Lanoree Brock was right…

[Nubica Felidae]

Her surroundings, Nubica decided, were beautiful.

Underground seas flowed through large caverns smoothed with high vaulted ceilings, and natural minerals gave off enough light to create a twilight effect. It was no wonder the rich chose to live in the warm caverns rather than the cold surface of the moon. It was calm on this island, lending itself to meditation.

Peaceful.

The negotiations had not been. The management of the local mines and the manual labourers were now simply shouting at one another; ill will was building. She was finding it difficult to maintain balance between the Light and the Dark sides of the Force as she was taught.

Management consisted entirely of an extended family, which was headed by a tall, pale, patrician head of the clan. The workers, both human and alien, were led by short, weather-beaten man, and demanded a voice in how the company was run. The pay was steady, if not generous, but it was a hard life.

For their part, the owners were loath to cede control to anyone who was not family. The solution, it was decided, would be a marriage.

But that was not what was bothering her. As she packed her things away, she stopped and wandered to the neighbouring room and knocked on the door. Her Master was there, no doubt going through the same ritual she was. But she needed to talk — and she needed to talk now.

“Master Shatterstar,” she said, “May I come in?” She called him Varus. Invariably. The use of his title, outside of formal occasions, was a clear indication her reason for calling wasn’t social.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]

 

[Varus Shatterstar]

"You know better than to be so formal with me.", Varus said, waiting a few moments before he granted verbally the permission she had requested to enter his room. He was posted up on his bed, sitting in about the middle of it with his back against the wall that it was so snugly set against. He wore a pensive look upon his face coupled with intense brows, rippled and connecting at the bridge of his nose. He'd been thinking all day, and not just of their current situations, but that of the Republic and the Jedi Order, which lately had been in a moral conflicting lock.

Their Masters had been debating with one another for weeks and their meetings grew long and grueling. They couldn't come to a decision on what path they should take, after having suffered such heart sapping and moral draining losses in their past few campaigns against the Sith. They were fighting the Republics wars now, and Varus wasn't sure how long he was going to be able to put up with the death and destruction wrought upon them by wars that they could no longer fight. Those days they were sending in Jedi younger even than Nubica, who had been cunning and resourceful enough to brave the storms they'd been facing, but he wasn't sure that she'd be as lucky forever.

Varus was done sending young Jedi that were mere children not long ago into combat so that they could meet an early end by the bloodied hands of war and chaos when they had so much more potential to do good in their lives. "Come in.", Varus finally said, his frozen eyes shifting to his door as it cracked open.

[member="Nubica Felidae"]

 

[Nubica Felidae]

Whereas once his opening remark would have produced a smile, the fact that her face remained impassive was another indicator as to her mood.

She walked in slowly, upright and proud but not at her usual pace.

“Master…Varus…” she seemed temporarily at a loss for words.

“I am a Jedi.” She paused once more, clearly unsure how to proceed. “I mean, I am a Jedi. That will never change. My duty is to honour the Code and protect the weak and the innocent. That I cannot and will not waver from.”

“But…but…my mind is conflicted. The Republic? We are sworn to serve but some recent decisions have…surprised me. Talking to the Hutts as allies? Accepting Dark-siders so readily? The shoot on sight to kill policy?”

She sat on the bed. “Am I wrong to have these thoughts. These…doubts?”

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]

 

[Varus Shatterstar]

"No, you're thoughts are right where they should be.", Varus agreed as he leaned into the wall, adjusting his shoulders for comfort again as he watched Nubica come into his room only to stand uncomfortably in the middle. When she did Varus glanced up to those deep green eyes she had with his own frozen blue eyes and watched her there, wondering what was going on inside that pretty head, filled with aspirations, wants and desires, ideas and plans for her incredibly bright future. It was partly why he hadn't requested her aid in the last war they'd been dragged into by a Republic that Nubica had now noticed was only a show of it's former self. An impostor in place of something that was once great, and the Jedi were still along for the ride.

"I know... It's a troublesome thing, politics...", he told her as he patted his bed gently next to him, truthfully not allowing his mind to linger on anything inappropriate as they had a conversation about their failing Republic. "...and the Republic hasn't been acting like the Republic it's people deserve.", he told her before he suggested she take a seat. "Have a seat here... or anywhere that you like. Make yourself comfortable, please.", he told her, nodding towards her to make sure that she was aware it was okay.

"I'd say you and I have a lot to talk about."

[member="Nubica Felidae"]

 

[Nubica Felidae]

She sat with her back to the wall, sitting alongside her Master, staring at the far side of his room. “So…it’s not just me then?”

“I wondered if my doubts were a bad thing? A sign of a weakness towards the Dark-side. It’s not that I wish to stop being a Jedi. Or to cease putting my life on the line for the greater good. To protect the weak. But what I’m trying to say is that there is a whole galaxy out there. That needs help.”

She held her arms as wide as they could go. “All those planets and yet I feel my focus is…” she pinched a finger and thumb together, leaving only a couple of centimetres between them. “This big.”

“I want to help more people. Those who, for no fault of their own have left the Republic. Or even further afield? Is that…OK? To have these thoughts I mean.”

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]

 

[Varus Shatterstar]

"Whatever you decide to do with your life should be "Ok". Being a Jedi shouldn't define you, Nubica. You should be exactly what you're meant to be. What the force has in store for us, although we struggle against it sometimes, is what was always meant to be.", he told her, knowing that she might not believe in destiny the way he did, but the force, for lack of a better example, was destiny. It was all knowing, as well as a boundless source of energy and power that could be redirected and conducted, but when people tried to control and contain it was when they lost control. When they turned it into something frightening.

"Darth Vader didn't become who he was because he wanted to. He became who he was based on circumstance. Circumstances that were a direct result of the poor decisions he made. The force didn't give him the answer he asked for, and so instead he demanded it, and when the force gave him that answer, he perceived what it had to say the wrong way.", he told her, glancing over at Nubica with a serious look on his face for a moment, watching those pretty eyes she had and knowing exactly what she was saying.

"There force can guide you, but it can't make decisions for you.", he told her, reaching out and resting his hand on top of hers gently in order to instill confidence that she wasn't making any wrong decision or using poor judgement. "You making a decision at all is something that most people can't claim to be doing on most days. So many people are incredibly indecisive, and that's their fear. Fear allows you to lose control, but you're not scared of the decision you're making, are you? In fact, you've already made it. The only thing you're afraid of is what I'll think."


[member="Nubica Felidae"]

 

[Nubica Felidae]

Nubica frowned. “I know what you’re saying. I think being a Jedi does define me…will define me…because I have always believed this is what I’m meant to be. I’m only truly alive in a duel. Which I know has scared a few Jedi Masters in the past, but I’m still using Vaapad — under close supervision — and I haven’t fallen to the Dark-side yet. Nor will I!” There was a defiance in her voice.

“But to echo your words, this is what I believe the Force has for me. To be a Jedi and to help as many people as possible. Maybe in time I shall be a warden of a given region? But for now? I feel a need to broaden my horizons. To see a wider perspective of what being a Jedi means. To allow me to make an informed decision down the line.”

“Am I afraid of what you think? Perhaps? But moreover, you are my Master. You will always be my Master and whatever I do, it needs to be something we discuss. And agree on.”

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]

 

[Varus Shatterstar]

Varus listened to his student, giving her the respect that she deserved in order to make up her own mind and know what it was she wanted and needed to do as a Jedi. She was strong willed, smart, talented, but most of all, passionate about what she believed. That passion was something that even Varus himself feared because of what struggles he'd had in his own walk of life. For passion was either your mighty roar for justice, or the shrill squawk of death and decay.

"My job is to show you how to be strong.", Varus told her, disagreeing that he should place so much stock in his opinion. "I agreed to your training in order to give you something that you didn't already have. That something was knowledge and experience. I chose to impart upon you everything that I can in order to prepare you for what's to come.", he told her as he glanced over at Nubica with a serious look upon his face.

"I'm not always going to be there, Nubica...", he whispered to her as he took a deep breath.

"I may not make it through the year. I may not complete your training. I may not even see you again after today.", he told her as he watched her and attempted to gauge her reaction a bit as he could see the faith and conviction in her eyes. "I'm not always going to be around to discuss this... agree, or disagree..."

[member="Nubica Felidae"]

 

[Nubica Felidae]

Nubica listened. As a Jedi they were taught not to form attachments. Or rather that they must not form any that they cannot forego. He was her Master and in her eyes that was a lifetime deal — even if that proved to be a short while.

For she was not afraid to die, to join the Force. And she’s already seen enough Jedi and Sith fall to understand this was not a job that relied on a good pension for your old age.

So she was oddly grown-up and philosophical about the conversation and the direction it took.

“You are my Master, Varus. You shall remain even if I never see you again. Whatever I achieve will be linked to who you are, what you’ve taught me and what you’ve shown too. Strength and discipline.”

“But, as you could expect me to say, I shall be my own Jedi. I shall honour the Code and do the right things, but I shall be my own person.”

“So yes, my mind is made up. This chat is not me paying lip-service. If you had any grave concerns, I would have listened. But I hear none.”

“And you words don’t sound theoretical. It sounds as if you plan to move on. Am I right?”

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]

 

[Varus Shatterstar]

"Move on...", he whispered as he glanced over to the little blonde next to him. "From this life?", he then askwd, "When the time comes, yes, but that I don't think is what you're referring to.", he told her as he adjusted himself and sat up on his bed, crossing his legs beneath him and resting his elbows against the tops of his knees.

"I've had less and less faith in the Republic as the days have passed on, and now I feel a great darkness looming over it.", he admitted, hating that he'd lost faith in something he'd fought to preserve for so long. Finally it was dying, however, and there was no way to preserve it like they had been managing to do for so long. "It's on its last leg, and there is evil within the heart of the government. So, yes... I might need to move away from the pillars that are beginning to fall from beneath the Republic."

[member="Nubica Felidae"]

 

[Nubica Felidae]

Nubica scrunched her face up. “It’s not about a loss of faith. More…I’m not sure how to put it into words…a belief that there is more to be protecting than 5% of the planets of this galaxy. That…perhaps…I can best serve the Force and do the greater good being an ally of the Republic but not necessarily tied to it exclusively.”

“And if it needs me, I shall help. But because it’s needs outweigh others, not just because I’m honour bound.”

She glanced at Varus. “Is any of this making sense? My head,” she tapped her temple with a forefinger, “Says one thing but this…” she lay her hand flat on her chest, “My heart, is what I know is right to listen to. And I cannot, with a clear conscience, go against what my heart says.”

“I have been considering seeing what the Silver Jedi are about, but my first port of call is the New Jedi Order. They look on a collision course with the One Sith and it feels the right place to head right now.”

“I guess my heart has made my mind up for me.”

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]