Private Midnight in a Perfect World

[Colette]

A dull pain throbbed against her temples. The sound of her heartbeat grew steadier by the moment until eventually Colette woke up in darkness. She panicked for a moment. She knew this wasn't death, but it certainly reminded her of the closest she'd ever gotten to tasting it.

The world slowly faded into reality in different shades of grey. Shapes meant vision, vision meant life. She felt her heart beat with a steadily calmer pace. She was okay, she was safe, and more than that she wasn't alone. Her hand grabbed at the blanket on her bed to gently lift it off of herself. Her feet touched the ground with a gentle tap, hand rubbing at strangely tired eyes as she sighed to herself.

"Hello?" She grumbled at the figure in the window. Her freshly awoken legs dragged her bare feet across the ground, brushing the fabric of her medical wear together with a quiet hiss.

Blurry as it was, she could make out the shape of Theed through the window. Given the dark it must have been somewhere around midnight or sometime in the hours between night and dawn. Colette leaned against the windowframe and let out a tired groan.

"How long was I out?"

Ala Quin

 

[Ala Quin]

Her back hurt.

It was all part of the process. Ala had always felt what she had been told was "residual sympathy pains" from intense healing attempts. Whatever it was, it made her feel her age. She had groaned no less than five times in the last few minutes.

When Colette stirred, Ala had simply watched to make sure that her fellow council member did not slip or fall. Had Colette done so, Ala could have been there to catch her before she hit the ground. Even if she had groaned while doing so.

"About four minutes longer than myself," Ala said with a muted smile.

She offered a quick appraisal of Colette's state. "You look like crap...but I feel like crap...so we are probably about even..." Her eyes sparkled with half-energised mischief as she sidled up beside Colette and rested her hand on her shoulder.

"Seriously though, you doing alright?" Ala said, eyes searching beyond whatever assurances Colette might offer, "that was some pretty gnarly stuff we encountered."

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

"I'm fine." Colette said and continued to look out the window. "I don't remember much other than a brief moment of relief that what I was about to collapse into wasn't dark bile from the abyss — just vomit."

The smell in this room was all too familiar. It was sterile, safe, and utterly devoid of character. At least it felt better than the ground had roughly a hundred seconds ago. Or rather, what felt like a hundred seconds ago.

A hand trailed along the cheek that had planted itself in that puddle. It had been washed thoroughly, that much was certain.

"I remember holding your shoulder." Colette frowned. "Immediately getting washed over with this—"

"This weird feeling of dread, and remorse as if I had lost something close to me. Anxiety, and panic. Things that I usually manage to keep under control." She turned to catch the glimpse in Ala's eyes. "What did we encounter?"

 

[Ala Quin]

It was only with Colette's recounting that Ala felt the missing pieces of her memory fall into place. Gnarly, indeed. She had remembered some of the sights, sounds...but not the key that unlocked the door to their shared trauma.

Her smile faltered. "That was me..."

How much she should open up was still hard to know. She was Grandmaster. Did that mean she was responsible to maintain a facade of infallibility? Or should she express how deeply Lorn's departure had effected her?

"...I apologise for what you were subjected too."

Her attention was directed out over the city of Theed. Even at night, the city was alive. And impossibly more beautiful. Despite this, Ala felt her ability to appreciate it all to be...diminished.

"A recent loss has opened old wounds."

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

Did she mean Lorn by 'recent loss' or not? Colette shot a half-worried, half-sympathetic look at Ala for a moment before she gazed out upon Theed again.

"Don't worry about it." She said and shrugged. "It takes a lot to kill me, apparently. Nothing a few breathing exercises and meditation won't fix in the long run." Colette stammered for a moment at the realization. "F-for me, I mean."

The quartermaster cleared her throat and looked back over at her bed. The air in this place was horrid.

"Wanna get out of here?" She asked and turned back to Ala. "I know a decent sushi place not too far from here, and frankly I've had seen enough of hospitals to last a lifetime."

"It would be a good chance to get to know each other better."

 

[Ala Quin]

Colette's little verbal stumble made Ala the corners of Ala's mouth turn upward, just ever so slightly. Something had caused her to falter, and Ala assumed that Colette was concerned Ala would take something the wrong way. She didn't.

"I definitely want to get out of here." She did not look at Colette immediately, instead her gaze resting on the city. "Theed is beautiful at night." It was beautiful all the time.

Ala spun, her hair doing more twirl that the rest of her, and she swept her arm around Colette's and tugged her towards the door. "Yes. Lets."

"I can tell you all the sad stories about me that I usually reserve for the third conversation..."

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

The third conversation wasn't like the other eponymous third 'something' of getting to know someone, right? Colette looked at Ala and then the door. Nah, they were colleagues of sorts. Too many annoying strings attached, not to mention the other's recent heartbreak over a similar situation.

"Hold on, let me get dressed first." She chuckled and motioned for the patient's pajamas she was in and the very clean, neatly folded, non-vomit covered garbs that rested by what had been her bed.

For a brief moment it had given Ala an almost casually uninhibited glimpse of the scars that Colette carried. The most prominent was the deep knife scar between her abs and her ribcage. The scar left behind from Woostri.

"Alright, let's go." She said as she gently finished easing her top back on and approached the door. It wasn't until they hit the street that the world seemed to light up again. Colorful neon lights of advertisements blended with the classic architecture only seen on Naboo.

"So, what's this third conversation you mentioned?" Colette glanced at Ala for a moment and then the path ahead towards the restaurant.

 

[Ala Quin]

Upon seeing the scarring, Ala looked away. It was only appropriate, but it did cause her to wonder about what had caused them. Colette like many Jedi would have seen her fair share of trauma, and then been expected to adapt to it, lest she fall to the dark side.

Wounds. Scars. Ala knew them well. Though her times of healing had removed most of those that were physical, the mental and emotional scars were not so easily fixed.

Instead of dwelling on her own sadness, Ala instead allowed her heart to overflow in empathy for Colette. When she said she was ready, Ala turned to face her, this time with tears welling in the Grandmaster's eyes. She nudged through the Force, just a packet of information...I saw, I feel, I am here.

"Oh...just a joke...third conversation trauma dump...you probably don't want it..." She waved off the notion as she looped her arm around Colette's and dragged her towards the door.

She had thankfully taken a moment to change, just minutes before Colette awoke. She wore a simple dress, as was her norm for casual attire. A simple linen dress with a course, decorative rope cinched around her waist as a belt.

"...you don't want to hear the tail of the Three Deaths of Ala Quin..."

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

"Hey, if you want to talk about it we can." Colette shrugged. "Death isn't exactly easy to just deal with. It took me months to process that I was even alive after I lost my fight on Woostri. I had fully given in to the idea that I was going to die there, but then I suddenly woke up in a bed."

"I can only imagine the horror of having to go through that three times." She put her hand on Ala's shoulder. "And if that is something you need help processing, I am at the very least a good listener."

 

[Ala Quin]

Hand reaching to squeeze Colette's, Ala offered her friend a soft gaze of thanks. Tears noticeably puddled in the corners of her eyes, despite her refusal to let them run free.

"I have take many paths to deal with the trauma," Ala whispered, "and I am sure that I will have more to unpack. Having people such as yourself to support me, will make that infinitely easier." In spite of the affirmation, Ala understood that as Grandmaster she had to be careful about how much she divulged, or let people in. For if they were to require discipline, Ala could not let her heart get in the way of corrective measures.

Patting Colette's hand again, Ala shifted the conversation as she led the Knight down towards the inclined auto-walkway — Ala didn't feel much like being in an elevator at the moment.

"Tell me about Woostri...I would like to hear more."

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

// STOP. TALKING. ABOUT WOOSTRI. //

A mnemonic growl from across the abyss, instantly delivered between reality and dreams. The voice was unfamiliar, yet familiar at the same time. Lily and a host of others wishing to be supportive throughout Colette's past. They were melded into one, not as speakers of their truth but the message Colette had picked up from it, the words she had internalized.

The quartermaster pulled her hand away with a sharp exhale. She could feel the sweat immediately pour from her forehead as the worst of the shock began to settle.

"Sorry, I—" She swallowed her tongue. "I shouldn't."

"It's old news, and… And I know I've talked a lot about it before."

 

[Ala Quin]

The hesitancy was not just visibly noticeable, but also felt through the core of Ala's being. She did not pull away, nor did she pry. Instead, the tiny master just squeezed her friends arm. It was a squeeze that said: "We don't have to talk about it."

"Well. You pick the subject then. I am an open book!" Ala said, with no small amount of pep in her stride and tone.

Walking around a corner, they almost collided with a nurse who gave them a serious look. Ala smiled innocently. "A walk is good for the constitution," she said, in a manner that was clearly accompanied with some Force presence upon the nurse's mind.

"A walk would be good for your constitution," he said, before showing them the way to the front door.

For Ala's part, she held a finger to her lips to hush any complaints from the younger Jedi.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

She watched the nurse let them go. A worried glance lingered on him before they rounded the corner and he was out of view.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Colette asked and turned back to Ala. "I mean, his mind is his mind, y'know?"

She took a breath and let it out. Colette refrained from telepathy if she could. Something about it felt deeply immoral, but just like other things that came with being a Jedi she supposed it was just one of those questions where her view was a bit more strict than most.

"How did you become the grandmaster?" Colette asked and tilted her head. "I think I heard something earlier about Brianna being the leader?"

 

[Ala Quin]

"Oh, I checked with him first," Ala said with a shrug, "he just wanted to go home...his shift was over."

She understood the concern. But Ala would not purposefully over right the man's will, only give him the nudge he needed. Still, a small tickle of guilt did well up given the flippancy of the moment. Colette's morals regarding this made Ala appreciate her all the more.

"Yes, Briana Sal-Soren was the leader of the Order of Shiraya. It was only natural when the Republic came to be, and with the sad fall of other Orders...that someone step up to take the mantle," Ala said, words in hushed tones, "but a Knight could only lead an order for so long. So when it was time for her to step away...I was one of few options. I guess...I kinda just tripped into it."

| Colette |​