Private Of Ember & Ash

[Kito]

//: Valaine Valentine //:
//: Continued from Ashen Despair //:
//: Malachor V //:

Everything blurred.

When Virelia touched her, she wanted to recoil. The Force that touched her was tainted, and even in that moment. Kito continued to defy the Sith Lord's will. She didn't want the corruption she had felt during their fight to fill her, to try and mend her. If she were to be saved, it would be by other means.

There was just a thread, one brittle link that kept her tied to this forsaken life. She wanted to just let go; everything hurt, and she was alone. The sound of the door closing caused a slight shudder. Now, she can die in peace. She drowned the last seven minutes of her life in memories that warmed her in the cold pits of the dungeon.

Metal clattered behind her; the peace of death hadn't come yet. Kito held her breath, wanting to fool whoever had come to her cell to think she had passed already. But the moment she focused for just a moment, she felt her.

Valaine.

The mask fell from her face, but she couldn't do anything. The Shaper heard her name, felt her body being released. Was this real, or was she just dreaming this in her last moments?

Her lips parted, forming words but not sound came out but one,

"...you..."

It was all she could muster, but her crooked little smile curled on her lips. Kito wanted to believe that Valaine was there, but if she wasn't, at least her mind was sound enough to comfort her at the last moment.

---

The shelter buzzed with quiet activity. Kito could hear the noise of the air purifier, the ice chest cycling through a cleaning program, and the soft breeze of the heater. All of it was ordinary, but familiar to the Shaper. Her mind worked over trying to piece things together as her eyes remained closed.

She had died? A thought that Kito had accepted for the most part. She was sad, knowing that her life had started to look up, but it was inevitable. She hadn't finished her penance; she hadn't made something of herself with her fellow Jedi, but what broke her heart was not being able to see Valaine and say goodbye.

Was it a dream? Did she just have a nightmare after the fight with Virelia?

Kito opened her eyes, looking at the ceiling. It was her ceiling, one she had woken up to several times beforehand. Her eyes watched as the ceiling fan spun until she made herself dizzy. Kito shut her eyes and moved slightly on the cot. She lifted herself slightly onto her elbows and paused.

Everything hurt. She stopped and laid back down, so maybe it wasn't a dream. What happened? There were so many holes in her memory, but one thing she did remember was Valaine. Her voice and reassurance. Kito did remember holding onto her as they left the dungeon.

A hand covered her face as she groaned; even her throat hurt.

"V-Valaine…?" Her voice was timid. Part of her hoped the Sangnir had stuck around, but she also would have understood the need to go back to the Spire…

But maybe…

 

[Valaine Valentine]

Tags - Kito

"V-V-Valaine~?" came a mocking tone in response as soon after the Sangnir's face came into view for Kito, she had been sitting right besides her cot. "- ...That's what you sound like right now." smirked the pale woman as she looked down at the Shaper.

It had been several days since she brought Kito back from the spire. She wasn't entirely certain she'd make it at first, but once she got her home and started in her attempts to treat her then just little by little did she seem to improve. Progress had been slow and a part of her had worried she wouldn't wake up, but in those several days she had remained at the camp the whole time, daring not to leave it for a moment.

She had gotten somewhat used to looking after Kito's sleeping form, enough to get by most of her own frantic emotions over it. Now? She just wanted to be as casual about it as she could, she thought it'd help the waking Shaper recover and come to her senses sooner, to give her a sense of security and comfort with her light attitude.

Her hand reached over to gently place over Kito's forehead as she wore a more genuine smile. "How're you feeling, Firefly...?" she asked as she checked her temperature. "Probably thirsty right?" she added before she leaned back and reached for a glass of water, holding it before the other woman's lips.

In her time caring for Kito there was just one thing she had done to help speed her recovery. In an act of desperation, and perhaps some innate instinct due to her Sangnir self, she had been feeding the Shaper drops of her blood each day. It was a hopeless attempt to heal the woman but Valaine had noticed that her own regenerative properties were weakly mimicked when she fed Kito her blood. For now however she'd keep that secret to herself.

"Don't move too much, you've been out of it for a while, but you're safe Kito. Nobody's going to hurt you here, not with me around. I promise." the young Sangnir assured. Seeing Kito open her eyes came as a great relief to her though she tried to hide just how concerned she had been in the last few days.

 

[Kito]

//: Valaine Valentine //:

The voice, even in its mocking tone, made the Shaper's ears perk up. She looked and let her eyes adjust from their sleepy haze to see the face that had only been seen in her dreams. Kito would never admit to it, but she had felt closer to the Sangnir during those replays of her memories. Kito chuckled. It felt like they hadn't missed a step.

"Should I show you how you sound when you say my name?" Kito teased as she sat up slightly to let Valaine help her take a sip of water. She was right, her throat hurt as well, but it was the last of her concerns. Her body ached, and she felt like she had fallen from hyperspace to planet side several times. But, she did her best to keep a painless face as she shifted where she lay.

Valaine's words brought concern to the Shaper's face. What did she mean? The time she had been out and even the days prior, everything was a blur or didn't feel real. Even now, she felt out of place and that any moment she'd wake up again from the dream. Kito didn't want to think about that, knowing her luck, she'd wake up and Valaine would have never existed — being just a figment of her active imagination.

What a horrible reality.

"Thank you," she said as she moved again despite Valaine's words. Kito wanted to sit up the best she could, hoping that doing so, the soreness would fade sooner. Looking around the shelter, not much had changed, though she didn't really know what to expect.

Kito smiled as she reached out for Valaine's hand. She wanted something to ground her and let her know that this wasn't some screwed up hopeful dream.

"What even happened?" She was curious; typically being the protector, a part of her was embarrassed by being in the state she was in. Though she was happy that Valaine was here with her. Waking up alone, not having someone to even greet you, was a scary thought.

She didn't think about it too much as her curiosity continued to grow. Sheepishly, her honesty got the better of her.

"You know, you're more beautiful here than in my dreams..."

 

[Valaine Valentine]

Tags - Kito

"Should I show you how you sound when you say my name?"

The comment amused the Sangnir and she found it nice to hear Kito's laugh again, to hear her voice, even if she was barely recovered she had missed it dearly. When Kito started to sit herself up she leaned forward just a little as if she was worried she'd hurt herself in the act of it. After she had drank from the glass the pale Sangnir set it aside as she maintained a smile, though she was struggling to hold it as something gnawed at her.

When Kito thanked her she offered a light nod and for a second that smile seemed to falter before it was held again. "It's okay." she answered, curiously she didn't seem to really accept the apology, not how she normally would at least. When Kito moved to sit further up she leaned forward again, hands cautiously hovering over the Shaper. "Hey really, take it easy." she cautioned softly as a hand placed upon her shoulder, she was concerned but there was still something else wrong with the Sangnir, something she wasn't showing, or didn't want to show.

As Kito placed her hand over Valaine's she'd notice it was lightly shaking. It seemed that as Valaine glanced to her own hand she took note that Kito was able to tell such as those tired grey eyes looked back up towards her, they seemed more... shiny than usual? And distracted, like she was struggling to meet her gaze.

"What even happened?"

It was those words that finally seemed to shake the façade. The Sangnir's eyes were glassy as a tear rolled down her pale cheek as she smiled at Kito, but it was obvious now, that smile was being forced; it kept faltering, kept dipping, and as the Sangnir's lips parted it seemed her words were lost on her as she refused to acknowledge the tear that rolled down her cheek. "I-.." she paused as she tried to hold her eyes on Kito, acting like everything was fine even when she choked on her own words. "-... I'm sorry." she said as the words followed another tear down her other cheek.

She had wanted to seem strong in front of Kito, confident and happy, but there was a truth she had been fighting since the day she pulled her out of those dungeons, one she had been blaming herself for days over. Her lips parted once more with further words caught in her throat as she likely shook her head, her form trembled, "I-... I should have come sooner... I-..." the smile cracked more, another tear trailing in the path of the first and dripping from her chin. She was trying so desperately to keep her composure and smile. "Should've... Been there when..." she pulled in a shuddering breath before she finally turned her eyes away, unable to face her gaze. Her lower lip quivered for a moment, "I'm-... I'm so sorry Kito... For... For everything." she managed, swallowing down the rest of her words.

Guilt had dominated her thoughts of late. What ifs, should've, could've, but ultimately didn't. It had tore a hole in her chest, one that had her believe that maybe Kito wouldn't have suffered so much, wouldn't have been at the edge of death, if she had just burnt her to a crisp when they first met.

 

[Kito]

//: Valaine Valentine //:

Kito remained quiet, watching and listening. She had never seen Valaine like this, avoiding eye contact, and her smile wasn't the same. It was worrying, something had to have happened — something that had changed her. Kito's hand tightened, giving her a reassuring squeeze. It seemed there was a lot more going on than Kito could fathom. Being asleep didn't help the situation, but she was happy Valaine was here, and at least Kito could now help support her the best she could.

Though her question seemed to have broken something in the Sangnir. The carefully crafted smile cracked, and tears flowed from her eyes. Her chest ached seeing the woman break. Kito didn't know what to say or do. She felt like it was her fault, that whatever had happened ruined everything.

Kito listened, watching and trying to piece together her fragmented memory. She stopped after it began to give her a headache. None of it would change what was happening, how Valaine felt about the situation.
All that mattered right now was the woman who had saved her.

"Hey," Kito whispered as she leaned close, her hand lifting, reaching out, and lightly caressing the tears staining her beautiful face. She wanted to make things better, to stop the tears and return everything to how it was. Possibly a foolish thought, but one with good intentions.

Kito wiped away the tears, despite how they seemed to endlessly flow.

"You don't need to apologize, I'm okay, and that's because of you." Kito tried to move so she could catch sight of the tired, ashen eyes she had longed to see in the depths of that dungeon. In the dark, they were her comfort.

Moving hurt, but she did her best to hide it. Scooting closer, Kito lifted her hand again, moving along Valaine's chin, trying to coax her to look, to just see that everything was going to work out and she was okay. If Valaine hadn't come when she did, Kito wouldn't be in bed; she'd be gone.

"Valaine…" Kito said her name softly with the caring tone only her name would ever receive. "Please don't cry…" Kito didn't know what to say or what to do. All she wanted was to make things better, to pull Valaine into a hug tight enough to remind her that Kito was still there. They were out of the woods, and like she said, danger wouldn't touch them.

"We're safe. We're safe here…" She whispered as she shifted, letting her hand thread through the woman's long, dark hair. Even if Valaine didn't look at her, Kito still leaned forward as far as she could and kissed her cheeks gently. She could taste her tears, which only broke her heart more.

"All that matters is that you're here now, I got to see you the moment my eyes opened… I couldn't have had it any other way."

 

[Valaine Valentine]

Tags - Kito

The Sangnir managed to pull her gaze back towards Kito when the Shaper reached out to urge her to do so. Even now Valaine was determined to try and hold back her emotions, to try and smile even when her tired eyes were reddened with tears.

"You don't need to apologize"

A light shake of her head was given in response, "No, I do..." she answered as she let Kito brush the tears from her pale cheek as she pulled in a shaken breath. "... You can't let me off the hook for this, Kitu-Kito... Every day you're with me I'm putting you in danger..." she spoke as she brought her own hand to gently place against the other woman's cheek in a gentle touch, thumb brushing against skin. "You almost died... What kind of friend does that make me, hm...?" she asked as she breathed in another shuddering sigh.

Her tired eyes closed for a moment as the last of her tears dripped down her face, either to be caught by the Shaper's hand or to fall at the point of her chin. "... Listen to me..." she muttered to herself with a light shake of her head before she opened her gaze. "Turning into such a little wreck like this when you're the one that suffered..." said the Sangnir as she moved her hand to gently hold the one that was brushing at her tears, clutching it warmly in her own as she lowered it from her face.

"Just-... Just accept the apology Kito, and let's figure out what we're gonna do with you..." she said as she shifted herself from her seat to sit upon the bed besides the Shaper instead, gently urging her to lay back down. "Does it hurt anywhere..? Any aches...? I've tried to do what I can but..." she forced a soft chuckle, "You know I'm more about taking blood out than putting it back in..."

 

[Kito]

//: Valaine Valentine //:

It hurt to hear the things Valaine was saying. She was blaming herself for all that had happened. This wasn't her fault; in Kito's eyes, this was something that was a series of unfortunate events. How would Valaine even know about any of what happened? She remained silent, letting the woman explain why she wasn't allowed to be relieved of her guilt.

Kito opened her mouth once more, ready to argue her point, to make sure Valaine knew that this was as much Kito's fault as she felt it was hers. But she stopped. Her lips remained parted as Valaine used her full name, not just the nickname, but the name that was only ever said by her family.

This was serious, and Kito nodded. She couldn't argue with this; it was a weight that Kito couldn't take from her.

"I'm good," she said softly after a moment. "A little stiff… but okay." Her tone softened as she added, "I'll accept your apology — on one condition."

She tilted her head as if to lie back, but instead, the Shaper moved closer, carefully climbing onto the bed beside her. It wasn't graceful, but it didn't need to be. Bit by bit, she shifted until her head rested against Valaine's shoulder.

Her familiar scent wrapped around her — the warmth of skin, the faint metallic sweetness that was just her. Kito's muscles loosened; her breathing evened out.

"You stop blaming yourself…" Kito was serious, her voice mirroring the sadness she felt upon hearing the guilt that bled from someone she had found herself deeply caring for.

"Knowing you feel this way breaks my heart… You…" Kito shifted, wanting to look Valaine in the eyes.

"You kept me alive, not just here… but there too." Slowly, the events were starting to come together. She remembered thinking often of Valaine even before the Sith had entered her cell. The darkness that had threatened to consume her was only held back by the memory of the happiness she felt when she was near her.

"I wanted to see you again… I wanted to hold your hand… to kiss you…" Kito paused, her throat tightening. She wished she were better with words. There was so much that she felt in her chest and in her heart, but her voice often failed to express it.

"I just wanted to hear you say my name again… You kept me conscious and protected me even when you weren't there. But you're here…" She touched her chest lightly, patting where her heart would be.

"Even when I'm not with you, I still feel you… and it makes me happy."

Kito wanted to say more, asking if Valaine felt the same, but she didn't know how or if she was scared that she was the only one who felt this way. It was sometimes better not to know, and she would be okay if she never did. But right now, her sweet paramour needed to know — needed to know that while she felt guilty, there was no reason to. Because even without trying, she had saved Kito more than she could possibly realize.

 

[Valaine Valentine]

Tags - Kito

As Kito rested her head against Valaine's shoulder she lightly wrapped an arm around her, to hold her close in a comforting manner as she let her head lean atop hers. She was certain that such an embrace was sorely needed for the Shaper after her time spent within the dungeon and the Sangnir would not deny her it. Her tired reddened eyes glanced down towards the Shaper as she listened to her condition for accepting the apology.

The scent of the Shaper was familiar to her, a warm and comforting one full of memories that they had shared at this point, it helped ease her own emotions as she gave Kito a light squeeze. "Mm... I'll accept that, then... Thanks, Kito..." she answered gently as she planted a soft kiss atop her head. "I'm sorry- Ah- I know, you told me not to apologize, but this one's different..." she began as she turned to meet the Shaper's gaze when it seemed like she wanted to look at her. "I'm sorry that you had to see me like this... I tried not to..." she admitted as she frowned lightly with her ever-pouty lips.

Her frown only deepened when she listened to Kito recount how she felt when she was bound and chained like an animal within the deepest cells of the spire, her hand coming in to gently stroke at her cheek once more as she leaned forward to gently press her forehead to hers as she stared deeply into her gaze. "Kito..." she worded softly, "... It rips my heart apart to think about how you felt down there, it shouldn't have happened in the first place..." she sighed gently, her breath fell warmly against the Shaper's lips.

Kito had longed for something familiar and warm when she was trapped in the coldest depths, even just a second of affection, to the point the memories of it had served to keep her alive. She wouldn't deny the Shaper the comfort she was denied, not for a second, she wanted her to be able to experience once again the warmth she was denied. Her face pressed in slowly to place her soft lips against the Shaper's in a tender and affectionate kiss, to remind her.

After their lips parted from one another with a gentle sigh her hand reached for Kito's, clasping it firmly. "Firefly... Listen to me carefully..." she began as her voice dipped into a whisper and she held her gaze, stormy greys staring so deeply into ochre flame; ash and embers, "... We live in different worlds and almost everyone would despise the idea of us together... But I need you to know..." her hand squeezed firmly upon the Shaper's. "... No matter what happens, no matter how far apart our paths might drift, or what allegiances we take, or what wars we find our place in, there's just one thing that matters...".

The Sangnir's eyes closed for just a moment as she breathed another steady sigh, the stain of tears on her cheeks still visible but having since been halted. Stormy greys opened again with a stare of affection, adoration, and more. "... I'll always love you, Kitu-Kito. Always. Even if I can't show it you'll hold my heart in your hands. I need you to know that... So tell me that you can hear it..."