Private Our Dark Paths

[Tamsin Graves]

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Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

Her eyes fluttered open and as her vision cleared she saw herself standing outside the governor's estate on Echnos. It felt like she had sleep forever and was waking up from a coma, her eyes felt heavy and her body ached. She had to tell herself to breathe almost like she had forgotten how. Her mind was confused, why was she outside the estate again? How did she get here, the last thing she remembered was leaving Susevfi feeling the ruination of the city. Then, then there was nothing just a long blank darkness.

She looked to her side and Zero was at her side, he looked up at her very concerned. "When did we get here?" She asked him confused. The light in his photo receptor eye though it didn't change it felt like it was judging her with concern. Yet he did not answer as he reached up with one of his tools and buzzed the door.

Why didn't they just go in, they both lived here, she thought to herself. Yet she didn't ask him because she just had this feeling, he would not answer her. In truth Zero did it because he didn't know what to expect Tamsin had both told him Kaila was Dead and Alive. His own communications had been jammed somehow, he suspected Tamsin did it but couldn't prove it.

So, he buzzed at the estate entrance because he did not know if they would be greeted by a livid Kaila which he would be glad to see, or if a new governor had already settled in. Either way the safe bet was just to buzz and wait to see what they got. After all, over a week had passed and that whole time Tamsin led them on some crazy mission to a space station and to Dahrtag. Why they had gone to those two places the droid didn't know and Tamsin hadn't told him. She had acted very strange the whole time too almost like she was a different person entirely.

The droid and the girl just stood at the entrance waiting for whatever waited for them beyond the front doors to home. Tamsin's clothing covered in dirt, blood, and black oil with no answer in sight as to why. She tried to put puzzle pieces together in her mind as she stood there but nothing came. How had her ears healed she must have used the medical droids or bacta but she didn't remember doing it.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

Casualty reports from Sluis Van which would prove useful to her plans, financial documents, logistical forms, Anathemous absentmindedly picked through the stacked datapads and flimsiplast folders.

Until one in particular caught her tired eye.

The governor sluggishly clawed it from the stack and sighed. "Subject: (Re)Missing persons case B113-2". She knew the answer before she'd even opened it, knowing well that she was most likely dead. Truth be told, Kaila only wanted to see Tamsin's attached photo again.

The door rang once, twice, thrice before Kaila tore her eyes from the work in which she'd been engrossed since her apprentice went missing, her way of coping.

She pulled up a security feed on the hardlight display, noting the grainy presence of a small astromech and similarly small figure with their backs towards the camera. OO-series astromechs were still quite common on Echnos due to their former kainite status, and the figure she assumed to be another agent of the empire either sent to discuss logistics on behalf of the wolf or even to request that she cease pestering the ministry of order about the case, using whatever flowery language the non-force sensitive organization must to illustrate their point without their messenger losing her head to a sith blade.

"I'll get it." she muttered into the commlink, dismissing her guards who had better to do.

And so Anathemous donned her cloak, walking lackadaisically through the manor.


When the door first opened, she wore the same uninterested, almost inhuman stare for which she was known for by the public. However the moment Tamsin's face registered in her mind, those yellow eyes— though lacking their usual fire, widened as if she'd seen a ghost.

Kaila knelt, and held her lost apprentice close.

​

 

[Tamsin Graves]

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Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

The door opened and for a moment Tamsin's dark eyes met Kaila's yellow eyes. It was only a moment, but Tamsin saw tired and weary eyes staring back at her. It took a moment for Kaila to realize it was her standing at the door. Then her master promptly dropped down and embraced her in a tight hug, pulling her in close. It seemed like some stress or burden had been lifted off Kaila in that moment. Tamsin's thoughts whirled about what to say, yet she didn't know what to say she couldn't remember anything after Susevfi and wasn't sure how long she had been gone but it had to be a lot longer than a few hours.

As her master embraced her in the hug, she felt the warmth in Kaila a stark contrast to the cold emptiness the Demon had shown her. She wasn't sure what to believe, the demon who told her there was no place for her or this her master clearly missing her. Hesitantly she wrapped her arms around her master and returned the hug. Then she spoke her voice cracking a little bit as she dwelled on what she had felt of Susevfi.

"I went to save you, but I could not feel you. I thought you died and left me. The…" She stopped herself from saying it allowed she didn't need to burden her master with what the Demon had told her and showed her. Kaila had so much going on and a lot of responsibility, Tamsin felt her problems were so minor compared to what her sister dealt with every day. "How did you beat me back here? I left immediately after…" Again she stopped herself from saying it she didn't want Kaila to know what she was shown or what she felt, she did not deserve the crush pain on her heavy shoulders. She didn't deserve the hate and emptiness that Tamsin felt on Susefvi from all the Demon.

"After the city was destroyed." Again, holding back that she knew it had been Kaila who called for its ruination. Though she tried to control what she said about Susefvi she did let it slip she left after the city fell not before. She had survived its complete annihilation with the demon's protection, but she had been there when the city fell. "Kaila, why did you go there? Why didn't you wait for me? Am I not strong enough to fight at your side?" Tears started form at the edge of her eyes as she hugged her her best friend, she longed for that cold emptiness the demon had shown her rather then dealing with the pain in her heart and knowledge of what she knew her master had done.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

"I..." Kaila held on a little tighter, shedding a tear at the accusation.

"Someone very important to me, they threatened to execute her-" her voice cracked.

"There was no time! Else I would have taken every ally available..."


She pulled back, a hand on either of Tamsin's shoulders as she looked her with mixed horror and questioning, shaking her head as she tried to form words to no avail until it finally came.

"What happened, Tamsin...? It's been weeks! I contacted the ministry of order, dispatched my droids across the outer rim to find you, to no avail!"

"And I still-"

Her eyes went wide, and her voice silent.

There had never been a time when they could not feel one another across the vast emptiness of space through their mysterious bond, not since they'd taken their oath. It wasn't until she arrived in that fanged-god forsaken city that she could no longer feel sense her apprentice, and that had not changed since she left. It horrified her then, and to see her now, but not feel her...

It horrified her now, as well.

"...I still can't feel you." she muttered.

Kaila slowly let go, stumbling to her feet with the same horrified look of uncertainty across her pale face, taking a step back.

"Why can't I feel you...?"

Her hands gloved shook as she looked them over, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"...is this real?"

​

 

[Tamsin Graves]

Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

The words Kaila spoke, Tamsin didn't know how to reply. She understood them but was having a hard time accepting them and processing them. To her if Kaila had died on Susefvi her whole world would have been destroyed for this Important person she did not know.

As Kaila pulled away but kept her hands on Tamsin's shoulders, Tamsin was able to see right into her masters teary eyes at eye level. It was the first time in front of her she had seen her master cry. There was also a confusion and a seeking of words to be spoken in Kaila.

"What happened, Tamsin...? It's been weeks! I contacted the ministry of order, dispatched my droids across the outer rim to find you, to no avail!"

"Weeks?"

She questioned it felt like maybe a day at most to her. As she utter those words Zero sputtered into a long string of beeps and bwoops. His tone was agitated and frustrated, screaming about the weeks Tamsin had been missing calling her a crazed maniac. It was fast something about a space station and a tomb world. Also how Tamsin had sabotaged comms on the ship and somehow scrambled his own communications so he couldn't contact Kaila or anyone she might know.

Tamsin looked at the droid at her side. "I don't remember any of that, I just remember leaving Susefvi." She said with her sobbing voice that cracked as she spoke. As she said it she felt her sister's warm touch pull away from her. Tamsin turned to quickly back to Kaila as she grabbed for her sister's arm.

"I am real!" She screamed though not intentionally it just came out loud. "I am real." Her tone lowered a bit. "I don't know if it was the demon or something on that world but I couldn't…..can't feel you either. I thought you were dead….I thought I failed to save you…but the demon showed me the truth….it told me you didn't care no one did….that like it I am not apart of this world…I am alone." Fear welled up in her int hat moment as she blurted out what the demon had revealed to her. Yet as she said those words to Kaila a faint spark of there connection ignited it was weak but there. "I…I didn't want to believe it but…"

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

Kaila flinched. she'd never heard Tamsin scream before, not like that.

The pain, however, that she had felt before. Enough to that this was real, it wasn't another of those nightmares which often plagued her sleeping hours, and had only gotten worse since she lost— even failed, Tamsin. A reoccurring cycle, it seemed.

"You are real, yes." she echoed, glancing up at her.

"But not alone."

She caught her breath, trying desperately to be that anchor of calm in the storm as she placed a gentle hand upon Tamsin's shoulder, as she had done many times before, and would continue to do so for as long as it took.

"I... Come inside, please, I'll make us some tea."

"We've a lot to talk about."

Kaila stepped aside to allow Tamsin into their home where she belonged, giving both her droid and the corridor beyond a wary glance before the door shut behind them.

"I really thought we had more time... How is she getting stronger? It doesn't make any bloody sense."



"...Why have I failed?!"

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[Tamsin Graves]

Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

"But…." The words trembling from her lips, she had believed it let into it. She had let that Demon taint and poison her mind. It wanted her to be like it, she looked to Kaila as she accepted Tamsin was real not some nightmare here to haunt her dreams. Yet that wasn't exactly true, the thing inside her still haunted and loomed over them both.

"But not alone."

"It wants me to be…" She nooded as Kaila asked her to come inside for some tea. She followed just behind her master, her head hung down in shame. Shame because she had believed the demon in her, let into its demands and skewed perspective. The question of why she had done it loomed in her mind.

'Yes" She said solemnly in agreement with Kaila that they need to talk, need to fix the damage the demon had caused them both. It was her fault, or at least she felt that way, she was the omen after all. She always felt every bad thing or misstep that had happened since their meeting was because of her and the thing inside her.

"I really thought we had more time... How is she getting stronger? It doesn't make any bloody sense."

Kalia referred the Demon as a she it should have brought a curious look to Tamsin's face, but she remembered on Echnos. It was a bit fuzzy for Tamsin as she hadn't heard the deal the demon and Kaila had made but she started remembering a soft whisper into Kaila's mind she couldn't make out the conversation. Yet it was clearly a female voice, the Demon was a female.

"I…"

"...Why have I failed?!"

"You didn't fail….I." There was something she didn't tell Kaila that had happened a while ago, something she didn't want to burden her sister with. "I went back to Canto Bight, when you were off with that woman from New Cov some place." She didn't know exactly how to explain what had happened when she walked into the lands of the dead of the nether. It was like something out of as dream and not real.

"The Demon knew her you know that right? I saw glimpses of it on Echnos, the demon stalked her when she was a lot younger." She had wanted to say that to Kaila since that day but again she had felt it would be too much for Kaila with all she had going on in her life. "On Canto Bight a portal opened, and I went through it. The demon led me to a place, it was deep into…the land of the dead. I touched a black well and I saw its face in it then….it entered me. I think I may have made it stronger." Tamsin unaware that it had happened on other time on Korriban as well. "You didn't fail, I failed you. I am stupid....I shouldn't have gone through the portal."

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

The pair strode hurriedly through the halls, passing many guards dressed in the familiar black armor of the Echnosian wastewalkers, receiving a number of glances which ranged from surprised and confused to simply relieved. Many of these men had been ordered to search door to door for Tamsin a few weeks prior, picking up stories of their own which they might even share with the young apprentice if asked.

Kaila paid them no mind, taking Tamsin straight to the elevator with a newfound urgency.

"Yes. I did." she said, soon as the doors had closed.

"It is my duty to teach you, and you're too quick a learner not have-"

"I went back to Canto Bight, when you were off with that woman from New Cov some place."

Silence overtook her immediately.

Tamsin was allowed to roam freely, that had always been part of their arrangement. Kaila only asked to be informed so that she may intervene in an emergency, and that someone go with her, often Zero.

This was new, or at least, whatever realm the girl was describing, certainly was new to her.

And it happened whilst she was distracted with her.

"Ala..." Kaila said, closing her eyes, shedding an unbidden tear.

"I should never have allowed her to distract me..."

What had it accomplished? Heartache for a woman that never would have been hers? Ala was as much a jedi now as she had been when they met, if she yet breathed at all, wherever she was. And Kaila had allowed her little light, her Ithorian rose, to occupy her thoughts at the cost of her apprentice, her sister.

She hung her head low as they left the elevator and concluded Tamsin's story. Kaila ran fingers through her curled hair, sighing painfully at the whole ordeal.

"And you should have-"

"No," Kaila corrected herself.

She led almost blindly into the office, a simple flick of the wrist shutting the door behind them, sealing them away from untrusted ears. Though it was clear that Kaila was upset, she would never berate her apprentice in front of others, nor use shame as a weapon.

"You shouldn't have been there." she said sternly.

Another flick of her wrist set the fireplace alight, shedding a warm glow around the office to match the eyes of it's master as she turned then, wearing a pained, inverted grin.

"You could have been killed, Tamsin. And not even I could've saved you, had you fallen in the nether. Why on earth-"

She took a shaky breath, turning away to fetch her kettle and set it to boil over the fire.

"Tamsin, If I had lost you, I don't think I could ever trust myself with a student again, let alone a sister. You are the closest thing I will ever have to family, and if I fall, you are my legacy."

"Why didn't you tell me?" her voice cracked as she turned to face her.

"Why would you endanger yourself so? Without me?"

​

 

[Tamsin Graves]

Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

Ala that was the name the demon said that day on Echnos, the one Kaila demanded the demon tell her how it knew of them. Tamsin had heard that conversation, the demon wanted her to hear. It wanted her to know that name, that name was dangerous. Tamsin knew more as she thought on that day that nearly doomed Echnos.

"I should never have allowed her to distract me..."

"Jidai?" She whispered to herself as she followed her master pasted the guards who looked at her questioningly. The way she said it, not Jedi but Jidai felt natural to her like that was the proper way to address them. She didn't realize how much effort her master had put into finding her, but as she saw the guards looking at her, she could feel their surprise and confusion. Soon she followed her master into the elevator.

"And you should have-"

The ride up was thankfully short but awkward as Kaila tried to find the words to digest what Tamsin had just told her. Like a child Tamsin let her head hang in shame. As they stepped from the elevator and went into Kiala's office. The door shutting behind them leaving master and apprentice alone. Tamsin kept her sights at the floor feeling ashamed she had never told her master any of this before.

"I didn't tell you, because you were dealing with so much already. You were dealing with your master, Governing Echnos, Inquisition leadership, and all the other threats of the sith order. My issues and problems seemed so small, you had so much going on." Tamsin looked up slightly at her sister's face as she ignited the fireplace. "You went out to find who you were alone, I didn't want to be a burden on you, I want to be like you." It wasn't hard to admit, Tamsin looked up to her big sister. She wanted to be everything Kaila was, strong and able to take on so much then come out stronger. She didn't want to be the thing that brought her down or held her back.

"I went to Canto Bight because that is where you made a promise to me that we would fight the will and what is inside of me together. Then I went into the portal…." She wanted to say it was because she felt something calling her to it, but that was a lie she told herself. She could have ignored the calling and turned away but she didn't because she didn't want to. "I went in because I was hoping maybe I would be led to an answer." Tears again rolled down her cheeks as she stared up at her sister with her tortured eyes of not knowing. Those same eyes Kaila once had when she didn't know who she was.

Her heart sinking deep into her guts as Kaila slammed her with the thought of being her legacy and family. She wanted answers but Kaila was right, she did have a family that worried about her and cared about her. "I'm sorry I am selfish, I don't want to be burden to you so I hid a lot from you. I saw how strong you were and how you charge into the fire, like you I didn't wait. I want to be like my hero, you my sister."

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

"Selfish-??"

Kaila closed her eyes, her expression utterly sinking into pained defeat.

Tamsin had been her most dedicated ally since escaping the Hutts. Even at her worst, the girl had been by her side, often the only one she could trust in the room. She'd stuck with her when most sith would have thrown in with her enemies, and rightfully so. Kaila had risked it all, and gambled with both their lives.

"...you're not selfish." she muttered.

Despite the moisture welling in her own eyes, the young Darth carefully wiped the tears from her apprentice's face as she knelt down to her level.

"You were trying to protect me, in your own way. I can't fault you for that, no matter how much I wish it had not cost you."

Kaila wrapped an arm around her, sniffling as she pulled herself closer. There was so much she wished to say, but did not know how. So much she should have done differently, but could not take back. And so much uncertainty, fear that she may lose her closest friend.

Her sister.

"I need you to be selfish." she sniffled.

"And we need to stop being heroes, people who sacrifice themselves. I don't want you to be sacrificed."

Kaila held on a little tighter, allowing Tamsin to see the parts of herself which she had so stoically hidden from her, the humanity which she'd denied her sister. The fear, the care, the love.

"I will make time for you. I am so sorry that I ever gave you reason to doubt this."

Though the tears remained, the eyes of Anathemous shown with a familiar resolve as she pulled back, just enough to look her sister in the eye.

"We will go to Zonju soon, very soon. We will figure out what that thing wants from that place, and we will use it to draw her out. You and I will defeat it, together, one way or another."


"I -" the tears came again.

"want my sister back."

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[Tamsin Graves]

Theme: Coming Home
Tags: Kaila Irons

Tamsin listened to her sister words of needing to be selfish and of being so willing to sacrifice herself for the one person she loved. As her sister embraced her in a hug, tears streaming down both their faces. Tamsin had never seen Kaila like this, the softer side of her sister she had seen but not the one before her. Well except in the vision the demon had shown her, her sister so vulnerable.

As they embraced in Kaila's deep hugs that sometimes felt like they could snap the spine Tamsin felt the poisoning of the mind slowly slip away. She felt that maybe she wasn't alone in this galaxy, just some random slave girl in the galaxy that didn't matter. She had one person who wanted her around, wanted to see her succeed.

Her arms wrapped tightly around her sister. "I am sorry I doubted you, but I don't know what I would do without you." The doubt began to shift away as Tamsin's thoughts drifted to the words Kaila spoke of defeating the demon inside of her. She did not doubt Kaila's words, but something inside her told her this was far from over.

The demon had its game, and it wanted Tamsin to learn the lessons it had learned. It wanted her to be like it, Tamsin thought about it for a moment. Why had it brought Kaila so close gifting them with the ability to always find each other but then severed that connection. It wanted her to get close to Kaila but yet it didn't, that didn't make any sense. Tamsin doubted she would get an answer from it either.

"Hero or not, you're my sister. My only family Kaila. I don't want you sacrificing yourself, I don't want to be alone." It was true one day Tamsin might have to face that inevitability, given the ways of the sith. Yet she hoped it was a long ways off, maybe someday after their family grew bigger. A dream and a future to hold onto maybe not a happy ending but one she could be content with.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Tamsin Graves

"Which is exactly why I don't want you risking your life." sniffled Kaila.

She ran her fingers through Tamsin's raven hair, hoping she understood how alone—how devastated—she'd feel if her sister had perished off in some strange new world.

The kettle began to screech, leaving Kaila in silence for a moment.

She gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, and stood to retrieve the kettle, pouring them each a duraporcelain cup of warm, fresh tea.

"Here," she said in a steadying exhale whilst handing off the cup.

"Made from Haneli flowers, famed for their soothing effect. You can always come to me for more, if you like."

Kaila then moved to the desk, sitting not behind it, but pulling up two seats in front so that she and Tamsin may sit together, side by side in front of the window. The view was nothing to write home about, just the rocky moonscape beyond and toxic clouds all around, but it was one of the only places in Echnos city where the warmth of real sunlight reached.

She sat down, taking a sip of the reddish-pink liquid which was normally served iced, though Kaila appreciated her tea hot on a day like this. It was surprisingly sweet, not the usual posh mint she usually brewed.

"I... worry sometimes," she sighed, staring contemplatively at the wastes outside.

"That I push you too much. Others, not enough."

"I said you'd be more than my apprentice, but I've treated as anything but. When is the last time we were simply human, together...? Held a simple conversation unrelated to training, went shopping for an outfit or something."

"Would you like to start now...?" she turned to face her, a cautiously hopeful look in her eye.

Hopeful that it was not too late, that the demon had not already taken their humanity, in a way.


"Tell me of your travels, and I'll tell you of mine. Let there be no more secrets between us, not even mine."

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