Private Obstacles

[Acaadi]

Acaadi fell silent for a few seconds. He didn't know what he wanted to hear. Not that.

When they had drunk too much in the back room of one of the Perl clubs and fooled around it had been different. It hadn't been meaningless as such, but it hadn't meant the same as the night they had shared.

"I don't know how I'm acting," he replied. "I think you're frightened of what happened and have been avoiding me."

There, he had said it. It didn't feel good. He'd thought it would have felt cathartic to get that off his chest but instead his feelings just wound themselves into an even tighter now.

"I like being your friend too," Acaadi said, taking a step back from the accusation. "I'm not trying to like...label us or something. It just feels like more than friends alright?"

 

[Kyra Perl]

And there it was.

Kyra shoulders rounded in, trying to protect herself from force knows what. The walls went up and she locked down. She was silent, a sense of stillness trickling from their bond. And then finally, a set of words, small in nature.

"What do you want from me, Acaadi. You know how I am. You know me..."

That she could not give him something like that back. At least. She believed she couldn't. It was all very complicated, in ways he couldn't conceive.

 

[Acaadi]

"I don't know," he offered in a conciliatory tone.

Acaadi sighed and fidgeted with his hands on his lap. Once again, all the ways he might have imagined this conversation going were not playing out. The responses he'd played out in his mind fled to the wind and left him grasping for words to match his feelings.

"Maybe spending some time together again? It feels like...like you've decided that I want something you don't and have avoided me because of that."

He drew in a long breath through his nose and drummed his fingers on his knee. It was never easy. Why did it always fill him with fear trying to explain something to Kyra. He'd stood his ground against sith spawn and yet this made him squirm.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra slowly uncoiled, a bit of shock loosening in the gaze that leveled at him. "...you don't want to date me?"

The words itself easily could feel dangerous-- like a trap! He'd feel the flash of relief through. Unfair or otherwise, she had been braced for something different. Kyra was often caught up in her own head, a fact which became evident now. Boy, did she feel silly. A bit of heat touched her cheeks, her embarrassment quick to follow.

"Good. Cause I don't want to date you. It's not like we're ever gonna do something like that again. It was just cause you nearly died." It was frightening the way lies mixed with truths, the combination of words almost cruel in nature as she unconsciously sought to developed more distance between them.

She cared for Acaadi. Deeply so! But there were some things she simply wasn't ready for, and this discussion was clearly it. She perked a little, feeling lighter as she rattled on. "But I mean. We can still get ice cream together. Maybe invite Kiegan Lysle along!" she glanced over once at the boy crying through a set of crunches.

"You ever notice how he's always alone. I wonder if he has any friends.."

 

[Acaadi]

Acaadi looked towards Kiegan, who was still going. Going to get some ice cream sounded like a good idea, but he had mixed feelings in her response. In part he felt relief as she unwound, but something cut a little deeper.

He wasn't out to force her into a relationship or something she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with. He just did feel that there was more to them than friends. He didn't have a word for what that was, but it was an absolute truth to him.

"I was...kind of hoping it might happen again though," he said slowly. "I'm not trying to like, label us. It wasn't just because I was hurt right? I'm not trying to date you!" he said, holding up both hands. He didn't realise how pointed his question really was.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra squirmed, her gaze flashing as he spoke for future hopes. Feelings and logic so often did not work well together for her empathic girl. Acaadi was her foil in that regards, and it was why they worked so well as friends, and in missions.

...Well, minus that one time they don't talk about...

ANYWAY.

He could look at the recent weeks and see their relationship with rational clarity, but Kyra? Fear sparked in her gut, cutting off the thought process that would lead her to see things his way. "Just because I'm Zeltron doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with you again, Acaadi. It was one time-- one! And if tell anyone differently, I'll- " She panted in distress, the first hint of what really bothered her rearing its head.

She turned, whapping his chest hard in a wordless burst of her emotions. She then tried to push him back in, a bit of fiery and tears to her contorted features.

 

[Acaadi]

"Ow!" went Acaadi, tumbling back into the pit. He felt a flash of frustration. It was never, ever easy. As his stomach settled from the leap of gravity. As it did he felt a rush of clarity. There was something behind those worsa. A fear.

"I haven't...I haven't told anyone!" he whispered. It was quite a loud whisper.

"You didn't think I would...be like that?" he asked. His tone wasn't so harsh this time. He looked afraid for what her answer would be.

 

[Kyra Perl]

His yelp as he fell brought some level of satisfaction to the girl. She huffed and glowered down at him for his stupid words. "I'm Zeltron, Acaadi. It's what everyone thinks. But I'm sick of it-- I'm not doing it-- I'm not that kinda girl and you- and them! You're not better than me just cause I got tits, and you don't get to touch em just cause I'm pink!"

She had clearly had a bad experience in the past, moisture building on her waterline as she hollered down at him.

"I didn't ask to be Zeltron. And it doesn't mean 'yes'." She clonked him with another foam block.

 

[Acaadi]

Acaadi had a foam block in his hand and another raised with the Force to throw back when the weight of her words sunk in.

A few pieces clicked into place. The cogs were very visibly turning which was made all the more comical when a cube of foam struck him square in the middle of the forehead.

"Kyra I..." another cube to the chin. "...please."

Why was he so bad at missing the warning signs until he upset her.

"I wouldn't do that to you! And..."

For once rather than put his foot in it he tried to think of the words. He did think of her in a way he hadn't done before, but it wasn't because she was a zeltron. He felt like he'd been stupidly blind to how her heritage had affected her and he felt ashamed.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Clunk... clunk...

clunkclunkclunk- Kyra continued to throw blocks at him, red hot embarrassment ruling her.

"And?" And nothing. She raised a bunch of blocked into the air from the force, her features contorted in her shame and she sent then raining down on him in one blob of a wave.

Bonk.

"I'm not a slut!"

 

[Acaadi]

"Please," he hissed. He shielded his head. With a wave of his hand he dragged a pile of the foam blocks away from her reach.

"I know that Kyra! I know. I wouldn't have..."

Acaadi was thinking of the two of them. He was short sighted and didn't think beyond that. He didn't think of how she would feel about her mentor - perhaps one of the people she needed respect from the most - being the one to open that door.

 

[Kyra Perl]

His weak protests did little to sooth her ire and frustrations. Her heart slammed in her chest as she stood up, indignation pulsing through her veins. Pink. Didn't. Mean. Yes!

Anger not meant for him rippled from her. She turned her nose up at the poor boy sitting helpless in the foam pit and turn to run. Sometimes, embarrassment can destroy everything. Like their friendship. She was sure it was toast now.

They had been so rocky lately. She shoulda known all things came to an end. She hitched a breath, a cry of pain slipping from her, and pounded hard to find her way back to her dorms.

Now she regretted what they had done. Stupid, stupid hormones.

 

[Acaadi]

"Why is it always difficult?" he asked as she walked away. He didn't shout it, but it was definitely loud enough for her to hear.

Acaadi lacked the depth of understanding that would come with age. Their bond gave him a window into her feelings, but not the way they were shaped and formed. Not the reasoning behind it.

With a frustrated groan he fell back into the pit and stared at the ceiling. He watched them sway and tease him far above. Part of him felt the need to go back up there to prove to himself he really could defeat the course. As the emotions ebbed back he picked a different path.

Acaadi pulled himself out of the pit and headed for the dorms after Kyra. Should have have a full few minutes to herself, or to go somewhere else, but he would get there eventually and knock on her door.