Leaving Common Isolation

[Connor Harrison]

Connor smirked and drank some more, nodding at her wry observation.

”Very true. If I knew being so nice and polite would lead to camping in a storm and having caf on tap with a Queen, I would have done it far sooner."

He noted her more relaxed position, and so shuffled back on his bed, still sitting, but rested on the headboard with a pillow behind him. He looked over a raised his cup.

”To...possibilites. And the good that can come of them."

The possibilities that surrounded them; of their future, of Commenor's and the galaxy. Who knew what lay ahead. Yet the possibility of peeking was still in his mind.

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay smirked. For someone that keeps telling her to be herself instead of a Queen, [member="Connor Harrison"] sure likes to remind her of her current role. "Well I tell people that diplomacy and respect work best, but they don't believe me. Still....it's gotten me this far."

She raised her cup as he offered up a bit of a toast. "To possibilities, indeed." She hoped for good ones, in any case. But knowing that she was such a magnet for trouble, Connor having been one of them, it was difficult to say for certain that the future was bright.

Kay sipped her tea before once again cradling the cup on her lap. The tent was cozy, yet large enough for them not to feel crowded or on top of one another. She had a few questions on her mind, most pertaining to their last encounter in First Order space, but she held those back. There were some things that she was blind to, and at times she was grateful for it. Yet it made her wonder if Connor still had some kind of attraction or infatuation with her. Or perhaps, like most that she knew, he just wanted to keep her protected. Time would give her the answers she sought, she was sure...

A change of subject for herself was needed. "Veiere told me to keep a close inner circle of people around me at all times. You can't imagone how difficult that is. There are so little in my staff that choose to stay. I've had to reshuffle my staff I don't know how many times. Loyalty is very difficult to find."

 

[Connor Harrison]

For a moment, Connor felt Kay reach out stronger than she had before. Maybe she knew she did it, maybe she didn’t. It was a humane action – probing a situation to gauge whether it was one to be concerned about or not. It caught him off guard. Mostly because it came from nowhere. But, if she was trying to read him, she couldn’t be blamed. How many times had Connor been around her and the mood changed rather quickly? Had her security been at risk?

Granted, this HAD been the longest time before things had flared.

He looked ahead outside of the tent to the fire, not reacting. A sip of caf followed her question.

”I wish I knew who to trust. I’ve learnt the hard way, and so now I trust only myself. Sure, people can come close and within my bubble, so to speak, and I respect and understand them or work with them, but I always make sure I am in control of what I do. Where I go. How I do it."

Connor didn’t look over to her.

”Make sure you have a way out. A way out just for you. If things turn bad and trust is broken, get out of there and look after number one. It’s rare to find people you can trust totally, but they are out there. I think I only have one person currently."

Kyra Sol was that one. Was the trust two-way? He couldn’t be sure. He had broken a lot of trust – and hence why he was here to build it back up.

”Maybe, just maybe, I can trust you over time. And you can trust me."

He smiled as the fire cracked. His hands were warm around the mug and he took a longer mouthful, finishing it.

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay was too quick to trust sometimes, or rather she was hopeful that those she put faith in wouldn't let her down. That didn't always work though.

She sipped her tea, furrowing her brows and staring out of the tent as [member="Connor Harrison"] was telling her the same thing that Veiere did; to make sure that she had a comfortable way out. Maybe this was all affecting her too much and everyone was seeing it.

"I don't have a way out yet. But I ensured that my children did. Even Veiere had discovered a way. Maybe that was the motivation behind what he did."

She finished her tea and set the mug beside her on a nightstand, then drew her knees up to her chest so that she could wrap her arms around them. "People think that being a monarch is easy, and just full of servants doing everything for you. But it's not. You've got billions to look after, to see to their needs. You're constantly guarded, constantly followed, constantly judged. You have to appease the neighbours to keep your own people safe, and keep the economy going. It's not glamourous at all..." It was lonely at the top. Her family escaped, but she couldn't. Kay wiped a tear away with her shoulder.

"And I do trust you; enough to let you share a tent with me, and to go on a trip with later."

 

[Connor Harrison]

When Kay wrapped around herself, Connor felt the sag in her previous confidence. Looking at his mug with only a sliver of caf, he sighed, stood up and placed the cup on the table between the beds. The Master glanced outside again, feeling that pang of empathy.

”I know you trust me. Like you say - we wouldn't be in this 5 star accommodation if you didn't."

A little touch of humour to diffuse the situation before he sidled over and sat on the end of her bed, so she could see him. One thing Connor knew Kay valued was personal space - she needed it, but he was here to show a comfort.

”There is nothing you owe anyone, or anything. I have seen people like you succeed, and some fail. You? You'll succeed, no matter if the duty as Queen lasts longer or not. You have so much more to give, and to be honest? You're fighting this war alone, and for that you don't need to feel alone. Ok? People are with you, and will support you." He looked for a reaction. "Maybe there's much more to you than just a Queen. You've just...forgotten what?"

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay gave a small smile as [member="Connor Harrison"] tried to lighten her mood with his joke. 5 star accommodations, indeed. But he was right, it wasn't exactly a small tent where they'd be on top of eachother. That would be less entertaining. Or more, depending on how you looked at it.

Her brows furrowed once again while he spoke, telling her that she didn't owe anyone anything and that she wasn't alone. Yet Kay couldn't just shrug off all of her responsibilities, and with people leaving her side, she couldn't help but feel alone or left behind. But that could just be the stress of it all maintaining it's grip on her.

"Before I was a Queen I was the President, and before that a Senator and slave liberator. Politics keeps me in it's grip no matter how many times I try to leave it. But...maybe there is a way that I can achieve some sort of balance." Kay moved her legs so that she was sitting cross-legged, pitting her elbows on her knees and leaning forward towards Connor. "The Elders ruled here before me. They did so from a hidden location. Presidents were elected by the people and the Elders guided them and interacted with them when needed. Maybe I could do that. Yet instead of hiding away, I could be...doing other things, and travelling elsewhere in the Galaxy." Trouble could find her more easily, however. So she couldn't just run off on her own.

"What do you think?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Linking his hands together, Connor rubbed the thumbs together in slow circles, resting his elbows on his thighs. Part of what he aimed to do was draw out ideas and resolutions from Kay that she herself bought into – he wasn’t going to tell her what to do. What good did that ever do?

She started with an idea, and it again brought a balance to things.

”It’s a start."

He gave a nod.

”All the times I’ve been in your company, it’s just been you. Yes, you’ve mentioned your circle and your governments and what not, but I’ve never seen them. It’s like you’re already running the system yourself. And that is not good for anyone. Use the resources you have. Shoulder some responsibilities and stop carrying the weight yourself."

He gave a small sigh and shrug.

”If you died tomorrow, who would take over. It’s a machine – the next person would come in, take your place, and do things how they wanted. You’re doing all you can, but maybe it’s time to step back and see what you can do for yourself. Commenor will be here long after we are gone. Yet you only have one life to live. Don’t waste it."

Wasting a life was something he knew well.

”Travel, yes. Do what you want to do with the resources you have. Appoint a council, a wider reach of governors or royalty who can look after their own planet. You can oversee and help them, but maybe let others help shape the fate of the system, whatever that may be. You don’t owe these people anything else. You owe yourself a life again though."

Connor was no politician, at all. So he just looked at her with his blunt, to the point thoughts as always.

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

It's a start. So often that had meant that she wasn't going far enough. She chewed the inside of her cheek, listening to [member="Connor Harrison"] while he continued.

Delegation. She had been told to do that before and that was what her Ministers were for. Recently she had had a meeting with them, calling on them to pull their own weight. Her people were getting there, slowly but surely.

Kay blinked as he asked her about what would happen if she were to die. She figured that the Monarchy would die with her. And quite possibly their Alliance as well.

"It's hard, especially if some want us to be drawn into conflicts. Not everyone shares the same ideals that I do, the same vision. They just want the safety net that it provides."

As always, every conversation led to politics. It was her own little safety net whenever she felt vulnerable or unsure. Politucs at least was something that she knew very well, and as Connor had suggested, knew more of than she knew herself.

"You are right though, Commenor will continue when I'm gone. I can't put the added pressure on myself of trying to protect them after my death." She drummed her fingers on her chin. "Although if war is brought to our doorstep, and I'm talking about huge forces, my rule could quite possibly end before my death."

 

[Connor Harrison]

War.

”It never ends well, for anyone. If war comes to your door, then you shouldn’t fight it alone. It’s not your fight to shoulder. Remember, there are thousands of others behind you – systems and governments."

Neutrality was important for Kay, but was it important for the Commenor system in this fragile time?

”Maybe it would be a blessing if the drums started to beat. Maybe it would signal that your devotion is worth better put elsewhere? Let governors and military advisors take the battle head on –a Queen is there to help and lead her people and their best interest."

She gave a half-smile.

”You don’t need to call yourself a Queen or sit in a throne room to inspire and lead people against those wanting to take your freedom."

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay laughed a little. "Well it isn't as though I'm going to stand out there and fight an attacking fleet all by myself."

She raised a brow however when [member="Connor Harrison"] seemed to suggest that they might be better off if they were dragged into war. Or at the very least, that she may be better off. "Connor, are you suggesting that I go and instigate hostilities to rally my people into action?" Kay had done that before. At Yutan. With that planet threatening to pull out of the CSA, she had struck a deal with the Sith and got them to attack the planet with mininal damage in order to scare the people of Yutan into wanting to stay. It was a low point in her administration and only two people knew of the details of it. Should word get out, it would ruin her reputation and quite possibly her government as well. So she kept it quiet. Plus, she had made a promise to not do such a thing again.

To his last comment, she sat back a bit. "I used to inspire people with my anti-slave raids. And I was so good at it too..." In her own humble opinion, anyways.

 

[Connor Harrison]

She was getting a little idea of his inclinations, at least. When she confronted him with the question, he turned away and raised his hands.

”I'm not saying anything. All I will say is that travelling across the galaxy fighting on both sides, sometimes people feel more liberated and inspired by one who stands with them in the face of adversity and pulls the trigger of a blaster pistol, rather than sitting watching in a palace or castle."

To be honest, Connor could see Kay as a fighter. A leader in an underground movement. A...rebel.

If the system fell, so would her royal duty. But the woman who freed slaves wouldn't fall with it. That would be the point she could either change her life for the better; to take a risk, broaden her horizon and feel alive again. Or she could crumble slowly with the palace she tried to upkeep.

"You've probably forgotten what you're good at, letting Commenor and it's troubles weigh on you. Makes you become a little narrow minded - it doesn't let you look outwards, only inwards."

The thunder rumbled and it caught his attention, and glanced to the fire. With a glint in his eye, he accelerated the elements smoldering away, and they ignited again to create a new birth of flame over the wood.

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay raised a brow as [member="Connor Harrison"] raised his hands and turned away. She knew what that meant. The imagery and meaning of his words was easy to pick up on. "..I don't just sit around though..." Her voice was quiet. "..And we have no enemies." She didn't count Veiere and his Order. They wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

She folded her hands on her lap, staring downwards as Connor continued. Her mind was processing what he was saying, yet there was so little that she knew of what was going on elsewhere.

And that wasn't a good thing.

"The problem with me going after anyone is that my people would get attacked for it. Maybe even my children..." Putting a target on herself would put a target on others as well.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked back to Kay. He pointed a finger gently at her.

"I've got to you. I can tell. You're not in the defensive position. You're starting to question your thoughts, and now trying to justify what you can do."

He turned, one leg rest on the bed and looked to face her head on, in a battle of wills.

"Your world is coming apart. You know full well what Veiere did, and he may well do it again. And you told me before your children are able to take care of themselves. Sure, it doesn't stop a maternal love, but you said they are not targets. You told me that. So either you know I am right, or you are more confident in their ability than you let on."

His dark eyes burned with a small flicker of intensity - the desire to push this Queen out of her old shell into something that was stronger, leading to many possibilities. Pulling back the balance.

"You know you have enemies. Everyone has enemies. The time is coming where you will have to decide to, what was it I said, burn out....or fade away."

She was far stronger than she knew, and Connor could feel it.

"They will never look at you the same way again. And that's the best thing that could happen for you right now."

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay's eyes snapped up to [member="Connor Harrison"] the moment that he said that he had gotten to her. Yes, she was trying to justify possibilities. She had to. Every action or inaction that she took had a consequence, more so than an average person.

And now he was repeating her own words back at her. Were her children targets or not? In truth they were a bit of both.

Connor was pushing her, but not in a bad way. She needed to be taken out of her comfort zone and she knew that. Kay averted her gaze from his, looking to the campfire that was a short distance from the tent. The sparks rising in the air were very much like the sparks that she felt within her own self.

She clenched her jaw as he spoke of her having enemies, yet at this moment in time she couldn't pick out any names. Still, it was better to be known as someone that could hold her own, instead of someone that could be so easily bested.

"Going after the Hutts and Slavers would be easier. I wouldn't have to worry about fleets coming after us."

 

[Connor Harrison]

"That's a start. Corruption and crime always starts somewhere, and it fuels others. I will investigate the reach of the Hutts in time and will see how big their operation is."

Connor stood and picked up his cup, going across to make another hot drink.

"Of course you can't do all this trying to be Queen as well. That would put a greater risk on your shoulders than anything else. To go after others, to take the fight to help wipe out the enemy, you need to be..." he poured the steaming drink into the cup, "...out of the public eye."

For someone who had lived in it all her life, that would not be easy. He made his way back to the end of the bed and sat.

"I say that only when the time comes, and one day it will, that you choose which path to take. Burn out fighting and striving to help who you can, as you can, and still in command of your own destiny, or fade away as a Queen no longer in command and bending to the whims of others."

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

That's a start? Just what exactly did [member="Connor Harrison"] want her to take on? The Sith? The First Order? The Empire?

Kay raised a brow as he continued. Of course she couldn't announce herself when going after the Hutts and Slavers. That'd be stupid. "I can go in disguise easily enough. I've done it before." And she had. But only those that didn't know her very well were not able to recognize her. And when it came to the Hutts, that was pretty much easy.

Connor wasn't finished though. He sat back down on her bed, pressing onwards with his thoughs. Kay blinked at his suggestion, or at the very least, what she thought that he was suggesting. "Are you saying that I should quit? To step down and walk away?" It sounded far more simple than it was. Being a Queen wasn't something that could easily be walked away from. There were a lot of complications involved.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor didn't know if she wanted him to tell her what to do, or how to do it. Something he never would, not directly.

"I'm not telling you to do anything. I'm saying that if you want to keep on fighting, and protecting those who mean the most to you - and what they stand for - that you could do far more without the duty and title of Queen around your neck. You've done that. You've served, and given everything, and nearly lost everything. The Queen's time is coming to an end. But the Queen is just a title."

He took a mouthful of the caf.

"Disguises mean you're hiding something. You need to be confident in yourself and those around you, and your ideals, that you don't need to disguise yourself. Be proud of what you stand for and who you are."

The mood was rather deep now. Connor wiped his hand across his face and looked into the drink. She was at a crossroads, and even Connor didn't know which way she was being pulled towards taking.

"This isn't meant to pressure you into anything, you do know that. I'm just speaking from my heart and what I see and what I can feel. If you make a choice, then I'll accept it. Doesn't mean I'll agree to it, but it's not my place to question you. Is it. Well, not much, anyway."

With that, he gave her a little chuckle and another mouthful of drink.

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

The Queen's time was coming to an end. Such a bold statement. Kay brought her hand up to the back of her neck and rubbed it a little. Being more or less a slave to her position, it was rather like having an invisible collar around her neck, but one that she could only feel at certain times.

She listened to [member="Connor Harrison"] as he spoke his mind. She started to shake her head a little as he argued her choice to wear a disguise. She'd only wear it to protect her people and family from her actions. Look at what happened when Veiere attacked someone. He ended up being exiled and hunted, losing everything, including their marriage. Even during her old slave raids she disguised herself, but that was because she was a Senator at the time. Plus she had bounties on her head.

She was standing at the fork of a road, unsure of which path to tread. Each had their pros and cons, each gave her chills that ran down her spine. When she spoke her voice was quiet. "I'll need some time..." Either way she chose, there'd be much to prepare, much to deal with.

Kay slid off the bed and walked over to the doorway of the tent, feeling the heat of the fire and the chill in the air from the approaching storm. She folded her arms across her chest as she stared out there. The tent was warm and inviting. Out in the Valley it was unpredictable. And here she was in the middle, with a foot on either side, unsure of which way to go.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Sometimes he didn't know when to stop, but sometimes he did. Now was that time. The action of getting up to stand in the tent entrance was one of stopping this conversation, and breaking away from the questions and comments. She said only a few words and went to reflect.

Connor said nothing, took a sip to refrain from saying anything and watched her move across. Safe to say he had probably brought the mood down a little; even escaping one thing, you couldn't escape it all.

He sucked in his bottom lip, feeling the conflict within her, but also the awkward moment. What to do? Say something? Do something? He wasn't good at this sort of thing. He placed the cup down, wiped under his nose for a second and stood up.

"If you want anything else to eat, just say, I'll put something on for later."

He regretted saying that - of course she wouldn't want anything to eat. If anything, just a snack, not something else to cook.

"Of if you want some time alone, that's no problem. Don't worry, or over-think things."

She was silent, and still. What was she thinking?

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

At least [member="Connor Harrison"] didn't argue with the fact that she wantedto have some time before she made such a huge choice. The impact of this kind of decision would hit not only herself, but billions of others as well.

That in and of itself was a large burden to bear.

His request for food caused her to shake her head. "No thank you. I'm not hungry." She wasn't even thirsty, not even for more tea, which was bizarre.

The mere mention of Connor telling her not to worry or overthink things caused her to laugh a little. It was far too late for that. Worrying was something that she was good at. And being alone often left her plenty of time to overthink things.

"I'm not sure what I want right now or where to go or what to do." And that was the truth of it. Normally in these kinds of moments Veiere would just hold her. But she didn't have him anymore. She had to face it alone from here on out and somehow come out on top for herself. Connor seemed to have confidence in her, but she didn't have it in her to make the right choice.

"It'd be simpler if I could just do both...Look after my people, ensure their safety and prosperity, and to save others at the same time." But she knew that the simple road was just the easy way out. Yet it was more balanced than just choosing a side.

It was terribly frustrating to be in her position.