Private Love Stained Despair

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Appearance | N/A
Location | Sal-Soren Esate, Hapes
Tag | Baros Sal-Soren

'The worst pain does not come from your enemies, but the people you trust and love.' - Beau Taplin​

Teyla stood on the balcony of hers and Baros' shared bedroom, her sharp features turned towards the cool breeze as it whipped through her loosely tied hair, the ivory bed with its conglomeration of pillows and throws, including the yet sleeping form of her beloved, at her backside. In the distance the sun rose quietly, the call of some native bird greeting the early morning's sunrise.

Leaning into the wrought iron railing, Teyla’s grip tightened on the datachit she clutched in her palm, her tear ridden gaze lost to someplace far, far away…

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Baros’ voice behind her as he stirred was mild, quiet.​

She didn’t turn from the small breakfast nook where she perched, garbed in her morning silk robe and scraps of black lace, simply lifting her chin in acknowledgement as she reached for an invitingly empty cup and began pouring herself some tea.

“Sleep well?” she inquired hesitantly, voice trailing into the silence, barely trusting herself to speak. “There’s breakfast.” her free hand gestured to the incredible spread, though she hadn’t been able to take a single bite. The knowledge of the impending conversation left a sick, cold feeling churning her stomach.

She had loved Baros - needed him the way the sky needed stars or a melody needed rhythm to keep time; a mere fragment of a whole in what nature itself deemed be bound. And out of that fog of desperate need she realized the bubble of self-denial she'd cloaked herself in. Conveniently turning a blind eye to what she’d perceived before as minor flaws, but now left her questioning the very foundation of what they’d built their life on.

Was it all an illusion? A lie? ​

Teyla feared the answer that stabbed at her heart with each and every beat, keenly aware of every second, of every breath that lay between them in those moments; bracing herself for
whatever horrible truths were about to be uncovered, and the terrible cost they might incur…

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

Baros had woken from a fitful sleep to the reassuring sounds of his home. Little reassurance was afforded his troubled spirits though. The same thing that had kept him from sleeping well had already flooded his waking thoughts. He had not slept well for some time now. His visage a smiling façade that had begun to show cracks some time ago. He had passed it off as the trauma of his kidnapping. But even that lie had begun to wear away at his soul.

"Sleep well?"

He did not answer for a moment, but simply groaned as he stretched. "Not really," he said, deciding against adding another lie to the mix, "nightmares...again."

It was true. He had had nightmares again. It was not anything to do with the fake kidnapping that had been his cover story for six months of absence. Instead it was about the nightmares made real that were soon to unfold. His New Way had become out of control. It was clear to him now that it had been hijacked, and it seemed the looming figure of someone called Bartholomew was to blame.

Now was time to push these thoughts out of his mind. Teyla deserved to not be encumbered with it all. A thought that should have occurred to him twenty years ago when he began this path.

He swung his legs off the smooth sheets, and his feet hit the ground.

"There's breakfast."

Realization spiked. Teyla was not right. They had known each other for around twenty-five years now, and had made their home together for more than twenty of those. He knew when she was not right. It was likely some small thing he had done wrong that annoyed her. Some dinner he had forgotten to put into his datapad's calendar. He scanned his brain checking off all the big events in their relationship. Birthdays, anniversaries, family holidays...nothing seemed amiss there.

Reaching for his robe, he pulled it over his bare shoulders, and tied it around his waist. It was a little early in the routine for breakfast, but he would relent for the sake of patching up his indiscretion.

He turned to begin walking towards the table that was in the nearly room-sized nook on the other side of the bed. His heart sank upon seeing his wife's face. It didn't take a Jedi to read her emotions. Baros felt his cheeks flush. This was more than just forgetting to turn the refresher all the way off.

This was it.

| Teyla Sal-Soren |
</3​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Appearance | XoXo
Location | Sal-Soren Esate, Hapes
Tag | Baros Sal-Soren


A flash of alertness alighted in her red-rimmed, tired eyes, as Baros drew closer - that ever present connection she felt to him swimming into place. It'd become instinctual at this stage in their relationship, something she could no more control than the shifting weather nor the unpredictable tides of the ocean.

An echo that would always be there.

A cold void swelled within her chest upon that realization, knowing that it would soon be marked by regret, and grief. The sudden death of their shared illusion was upon them.

And for what wasn't the first time in her life, she found herself at the precipice of a dangerous truth, one that once voiced, would rip the very fabric of her family apart. Teyla feared how its demise might reverberate throughout the rest of her life and the lives of their children.

And yet... there was no other choice for her. The Jedi, once Handmaiden, once Officer, was the last person in the Galaxy who would knowingly bury her head in the sand.

It begged several questions.

How had they gotten here? How had things gone so horribly wrong?

...and, how could he?

Sometimes the closest, are those who cannot see.

Turning, she finally faced him.

Instead of a smile, instead of sunlight in her eyes, instead of the bell-clear joy with which she usually greeted him, her face was nearly expressionless: attentively blank. The flimsy was placed on the table between them.

"For a while now, so many things haven't added up..." Teyla paused, searching the expression of the man she once thought she knew before letting her gaze drift down to the table where the flimsy rested, a few fingers touching it gingerly, jaw flexing. "But, until the night of the Gala, I might have stayed in the dark." The memory of the evening was still fresh in her mind—the frantic pace of it all, the emotions, the sense of doom that hung over everything like a dark, foreboding cloud.

The darkside of the Force had been present there.

"I saw you," she continued, unable to keep her voice from cracking. "That look after the attack. Like you were somehow responsible. I couldn't understand why." her patrician features darkened, looking anywhere but directly at him, fighting against the overwhelming swell of emotion that had begun to roil in her belly and crawl its way up her throat. "So, I pulled at that thread... imagine my surprise at finding how quickly it unraveled."

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

Teyla Sal-Soren​

Heat rose up the back of Baros' neck. A permanent scowl was etched into his features. A couple of sharp breathes were issue from his nostrils. He stood rooted tot he ground while all that was his character told him to run. If the conversation didn't continue, maybe it would not end everything.

It was his fault. And hers for finding out. He felt guilty immediately for daring to assign any blame in this to Teyla. She was the wronged. The victim. He looked away from her, towards the balcony and the gently billowing curtains. His mind went back over all the decisions that had led to this point. Would he have done things differently? The answer hurt.

No.

Did he wish there had been a different outcome? That darker forces hadn't usurped his secretive attempts to provide a safer galaxy for his children's children?

Yes.

But he couldn't have known what would take place. When he had reunited with Teyla more than two decades ago, his ideology was already fixed. His path already set. The fear for what would become of the galaxy that surrounded those he loved had motivated him to ultimately betray their trust.

You are no hero. No martyr. No sacrificial lamb for the greater good. You are a fool, Baros Sal-Soren.

A crack formed in his rigid exterior. A tear coupled with a tired sigh. Too many secrets. Too long. A whole dug so deep that the only way out seemed to be to dig through to the other side.

And then Coruscant.

The network he had created turned towards terrorism. Death. Violence without purpose. All because a tailor thought he could change the galaxy.

"It."

His voice broke, as he still avoided eye contact with his wife.

"Wasn't supposed to be like this."

​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Wearing: XoXo | Location: Sal-Soren Estate, Hapes | Baros Sal-Soren

Teyla prayed, hoping silently to Shiraya that he wouldn't answer. That he would move to hold her, stroke her hair, and assuage her worst fears, tell her that it wasn't what it looked like. That it would somehow turnout to be untrue.

But Baros didn't try to tell her, 'I could never be involved with an organization like that,'

He didn't say, 'Me? Responsible for the attack on Coruscant? That's insane.'

Instead, his voice dropped an octave and he told her in a half-choked sob, 'It wasn't supposed to be like this.'

An icy chill spread from the base of Teyla's spine, prickling down her arms as the last light of her hope was snuffed from existence, horror squeezing her throat down to a hard, yet fragile whisper. "What was it supposed to be like, then?!" tears blurred her vision and smeared down her cheeks.

She had thought herself ready for this—knowing how much pain it would cause, how much anger it would unleash; but no amount of mental fortification could have prepared her to hear the affirmation of his betrayal. "How could you align yourself with something so insidious? That hates what your children are, what I am? Breha was on Coruscant, Baros! What if she'd been hurt, or worse?" The thought of such an unimaginable idea wound itself so tightly through her chest that she thought she might soon suffocate.

Reaching down, Teyla grabbed for the curved back of the plush chair behind her and slid into it, her knees wobbling so badly that she could barely keep herself upright as she listened to the explanation he had to give, though she could hardly hear him over the sound of blood that rushed in her ears. Not that it mattered.

Teyla understood where the end of this broken road lead, too much tragedy had befallen her life to be ignorant.

Honeyed-brown eyes stared sightlessly at the floor, "I'm planning to contact Valery Noble ," she told him flatly, raising a hand to her throbbing temple as she tried to in vain to pull herself back together, "to arrange a meeting with her for tomorrow morning. You should go before then."

Despite knowing what he'd done, who he really was, her shock-numbed heart still saw him as the man she'd known for such a large portion of her life - the man she'd promised in her vows to love wholly, or not at all. The thought of him being dragged off to some Alliance prison by her own word was too painful to consider, even if she knew of its inevitability.

​

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

Teyla Sal-Soren​

Her words were daggers. Justified. Yet painful. Her tears caught him up in a building pressure headache that he thought might never fade. "Not violence. Ever," he said forcefully, though in hushed tones.

"Coruscant was not me. You must believe this. I want safety...and accountability for those with powers beyond the average...not...that..."

Hands ran through hair. She wouldn't believe him. Why would she? He had lied. For years. The methods he had employed with The New Way made it seem he was more far gone than was true. At least this was the story he told himself to sleep at night.

The New Way had started with a goal of demanding extreme changes to societies acceptance of unregulated Force abilities, and Force users. But this extremity was merely a utilitarian tool in his mind. Something usable to gain more moderate changes, before winding down the funding of The New Way and watching it die off. He didn't want Force users registered. But with The New Way demanding such things, it might bring about smaller concessions that were his true aim.

He realized too late that his was only one voice in an organization that had taken on a life of its own. Certain appendages of The New Way acted independently of him. Coruscant had brought this realization home to him in the most horrifying way.

"It has changed. I no longer have the control of it that I once had..."

He was noticeably not saying what 'it' was.

"...while I had control...violence was never...it was never supposed to be like this, Teyla..."

He stood as a statue as she outlined her plans going forward. This was it. They were done. When she said he should leave, there was a feeling of something bursting within. His soul crushed, imploded if it were possible. He became a mere husk.

"As you wish."

The words were choked out.

He turned his back to her. Half a step was taken away from his beloved, yet broken wife. He had done this. Forgiveness was not a right.

"It is unlikely that you will accept this as true...now...but I have never...not...loved...you from the moment we first met. I. I am sorry."

There was a pause. A foolish, hopeful pause. And then one leaden step after another, Baros Sal-Soren walked out of the room.

​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Wearing: XoXo | Location: Sal-Soren Estate, Hapes | Baros Sal-Soren

The vacuum of space he'd once occupied left Teyla feeling unable to breathe and frozen in place as the ache in her chest threatened to shatter her ribs. She sat there trembling as silent sobs seized her body and her mind reeled, knowing that nothing could stop her grief until she had cried herself dry.

He was right, in that she'd never be able to believe another word that came from his lips. Beyond the sheer breadth of his lies, the organization he'd created and the consequential outcomes born out of what he'd manufactured were too monstrous, the magnitude of their crimes too vast, to fathom forgiveness. Even if he was being sincere, his words carried a hollow quality to them now. They were placating, empty, and they'd fallen on deaf ears.

The terrible wound that'd been ripped open within her heart was too expansive to be healed that easily.

With a final heaving sob, after what felt like hours, Teyla unburied her face from her hands, fighting to catch her breath as she dried her eyes. Slowly, she moved to stand on rubbery legs so she could go and make herself presentable for the first of many difficult messages she would have to send out today.

And after that - then what?

Teyla couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine. She simply had to keep putting one foot in front of the other without looking too far ahead if she hoped to get through any of this. Reaching out, she pressed a button on the intercom near her door, alerting C-3SB who shuffled hurriedly into her room, eager to serve.

"Yes, Mistress Sal-Soren?" the droid asked politely, his golden face unchanging as he awaited further instructions. Teyla felt as though she'd never been more grateful that droids were incapable of understanding the full breadth of human emotions, glad that he didn't think to inquire after the exchange between herself or Baros, nor why her eyes were bloodshot and her face puffy. She very much doubted that she would have been able to put on a convincingly happy front if she'd had to speak to anyone else right now.

"I need you to ready the holocam in my office, I'll be sending priority messages very shortly and I want to start recording as soon as possible."
"Right away Mistress," he responded without fuss, hurrying off to work.

Shaking her head, Teyla took a deep breath and closed her eyes, contemplating how she was going to explain any of this to her children and more importantly, how she was going to protect them from the blowback once word spread, knowing that the whispers would follow them for the rest of their days.

Perhaps I can hold off on telling them until after I speak with Valery, ask her to help me keep this quiet until after the dedication for the Estate is complete, she thought, trying to find solace in the fact that the ceremony was scheduled to take place several days from now. It would give her more time to find the right moment to tell them, and the right words to say between now and then.

No, that's not the truth of it, Teyla realized somberly, There's never a right moment to learn news this devastating.

She had an inkling of what she would say in her messages to Brandyn, Blaire and Breha, focusing on comforting and reassuring them, but a wave of guilt washed over her as she considered how she would break the news to Briana, fearing that this latest development would shatter her spirit and leave her vulnerable to the darkness.

And yet, how could she not tell her? Shiraya bless that Briana would be strong enough to handle the truth.

Unable to delay the inevitable any longer, she brushed fresh tears from her cheeks and readied to head to her offices, the powerful vitality of her spirit drained completely from her demeanor.

But before she could step one foot out her door, a sharp pinch pricked the side of her neck, a radiating heat spreading beneath her skin and down her arms. Instinctually, one hand flew up to her neck, fingers tingling and numb as she touched the spot where she'd been struck, her eyes darting to and fro. A rush of adrenaline bathed her as she tried to call out, but the noise from her throat was only a strained wheeze, like the oxygen was being crushed from her lungs.

A lone figure stalking towards her from out of the shadows was the last image to ripple through her mind as her consciousness failed her.

​