Judge Me (R.I.P Self-Esteem)

[WolfMortum]

As a member of our Community here going on five years now I have done my best to respectful and approachable to all others. I've experienced my share of drama's like many of you, and my share of mistakes and faults as well (We're all only human, right?). That said, today I had a conversation with a fellow member and someone I've long-time held quite a respect for, that got me wondering if perhaps there aren't things I could be doing better, or perceptions out there from some of our Community members that might hold me in a negative light due to a poor portrayal of my character.

I'm a member of site-staff through my position as a Roleplay Judge, yet I'm also a Faction Administrator for the Order of the Silver Jedi under my main "Caedyn Arenais". This thread isn't about critiquing site staff or hating on the SJO, but rather focused on the things I either do well or am terrible with. Like Character Feedback but of the OOC kind, and yes it's a risk I'm choosing to take in the hope of being a better community figure here.

Those of you who do choose to contribute to this thread, please do so constructively. I'm not asking for people to troll or insult me, but constructive criticism is welcome and I have always said that I am a man who accounts for his actions, past and present mistakes and all. If you have any hostility towards me or grudges, please save those for Personal Messages (of which I'm totally open to, providing there is potential for them to be set aside).

Regards,
Wolf'.
Also known as "Kiwi-V" or "Veiere Arenais".

 

[Avo]

WolfMortum

Leave some work for the rest of us RPJs. We get it - you're great. No need to flex.

<3 ily qt pie <3

 

[Matsu Ike]

Do you believe you have been doing good? Real question

or is this to reaffirm what you want to hear?

Cause if you wake up, write and believe it is good then it was good. If you wrote something or did something and doubt it then look at it and see what should be changed to make it better so you like it.

 

[WolfMortum]

Avo

Yeah, I was taking on a lot there while others were indisposed due to IRL events from what I understood, but I have stepped back a bit lately. Unfortunately I have this thing about wanting to be helpful and contribute (makes me feel good), but y'all need to show everyone how great you guys are too! Because you totally are!

Matsu Ike

Fair question. I hadn't looked at this as though it's something to reinforce my own narrative or line of thinking. Honestly, I like being a positive influence wherever possible, and I don't enjoy drama or negativity. If I've created negativity, I hope to account for it and make amends. Have I done that lately? Not to my knowledge but then how I feel and what others think of me are two different things and I'm conscious of both lol. I love this community, so I suppose I want to do better by it if possible.

I'd hate to think people look at this and think it's an egotistical thing, but I suppose it's entirely possible. Not at all my intention! Truth be told I'm more critical of myself than others tend to be, so there could be motive there somewhere. Everyone likes to be liked, but I'm looking for feedback good or bad.

 

[Kyra Perl]

You're a steadfast friend with a constant eye for others. From the moment I met you I appreciated your genuine nature. It's a sign of strength to hear someone so openly talks about their past, faults and all. You own who you are and make constant attempts to think of others. It's a pretty rare quality-- the effort you put into seeing others perspectives without bias.

But you're always so braced for people to think the worst of you! Maybe its just this community, the stories I hear about the past-- I would probably be paranoid to all hell myself. Have faith that your merit is in your actions. If you always act like people have cause to dislike you, then they will look for reasons to.

You deserve the same credit you give others. So chin up! Confidence would round you out to be an A+ figure

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

WolfMortum

I think you're a great writer, a good writing partner, and a good RPJ. Honestly, there's really only one critique I would have to make, and that's how much I see you invest in a group storyline. You're a good worldbuilder, but I see you invest a lot in building up that world in the hopes that people will come to play in it, and then finding disappointment and moving on when they don't. What I'd love to see for you is to support yourself first more often, to put together a world that you want to write in and then make it work for your stories. Or bring in people you know you want to write with (and are reliable) and craft a world around them. Like, I really enjoyed the story you wanted to build with Bekk or Caedyn in a fledgling order/enclave, and I think you got disheartened to see little interest from others. So I think it's okay if you focus on building up your characters and their world first, and maybe do so incrementally so you're not forced to play alone if no one comes along for the ride. Attach them to the group that best helps you tell their story, then flesh it out slowly with the lore you're so good at writing, but keep it working for you and less for others. Your story is important.

 

[WolfMortum]

Kyra Perl

My personal confidence is definitely not what I'd wish it to be, though you said some very lovely comments there, thank you. I do tend to criticize myself a lot and it's possibly what also led to me putting this thread up. I hadn't considered how it might look, but now I'm verging on overthinking it lawl. But no, thank you very much for those words Kyra

Jerek Zenduu

You hit the nail on the head there actually. "The Dark Jedi Order" and more recently "The Jedi Coalition" both suffered because of my relying on the fact that it'd take with others. As much as I loved writing with the Outer Planets Alliance, I couldn't comfortably write an independent Jedi without that sense of an Order around Caedyn, which ties in quite a lot with your above point.

I think I've started to touch on this with a couple subs, my Antarian Rangers Unit and the Officers of the Vagabond for Caedyn's starship, but this is some great feedback and exactly the sort of thing I was looking for in terms of positive criticism. Thank you for that Jerek!

 

[Kai and Gerda]

I've only been in one thread with you where we actually interacted with each other's characters, but I liked it. You're pretty good at this, and I see you around all the time, all over the site, making your mark. It's cool to see a staff member who still makes time to play with noobs and small fry like me, rather than just retreating to your preferred faction and judging duties and having that be the limits of your involvement here on Chaos. I guess I'm saying you're considerate and we all benefit from your hard work and efforts, which I appreciate.

My only critique would be (maybe - again, I haven't interacted with you that much so take this with a large helping of salt) that you maybe take yourself a little too seriously sometimes, which is one of those traits that has pros and cons anyway.

Also, I hope you're enjoying your antique yacht!