Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Meditative Vanguard Armor

Status
Not open for further replies.
Image Source: None
Intent: To make an interesting submission in the Tournament of Inventors - A robe which augments aspects of the wearer's senses and Force use, as well as offering a means of defense for more vulnerable exploits.
Development Thread: Do You See What I See
Manufacturer: Ayden Cater
Model: N/a
Affiliation: Ayden Cater / Tournament Judge
Modularity: No
Production: Unique
Material: Per the Tournament parameters

Description:
Ayden's Force focus has always been more in the non-direct paths, usages such as Battle Meditation, Force Sight, Force Stealth. In particular, in his tenure as Lord Protector, Ayden made extensive use of Battle Meditation while leading the fleets and armies of the Omega Protectorate. Thus he was keenly aware of the dangers inherent to such practices as they left him virtually defenseless. Though he always used his abilities within the safety of his own forces, he was ever mindful of the dangers present. So when presented with the materials of the tournament, Ayden knew right away what to do.

He crafted a robe which would augment, not grant, the wearer's ability to manipulate certain aspects of the Force. The Nihil Smokestone acts as a transceiver, sharpening one's thoughts and allowing them to more accurately target individuals or masses, friend or foe. In order to avoid a minor surgery being needed every time the robe was donned, the smokestone was shaped into a band that rests within the hood rather than a spike to be implanted. To help make up for this, a Kasha crystal was shaped and placed at the end of the band, to fall over the user's forehead. The Kasha crystal naturally hones and focuses a person's concentration. By combining the two, a user is able to more finely project their presence over a field without a loss of 'resolution', so to speak. However, exceptionally strong individuals can not only oppose, but can more easily target the user as the smokestone acts almost as a beacon. It is, after all a transceiver - meant to send AND receive.


Extended periods of using abilities like Force Sight or Battle Meditation often leave one unawares of their own self and thus defenseless. The essences of the dinko and jakobeast help alleviate this fact. Dinkos hunt by sight; in fact, their vision is based off movement. Thus anything which moves toward it is seen. Sight alone is not enough though. Even if the robe is 'aware' of something moving towards it, it has no inherent means of defending the wearer. The Jakobeast, however, does. The Jakobeast is a peculiarly Force-sensitive creature, able to project powerful waves of Force to hurl predators away. By binding the essence to the bark of the brylark tree, this housing maintains the Jakobeast essence and allows it to generate blasts of the Force at a target. But this relies on the bark being kept watered and alive. Should the bark ever dry out, the essence of the Jakobeast will slowly wither away until it vanishes entirely.

Strengths:
  • Augments and hones a user's mental aspects of the Force, such as Force Sight, Battle Meditation, Force Persuasion, etc
  • Able to generate weak to moderate blasts of Force Wave at a target up to thirty meters, whether or not the wearer is aware of them or can see them.
    (This effect can be suppressed, otherwise it is automatic regardless of who approaches)

  • Shell Spider Silk is naturally resistant to mundane weapons such as vibroblades and blaster pistols
    (Effectively Armor Rating 6 against melee and blaster weapons)

  • Brylark bark is naturally resistant to kinetic strikes, noted as being as hard as durasteel
    (Effectively Armor Rating 8 against kinetic strikes like punches and kicks)

  • Alchemical treatment reduces normal wear and tear of the outfit to virtually nil
Weaknesses:
  • Double-edged in nature, the smokestone makes the user easier to find and attack, mentally, if the enemy possesses a stronger will.
  • The Jakobeast essence is contained with the brylark bark. Should the bark be destroyed or die, the essence will fade unless bound once again.
  • The brylark bark requires a nutrient-rich bath once a week to maintain a living presence for the Jakobeast essence to house inside of it. Without this, it will slowly wither and die.
  • The Jakobeast essence cannot project any effect beyond a thirty meter radius and is not powerful enough to stop most ranged assaults, including stronger applications of Force Push
    (Assume the robe is a weak Padawan in strength.)

  • The Dinko hunts by sight. Thus any enemy who is stealthed will avoid detection.
  • Unless suppressed, the robe will attempt to repel any who approaches.
  • Likewise, the robe can only 'track' so many targets at once. If more than a half dozen targets approach it, it will be effectively blind to further targets.
  • No lightsaber resistance at all.
 

Netherworld

Well-Known Member
<p>RESEARCH REVIEW<br />
<br />
Star Wars Canon:<br />
Pending initial review<br />
<br />
Starwars Chaos: <br />
Pending initial review<br />
<br />
WITHOUT DEV THREADS<br />
Pending initial review<br />
<br />
WITH DEV THREADS<br />
Pending Initial review<br />
<br />
SUGGESTIONS<br />
Pending Inital review</p>
 

Netherworld

Well-Known Member
[member="Ayden Cater"]

Given the amount of dev, the significant strengths of this submission feel somewhat overplayed, especially when juxtaposed with a lack of any real weaknesses.


Development Thread: (The main way people work for their toys, though most submissions don't require a development thread. Restricted items require specific development threads. Substantial development threads can help judges approve more powerful submissions. If in doubt, put 'If necessary,' and a judge may or may not ask you for one. Threads cited here must be at least 10 quality posts.)
Now, I've read the whole thing, and it's well-written. Certainly above your common "dev thread post", if there is such a thing.
That, however, doesn't mean that the rules don't apply, especially in context of all the capabilities of this armor. Many of the things which you've combined here into a single dev of 8 posts have required their separate development threads on more than one occasion, and likely more than the minimum 10 as well.

Combined with the fact that the weaknesses you list are hardly worth mentioning at all, I can't approve this in its current state.


Now onto the details.

Ayden Cater said:
Able to generate weak to moderate blasts of Force Wave at a target up to thirty meters, whether or not the wearer is aware of them or can see them. (This effect can be suppressed, otherwise it is automatic regardless of who approaches)
  • This needs to be toned down significantly. At the moment, you have a repel-all effect with no apparent cooldown or exhaustive reserve.

Ayden Cater said:
Brylark bark is naturally resistant to kinetic strikes, noted as being as hard as durasteel (Effectively Armor Rating 8 against kinetic strikes like punches and kicks)
  • And only wood from a Brylark tree is as strong as metal. - Wookiepedia
    "Metal" is rather more vague and carries less implications than "durasteel".
  • Furthermore, armor fares notoriously badly against kinetic energy, actually. In fact, it's one of the more effective means of taking out an armored combatant, which is what makes this strength pretty much irrelevant/inaccurate.

Ayden Cater said:
The brylark bark requires a nutrient-rich bath once a week to maintain a living presence for the Jakobeast essence to house inside of it. Without this, it will slowly wither and die.
  • We both know this won't ever come into play in RP.

Ayden Cater said:
No lightsaber resistance at all.
  • This, likewise, has no business being on the weaknesses list.

The rest of them are also very insubstantial. Given the amount of work put into this, you'll have to come up with something with more weight than that.

Closing points:
  1. Your template is lacking certain necessary fields (i.e. Classification, Weight, and Quality). Add them and fill them out appropriately.
  2. Address the issues raised above.
  3. Complete a full development thread of 10 - 15 quality posts.

Tag me with questions/edits.
 

Netherworld

Well-Known Member
Moved to Archives - PM [member="Spencer Jacobs"] for removal / if denied for Second Chance please post and tag Spencer Jacobs for review.

Thank you!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom