Loosing One's Self

[Xilo Gale]

“You are nothing to me! The only use you ever had to me was as a vessel. You think I married a Selphi because I loved her! Ha! I wanted a offspring that guaranteed me a longer life a nice future body.” Jaken Gale said as he walked around the room circling a figure chained to the floor. His face a mix of excitement and anger. Blood painted the stone walls and had even began to brown, the smell of burnt flesh filling the cell. The prone figure lay face down on the ground steam still coming off his body. The figure breathed heavily his voice harsh from years of screaming. The figure had long shoulder length hair and skin black as night scars littering his back.

“You’re my father. I thought you were supposed to love me?” The figured cried out still trying to gulp in air. Tears stained his dark face as more fell from his light blue eyes as he still tried to understand what was going on. Xilo was no longer ignorant to what was going on but he still didn’t want it to be true. He didn’t want to know that he was born for no other purpose but for his father to take his body.

A kick from Jaken was delivered to Xilo’s ribs with enough force that a loud crack echoed off the cell walls. Xilo screamed once more blood flying free from his mouth and splattering infront of him. “How many times do I have to tell you? You never meant anything to me, neither did that kath hound of a women you called a mother. “ Jaken cackled a sick twisted smile sitting on his face those bright yellow eyes staring down at Xilo. Casting his hand forward arcing bolts of lightning emitted from Jaken’s fingertips flew at Xilo engulfing the boy.

Xilo couldn’t even scream when the lightning touched his body. It coursed through him setting his whole being alight. There were no words to describe what Xilo had felt. His mouth hung open as blood pooled in his mouth before finally falling free like a waterfall and ran across the cold floor.

Finally after what felt like a eternity to Xilo the lightning stopped. “Just accept it. You never meant anything to anyone. No ones come to save you now have they? You haven’t been back to school in four years. You are a waste. Forgettable. Useless!” Jaken spat at his son stomping on the boys back.

As the words finished leaving Jaken's lips Xilo went limp as though he'd given up all hope. A barely audible mumble barely escaped Xilo’s lips causing Jaken to look questioningly at the boy a smile upon his lips. His goal was finally within reach. Leaning forward to where his ear was close to the boy Jaken asked “Say that again?” Reacting before Jaken had a chance to pull back Xilo launched at the man his teath latching into his neck.

Biting down with enough force to draw blood Xilo made Jaken scream. The man tried to pry the boy off of him to no avail. The chains became strained as Jaken tried to back away Xilo still clinging on for dear life. Even with the cuffs cutting into his wrists and ankles. Finally with one last yank of his head a chunk of Jakens neck flew free with Xilo as he landed on the floor in a heap.

Blood sprayed from the wound uncontrollably repainting the walls with it. Slapping his hand over the wound Jaken tried to hold the blood in yet it began leaking from between his fingers. “Noooooo!” He screamed as dizziness began to take him. “I’ve come to far!” Jaken yelled his eyes landing upon Xilo a hungry look in his eyes. “Give me whats mine! I own you! That’s my body!” Finally a glow left Jaken’s eyes but slowly his body began to turn to ash. Starting at his hand the rest of Jaken’s body began to fall apart till there was nothing but a small pile on the ground.

However at the same time a ice cold presence entered Xilo’s mind it screamed inside his mind causing immense agony. All Xilo could hear was Jaken’s voice screaming “Mine, Mine Mine!”

“No this is my body, and my life! No one shall ever take from me!” Xilo yelled aloud fighting back against the presence in his mind. The pressure being put on Xilo seemed to be too much his fingers clinching at his face so much that he began to bleed. Then seconds later he fell unconscious his head falling to the ground with a solid thump.

 

[Xilo Gale]

Xilo laid on the ground staring at the ceiling his once blue eyes now a sickly yellow. His Stark white hair circled around him becoming stained by the blood that had collected on the floor. There was no look of happiness, or anger upon his face. He looked like a blank slate mouth hanging open then slowly he came to. Eyes fluttering Xilo sat up holding onto his head trying to calm the dizziness that plagued him a look of confusion spread across his face. Face scrunching up Xilo tasted the coppery flavor of blood. Spitting out a large glob onto the cell floor. Where am I? Xilo thought to himself.

Looking down what he saw scared him eyes opening wide. “ah! Ahh!” He yelled startled as he began rubbing at the blood that covered his body and saw the scars. What’s going on?! Xilo’s mind was flying at lightspeed as he tried to understand what was going on. Before him laid a pile of ash and he was surrounded by blood. Burn marks decorated the wall with globs of paint appearing every now and again. Standing up and backing away from the middle of the cell Xilo felt a painful yank at his wrists and ankles that almost tripped him.

Wincing in pain Xilo examined the cuffs and chains that held him in place. His wrists had fresh cuts from where the cuffs had dug into him recently. He couldn’t be more confused if he tried. He tried to piece together what had happened but he just couldn’t . There were so many things that weren’t adding up. He wanted out so he reached down grabbing one of the cuffs and began to try and slide it off his wrists.

The blood from the cuts aided Xilo in this endeavor helping him get the manacle down to his hand before it got caught. Yanking at it he could feel the skin tearing. Taking a deep breath Xilo yanked as hard as he could. The manacle came off but with quite a bit of the skin from the back of Xilo’s hand. Where there used to be dark skin there was pink flesh. To most that would’ve hurt but to Xilo it was merely a sting. Looking at the wound he began wondering if something was wrong with him. Most people would’ve yelled or cried wouldn’t they? Yet it was just like a bug bite to Xilo.

With one hand finally free he wiggled his fingers trying to get the blood flowing once more. After repeating the process on his other wrist and ankles Xilo was finally free. Without waiting another second he rushed out of the cell and what he saw as he entered the next room was even more horrifying then what he found in the cell.

In the center of the room sat a operating table and upon it laid a women’s body her chest hanging open. The smell from the corpse was so overpowering that Xilo bent over throwing up and even continued to dry heave afterwards. Like any sane person Xilo ran he ran for all that he was worth. He wanted to close his eyes from the other horrors but he didn’t have a choice. In other cells he ran past there were dead and dying animals some even completely gutted their intestines hanging out. Darting through the lab Xilo found a staircase that he followed before being swallowed by the darkness.

Not one light lit the hall as he ran up the stairs his feet constantly pounding against each stair, and no matter what he kept looking behind him as if someone was chasing him. Running straight into the door without stopping it exploded open with Xilo falling flat to the floor gulping in air. Flipping over he began kicking himself away from the door. Calm down! He kept telling himself as he closed his eyes trying to block out the images that plagued him.

Shoving it all back down Xilo knew he had to continue on so he pushed himself to his feet and began to search the house. Every now and then he’d come across a picture or two with a happy family in it. Stopping and looking at one Xilo tried to remember who they were but as he reached down and touched where the women was he was bombarded by a memory. Xilo saw a small boy out playing in the fields face covered with dirt while the mother fussed over him and the father stood off to the side just staring at the two.

Being yanked back to reality Xilo noticed how cold he felt as sweat covered his brow. His heart pounded so hard that he could hear it. Hand clutching his chest he had a pained look on his face. “What’s happening to me?!” Xilo asked making his way through the house and into the nearest refresher. Looking into the mirror that sat above the sink what Xilo saw was foreign to him.

His yellow eyes staring out at him while his shaggy, unkept stark white hair hung around his shoulders blood clinging to the ends and his dark skin was heavily scared almost everywhere he looked. “Who are you?” He asked touching his face as a voice shouted from behind him. “Stay right where you are. Don’t move a muscle.”
In the mirror right behind him he saw the face of a younger gentlemen who held a blaster pistol up to his back. “Wait… Xilo?!” The man asked leaning forward and squinting his eyes.

Turning and looking at the man questioningly Xilo looked around. “Who’s Xilo?” He asked.

 

[Xilo Gale]

Standing outside with cuffs once again on his hands Xilo sat in the officers speeder as the one named Quell constantly bombarded him with question after question. "Are you sure you don't remember anything? Not what happened? Who did this to you? Where he went?" Quell asked looking down at Xilo a look of concern sitting on his face as he examined Xilo's heavily scared and burnt body.

"I told you already! I don't know anything! All I know is that I woke up in a cell. I don't know who I am or what happened to me while I was down there, and quite frankly if it's as horrible as I think it is I don't want to remember." Xilo shouted clutching at his head and shaking it wildly trying to forget the images that had been etched upon his memories. The women cut open upon the table, the eviscerated animals. All of it. It was to horrifying. It was all to much to take in. Tears welled up in Xilo's eyes as the images flashed through his mind. He just wanted them to stop.

The feeling of a hand pressing into his shoulder caused Xilo to look up at Quell who seemed to be holding back tears as well. "Don't worry bud. We'll get this all figured out, and if we can't the jedi will." Quell assured Xilo before turning and walking to the front of the speeder. Quell rubbed his hand back and forth through his buzz cut as his brown eyes stared one last time at Xilo before he got in the front seat of the speeder. "We're gonna head to the precint and get all the paperwork done, as well as get you into a refresher. You smell horrible." Quell said trying to joke with Xilo to only find the man staring at the floor his head still in his hands white hair blocking his face from view. "At least the white hair fits you better." He said starting up the speeder and pulling away from the house where Xilo had been found.

Looking out the back of the speeder at the house as it shrunk into the distance, he couldn't be more relieved to be getting away from the place but knew what he had saw would haunt him long into the future. As Quell spoke about his hair Xilo turned around questioningly. "What color did it used to be?"

"It used to be pitch black, and your eyes weren't yellow either. They were blue. Stang! What happened to you in there?!" Quell yelled pounding his hand on the steering yolk trying to fight down the anger. "It's my fault. Maybe if I had come looking for you..." Stopping before he finished the sentence Quell breathed in through his teeth. "We'll fix this I promise."

Xilo simply sat in the seat looking forward at Quell not feeling anything really. He didn't remember him so how could he feel sympathy for him. At least he had gotten a few answers. First he now knew his name was Xilo and second he knew that he now had a different color hair and his eyes had changed as well. Looking out the side of the speeder Xio watched as they traveled across the countryside. Out there the Shaak stood grazing in their herds perfectly contempt with their lot in life. "Give it back!" A voice screamed in Xilo's head making him raise his hands to his ears. "It's mines! It's always been mines!"

Xilo's head was absolutely reeling as his thoughts were bombarded by the alien voice seeming to claw at him. Right eye beginning to twitch Xilo felt his whole body go numb. Lucky for him he was in the speeder as he landed on the soft leather cushions.

 

[Xilo Gale]

"Xilo. Xilo wake up! We're at the precinct." Quell said pushing Xilo wildly trying to wake the man. Xilo didn't move a muscle his face scrunched up as though he were in pain, but then slowly his eyes began to open and he looked around questioningly. He lay in the speeder not remembering why he had fell unconscious.

"What... Where are we?" Xilo asked as he took the hand Quell offered and was helped to get out of the speeder. Body stiff pain radiating through him Xilo had a hard time standing and almost collapsed. His breathing rough as everything he had been through caught up to him. Before he hit the hard pavement he was caught by Quell and helped back up to his feet being supported by the officer. His feet limply dragging the ground as they made their way to the local law enforcement building. Looking around Xilo saw the looks he was given. Almost all activity seemed to stop as the young man was being pulled into the precinct. Looks of horror etched upon peoples faces as they looked upon the heavily scared and burnt Xilo. How his hair was still coated with blood and how he still bled from fresh wounds. His pants half hanging off his body from how much weight he had loss. Mothers covered their children's eyes while some children willingly closed their own trying to block out the image.

Entering the precinct Xilo was gently sat down in a chair his chest heaving as the sound of his uneven breathing filled the room. Without even having to wait a women rushed over to him checking his wounds. "Why is he not in a hospital?! This man could very well be on the edge of death." She said turning and glaring at Quell. Her gloved hands checking out some of the wounds and seeing how deep some of them were.

"He was doing fine when I found him. Walking around and all." Quell answered just as shocked as she.

"Then this makes no sense, some of these wounds are years old, and I have no clue what could've burned him like this." The nurse offered. "Nothing a bath in a bacta tank won't fix." She said as she took one side of Xilo and Quell took the other. Xilo hung limply between them being dragged away past the police officers some with looks of pity on their faces while the more hardened ones simply stayed silent.

Xilo could say nothing finding his strength to speak gone, throat feeling as though it had been shredded. His whole body was racked with pain fighting his mind on everything he tried to get it to do. At least the voice was gone. He lost all sense of time everything blurring together. All he saw was Quell and the women talking no sound being heard as his site blurred and the breathing apparatus was placed over his mouth. Before he knew it, he was dumped into a bacta tank.

 

[Xilo Gale]

You know for something with such healing properties you'd expect bacta to have a burn to it when it got into open wounds, but Xilo felt completely at ease his eyes closed. The thick blue liquid healing him the lad finally had some semblance of peace and was able to rest.

A dark skinned boy with darker hair entered his home blue eyes shining with excitement. Finally free from his obligations to school for a few days he snuck into the large mansion that he called home hoping to surprise both of his parents with his return, but as he entered he heard and smelt nothing. Usually his mom would've been in the kitchen cooking or cleaning. There was no smell of cleaning chemicals nor food. The only thing the lad smelled was stale air as though the house had been abandoned. Everything was still there that he remembered. The same holoprojector, and furniture in the same spot as when he had last visited. Which was strange his mother would usually change the house up once a month. Then the sound of a scream flew up to the boy.

He knew that voice... It was his mothers. Running to where he had heard the sound come from the lad couldn't locate it. He searched the whole mansion flipping furniture and anything else out of sheer anger. "Nooo!" He yelled at the same time as another scream floated to him. Ending up at a empty wall He hammered at it his anger mounting, but then something called out to him. A nudge at the back of his mind pushing him towards a bookcase. This feeling even told him which book to pull. Sliding the book out of it's home the bookcase slid out of the way revealing a wall that slid open revealing a dark opening that led down into what seemed to be a endless void. Not one light to guide the way.

Taking a breath and trying to steel himself another scream came from the void clearer then ever then it fell silent. "Mom!" The boy whispered urgency in his voice as he ran down the stairs as he ran as fast as he could through the darkness and what he saw when he emerged on the other site was a sight worse then death. Standing over his mother was a man with short cut black hair and dark skin who turned and looked at the lad a sickening smile on his face. The boys mother laid on the steel surgery table her throat slit blood flowing freely off the table and pooling on the floor. Her chest cut open her organs open to the air. "Hello son." The man said.

Trying to scream the boy made no success as a invisible hand wrapped around his throat. The force unbearable blackness swam at the edge of his vision while he stared at his father hatred obvious in his eyes. Wanting nothing more then to kill him. To rip him apart.

Awaking suddenly Xilo began to go insane inside the bacta tank his hands pounding on the glass his eyes wide with fear. The machines beeped wildly as his heart rate increased. "Drain the tank!" Quell shouted running up to the bacta tank as it began draining.

Xilo laid on the bottom of the tank stark naked while crying. Holding his knees and shaking back and forth. Quell had brought a large towel wrapping it around Xilo. "Hey you alright?" He asked Xilo helping the man to his feet which were still shaking.

Snapping Xilo shoved Quell away standing on his own. "I do not need to be babied! I am not some freshly born child." Xilo yelled drawing a suspicious look from Quell quickly followed by a hurt look. Holding onto his head as a pain shot through it, Xilo just realized what he had done. "Stang. I'm sorry. Just had a bad dream." Xilo said apoligizing to the officer.

"Don't worry about it. I forgot you don't really remember me." We have some clothe's for you in the next room. "When you finished getting dressed we have a few more questions to ask and so do a couple of jedi." Quell admitted ushering Xilo to the changing room.

Xilo didn't know why but when the word jedi was said it was almost as if someone was screaming at him to run. To escape but he chose not to he followed Quell into the other room instead a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

[Xilo Gale]

Fully dressed in a white t-shirt and black pants Xilo sat in the interrogation chamber attacking the food that sat before him like a wild animal. He tore into the nerf steak with his bear hands eating it before turning to the vegetable and scarfing them down as well before topping it all off by draining a glass of blue milk. Placing the empty glass back on the table Xilo finally looked up at Quell who stood beside him a senior officer at his side. Both with looks of unease. "Sorry. I didn't know I was that hungry." Xilo said using the nearby napkins to clean his face and hands.

"Now once more. Are you sure you don't know what happened down there? Who did this to you? Who the women we found dead was?" The senior officer asked sitting his datapad down on the table once more.

"I told you three times already that I don't remember! I didn't even know what my own name was. I don't know what happened down there or how long I was down there!" Xilo yelled slamming his fist into the metal table more angry at his lack of memories then at the questions. "So why do you keep asking? Huh? Can't you tell I suffered down there? Why would I want to remember that?"

"They're accussing you! They want to lock you away! They think you did it!" The voice said quietly in Xilo's mind, and for once he was inclined to listen as he stared at the two officers his rage bubbling over like a pot of stew.

"It's just protocol Xilo. We didn't mean to upset you. We understa-"

"Do not say you know what I'm going through! How would you know huh? You ever lost everything and wake up in a dungeon not knowing what's going on?!" Xilo asked eyeing both the officers fist clenched so tight that his fingernails bit into his hand.

"No we haven't, but we're trying to help." The senior officer said pinching the bridge of his nose. "We're done here Quell. The jedi can take it from here." The officer said as he pressed a button on the table and the door slid open revealing two tall figures in brown robes. "Come on Quell." The oficer said turning his back and ebginning to walk out, but Quell didn't budge. "Fine, stay." The senior officer exited the room leaving Xilo with the jedi and Quell.

"Xilo they're going to try and help you recover your memory. I know you don't want to but it will help us catch who did this to you."

"They'll never catch him only I can!" The voice assured Xilo as he bit his lip wanting his memories back but scared of what he would see. The voice was convincing but it sounded as if it had it's own reasons for wanting to help Xilo.

"Fine. Do what you have to." Xilo said to the jedi. The older one took a step forward. He had a calm face one that seemed completely at peace.

"This may hurt a bit." The jedi warned as he raised one hand. Before Xilo could say anything a cold stab of pain entered his mind the voice inside it screaming and recoiling.

Xilo knelt in the cell completely naked crying as his father Jaken circled him a look of satisfaction on his face. "By the time I'm done with you you'll wish you were dead." Jaken said as he let loose a bolt of lightning into his son. Xilo screamed as the lightning impacted with his body. Then the memory changed to his father taking a knife and placing it beneath Xilo's right eye as he began carving out the family crest into it. Xilo tried to recoil but a invisible force held him still his blue eyes open wide with fear. Changing once again Xilo was shown Jaken's body turning to ash.

"Get out!" Xilo and the voice inside his head screamed shoving the presence of the jedi out of his mind. Recoiling the older jedi's hand retreated to his saber and so did his apprentice. Xilo's head laid flat on the table mad mumbling leaving his mouth the words unrecognizable.

"Xilo?" Quell said as he went around the room to his friend hand on his blaster eyeing the jedi with caution. "Hey you alright?" Quell asked shaking Xilo.

All the memories! All the pain! All of it flooded back into Xilo. In less than a minute he relived ever experience he had been subject to for over four years. Every cut and burn he suffered came back to Xilo. Every word Jacen had said. It was mind breaking, it was insanity! It was perfect. Head lifting off the table Xilo sat up both his eyes with a look of ecstasy in them.

"By republic law you are under arrest Jaken Gale." The jedi said as he drew his saber but hadn't yet activated it.

"Nooo!" Quell yelled stepping in front of Quell his blaster pistol up. "This is not Republic space! So leave!" Quell said not backing down.

Xilo got to his feet a insane look in his eyes. One that would make Jaken's pale in comparison. "Don't worry Quell. They won't take me. Especially if I have a hostage." Xilo said reacting before Quell could react and put him in a chokehold and policed the pistol holding it up to Quell's head. "Now you see there's a problem here. I'm not Jacen, so I don't believe either of you should take me in. If you try I will kill him." Xilo said poking quell in the side of the head with the pistol. "Aren't you supposed to keep the innocent safe?! First you failed at rescuing a teenager from the grips of his insane force user father. Now you're going to let this young man die." You jedi are no better then scum.

"Yo-" The younger jedi tried to say but was stopped by the older one holding up his hand and tossing his saber onto the table. "You're not actually going to listen to him?!" The apprentice asked.

"He's right we can't let a innocent die just for him. Give him your saber." The older jedi said. The younger seemed as if he wanted to argue more but he sighed and threw his saber onto the table as well.

"Good. Good." Xilo said then firing twice. One for each jedi. They had been in the middle of summoning their sabers back to them but the weapons didn't reach them in time. Both their lifeless bodies collapsed to the ground.

"Xilo!?" Quell said as he was let free. He rushed to the jedi. Xilo on the other hand paid very little attention and collected the fallen jedi's sabers.

"Had to be done." He answered absentmindedly looking down at the corpses as if they were nothing more then vermin. He stepped on both corpses not even bothering to go over or around them.

"Like Stang it was!" Quell yelled but when he looked up he was welcomed by a blaster pistol aimed at his face. "Wha... What are you doing?" He asked Xillo.

The question made a smile touch Xilo's lips as he looked down on the one who at one point before everything had happened had been a good friend. "I'm starting over." Xilo said pulling the trigger.