L O S T
[Image Source]
| [Morellian] | [Female] | [16 Years Old] | [Force Sensitive] |
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My people live for the Eclipse.Its coming and going tells the passage of time. With it we know when the young come of age, and when they then become an elder. These are the only two things that matter, that which separates the three years of our existence.
Our land is District Thirty Two. It runs from the great waste of the east to the thicket of the west, the abyss of the south to the peaks of the north. This is our domain, our world... And we are its sole inhabitants.
Life for my people has always been the same. Ever changing yet consistent. We come and go as frequently as the abyssal tides. Children live happily with their grandparents, inside the same home their great grandparents had known, and thanks to the Eclipse everything runs like clockwork.
Order is kept by the Enforcers. They stand as the voice of reason, settling disputes before they can so much as arise, assigning our work orders when they deem us ready. Most think that the farmers have it best, being that they get a little extra of the harvest, but personally I've always envied the fishermen. Not that it matters... What's set is set. And we know better than to argue.
I was born on the Eclipse.
According to my Grandpa, that's a rarity few could boast. He tells me that it makes me special... But here in District Thirty Two nobody's better than anybody.
I'm Llevana, by the way, Llevana Helas, though most just call me 427. Easier to remember than a name. Last I checked I was about sixteen hands tall, and about as heavy as a bucket of rocks. Oh, and I just witnessed my third Eclipse. Come the next I'll be an adult in my own right!
They have me working sanitation, lowest of the low, but it could be worse... I could be down the pits. What they do down there nobody knows, and you aren't likely to get a straight answer from any of the workers. All I know is that nothing ever leaves the tunnels except for the men.
Around here, it's best not to stick your nose in where it's not wanted. I remember when 372 - Ambros, that is - tried to see what lay in the abyss, and well nobody's seen him since. His name isn't even on the wall anymore, and everybody's name is on the wall.
My earliest memory stretches back to the day of the anomaly, when the thing appeared in the sky. We were just youngsters at the time, hadn't even been given a work order, and we spent most of our free time at the edge of the abyss.
There was always something so fascinating about the water, the way it dragged along the shore. It reminded me of a blanket, tucking in the sand the way our grandparents did with us each night.
As we ran through the spray that morning we saw it jut across the sky. For a moment we thought the stars were falling again, only this one didn't land. It dropped down toward the abyss and simply hovered above the water... Right there! Right in front of us.
We got as close as we dared. The Great Beast, we called it, though it was more like the birds that circled the fields each harvest. It shined in the glaring light of dawn, made it pretty difficult to look at in all honesty. One great big eye, two outstretched wings, body thicker than the six of us side by side...
While nothing untoward happened, honestly it was only there for a few seconds, seeing that thing was like the end of an era for us.
My first Eclipse came soon after, and with it the destruction of all I had come to know. Amidst the whirring and bright lights I heard the pitiful screams of my neighbours.
Not even a minute had passed before there was a pounding at the door, and Grandpa rose to answer it. I remember the look he gave me, confusion mixed with a stern resolve as he told me to go back to my room.
I didn't even get two feet toward my door when they entered, the monsters from beyond the abyss. Their grotesque faces are warped in my mind, large glowing eyes and a long mouth... A voice that sounded rasped and gargled.
I don't even remember what they said. As I stood there and watched one struck my Grandpa against the knee; the sound he made was muffled, as though he'd tried his hardest to hold it back. He had always been so stubborn.
By the time I was halfway across the room they were already dragging him outside. Looking beyond them I could see others meeting the same fate, the elderly we relied upon were rounded up in the center of our street while our doors remained blocked by the horrifying creatures responsible.
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In the days which followed anarchy ensued. Without the elders to guide us, some of the older children tried to take charge, and absolutely nobody carried out their work orders. Even the Enforcers were gone.
I was snatched up by one of the more prominent groups which had formed, the Black Moon. While none of us would admit it at the time, we were all terrified... You see, we'd never been alone before.
The oldest among us had seen just three Eclipses, the youngest not even one. We had no idea what we were doing, most of us hadn't even had a work order before, and yet in that environment you either flew or sank... And so many of us sank.
District Thirty Two became like a ghost town. Broken up into Factions, it actually became somewhat dangerous to go out alone. Everything was cause for fighting; key locations, food, access to what remained of the clean water. It was horrible.
Being that I'd only seen my first Eclipse, it was safe to say I didn't really understand what was happening, but 395 - Emeri, that is - kept me safe. Something about our Grandpa's being close. All I know is that were it not for him I'd have died along with so many of the other youngsters.
At some point during these trials we were suffering the stars began to fall. Each one lit up the sky, drifting down toward the ground and wreaking havoc across the land.
The older children did their best to keep us out of it, but honestly there was nowhere we could really go. The entirety of District Thirty Two was hit by the glowing lights which exploded on impact. Before then I had always thought of the stars as a safety net, they lit up the way through the dark.
By now I knew better.
For four whole days it continued to rain light. The sounds were loud enough to wake the dead, each impact causing the ground to tremor. None of us were able to sleep, not that there was anywhere safe to lay down.
A couple of the other groups made their way into the mines. Honestly I wanted to do the same, but Emeri forbid it and nobody disobeyed him if they knew what was good for them.
While I never really knew any of them, I'd be lying if I said that their screams for help don't still haunt me to this day... Damn star fell right ontop of the entrance, trapping them inside. It would've been a kinder fate if it had landed on them instead.
We couldn't do anything to help them, not even when the long days were over and the stars decided they didn't mind remaining in the sky. We tried, of course we tried, but have you ever had to lift unthinkable amounts of stone and dirt with your bare hands?
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Things seemed to stabilize for a while after that. We began efforts to recreate what had been lost since the Eclipse, patching up any of the homes which somehow remained standing, setting up rainwater collection tanks, Emeri even insisted some of the older kids from our group taught us to defend ourselves.
You know, incase one of the other groups tried to steal our spot.
In truth it was not the others we had to worry about at all, but the unexpected coming of the Eclipse. My second was even more terrifying than the first. The older children we had come to look up to for guidance, including Emeri, were taken from us.
More than that, though, came an even crueler action. The monsters from beyond the Abyss tore down all that we had been building toward; the houses, the water towers, we were reduced to a civilization of nothingness.
The worst thing was that it didn't take them long at all, just one evening. One evening to undo what felt like a millennium of work.
I remember that this was the first time I tried to flee. The beasts had taken so much from us: our Grandparents, our friends, our homes... What I didn't realize however was that they were soon going to take something far more precious from me.
The fields which ran to the peaks were pockmarked by the stars which had fallen so long ago. As I ran I could hear them all in the back of my mind, the voices of those who had been taken, of those who had died, of those I was trying to leave behind.
Amidst the stars - or what remained of them - I found something far more sinister than expected. No relief from my thoughts, far from it. Bodies. Countless bodies. In the ditches, around the fields. It wasn't a bloody mess, far from it they seemed peaceful, as though sleeping.
But I knew better than to presume that they were. All I could envision was these lost souls dragging me down to the abyss. I saw within them my own mortality, the realization that my future lay with them. Was this not the way of my people? The three years of our existence would end this way... Dead in some unmarked grave.
I realized then and there, while stood staring at the faces of men and women I didn't even know, that things had to change. So I left the fields of death to return home... What was left of home, that was.
Much to my horror, I found myself among the older group of children. The idea of Factions had long since been abandoned at this point, and instead we who remained banded together under one uniformed banner.
We called ourselves the New World Alliance, original I know, and we set back into motion some of the old traditions which had kept our people together before the Elders were taken.
Work Orders were handed out, though most of us were stumbling through our duties as blind as a bat, and we even started rationing what little food and water we could get our hands on. The forests were full of potential on both fronts, not only housing natural springs and berries but even small creatures to hunt.
It was like we had been given a second wind, a chance to prove ourselves capable survivors in so hostile an environment. No one took charge this time around, we all had a voice, and our Work Orders were granted based on skill. Some of us, though, had to pick up what was left.
Naturally I fell into the latter category. It wasn't that I didn't want to hunt or fish or build, simply that I wanted to feel useful, you know? Besides, Sanitation had been my given Order back before the first Eclipse, it was something I felt confident tending to.
It wasn't until things became dire that we realized we'd missed an Eclipse. See, things around these parts usually ran like clockwork... Even after the elders were taken there was a steady supply of things we couldn't naturally source ourselves, medicine among them.
And the Eclipse? The Eclipse always came at regular intervals. Some of the kids even older than I had gotten particularly good at knowing roughly when one was due. Only this one never came.
As our population began to dwindle, and sickness took a hold over the survivors, our morale dropped. Our pitiful attempts at construction ground to a halt, and instead we found ourselves living within whatever could work as shelter.
Without the Eclipse we remained without the previous re population efforts. No youngsters were dropped off, none of the older kids were taken, it was as though life as we knew it had ground to a halt, and we had no clue how to remedy it.
We lost a lot of good kids during this time. The stronger ones who we'd relied on to bring in food and rally us when we were feeling particularly low. Those who hadn't seen more than their first Eclipse were wiped out entirely.
It was a very lonely time to exist.
There were so few of us remaining that it was suffocatingly silent. I could walk for miles and stumble across exactly zero others... Not that wasting energy like that was a good idea, of course.
It got to the point where the lines between reality and imagination began to blur. At times it was easier to think up scenarios than live with the crippling reality that you were alone. That you were struggling each day to so much as survive.
As I stood on the edge of the waste I could see in the distance a great many things, and I'd pray that they'd only come closer. Kind beasts who could take me away, carry me from desolation.
Of course I knew that there was nothing there. Even when I could swear blindly that one of my creations were stood right infront of me, I knew it wasn't the case. Some days I let myself believe contrary, but that became torturous.
I knew that nobody was coming for us.
Eventually the sickness died off, and we were able to band together again. There couldn't have been more than a couple dozen of us remaining, all older kids.
While my days of lucid daydreaming were over, I could not help but feel for a while as though I still wasn't all there in the head. It wasn't that I was crazy or anything, but... Well, come to think of it, I probably do sound crazy saying it...
I could see things. I don't just mean normally, but, it was as though everything was clearer. I knew when someone was coming before they came into view, I could smell a campfire from the other side of District Thirty Two.
Honestly I have no idea how this could be true, and it wasn't something I ever shared with the others, but it seemed like the older I got the stronger these sensations became.
Part of me blames the missing Eclipse. Grandpa had always told me that they were a special time, especially for those born on the Eclipse, and I couldn't help but think that by missing one I was being driven insane. What other explanation could there be?
I mean, I couldn't really have been sensing all those things. That's ridiculous.
But the worse these sensations got, the more I felt as though I was drowning in the Abyss. This existence was suffocating, it had always been a struggle even when the elders were there to help but now... Now things had reached breaking point.
Every moment of every day was a fight for survival. One by one the remaining kids snapped, some driven to rage and violence while others drifted away from the group entirely and were never seen again.
Fly or sink. Those were our only choices, even now. But how could you fly without wings? And how could you keep afloat with bodies made of stone? We were tired, all of us, in many ways I think we had given up entirely.
There was nowhere to turn to, nowhere to run, and each day seemed to bring about more hardship and heartache until death meant nothing to us. The faces we had come to know were merely ticking time bombs which we would watch and wait to explode.
Like the stars, now it was our turn to fall. To burn out.
Only, not all of us were willing to simply roll over and succumb to the void.
Just as we had lost all hope, the delayed Eclipse arrived. It formed within us a renewed desire to live, to do more than simply survive, and when the monsters from beyond the Abyss came to take the eldest among us away we decided to do something we had never thought possible.
We fought back.
Our primitive tools were no match for them, of course, deep down we had known we had no chance against them, but we had to make a point somehow. We had to show that we were done living in fear of them.
They obliterated us.
Every speck of civilization was crushed by the falling stars which were made to rain on District Thirty Two. The few dozen of us who had survived through all the aforementioned strife were like lambs to the slaughter, whether by the monsters' own hands or the fury of the stars.
Just six of us remained in the end.
While we believed it was pure luck on our part, deep down we knew this wasn't the case. We just didn't want to believe that worse things could lay in our future... So we continued on in blissful ignorance.
As with the first time the stars had fallen, I found myself wandering the fields which looked even worse for wear. I was no longer a child this time, though, at least I had grown enough to realize that the fragile reality I had constructed around the truth was crumbling.
I did not find stars within the pockmarks.
In fact, there was nothing even remotely radiant about what lay within. While I could not identify the objects, I did notice that they had a distinct resemblance to the Great Beast of my past.
It wasn't a living, breathing thing though. It was cold, made from metal, rigid... Unforgiving and unmoving. Thousands of them littered District Thirty Two, serving as a reminder of what happened when our world fell out of order.
Nearby some bodies lay, if you could call them such; pieces strewn here and there, blood stained the grass and the dusty paths, it was a massacre.
And it marked the end of everything I had ever known.
There was simply no way to come back from this.
Still, that did not stop Kaour from trying. I don't actually know his number, in fact I don't know any of the survivors numbers as we forsake them the moment our kind had been reduced six.
He claimed that we were free, that the monsters believed us dead, and he actually did a very good job at convincing us that this was the case. Pretty soon we forgot all about our misgivings, and under Kaour we felt as though we had a chance.
Granted, there was only so much six adolescents could do.
The smaller number was a benefit in some ways though. There were less of us to feed, fewer of us to keep safe, and we were able to keep our presence mostly hidden.
None of us wanted the monsters to return, after all.
While he was great at motivating us, though, Kaour was honestly a bit of an idiot. Very naive, in fact it had a few of us wondering how hard he had hit his head during the star shower.
Still, while he was demanding and frustratingly ignorant he did manage to keep us together. I, for example, would have been far away from District Thirty Two had it not been for his silver tongue. Part of me is glad that I didn't wander off, though.
After all, what were our options if not to hide among the ruins of Thirty Two? Swim across the abyss? Perish in the wastes? Climb the peaks? Brave the forest? Oh, please... Nobody had ever done any of those things and lived to tell the tale.
Well... Actually... I did do one thing that was potentially stupid. The Abyss had always been off limits to us, after all we all remembered what happened to Ambros, but now that the threat of the monsters from beyond was gone I felt... Free.
Maybe it was that idiot Kaour's words getting under my skin, or simply the desire to give into the urges I'd had since before this whole mess began - back when I would sit and watch the fishermen at work... Whatever the reason, I decided it was high time someone took advantage of the clear blue waters which bordered our home.
At first I almost drowned. I mean, aside from the Abyss there wasn't really any great bodies of water around our parts to enjoy. And clean water was sparse, used mostly for drinking. It only made sense that I wouldn't be able to swim.
But I kept trying. Pushing myself just a little bit more until I could no longer feel the bottom yet still remain afloat.
I cannot explain to you the feeling that came with floating in the Abyss. For the first time in my life I was weightless, free of all burden and responsibility. And while I knew it wouldn't last, for a time I felt truly at peace.
And guess what? Nothing happened to me. I wasn't engulfed by some great sea creature, or snuffed from existence. Each time I returned to the shore I remained in one piece.
That feeling of liberation did not last long, however. And annoyingly enough, I had only myself to blame though I didn't know it yet.
Tensions began to rise in our merry little group. We were all around the same age, had flourished into young adults who felt unstoppable after all we had been through. As the looming threat became just a distant memory, thoughts turned to other things.
Our futures.
There were six of us, you recall, three boys and three girls, though we'd always seen one another as equal. Well, the boys no longer looked at us as fellow lads... And to be quite honest we were beginning to see ourselves as different too. After all our bodies were changing and with it came a clear divide between male and female.
Truthfully this shouldn't have been too big a deal. There was an equal amount of us, after all, meaning nobody should've been left out. Our thoughts were mostly innocent, too, more thinking for the future than the present.
It seemed that two of the boys were not happy simply settling with anyone, though, and their attentions seemed locked on... Me? No, no, I don't understand it either. The other girls were far superior in every sense. They were beautiful, they could hold their own in a fight, were not afraid to get their hands messy if it meant helping out the group.
And yet despite all of this, it was I who happened to be dividing the group. How ridiculous!
When this seemed to spill over into other decisions, though, I realized that the problem stemmed from one highly confused source. Me. While it wasn't at all intentional, I seemed to be unwittingly influencing the group.
I ceased the silly love triangle the moment I realized I was the cause, and much to my surprise Tugal - who I'd quietly told to go pester Seza instead - seemed more than happy to oblige.
With this greater understanding of what I was capable of, though admittedly still unsure on the why of it, I found that I could keep our group together. Running like clockwork. The way the Eclipse had done.
All I had to do was say jump and they'd skip asking how high and simply do as I'd asked.
To say I wasn't a little happy would be a lie. For a while I completely abused these powers I seemed to have, ensuring that everything that needed doing was done without ever having to lift a finger myself.
Deep down I knew it was wrong, but it was effective. It worked. And we needed a little bit of stability, even if it wasn't genuine.
Somewhere along the way I managed to knock Kaour from his pedestal and take the crown for myself. It was like having my own personal group of zealous followers, and they looked upon me as if I was some godly figure with all the answers.
They didn't complain though. If anything they seemed to rejoice in having someone to follow, and I actually did a pretty decent job at leading them. As Emeri had done in my youth, I took to having them train martially, pitting them against one another, in my mind I was forging an army! But in truth I was simply exercising my control over them.
As time went on I began to loathe myself, but every time I tried to stop they seemed to be at a loss. Nothing would get done, everybody would begin to bicker and fight, until I was forced to resume my place above them.
Above them... Even saying that makes me feel disgusting.
Looking back, during that time I had become almost two people. A sharp commanding face who led the remnants of our lost civilization, a messiah leading her disciples through the rough, and a terrified girl hiding behind a mask.
Because in truth I was as scared as the rest of them. I was looking for guidance just as much as they, only I had no one to lean upon. It was harrowing to have so much set upon my shoulders, as though one false move would spell disaster for everyone involved.
The future of my kind lay on my shoulders, and that wasn't a burden anyone should have to carry.
Of course this wasn't the case at all. I could've stopped at any time and simply told them to make up their own minds, even if it meant tension, even if it meant the occasional fight.
But hadn't we fought enough? Hadn't we faced enough strife? Or am I simply looking for a way to retroactively absolve myself? For I know I did wrong during that time. I was worse than the monsters who had suppressed us for so many years.
As it turned out, with or without my guidance things were about to grind to a halt. There was nothing to be done about it, of course, we were ill prepared.
Somehow they had known we survived. Somehow they knew where to find us. The monsters from beyond the Abyss ran us from our home, chased us down to the waterfront, until all that stood before us was the great endless Abyss. And all that lay behind us were their hideous faces.
I turned to face them, we all did, only we realized they were not quite so frightening as we had once imagined them. The giant eyes and long mouth were simply the goggles and breathing piece of a mask... Their voices rasped because their mouths were covered.
They were not monsters at all. They were men.
And yet despite this, despite knowing that they were not face to face with the unknown, I still could not help but feel terrified in their presence. Because monsters were easier to contend with, monsters could be rationalized.
But the thought of man doing this to fellow man was horrifying.
When they came forward to take us, though, something in me snapped. A physical manifestation of all my grief and anger seemed to take shape, and before I knew it they were lay on the ground. Unmoving.
Worse was the realization that my unchecked abilities were indiscriminate. For it wasn't just the strange masked men who lay there motionless, but also those I had come to know as friends.
I had become in that moment my own undoing.
The grief I felt was palpable. In one fell swoop I had removed the threat, but also my only chance at ever truly living.
My people were gone. I was the last of my kind, the only person who still existed on this world we had once called home. And if I had ever felt isolated before then it was nothing compared to how this made me feel.
While I knew my kind had been doomed for a long time now, and not by my own hand, I could not help but feel unbearably guilty. As though I had been the sole reason that District Thirty Two was no more.
As though I had single-handedly destroyed my kind.
I knew that it would never be a home to me again, this inhospitable land I had grown within.
While I could swim rather well these days, I did not know what - if anything - lay beyond the Abyss, and I wasn't willing to chance it. The peaks were too high, and the waste too empty. It only made sense, as a result, for me to head into the forest.
My self-imposed exile was difficult at first. While we had all adjusted to hunting and gathering our own food, the forest provided ample cover for anything I might have caught, and the trees were so high that much of its bounty was unreachable.
Part of me wondered if the others would know, those who had hunted my kind for so very long. Would they come looking for me? Would they seek vengeance for the death of their own?
Honestly that thought sent rage bubbling through me. As if they had any right to be angered by my actions, as if they hadn't ended the lives of so many innocents... Of course I was speculating without evidence. I had no idea if anyone knew I was there.
With time I grew to be rather efficient at killing the forest critters, though nine times out of ten I had to stomach my bounty raw for fear of giving my position away. I never could quite shake the feeling of being watched, of being hunted.
By now of course it must be obvious that luck is never on my side. Or maybe it is, depending on which way you look at it... After all, I happen to be the last remaining survivor in a valley of death.
Either way, it didn't take too long before my past caught up with me. Flashing lights, blaring noises, smoke so thick it was tangible. Next thing I knew I was caught up within the belly of some great metal beast.
The hunt was over.
It felt as though everything I had become, all that I had achieved, came crashing down around me. As if it hadn't already. As if I hadn't orchestrated my own demise.
Part of me was ready to face it, the end, the void, whatever came next. And while I lay within the terrifying construct which had engulfed me I could not help but pray that it come quickly. Almost selfish considering the way some of the others had gone.
While I didn't die then and there within the great metal beast, part of me still to this day wishes that had been the end of my torment.
At this point I'm forced to admit that the next stages of my story are a blur. It was not some masked scoundrel who came to me in that horrible room, but instead a face I had not seen in what felt like forever.
My Grandpa said nothing at first as he held me close. I'm not ashamed to admit that I wept, for all that had been lost, for all that had been experienced, and rather selfishly for my own survival.
Somehow he had been brought back to me, the single individual who I had been longing to see throughout this whole ordeal that constitutes as my life.
We sat together like that for hours, neither one of us breaking the spell of silence which had descended, comfortable in one another's presence. Relishing the company of another.
But it couldn't last, of course. And I must admit I was the first to buckle, asking him how it could possibly be that he was alive. Where we were. Where we were going.
All questions he was in that moment unwilling to answer.
Instead he seemed to have other things in mind, namely my parents. Parents. A concept I had never once thought about. Something nobody from District Thirty Two ever thought about.
We were interrupted before he could finish, promising to continue where he left off when he returned.
In his absence a stranger joined me in the weird room, a containment chamber she called it, and began to check me over for any sign of injury or disease. While I had nothing aside from surface wounds that would heal naturally, the same could not be said for unseen maladies.
She diagnosed me with pneumonia and Findris flu, before setting me on a course of antibiotics. It felt strange needing to take medication again, after so long without it, but at least the lack of anything too severe meant I was no longer confined to the fear-inducing room.
That didn't mean I was willing to leave it, though. I was terrified of rejoining the others, and so I hid away while waiting for Grandpa to return. Days went by, and still no sign of him. In the end they had to drag me from the room to make me see sense, after all I'd been refusing anything they gave me.
A few days later a message came through... Grandpa was gone, along with fifteen others. A resistance mission, I was told. What the hell that meant I didn't know, all I knew was that I was alone again with unanswered questions.
It was easier than it ought to have been to get over the loss of my Grandpa. I had spent most of my life believing him dead, and while the day we spent together had been the greatest I'd ever experienced deep down I had known it wasn't going to last.
His passing, however, left me with a choice. I could join these strangers, I could return back to District Thirty Two, or I could make my own way.
Honestly? None of these things seemed appealing. I had witnessed enough difficulty to last a lifetime, and I knew that joining up with whoever these people were would only bring more to my doorstep. District Thirty Two was empty, devoid of any redeeming factors, and I would be forced to relive all that had happened.
But making my own way in life?
Now that scared me more than anything else. Because what really waited out there beyond all I had come to know? I had experienced decision making, enough to last a thousand lifetimes, and look where it had led me...
Still, in the end that was the decision I made. Sometimes I still wonder if I made the wrong one, but that's the thing about choices... There are always some you cannot go back on.
And honestly? I knew it was time to go.
I was provided with a beautiful thing that I didn't fully understand, but they told me it was mine, and promised to show me how to use it.
At this point I was informed of the Resistance, as well as the organization who had held my people captive for generations. As it turns out we were being bred as slaves, and the Resistance had been working for decades to help liberate us.
Just because it makes sense doesn't mean it was an answer I liked, though. Nothing I had known was true, it turned out, not even the Eclipses were genuine. Apparently that was just the shape of the thing used to transport those of us they were taking.
My decision to go it alone was questioned further. After all, if every single thing I thought I knew about my life was a lie... How could I trust myself to know what was best?
It was like looking up at the sun each day, knowing what it is, unable to doubt its existence... Only to be told that it was no sun at all, but a lightbulb. A lightbulb! Well that sun was my life.
And the more I looked at it, the more artificial it became.
All my struggles, all the hardships, were meaningless in the end.
There is nothing left for me now, you understand. No people or home to call my own, no real understanding of where to go or why.
I feel like a newborn babe, awakening for the first time, taking a few tentative steps into a brand new world...
A world I honestly want no part of.
And yet I must don this mask of fearlessness despite this. I must put on a brave face and stand before the oncoming storm as though I am immobile, unrelenting, uncaring.
In truth I am terrified. Of the unknown. Of what lies beyond the void. Of what hides within me.
Even now I feel the shifting tides, the beast which longs to crawl back to the surface. But I have forbidden its ugly face from rearing. There will be no repeat of District Thirty Two in my future.
My people lived for the Eclipse.
Its coming and going told the passage of time. With it we knew when the young came of age, and when they then became an elder. These were the only two things that mattered...
But now the Eclipse is gone, and with it the last of my people.
I do not know what lies in store for me. I do not know where I am headed as I fly on the wings of a great metal beast, the reminder of the nightmares I have always suffered, of the Great Beast above the Abyss. Of the monsters which lurked beyond.
Already I have experienced enough to last a lifetime, but where I am headed I doubt I'll find respite.
So as I close this heavy tome, must I open another with pen at the ready.