instead to bask in her presence. His chest rose as he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her hair and whatever perfume she preferred. His head rested over hers. His larger form fell over her protectively. Here in this office, in his arms, no one would touch her. No one would hurt her.

"Loske," Ryv carefully pulled away after an unknown amount of time, though he did not entirely break the embrace. "I've missed you so much! I'm happy to see you," he shifted against the desk, only now remembering the two others in his office. He looked at both of them and nodded to the door. "I'll see the two of you tomorrow morning in my office. We'll be reviewing telekinesis. Together."

Kahlis stood, her face alight with excitement as if she just caught wind of the juiciest scandal. Varo, bless his soul, remained composed and led the other out the office and shut the door behind him.

"Now," Ryv began anew. "Loske," his hand slid up her forearm to gently squeeze her bicep. "Tell me, what's got you down?" he smiled that trademark Ryv grin and fell silent.

Loske Treicolt ​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

THE MEETING OF THE WATERS​

"Loske,"
"I've missed you so much! I'm happy to see you,"
"I'll see the two of you tomorrow morning in my office. We'll be reviewing telekinesis. Together."

It was the tone of his voice she heard more than the words themselves. The deafness paralleled the effects of carbonite sickness she’d experienced as muted air churning around near her ears. As far as she was concerned, the voyeurs were faceless silhouettes, existing in this timeline for only a moment. Was it an abuse of privilege to not have called ahead? A flicker of embarrassment flourished when he pulled away to dismiss the two students.

The assumption about not announcing her arrival was only the premiere of her abuse of their relationship. For as long as they’d been friends, they’d had mutual respect for radical candour. He listened to her needs, did not judge –– but never offered his own in return. Not without her vying for that openness. As genuine and good-intentioned as they were to one another, it was imbalanced.

She knew there was a terribleness to what she was doing: Putting his hardiness to the test. It was selfish and reactionary, and it made her feel even worse, but working through things alone was her greatest weakness. A mental block that made it impossible.

Sniffling, Loske ran a hand over the side of her face to draw away the tears she hadn’t been able to contain. “I missed you too.”

It would have been insulting to try and fool him with a faux meliorism and explain the tears were from a foundation of joy instead of everything she was internalizing.

Loske had been awake for too many nights in a row to remain rational. Any thread of reasonableness she might have had to cling on to had been shredded after her failure on Yinchorr. She’d even conscripted help from within COMPNOR to figure out where Maynard was being held, and how she could get him back without reinstigating the war or putting him in further jeopardy. She couldn’t feel him in any overwhelming danger, and she had to trust that Lyra Voi’Krty had a sensibility about her. From every experience she’d shared with the woman, she thought there was a strong sense of precautionary sanity to her. At least a pragmatism in the field of war and the ramifications for those involved. Surely the soldier would understand harming a Jedi and General of The Alliance would put the two government’s armistice back in a jeopardy. Loske would personally see to that.

"Now,"
"Loske, Tell me, what's got you down?"

“Heh ––” This shouldn’t have been the first conversation of their reunion. In another timeline, she might have asked about his travels and stories, brought Frank and Buddy to hang out with BD and produced his favourite Shute-Shake from Huttaburger and chatted over French fries but… times were tough all over.

The flash of his teeth dared her to abandon her anguish, pleading her not to unburden so readily. She could hear Maynard scolding her for it already, but it was too late. Prerogative fell away to instinct. Bleary-eyed, she looked at that helpful smile, willing to offer his assistance and instantly felt a spike of shame shoot through her.

Her indignation swiftly melted into something more heated at the realization of his question. Her teeth clicked shut and her jaw clenched.

“Y-you don’t...know?” It only took one look. “You don’t know. How can you not?” Her voice was tight and thin at first, but once she started with her verbal deluge, it caught volume with momentum. “It’s Maynard. He was captured on Yinchorr –– he’s somewhere in Imperial space and I can’t track him down, trust me, or I wouldn’t be here.”

Sordid realities came rushing in with her, and she felt remorseful about it but her natural approach to sorting through problems was to vocalize them with those she depended on. For the most part, she tried not to put Ryv in that position –– normally her husband happily burdened that mantle but with him gone, that was the problem. His moxie had put him in danger and she’d been unable to stop it. Loske had felt part of herself torn away, pulled into the confines of Imperial space with him. She’d felt charged with possibilities and was only held in check by the lack of knowledge of his whereabouts.

She stepped away from Ryv, just short of intentionally batting away his kind touch.

“I couldn’t stop it either –– I think it was Major General Voi’Kryt. At least, that’s what I got through psychometry. And I got someone from COMPNOR to help me track that info down, I think I trust it, but I don’t know what to do with it without putting him in more jeopardy. I just got back from Imperial space, and only because of this Dantooine coordination. I mean, I’m hoping that's going to help keep him safe but...You must be helping with that too, right? Have you heard anything about...anything?” She pinched the space between her eyes. Her free form dialogue had no structure to it, giving way to full admission.

“This wouldn’t have even happened if my stupid mom hadn’t died––” this was perhaps the first time she’d referred to Kiskla Grayson with any sort of endearment. “––and chose the worst time to do some force ghost shit.” Her hands became rigid, framing an invisible moment in time between her palms. A bad framing job, given her hands were shaking. “I don’t know what she did to me, but I can’t control myself now. It’s been years since I’ve not felt like myself in my own skin and now..everything I do is like, ten-fold the power I had before. Or at least significantly less predictable. I..god," her voice dropped again, becoming mouseish and scared "I even accidentally killed someone. I’d only meant to knock them out but something fritzed and…”

Somewhere between before and after she’d lost consciousness, Kiskla had shown her a framework of Loske’s life. Like a lattice of space and time coordinates spanning her existence, back to the earliest memories and ahead to a hundred alternatives and futures. A lattice of depths, and conundrums, and interstices through which she could peer at with a perspective a thousand feet above, completely detached. It had shaken her. Maybe the worst part was there’d been no attribution of time, everything was shown as shadows rolling back to the vanishing point of her mind’s horizon. It jaded time. She had no idea what it meant, other than this war was far from over.

Her mind was swirling in a tempest of timelines and there were a hundred more things to say, but the words got jumbled on her tongue; knotting up and tying too tightly to spill out her mouth. “It’s like I don’t know where I am right now.”

 

[Ryv]

Ryv fell silent at her question.

He hadn't expected anything that came out of her mouth, nor had he expected such an abrupt break of contact. Instinctively, the kiffar curled inwards. He crossed his arms and listened to her tale. A stoic mask adorned his hardened features, his earlier smile replaced by a tight-lipped frown. Emotions swirled within him. Concern for his missing friend at the forefront, though the typical self-deprecation followed suit. Surely it wouldn't have played out the same had Ryv been there. His relationship with the Imperator granted the New Jedi Order more patience than the other Force cults among the galaxy. His departure couldn't have happened at a worse time.

Loske's mention of her mother didn't go unnoticed, but he thought better than to mention it then and there. Whatever deep-seated frustrations gripped her heart permeated the room. Her irritation pressed against the empath. It threatened to overwhelm him with his own unwanted emotion, so he pushed those down and carefully walled her feelings off. He wanted to welcome her burden and shoulder it beside her, but he knew far too little of what had happened. And a somewhat selfish part of him couldn't let go of feelings that would forever go unreciprocated.

"Listen, Loske..." Ryv turned away and summoned the datapad from atop his desk. He flicked at the screen until several messages marked 'urgent' came into view. He opened one, quickly scanned the contents, and set it back down on the beside him. "If I'd known what was going on, I'd of come back. You know that. No one reached out. Not that it's anyone's fault, I just, I dunno, man. I'm sorry. I wish I could've been there for both of you on Yinchorr. I don't think it would've played out the same, but the what-ifs and all that don't much help afterward, huh? You know what, let's just take a seat, take a breath, and work through this. Together, like always, yeah?"

Ryv reached down, lifted the same datapad, and tugged the chair out and around for Loske. Once occupied by a misbehaved Padawan, he grabbed the other seat and spun it on its legs to face hers. With that, the Jedi Knight took a seat and motioned for the other.

"I've been in contact with Tavlar, yes. Now that I know he's holding some of our people hostage, when I go to meet him, I'll negotiate to have them freed," he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "The General isn't dumb enough to do anything that'll ruin the New Jedi Order's support of their fight against the Sith. Chances are, Maynard and whoever else captured by the Imps aren't in much danger. He was a soldier for most of his life, Loske. He's seen good men ruined by their time in chains. He's not a good guy, but..."

He leaned back in the chair, hands clasped together behind his head. "He isn't evil, either. The man is just trapped in the shit like the rest of us."

The kiffar fell silent and eyed the ceiling above them both. Nothing, in particular, caught his attention, but it was a lot easier to stare off into space than meet her gaze right then.

"Well, for starters, you're on Coruscant. You're in the Jedi Temple, and we're hanging out in my office. You must center yourself when this sorta thing happens," he looked her way finally, peering down at her with a faint smile. "Just take a few deep breaths, okay? Won't change what happened, yeah, but it'll be easier to work through everything else eating at you if you aren't at war with yourself. Know what I'm saying?"

Ryv leaned forward and held out both hands. His finger splayed, palms raised towards the ceiling. "For now, we're gonna get you back in the here and now. Then, we're gonna talk about your mom and everything she did. If you're feeling different cause of her, I'd wager she changed something about you. Maybe imparted something or unlocked something inside you? I dunno. The Force mumbo-jumbo stuff is lost on me, you know that. But I'm here, so we'll work through it together. Okay?"

Loske Treicolt ​