Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved Location Obsidian Base

Status
Not open for further replies.
[SIZE=11pt]Name[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Obsidian Base[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Image Source[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Corridor Image: https://borg.com/2011/11/21/tool-of-science-fiction-the-corridor/[/SIZE]
corridor-from-voyager.jpg
[SIZE=11pt]Detention Block: http://www.moddb.com/mods/republic-assault-cruiser/images/wip-detention-block2#imagebox[/SIZE]
shot0512.jpg
[SIZE=11pt]Generators: http://www.moddb.com/mods/republic-assault-cruiser/images/generator-maintenance-hallways3#imagebox[/SIZE]
shot0517.jpg

[SIZE=11pt]Classification[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Hidden Army Base[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Location[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Mytus VII, hidden beneath the barren surface.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Affiliation[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Neutral (Ex-Imperial)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Population[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Abandoned. Built to house an army of at least three hundred stormtroopers and a staff of fifty.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Defenses[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Inactive Automated Stationary Turrets throughout halls, Blast Doors, No Outside Defenses[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]10x AT-ST's (Broken Down)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]4x 2-M Saber Class Repulsor Tank (Broken Down)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]2 Armories with weapons [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Points of Interest[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Obsidian Base holds a vehicle bays beneath the planet's surface and two armory's, all with weapon and vehicles from the time of the Galactic Empire. The vehicle bay is only large enough to hold vehicles as large as AT-ST walkers. A lift links to the vehicle bay, allowing the vehicles to exit to the surface. In the armories, a whole range of weapons from E-11 blaster rifles to DLT-19 heavy blaster rifle and some E-WEB cannons.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Description[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Obsidian Base was abandoned many years ago. It exists under the barren surface of Mytus VII. Underground it covers two kilometres beneath the rocky barren surface. There are many rooms and corridors, but the base is rather packed together rather than spread apart. Inside the halls are empty, with no old bodies inside, but there is much dust. The power remains offline, stored until activated when the base is opened. There are several entrances, all hidden and only accessible by someone with a key.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]History[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: Obsidian Base construction finished near the fall of the Galactic Empire, created to stock an army for later in case the Empire had to fall back. [/SIZE]It's construction made use of prisoners from a prison on Mytus VII called Star's End as an act of manual labor. All prisoners that worked on it were terminated, to keep it secret. The prison was recorded as the only known installation, even in Imperial records to make sure information of the base did not go into enemy hands.

[SIZE=11pt]The base was never used, but was stocked with many supplies. It was emptied by any staff inside after construction was completed, as no orders were given to use the base by the Emperor. If found, it could support a small army and possibly provide information to other hidden bases. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Intent[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]: To get WD-334 more into the war as a target for factions, as inside the droid there is a map hidden inside it's code that leads to the base, along with a key to get into the base.[/SIZE]
 
For things first, nice military base. I like how it is from the empire and was never actually used. I have a few little problems but nothing major.

Could you provide links to all mentioned places and weaponry, for example you linked the repulsor tank but nothing else. Please link the planet, and the other mentioned weapons.



WD-334 said:
Points of Interest: Obsidian Base holds a vehicle bays beneath the planet's surface and two armory's, all with weapon and vehicles from the time of the Galactic Empire.
Just to be safe, what kind of vehicles and weapons? No need to link them unless you want, just in the sentence explain what is held in obsidian base if it's notable. If it's just a bunch of weak weapons and ships then just say so and remember that in roleplay.

How many people could it hold, if it were populated? A small army? How many is that? You may list this in population next to abandoned. For example "Abandoned. Obsidian base was built to have a capacity of _____ , however.

Also could you list exactly how long ago it was built, because if it was during the galactic empire I need a better explanation of how a solar farm is still keeping it powered on. I don't know much about solar, but nearly 9 centuries seems a long time. If you can explain how than I have no problems with it.



WD-334 said:
Intent: To get WD-334 more into the war as a target for factions, as it has a map hidden inside it's code along with a key.

Is WD-334 inside the base already? If not, then how does he get in? And what is the map of?

Okay, lastly, those pictures take up a lot of space. If you want to have images I suggest moving them down to the points of interest and having them in spoilers next to a description of the rooms they correspond with. You may keep one of your choosing at the top un-spoilered.

[member="WD-334"] Sorry if it sounds like I'm nitpicking but most of this is small stuff, I just want to be clear.
 
This looks much better, just take out my name at the end. Thank you for editing as I asked!

I'll tag another judge now so we can get this to pending approval. [member="Darth Prazutis"]

Also I should apologize for the delay, I haven't been able to access the site until now.

[member="WD-334"]
 
[member="WD-334"]

So looking it over, I noticed just a few other tiny things. I shall list them below:
  • For the turret link, you have it going to a picture. I need it going to a wiki article or a submission in the factory. Recommendation would be to just link it to the Autoturret wiki article
  • Since Mytus VII was in the Corporate Sector, and had the CSA prison of Star's End on it, I would like a mention of how this base was established in relation to the prison in the history section.
  • How do vehicles reach the surface if the base is underground? Might be prudent to explain there are lifts or such.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom